Friends moving

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by mama_dragon, May 29, 2014.

  1. mama_dragon

    mama_dragon Well-Known Member

    [SIZE=medium]Need to help child with loss of friend due to move.  One of the boy’s best friend and the girl he planned to marry (preschool love) moved.  I had zero idea she was moving until he came home crying.  He cried every school day for 2 weeks.  Even now 3 months later he talks about her.  I have NO contact information for this little girl otherwise I would have him write/call.  Every preschool book or thing I read about helping a child cope is geared towards kids who can stay in touch.  They can’t stay in touch as I cannot get her information.  For example last night he was sad and told me he was sad.  He asked me what reunited meant.  I told them and asked where he heard the word.  The little girl told him that they would be reunited someday.  It’s been 3 months and he still remembered what she said.  UGH!![/SIZE]
     
     
    [SIZE=medium]I am open to any suggestions.  At the moment I think the feelings are surfacing again because Pre-K is over and kids are starting to move on from the class.  He is not moving since they will go to K at this private school.  I think staying is harder than moving in some ways since they will see almost all their friends leave this summer.[/SIZE]
     
  2. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Maybe have him write letters/draw pictures for her anyway? Say that when you see her again, and you don't know when, he'll be able to give her the pictures then. And let him keep them in an envelope or some place special so he doesn't forget about them.
     
  3. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    That's such a sweet idea, Bex!
     
  4. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    That's so sad. Did you call the preschool and asked if they had her info?
     
    But he'll move on... My kids totally forgot their preschool friends, even the best one, once Kindergarten started.
     
  5. mama_dragon

    mama_dragon Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the great idea Bex!!  The school won't give out information. His teacher says he has made a lot of new friends since she left because she was really worried about how he would adjust.  He now plays with lots of girls/boys instead of just one or two.  Which I am happy about because it will make it easier on him to adjust since few kids are staying for K.
     
    Unfortunately this is not a child who forgets easily.  His first preschool teacher left when he was 2 1/2.  He still remembers.  He remembers getting patted on the back at nap time.  He remembers the day he took him down to his new room/teacher and how he cried when he left.  Like I said he was only 2 1/2.  Just the other day he told me we had to figure out a way to get his old teacher back because he missed him.
     
    This week he friend who he has been with since he was 2 is leaving.  This is his last day.  L did not go to sleep for two nights in a row due to the anxiety of having his friend leave.  This time I did give our contact information to the parents but I doubt we hear from them.  They are divorced and the mom has a new baby/family so they are very busy.  But thankfully he doesn't play with him as much and more in a group of kids not just the two of them so I am hoping this will be easier and the teacher is very aware of his anxiety issues.
     
    Thankfully his twin is transitioning into his room I can honestly say it does make a difference and they are both very excited not to have to miss each other on the days they are at school.
     
  6. mama_dragon

    mama_dragon Well-Known Member

    I just remembered something his former preschool teacher told me.  He is a twin and said that it is a struggle as a twin to have friends.  He said it was due to the intensity of the twin relationship.  You are so used to having that level of connection with someone that you don't necessarily understand as a child that you are not going to have that same level of connection/relationship with a friend, girl friend, boy friend.  It can make relationships outside the twin relationship difficult to develop and manage.  It was the one thing he struggled with the most as a teen and young adult.  He still struggles with not being overly intense in relationships because what he has with his twin cannot be duplicated.  Its different with someone who has not been through everything with you from birth and it took him a while to realize it. 
     
  7. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Also, instead of asking for their information, ask the school to provide YOUR contact information to the other family if they have it? That way you have consented to having your information given to them, and if they want to contact you they can? Less stalkerish that way. :)
     
  8. ckreh

    ckreh Well-Known Member

    We had a similar issue earlier this year when the other set of twins (identical boys) in their classrooms moved.  One was DD's best friend and they were very close.  He was the shy twin like her, so they connected on a level they could individually understand.  She was devastated when he moved away and 4-months later still wanted to invite him to their CEC birthday party.  We encourage her to talk about her feelings, but we also cannot make contact.  Our school district has a strict policy on not giving out information on the children in either direction, so when I tried to get them to pass along our email they told us it was against policy for the students safety :(
     
    I can understand this rule, but it makes finding friends for outside school activities like play dates or parties extremely difficult since our children are not even allowed to hand another child a piece of paper with email addresses or phone #'s on it.  The parents are supposed to exchange info at bus stops or at child pick up time.  I kind of found a way around this by getting the "obvious" emails off the weekly classroom newsletter when our twins would mention a friend's last name.  I think both teachers intentionally allow all the email addresses to be seen to allow the parents to get in contact with each other even though they would never admit it.
     
  9. Sofiesmom

    Sofiesmom Well-Known Member

    We deal with this problem every year ... every time summer comes (and also Christmas to an extent) families leave and when you come back in August after summer break there are lots of new kids who have replaced them. For some reason they seem quite resilient here as it happens so often. Most expat families stay for 3 years max so once you have done 6 you've seen many come and go, and even return. I've lost many friends, it's part of living overseas. My kids have their own email addresses so they'll stay in touch, but very often, they just move on with those who stay behind and new friendships form. So yes, it can be quite disturbing at first, but seeing happen over and over again ... it's just not really a big deal anymore. Sad, but at the same time, they do move on faster than you would expect. My group of friends is shrinking too, and you just don't put that much effort in any more, not like you used to do ... 
     
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