For those with 'uncut' boys...

While reading the replies to another post about foreskin, I started to wonder. How many of you who haven't circumcised your boys get flak from people in your life? My mom, for instance, can't seem to grasp that we are not doing it. She will ask me (3 weeks ago, even!) when it's going to be done and accuse me of everything from them looking weird to taking away choices for them.

So, anybody else out there?

 

No, I don't get hassled about it. Anyways, I think it's a personal preference. Hopefully your mom gives up evenetually.

 

It was my husbands choice to keep them intact. It was funny because the first time they were going to do it was while still in the hospital. One of my boys was an iugr(intrauterine growth restricted baby) he was in the nicu for growing and feeding. The other baby was released to go home the second day. They were both born at 36 weeks. baby A was 5 lbs 11 oz baby B was 4 lbs 8 oz. Well they said they didn't have the proper tools for performing the circ on a preemie or smaller baby So we were like fine we would wait so neither of them got circ at the hosp. Then we set up an appointment at the peds office. Mind you it had to be done before their insurance through me ran out. The head of the dept a nurse set up the dates. We asked her if it had to be done 30 days after their due date or 30 days after they were born and she said due date. So she sched the appt. Well low and behold we show up on appt day and there is a problem with your insurance she said blinking. It had ran out the day before. I went to accounting dept and they told me it was supposed to be done 30 days after their birth date. So we were furious!! Hubby took off work to help me take them. So we started researching it and hubby decided that they were perfect the way they are and that it did not need to be done. Now since we have read that its basically like mutilation. Like what they do to the females in Africa. Not to that extent but the foreskin contains alot of nerves that make sex more enjoyable. It is really unnecessary. Even the AAP states that the existing scientific evidence is not sufficient to recommend routine circumcision because the procedure is not essential to a child’s current well-being. Iv'e had friends bring it up that I should do it but I refuse. My parents don't say anything but to be perfectly honest I think my dad is still intact though we will never know. He wouldn't talk about such a thing. My sister thinks it's gross and un-hygienic but again its not her decision. Ive also had numerous friends and family have to have it done more than once. Didn't take enough off etc. Who would want to put their child through that? Everyone has an opinion but I see no problem with it. If they decide they want it done than thats their decision! Though growing up Iv'e never encountered an intact one personally but friends say their is really no difference in function, feel etc as long as they keep it clean. Sorry for the long post.

 

No we don't get hassled about it at all.

 

It's funny, I'd fully planned on getting my boys circ'd, mostly because that was the standard protocol, but when my boys came early and had to spend 21 days in NICU, I just couldn't stand the thought of one more procedure, let alone an unnecessary one. I had actually scheduled their circ for when they were discharged when I changed my mind and canceled it. The doctor called me to make sure, not because she was advocating one way or the other, but because she said the older the boys are when circ'd the more uncomfortable it was and she didn't want me just putting it off. I'm glad now for my decision, and I think that it's going 'out of style'. DH didn't really care either way.

I got confused looks and questions from my family and DH's family when I told them my decision but they haven't mentioned it since.

 

I get hassled all the time. My DH mother is the worst!! also my co workers(nurses)are pretty bad too and I couldn't believe that I was the only one at work who's boys weren't circumcised. On the flip side I find my self questioning why people are circumcising too so I guess it goes both ways. In the end it is a personal choice but I still think that people should do their research and be well informed. I think this will be a debate for people for years to come!

 

My husband is from England and they don't circ. He was agonizing over the thought of putting them through unnecessary pain so we opted not to do it with our first son. Then came my twin boys. My OB, who was not the same one as my first son, asked our intentions after they were born. There was no discussion on it and he actually said that he was happy about our choice. He said something like (and don't quote me on these stats, I was on a lot of pain killers) 20 years ago, 90% were circed, now its dropped to about 70% and he anticipates that it will fall below 50% in the next 10 years.

Oddly enough, my brother and sister-in-law had their son circed and they actually got flack for doing it since her mom thought it was needless.

It's very personal and you shouldn't have to justify it.

 

I have two that are and the twins are not. The only time we got flack was when we were making the decision not to have the twins done. Since then, it's been a non-issue. I'm glad we kept them intact. And if we ever have a boy again he too will keep his foreskin.

 

I never get any comments at all ever, in fact, since DS1 was born, i don't think anybody asked me about the state of their tinkies!!!
Anyways, it is up to you as parents to make those decisions for your children, nobody should tell you what to do, that would be rather rude IMO!

 

Well, doggone it, I typed out my thoughts then messed up something. So, here's a recap...My 80-year-old dad says that he won't be like the other boys in the locker room. My reply? "Thank goodness for THAT!" My guy friends have assured me that "ummmm, boys don't look at other boys' junk in the showers or at the urinals, and if they did, it would actually result in more ribbing than simply being intact would." My pedi says about 40% of the parents of baby boys in our area (North TX)are choosing not to circ. As far as "taking away the child's choice" you're actually taking away his choice by doing the circumcision...you can't superglue that sucker back together after cutting it off, now can you?

Disclaimer: We had originally planned to circ, but DS was 5.2 lbs and was making such good progress that the doctor didn't want to interrupt. I was a good little preggo girl, I researched everything from breast feeding to cesareans to cloth diapers to cribs to car seats and more, but I neglected to do the all-important research on circumcision. All along, it was my gut feeling that I didn't want my son to be circ'd, but sheepishly left that decision in the hands of DH who, afterall, "was a guy and better able to make that decision for his son than I could." I was so WRONG! It just so happened that when I called the urologist to make the consult appointment, I was told that after a certain weight threshold, the procedure must be done under general anesthesia as an inpatient. We were too close to that threshold. DH and I weren't willing to put him "under" for the purpose of an elective, cosmetic procedure.

It's such a personal decision, and no one should have anything to say about what's in your son's britches, period. My advice is just to have a good reason for making the decision you do make. We are SOOOOOOO flippin' glad it worked out the way it did, especially DH who has since come around on the subject. DS remains intact and is perfect the way he is. I'm sure he'll view it as a good thing when he's older, but if not, he will be the one to have a choice available since we didn't take it away at birth. If we were to have another baby boy, he would be intact just like his big brother.

 

We don't get any flack from those who know (even from my ped, who is an Orthodox Jew). We always knew that we would not circ if we had boys because DH is intact, so is his dad, and all the males in his family back through time. They're a farm family, never circumcised when it became "fashionable" in the 1800s, and just kept up the tradition.

Well as it turns out, we ended up with 1 circumcised, and 1 intact. Jack had hypospadias/chordee, so the urologist needed his foreskin to reconstruct his penis. Of course they didn't tell us this in the hospital when he was born and asked us if we wanted him circ'ed. So if we had decided to circ him, he may not have had enough skin for the reconstruction. It still burns my bottom a little bit...

Anyway, it is falling out of favor, and none of my family has ever questioned us about the decision. I know one woman who circ'ed her eldest DS, then decided she had to circ her youngest DS, even though she was against the procedure later in life. She said that she didn't want them to "look different down there". I figure that my sons are different people, so of course they can be different "down there" or anywhere else!

 

No, no one hassles us at all. But I think the statistics in our area have changed to the point that more people don't circumcise than do, so it's actually very common now & no one thinks twice about it. In any case, it's your decision & other people should just accept that!

 

I know lots of moms whose boys aren't circumsized. Mine are, but honestly I've never really thought of it one way or the other as far as giving or getting flak over either choice. I don't see it as a huge deal one way or the other. My sister does have a unique perspective on it. Her dh was not circumsized as a baby...and a few years ago, due to diabetes, he needed to be circumsized...he was getting bad UTIs all the time. And prior to this if they had a son (they've had all girls thus far) they had planned on not doing the circumcision...but after going through it as an adult he now wants any future son to have it done as an infant just in case he ever faces the same issue down the road. Apparently it was pretty darn painful! Poor guy! So I do agree that if you are going to do it, then it's better not to put it off!!

We're not jewish, but apparently the jewish guidelines which say circumsize at 8 days is actually ideal...the baby is well established with nursing, milk supply should be well on it's way...and yet the baby is young enough to heal quickly and not suffer too long from it. Unfortunately we don't know any rabbis and our ped does it in the hospital!

 

My mom said something when Izzy was born. This time it hasn't even come up. The only one I've really heard anything about it from is the NP, and that's a bit different. I don't know what, nor care, what Jason's family thinks. They haven't said anything, at least to me, about it. And if they've said anything to Jason, he's just kept it to himself because he knows my response would be along the lines of "I don't f*****g care what they think! They are MY babies and WE are the ones raising them. I hope to hell you told them it was none of their business!" Or something like that.

I wanted to add that my oldest son is circ'd. My ex insisted that it HAD to be done, even though I didn't really see the need. I agreed rather than have the argument. In hindsight, in James' case ONLY, I'm glad that it was done because James has mod/severe sensory issues and when he was smaller and not able to tolerate as much touch, just getting him to lay there while cleaning him off was hard enough. He HATED to be touched in any way (sometimes, if he wasn't overly dirty, we'd leave him in the same shirt for a couple of days, it was THAT bad) and I know now from having Izzy that sometimes (once it's loose like Izzy's is) that the skin needs to be pulled back to clean under there when the boy gets are REALLY nasty diaper and I can't imagine James being able to handle something like that AT ALL.

 

I expected to get a lot of grief about our decision to leave our sons intact, but thankfully we have not really had very many comments.

I suspect people talk about it when we are not around (because it is not common at all to not circ where we live), but people rarely say anything to us about it. If they do ask why or something, I explain to them that my OB recommended we not do it.

Before the boys were born I was a bit unsure about whether or not to circ. I did some research, and soon decided we wanted to leave our sons intact. But what was really interesting to me about the whole process is that my OB spoke with me about considering not circ'ing. He brought it up on his own. I never asked his opinion. And he is a very mainstream doctor. This conversation came after we had already pretty much made our decision, but his talk with us certainly sealed our decision. He explained that it was only a cosmetic procedure and that even when a local anesthetic is used that the injection into the infant's penis is painful. What really got me is that he said quite often a local anesthetic is not even used when the circ is done at the hospital. He said a lot of parents don't realize this. I certainly didn't.

So when people ask about our sons and our decision, I share with them what my OB told us.

 

We haven't been hassled about it.

Actually it was the doctors that were pushing it instead. Our family and friends understood our reasons for not circumcising. Also, DH isn't circed either and originally he wanted is son's to be circed. I left the decision up to him and he changed his mind a week after they were born.

I basically tell people that notice it that it was my husbands choice.
I don't change diapers in public restrooms if I can prevent it or with any one else in the room. Just something we consider a private activity.

 

Oh boy, have I... EVERYONE I know asks me why we didn't have it done... You can tell a lot of them are grossed out by it, only because they've never known anyone that wasn't. Mostly get questions as to why we didnt... and outdated facts such as higher risk of infection, STDs, Cancer of the penis, not clean... etc...

But there are a TON of benefits to it which I'm sure you've researched... One I found interesting was that the foreskin is best for reconstructive surgery if it were ever needed (hoping not ever)...

I agree with the other moms... it's not something you have to defend yourself about... it's a personal decision. But if you are like me and want to educate people on it... Read up on the benefits and memorize a few good ones. I LOVE telling people why we did it and letting them know that their information has been replaced by more modern research.

 

The ballsy part of me wants to say I want them to match their daddy, even though that's not the reason. Like others, I researched it and originally decided to do it but at birth my boys had jaundice and 1 was struggling at breastfeeding. As I wad totally committed to breastfeeding, I made it my priority and didn't want to sabotoge that effort. In the grand scheme of things, I'm glad they aren't. Moms' comments have galvanized me- how can keeping the foreskin take away their choices? They have a choice to keep or remove it at any time they desire it.

 

2 or our 3 boys are intact & we have never gotten any grief. I only wish we hadn't done it with our first.

We used the opportunity to explain why it is unnecessary when anyone asked.