Four year old girls ALWAYS FIGHTING

Hi moms,
Haven't been on here for a long while but remembered how great this forum is so thought I'd post.
My four year old girls fight ALL THE TIME. One of them seems to instigate a fight more than the other, she always automatically wants
what the other is having/doing/playing with/eating etc. Ironically, she is very loud and vivacious at home but more shy out in public,
whereas her sister is very social and makes friends easily and I wonder if the first is a bit envious of this, is that possible?
Anyway, I am telling them constantly to make up, don't hit, love each other, appreciate each other...I try to separate them when I can
and do one on one etc. but we also have a nearly 2 year old so I can only do so much. I am very conscious of treating them equally in terms
of discipline, rewards, etc. The rest of the non-fighting time they actually love each other so much and really miss each other when
they go places without the other. It's bizarre!!!
Anyone else experiencing this? Does it improve? They are starting Kindergarten this year and will not be separated as it is a private school,
I really envisioned them being best friends in life!
Thanks Mamas.

 

I love the book Siblings Without Rivalry.

I try to let them work it out. I will "help" but I try to still get them to come up with a solution even if I have to suggest a few solutions for them to pick from.

And there are times when whatever they are fighting over goes into time out until they can figure out how to play with it without fighting. I try to use this as a last resort.

I also have one who will pick fights when he is bored, hungry or tired. So I try to pay attention and catch him before his behavior dissolves into hitting his twin or picking a fight. I will redirect, feed or read to them so they can "rest".

 

It depends a lot on your kids sadly. I was fighting with my sister until we were 13 or something. I'd keep them separated as much as you can. If you can't at school, try to sign them up for different activities or not at the same time. Try and use timers to set when one can have a turn with a toy (or buy two of everything!). If they want something different to eat then change their mind and want what the other has, make it up to the other one to share or not.

 

Do they have a lot of stuff they share? Maybe try to give them more of their "own" things, like toys and clothes and such that are just for them and they don't have to worry about the other taking. My girls are pretty good about sharing stuff but there are certain things they like to have that are just theirs.