Frustrated with Everything

I am so frustrated with how things are going with my 2 and 1/2 month old twins (36 weekers, no nicu). I just thought it would be better than this by now. They want to nurse all the time, even every hour sometimes. Once they get on they never ever just "come off on their own" they will still be there an hour later. They are taking big sucks/swallows maybe the first 5-10 minutes then the rest of the time just tiny sucks with occaisionally a second let down than lasts no longer than 30 seconds of big sucks/swallows. A few times they have seemed frustrated with lack of flow by pulling off, squeezing, scratching, grunting etc that didn't resolve with burping etc, but mostly they just won't come off on their own and I end up having to remove them and they usually respond by starting the hunger cues back up again. Sometimes I can give them to someone else immediately after removing them and that person can distract them into a new activity but the hunger cues will resume within the hour. Some days are worse than others so maybe I can see some growth spurts in there but mostly it's always like this. I haven't pumped in weeks but when I did my personal best after 1 or 2 missed feeds was 2 oz from each breast (and they take 4 oz each) so disheartening. They seem to like to nurse (thankfully, though I'm not sure why if they are not getting enough to feel full) and I am glad of that. I feel like they are unsatisfied and cranky all the time. They don't sleep well at all. It takes 1-3 hours to put each of them down at night and for naps - it's exhausting. They get about 2 naps 30min each on a good day. All I do all day is nurse and rock them to sleep over and over again. Any activity time is short before they get fussy again. Not hard to stop the fussing, nursing always works. Time consuming to nurse and time consuming to transition from nursing to sleep. I can't help but feel that they could sleep better and thus be less cranky if they felt fuller. They have gained weight just fine and have plenty of wet diapers. I've drank water, taken fenugreek, oatmeal etc. Reglan made me feel anxious. I know all about the nurse more to get more supply - but literally there is a baby on my breast all day long. I am so frustrated because I feel like breastfeeding is making the babies unhappy. They are so high maintenance, we never leave a single person (myself included) alone with them - my parents stay with me the entire week while my husband is at work, every week, they get up at night with them too. It has to get better, because this lifestyle just isn't sustainable.

 

Sorry things are so tough.
Things that worked for me
1. Swaddle with miracle blanket. I would change the diaper,swaddle, then nurse.
2. Pacifier - sounds like they have the nursing figured out. I know some people really discourage pacifiers but for one of my sons he just liked to suck. Sounds similar to you saying good suck & swallow for a few minutes and then just hanging out. Let them nurse for a few minutes after they seem to switch to the non-nurtitive suck and then offer pacifier.
3. Let them sleep anywhere they will sleep - bouncy seat, swing, etc

They are gaining weight well so you are doing a great job. It will get easier. I hope it mellows out soon for you.

 

I am sorry to hear that it is still hectic but hang in there. My boys were terrible eaters. I know what you mean about feeding all day long except that I bottled. It would take each of my boys an hour to bottle an ounce once I was done feeding one then the other would start and this would go back and fourth all day as they ate every two hours. My boys were in NICU for just over two months and they did this for two months after they came home. I also had family at my house around the clock for those two months because they were fussy all the time. Nancy had some great suggestions above. Also If you were to pump and bottle would they sleep any longer? they might not. some babies just eat frequently but they will eventually grow out of it.
Best of luck

 

:hug: you're definitely in the thick of it. i agree that it sounds like they aren't really nutritive nursing after the first 5 - 10 minutes. i would also try offering them a pacifier when it seems they've switched to non-nutritive sucking. also, it might be nice for you to start offering them a bottle every other day or even every day, just to give yourself a break when you need it. you can pump & give EBM, or just offer formula, whatever you're comfortable with. i don't think you're having a supply problem as you've said they're gaining well & have plenty of wet/poopy diapers. i expect it's more of a wanting to suck/cuddle/be close to mom sort of thing. take a deep breath. this while not last forever because you're right - it's not a sustainable way to live. but trust me when i say in a couple of months you'll look back and this time will have flown by so fast you won't know what happened. i know it feels like every day is a marathon right now, but i promise it will be over soon. :hug:

as for their sleep, how long are they usually awake at a stretch? at that age, it helps to keep the awake times as short as possible, only 1-2 hours (including feeding & changing). have you read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child? i found it really useful for explaining how sleep works in infants & why they do the weird sleep things they do. it may be a while before they start consolidating their naps (you'll usually start seeing a consolidated morning nap around 4 months after their EDD) - so you may be doing 30 minute naps all day long, but the key is to try & soothe them to sleep about 1 - 2 hours after waking. hang in there!

 

My Pedi had us get a scale to make sure they were gaining enough. I have used it to make sure of how much they are getting after each feeding. My girls will suck away all day, too, and having the scale lets me know that they have had enough and they don't need to be there anymore. It has really helped us figure out other ways of getting them to settle down and play or sleep.

hope that helps.

Niki

 

I was also going to suggest a pacifier. Both of my girls used it at that age and one gave it up around 5 months, the other gave it up on her own around 13 months. They just needed to suck.

 

Thank you all so much for your supportive responses! Your advice was really helpful. We try pacifiers alot, dd won't take it at all and ds will take it only occaisonally, we keep trying though. It is better at the moment, your replies gave me the confidence to take them off after a bit of obvious comfort sucking and either try and lay them down to sleep or if they had just woken up, then transition into an awake activity - I also discovered they like being held while I sing and dance. I think mentally it helps for me to think "okay they are cueing to nurse again only 1 hr after last nursing session but they are really just cueing to comfort suck" so I don't mind putting them on for about 10 min or so of comfort time, not "oh no here they are hungry again I must not have enough milk for them" so I was putting them on for like an hour trying to get them to take every last drop. Nursing every hour is not nearly so bad when the sessions are only 10-15 min. Also, as long as I immediately transition and don't just sit an hold them near breast, they really don't seem to mind being taken off the way I thought they would. Daytime naps are still hard - they are getting more of them since it's what we try to do when I take them off after comfort sucking - but often only last 15-20 minutes with a 1-2hr nap about once a day. Nighttime sleep is so much better - ds still does his q3-4 hrs waking up to nurse at night but now we have transitioned him back to his crib. dd (who had previously woke up every single hour at night to nurse, has slept a 5-6 hour stretch every night since we put her in the vibrating chair to sleep!! Thank you all for being so supportive and helping me deal with a bad couple of days.

 

I am glad it is getting better for you! I totally relate to alot of what you wrote as I am *hopefully* coming out of a growth spurt that was exhausting. I also have one who likes to comfort suck and almost NEVER comes off by himself unless I just let him go...and now they are waking and cue-ing...fun fun

 

I'm glad you're feeling more confident. It really does sound like a growth spurt and those are simply exhausting! You can also try to move them to every 1.5 or every 2 hours. Sometimes 24-48 hours of that will re-set their clock and you don't have to worry about them not getting enough because breast milk digests in 90-120 minutes.

Hang in there!

 

So glad to hear things are going so much better. Yahoo for some night sleep for everyone!!! I did have to try several brands of pacifiers to see what worked. Sounds like you are hopefully over that difficult hump.

Great job!!!!

 

I am glad you are getting so much support. I was going to say you could maybe be hitting the 3 month growth spurt a little early. What I really wanted to comment on was bedtime. We went through the 1-3 hour put down around this age. It was exhausting and it is one thing I will never forget. By about 4 months they finally became easier and started falling asleep closer to 8 pm (rather than 11 pm). Since about 5 1/2 months they have been going to bed pretty easily at 6:30-7. So awesome - my DH and I actually have a night again. No STTN yet...but that is coming hopefully. Our nurse sessions are very quick now. Good luck to you.

 

The sleep issue was the worst for us until folks here suggested we read healthy sleep habits happy child. It took a long time to "get it" since we were so tired but we started following his thoughts and it worked for us. People tell us we have the best sleepers they have seen now. I think it was about 3 months that DH and I thought "maybe our kids just don't like to sleep"....this helped. It seemed to normalize their bursing too. I was using nursing as a way to "fix" the lack of sleep symptoms.

Good luck

 

It will get better! :silly: Keep in mind that at 36 weeks, they will act a little more immature than their full term peers. Expect a few weeks difference than what the books say on when their sleep patterns will mature. I went through similar frustrations and never even found the time to pump in between feedings! Mine were very colicky, had to be held or nursed all the time when awake and barely napped during the day unless they were being held or in the car. Needless to say I felt like they were always attached. It is definitely more about them wanting to suck than it is about the milk supply. They didn't really start to outgrow it until about 3 months when they started being more interactive and noticing there is a world out there to look at. By 3 1/2 months we could lay them down on play mats for short periods of time and by 4 months they started to develop a nap rhythm. Now, at 19 weeks, they are the world's happiest babies and will play by themselves for long stretches and we are even able to lay them down awake for naps and night. Hang in there because it will go very fast and before you know it they will be completely different babies. I also recommend HSHHC as the author is a pediatric sleep specialist at a very reputable Children's hospital and he has a lot of info on working with fussy babies as they are more challenging when it comes to establishing a sleep rhythm.

 

It is so helpful to read your post! Nice to have that end in sight--I keep looking at my 8 weekers w/expecations for where my DD was at, so I need to remember they are more like 4-5 weeks in some ways (born at 35w6d) Thanks for that!

 

Update (need info about partial breastfeeding):

A few days ago we had 2-3 really hard days in row ending with a day in which they absolutely would not go to sleep for any nap at all that day, thus were so cranky they kept trying to scream themselves to sleep and then dd woke up every hour at night. I've also been reading the no-cry sleep solution and healthy sleep habits happy twins (weissbluth's new book). I knew I had to make some kind of change so the next day I retried scheduling their feeds only this time I got liberal with giving formula.

In the past, trying to nurse them once every 3 hours on a schedule never seemed to work because they cue hunger almost every hour and sometimes even at the end of a nursing session. Also, in the past I tried everything I could to avoid giving them a bottle of formula - that worked out to be me giving about 2-3 bottles a day (4oz each) mostly to ds (dd often refuses bottles, ds never refuses).

So I decided we will feed for 30-45 minutes at 3, 6, 9, 12, etc and during those feeding times we will nurse and give whatever amount of formula it takes until both babies act like they feel full. Then at first sleepy signs we will put them into cribs awake and then rock,comfort,etc if they cry or wake up but no nursing or formula again until the next feeding time. Well the result has been that they now take naps (about 3 a day and at least one of them is longer than 1 and 1/2 hours) and are so much less cranky when they are awake, and ds wakes q4hrs at night and dd has slept 5-7 hour stretches and 2 nights ago even slept 11 hrs straight and each one has fallen asleep by themselves once - so scheduled feedings with more liberal formula has been great for their sleep issues.

However, I'm wondering about the impact on our breastfeeding. It usually ends up working out that dd nurses on one side, ds on the other, then ds takes 3-4 oz formula for almost all feedings during daytime, and dd goes back on and nurses on the side that ds was on (dd usually turns her nose at bottles and seems content to just work harder nursing). It seems like ds just doesn't extract enough milk to feel full except at nighttime feeds when the milk flows fast and easy from a fuller breast. I think he really loves to nurse and misses it when he gets a bottle because if he is given a bottle first he usually still cues to nurse even after he is full and refuses to take any more from the bottle. It also seems like dd is doing better now too - maybe she is now getting more from nursing since I'm not spending so many hours nursing ds trying and failing to get him to feel full?. I have PCOS, infertility issues, and also noticed that my small breasts did not change much during pregnancy so I am trying to accept the fact that I am a somewhat higher risk of supply issues and the possibility that despite my best efforts I may not be able to make quite enough breastmilk for 2 babies to feel full/sleep well/etc (although they have gained weight well and had appropriate wet diapers so far while being almost exclusively breastfed - plus about 3 bottles of 4oz each per day).

I wish I made so much milk that my breasts would get full like that during the day and ds could fill up easily on fast flowing milk around the clock. I am worried about how giving ds all this formula is affecting my overall supply. I sort of feel like I am still being completely drained as I am nursing for 45min every 3rd hour during day and get less than 1 oz if I pump after a feeding. I feel guilty about dd getting nearly exclusive breastfeeding and ds is not. On one hand I feel like I should be equal - like both nurse each time and alternate which one gets additional formula, but when I try this I end up nursing ds forever and he still doesn't seem like he feels full and having to try to force dd to take a bottle she doesn't want. The feedings go so much better when I nurse dd completely and give ds a bottle of formula and let him nurse. What do all you partial breastfeeders out there think? How do you dole out the formula between the two? Does anyone think this set up will lead to early and unintentional weaning for ds? Will all these bottles of formula make him lose interest in nursing? (this thought nearly breaks my heart as he currently seems to dearly enjoy our nursing sessions) Are we overfeeding ds? What about trying to persuade dd to take bottles? It seems at least unhealthy for a good breastfeeding relationship. I am returing to work part-time next week (2 days a week) so they will both get 4 bottles a day for 2 days a week while I pump away at work and my parents keep them (dd has taken a bottle from my mother - when I was not in the house).

Nikio95: What kind of scale did you get? I would love to do pre/post feed weights at home.

 

Wow, you're going through a rough time!

A couple suggesetions:

Your babies really like to eat frequently. It sounds perfectly reasonable to try to put some limits on their boob-time for your own sanity, since they'd hang out there all day. However, if you're going to transition to limiting feedings, you might want to try every 2 hrs instead of every 3, at least at first. (Which should still be an improvement over the current mess! :crazy: ) Going straight to every 3 hrs might be too much for them.

Also, partial BFing is just fine, and anything that makes nursing more manageable for you & them is a great idea. I'd just be careful how you do it. Giving formula right after nursing is probably the biggest supply-killer there is. Some babies will get lazy and hold out for the bottle and take less milk from you, and if you get them too full for the next feeding, they'll take less milk - what whatever they don't take, you won't make.

It usually works better to either nurse or give a bottle at a feeding - but one or the other, not both. If I were in your shoes, instead of trying to feed them strictly by the clock (which might make them totally miserable), here are some ideas of how I'd do it:

-Nurse at one feeding, then give a bottle at the next feeding, then nurse the next time, then bottle, etc. (If you can pump between feedings, that would be great, but I can see how you just might not have the time for that!)

OR

-Set out a block of time when you will only nurse, nurse on demand for that time, and once you've maxed that out, give a bottle for the next feeding, then back to nursing.

OR

-Nurse one baby and give the other a bottle at each feeding (alternating who gets the breast). If their appetites get too out of sync, this might not work, but you can try it and see. (I did this for a while, actually. It took several months for DS to learn to nurse. When he finally started to figure it out, he wasn't ready for tandem, so I'd nurse him and give DD a bottle at one feeding, then nurse DD and give DS a bottle, etc - and it worked out fine, they were still hungry at the same times, or close enough.)

Good luck! It's a whole lot of trial and error, but you will find a system that works for you.