Frustrated

I'll be 35 weeks tomorrow. Like so many others, we never thought we'd make it this far! Maybe that's partly what is messing with my head. I know it is really good for the babies to be this far along and even better if we can make it another week. But I am just falling apart, both physically and emotionally. I read similar posts from others all the time, so I know this is common, I just needed to vent my own personal story.

Yesterday at the doctor we got really good news. Except to me, it was almost devastating. And I'm so ashamed! I started crying and crying, and the doctor and my DH were a little baffled. But after numerous hospitalizations for PTL and being dilated 2cm and 90% effaced with Baby A in -1 to -2 station, and after 4 weeks of bed rest on procardia for contractions...suddenly my cervix changed for the better! I am much less effaced, my cervix is longer and thicker (still dilated at 2 of course), and the doctor could no longer feel Baby A's head. We went for a quicky ultrasound and guess what? His head is still low, but has floated up out of my pelvis! No longer engaged! Now...I know this is something to celebrate, especially at 35 weeks. But for SO LONG now, everyone has been acting like I was going to go into labor any day. And for a long time that was very scary! But suddenly now, when it would most likely be fine for them to be born (both are measuring at almost 6 pounds), they don't appear to be anywhere near ready to come out. My husband and my doctor were elated. I was supposed to stop the procardia but now she wants me to continue till next week (36).

Here's the venting: I just don't feel like I can do this anymore! I have two big babies and polyhydramnios in both sacs (high water). I am so uncomfortable and tired and achy. I pulled my lower back getting out of the car on Monday and now I can barely walk! I have gained 37 pounds so far, and as far as I can tell its mostly in my belly (which used to be a good thing). And we live in a city apartment building that gets little light. I miss the sun and the summer! And of all things, I see my belly stretch bigger and bigger and fear its just going to be a huge flap of skin from now on. Vain and trivial, I know.

And I feel like such a bad mommy for all of this. 35 weeks is nothing. The least I can give these defenseless little ones is a few more weeks. But yet I was not happy to hear that labor is no longer imminent.

 

:grouphug: It does sound like you got some great news which means you're doing a GREAT JOB!!!!!!! I know how hard these next couple of weeks will be for you but I promise once you're holding those healthy BIG babies, you'll be so very proud of yourself for what you have done!
Keep up the great work! Do you have anything that can help keep your mind off of it? A new book or a new set of TV series that you can rent or even playing solitaire?

 

:hug: That is good news but I understand your disapointment in a way. It's hard to carry twins and I am sure that the later it gets the worse it gets. Just try and keep plugging away and cookin those babies, it will be worth it.

 

:hug: Your poor thing I am not as far along as you are so I have no idea what I am in for. You are doing great, hang in there, you can do this.

 

Also keep in mind, that if you can hold them for another couple weeks, that you will have a much easier time once they are out. So think of it as a couple weeks' investment that could potentially lead to months of their being easier to take care of. The bigger they are, the longer they sleep, the easier they feed, less likely to have reflux and other complications, etc etc. So if you can make it a little longer, it will pay big dividends.

I am probably selfish to think of the impact that it has on ME (my sleep etc) but right now their staying in is having a big negative for you, so just think about the positives that will come later as a result. You can do it!!!!!

 

I completely understand your frustration as I am about 35 1/2 weeks right now! I never knew it could be this uncomfortable and that sleeping could be such a challenge. I think the lack of sleep is what really gets you because it is hard to see the situation rationally when you are exhausted. Has your doctor set an induction date or C-section date (not sure which you are having)? That has helped me SO much to know that there is an end in sight! Obviously, they could come sooner (and the doctor thinks they will) but just knowing that the worst case scenario is x number of days away provides a light at the end of the tunnel. Both my OB and my peri had twins of their own so I think they "get it" a lot better than most docs and some of the other in my practice. Just a thought but hang in there--it will be over soon!

 

I totally hear you! I'm 36w3d now and I have never been in as much pain in my life as I am these days. On top of that, I get so bored just lying around all day, but I'm way too uncomfortable to do anything but that for the most part. Just think, we'll both be done SO soon and still have a good portion of the summer (and all of the fall) to be out and about with our new babies. And I totally agree with the previous poster about wanting the babies to be as close to term as possible for totally selfish reasons (they'll hopefully be better sleepers and eaters). I totally know what you mean about worrying about the after effects on your body of twin pregnancy, but you will bounce back! I mean, it'll take some time, but you will. And 37lbs is really quite little weight gain for twins!

Do you live near a park or somewhere were you could take a trip outside and just relax for a bit? It might do wonders for your mindset at this point...

In any case, I'm right there with you!! And we're both so close to being done.

Hang in there, you are doing fantastic!!
AJ

 

:hug: Hang in there Momma!
You have done a great job so far & the longer they are in there the better for them & YOU!!
I remember the frustration of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel only to have things pushed back a little further...It was hard once you get emotionally prepared.
Won't be long now...try to stay positive if/when you can :grouphug:

 

you deserve to complain. A twin pg is so hard and with all that you have going on, even harder. You just want those babies out of there and content in your arms. My two were born at 36 weeks and I still had them in Special care for 10 days. It was the hardest thing leaving the hospital without them. I cried like I've never in my life. I hope that these extra days will be so worth it for you, in that your babies will not just be a good size but also much more developmentally ahead. You are already a great mom for all that you've done for them. Great job on those sizes !!!!

 

Don't feel guilty - I think any human being in your situation would be miserable. You have every right to want these last few uncomfortable weeks to go by as fast as possible. Congratulations on successfully carrying your precious cargo this far - it's a real accomplishment.

 

Don't beat yourself up, those last days and weeks are uncomfortable to say the least. Congrats on doing such a good job cooking them little ones!

 

Amen sister! I turned 35 weeks Wednesday and feel the exact same way. I went to the doctors on Monday and Wednesday and wasn't dialated at all and felt like I was going to cry. All I want to do is spend time with my two other children who I can't snuggle with anymore or go outside with because I swell like the state puff marshmellow man! I feel like I can't take it anymore! I feel like such a terrible mom for feeling this way when the longer I can carry them the better off they'll be but I also feel terrible for not being able to spend time doing things the other two kids enjoy before their world gets turned upside down with the arrival of two new brothers!

 

:hug: Momma! Hang in there, you are doing an amazing job! Keep up the good work!! :hug: