Frustrated with Dh

Ok, so Dh is out of town..again. He is at a meeting for work, but when he calls me at night he always sais "I'm having such a great time!". The meeting is over today, but he's staying 2 more days so he can go to the Cubs game then the Bears game tomorrow. Here I am at home caring for two babies! I've got cabin fever and I'm dead tired. I tried to make things easier last night by ordering chinese takeout and got sick from it. It's just not fair sometimes. I love my babies, but I would love a break too! Even a haircut now would be nice! I feel like he's been gone so much. Even when he's here. He tried expaining to someone the other day about the babies personalities, and got it soo wrong. I was like "which babies are you describing?" UGHHH Sorry, just had to vent! Thanks for listening.

 

You are at a hard age to do things by yourself. My DH was out of town a lot for the military when mine were young, it was tough.

Keep your chin up, you can do it. Maybe when DH gets back you can get out for even a short time by yourself.

 

:hug: Men just don't understand sometimes. You are right, you both need breaks. I would definitely talk to him when he gets back and ask him to give you a break, there is nothing wrong with asking for what you want!

 

:hug: to you ~ I hope that will give you some 'you' time when he gets back...even if it is just to get a haircut
I know just how frustrating it can be & the cabin fever is not fun!
Maybe you should order yourself a big pizza tonight & watch a movie you love after the little ones are asleep?

 

I can relate, I went out without my husband or kids last night for the first time since I was put on bed rest back in April. I went with a few friends for "mom's night out" and was gone 3 whole hours. After about 2 hours my husband texted me asking me to bring him dinner and one of the other mom's her husband called her asking when she would be home. We just wanted a few hours to enjoy ourselves and a seafood restaurant chain isn't the most exciting.

 

Thanks ladies! I knew you all would understand. I'll get through it. I'm just tired, frustrated and hormonal right now.

 

debfitz, pleeeeeeeeeeease...you HAVE to have the talk with him. That certainly is NOT fair one bit. I hate to say it but most husbands/new dads just don't "get it." You have to actually open up your mouth and say something and say it now before he thinks that is just the way it is because it will stay that way and/or get worse and you will become very resentful. We sit there thinking they should just know, they should just do, they should jump in and help. It seems so darn obvious to us that they should just just just whatever but it's not obvious to them at all or they will totally play dumb. You will seriously become depressed if stuff like that continues. It's so hard because you feel like EVERYTHING in your life changed and yet it seems like absolutely nothing has changed for them. They seem to go on living the life they have always lived and you feel like brushing your teeth and your hair in the same day is a major accomplishment. There is absolutely NO reason IMO that your dh should have stayed 2 extra days for pleasure while you have 2 month old newborns at home. That is just plain selfish. Sorry but I'm pissed off for you. Business is one thing but to leave you home alone to care night and day for 2 newborns so he can go to baseball games??? WTF??? I would so kick my dh's a$$ if he pulled some crap like that on me. I could barely function by the time my dh got home from work everyday. I can't imagine if he hadn't come home for several days. I would have had a total breakdown and probably have ended up hospitalized. HAVE THE TALK!!!!

 

I totally know what you mean about the haircut. I finally scheduled one right around 2 months and my husband and mom came along in the van to take care of the babies while I was in there for about 30 minutes.

 

QUOTE(double-or-nothing @ Sep 20 2008, 04:10 PM) [snapback]989356[/snapback]
debfitz, pleeeeeeeeeeease...you HAVE to have the talk with him. That certainly is NOT fair one bit. I hate to say it but most husbands/new dads just don't "get it." You have to actually open up your mouth and say something and say it now before he thinks that is just the way it is because it will stay that way and/or get worse and you will become very resentful. We sit there thinking they should just know, they should just do, they should jump in and help. It seems so darn obvious to us that they should just just just whatever but it's not obvious to them at all or they will totally play dumb. You will seriously become depressed if stuff like that continues. It's so hard because you feel like EVERYTHING in your life changed and yet it seems like absolutely nothing has changed for them. They seem to go on living the life they have always lived and you feel like brushing your teeth and your hair in the same day is a major accomplishment. There is absolutely NO reason IMO that your dh should have stayed 2 extra days for pleasure while you have 2 month old newborns at home. That is just plain selfish. Sorry but I'm pissed off for you. Business is one thing but to leave you home alone to care night and day for 2 newborns so he can go to baseball games??? WTF??? I would so kick my dh's a$$ if he pulled some crap like that on me. I could barely function by the time my dh got home from work everyday. I can't imagine if he hadn't come home for several days. I would have had a total breakdown and probably have ended up hospitalized. HAVE THE TALK!!!!


I completely agree with the above, especially in the newborn survival phase!!! The first three months are FREAKING HARD with twins. I don't know what I would have done without my DH. Down the road when it's a little "easier"--STTN etc..--that a few days away from DH for fun is great---as long as YOU get your few days away too! Seriously, it's about equal partnership here. I hope you will sit down and talk to him and share your feelings so resentment doesn't build up between the two of you. Is there anyone who can come over and help you out or just be there for some company, like a friend?

 

QUOTE(aimeethomp @ Sep 20 2008, 11:15 AM) [snapback]989197[/snapback]
:hug: Men just don't understand sometimes. You are right, you both need breaks. I would definitely talk to him when he gets back and ask him to give you a break, there is nothing wrong with asking for what you want!


I agree with all the other PP - you have to talk to him and try and get him to understand. MEN JUST DON'T GET IT, unfortunately we have to breakdown for them and explain things. Their perception of taking care of twins is definitely not the same as ours - since we do soooo much more than they do and we do it 24/7. Definetely talk to him. I hope things get better. :hug:

 

I hope you get to talk to him about it, you do need some "you" time and I hope you get some soon!

 

I will definitely talk to him when he gets home. I've already expressed to him some of my frustration and he asked me if I was starting to resent him. I said yes. I just want him to take complete baby duty for 2 days. Baths, make formula, wash bottles, feed, etc. so he knows just how much work it is. He often thanks me for all I do, but I do need more from him. Thanks for the advice and insight. I was just making sure it wasn't just me being tired and hormonal.