For those who did IVF

I'm having a really tough day today for some reason. I'm just tired and lonely, I guess. Our families are far from us, so I get little to no help (we stayed with them for the holidays, which I think has made things worse). The babies have started sleeping better, so that helps, but I'm just spread so thin. I would love to go back to work at some point, but can't even fathom trying to prepare for that. Right now, I'm second guessing my decision to do IVF. Being a mom is something that I wanted SO BADLY. But, now I can barely deal. I love my babies, but this is so much harder than I could imagine (and I really tried to imagine). And, I feel horribly guilty for feeling this way. Please tell me this gets easier soon. My twins are 4 mos (2 months adjusted).

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jenny

 

Jenny,

It does get better - I promise! I remember in the beginning my DH and I often thought back to that moment when our fertility dr. asked the magic question "do you want us to put one or two in". That is all I will say about that but I am being honest in telling you that we had these thoughts quite often in the beginning. My Jack and Lily are 7 mos. now and I don't think that anymore.

Have hope - you are almost there!

Amy

 

Jenny,

It gets so much better. It really does. Don't feel bad for second guessing; I think we've all been there. My twins were conceived the old fashioned way, but even so, I spent a few months thinking (on and off) that maybe we'd made a mistake even wanting to have one child. I think the worst time for me was right around 3.5 - 4 months because I was so tired and it had been months since I had felt like I was in control of my life. Then, something changed right around four months and we started to have fun every once in a while with the girls. By five months I was enjoying myself and by six months having twins was truly fun. I miss my old life of sleeping in and doing whatever I wanted when I wanted, but I wouldn't give up my new life. I remember being at the stage you're at now and could not imagine I would ever be as content as I am now.

So hang in there... it does get better. Soon!

Oh - one thing that helped me was getting out of the house. At about four months, I started taking the girls out every morning for a quick errand. It was hard at first, but once you've developed a routine it's really easy. We're only out of the house for 45 minutes or so, but that quick daily trip saved my sanity. I have no family nearby and moved here only three months before getting pregnant, so we know very few people. Grocery shopping, Target, Home Depot, etc... they're my new social life. If you don't get out much with your kids, give it a try.

 

Lots and lots of hugs, I have been exactly where you are now. It was when my babies were at the 6 week mark that it was the worst, I would just cry every night and apologize to DH that I ruined his life (to which he said I was crazy, but whatever). In those bad moments I regretted my decision to do ivf as well, well not even to do ivf, but tranfer more than one embie. But it does get so so so much better, and I can't imagine not having either one of them. It was when my babies hit the 12 weeks adjusted mark that things started falling into place. There are still the very hard days, but there are also the smiles and coos and eyes lighting up when you walk into the room to look forward to very soon.

My other thought is that you may be suffering from some ppd ontop of all the stress brought on by twinfants, if that is the case, you may want to get some mediciation, it can really help, it got me through some very tough weeks!

Hang in there!!

 

First off, I didn't do IVF. But you sound like your having a really rough time and I couldn't pass you by without saying something. The timeframe your in right now is really hard!! It takes so much just to get through those first few months. I second guessed myself often. We had a couple of hard losses before I got pg with the twins. They were our last shot. Now that I'm on the other side of the infancy part of their first year, I couldn't imagine life without them. It would be a lot easier, but not nearly as wonderful. You probably need a break, even if its to have someone (even your hubby) for a couple of hrs so you can reenergize yourself. Take a long hot bath, or shower. Read a book. My DH does this for me, it really helps. It would be great to have a date, but I guess I'll have to wait on that one.
I wish I could come and help out for the day so you could get a mental break. Do you have a multiples group in your area? Maybe they could set you up with a mentor.
I sending lots and lots of HUGS!!!! YOUR DOING GREAT!!!

 

I also went through IVF and have had the same thoughts. I remember during the transfer my doctor saying he was only going to put two in because he didn't think we wanted triplets. Even with that comment, it never registered that I might have twins. I remember them telling me that both of them took and went and called my husband and was in total shock. He asked me what I expected when they transfered two, but I was in a cloud. With that said, it does get easier. Probably around the time they start sleeping better at night. Your body adjusts to the little amount of sleep you are probably getting, but you just don't realize how tired you are. I also agree that it is hard not having family around. My husbands family is local and are a huge help, but my parents live 6 hours away. We only see them every couple of months and I cry for about an hour before and after my mom leaves. I would see if you can get out for a couple of hours a few times a week, whether it be with the kids for a quick trip to the grocery store or at night by yourself. If he doesn't already, can you DH take a night of feedings so you can get some uninterrupted sleep?

Soon your kids will be laughing and smiling at you and believe me it is all worth it when that happens. I look at my kids now and say yes it would have been easier with one, but I couldn't imagine them both not being here now. They are a blessing and you will get through this. I found this board about a month ago and in that short time it has become a part of my daily life. It is nice to connect with other parents who are going through the same thing. Good luck.

 

I too am having a rough time. I did not do IVF but I have had severe depression since having the babies and it is just now getting better. It is rough having preemies b/c it seems like they are in the newborn stage forever.

 

You are describing how I felt a year ago to a "t". This is the worst time ever, but it will get SOOO much better. I too had no help, other than dh, and felt some days I just couldn't do it any longer. It is hard, way harder than what I had even imagined. On top of that, both of my girls had colic AND reflux.

Try and look for the cute or sweet things they do each day. Keep a journal so you can look back on those "positive" moments. It will pass, it will get easier. I think around 5 months is when I started thinking "okay, I can handle this" and then by summer time (6,7,8 months) I was LOVING being a twin mom!!

:love0028: :love0028: :love0028:

 

IVF aside, being a parent and a mother and a stay at home mom is a HARD JOB!

Things will get easier and change a lot over the next months! 6 mos. is coming and that's when a lot of people start thinking that they could do this again - so it might be a bit of a honeymoon for you!!

Having twin infants is SO HARD. Yes, we all want our children, but we don't all have a perfect happy time for the entire childhood. DO NOT feel guilty about doing IVF. Please!! you will come out the other side of this hard time and it's all going to be a blur!!

I couldn't believe how fast it's gone. The first year is fast and the 2nd year is even faster and the 3rd year is going by at lightning speed. Just hang on for the ride and it will change.

Some things will get easier and things will change. You'll have little challenges and big challenges along the way. It's inevitable. As you get more sleep, things will FEEL SO MUCH BETTER and EASIER!!! :hug99:

 

Thank you ladies so much for your words of encouragement! I am just going to try to tell myself that I can get through this until I actually do. I wish I could get out at the moment, but I'm waiting for the respiratory therapist to come and download my daughter's monitor -- they never give a time frame and it was all I could do just to get them to give me a day. But, you're right, I do feel better when I'm out. It's just the task of getting them out is so daunting that I don't do it all the time. DH is wonderful and tries to help as best he can. He even said that I could take the babies back up to my parents' house for a while. But, I would just feel so guilty taking the babies away from him -- he'd have to take the train up ever weekend (which would be a huge expense). Plus, I'd have to find all new doctors because they couldn't be that far away from their doctors for such a long time.

Okay, deep breath in, and out. . .

 

What you are feeling is PERFECTLY NORMAL! I too did IVF and thought “Oh twins, how cool!” I thought it was going to be hard, but I NEVER knew just how hard. My husband travels a lot, so after about 4 weeks, it was just me. I had help here and there, but not a lot. Both had colic until about 9 weeks and I thought I was going to lose it. My doctor put me on Zoloft which helped me make through those tough times. A friend of mine gave me the best advice, she said once you just accept it, it will be better. It’s kind of true. Once I just accepted that I would be getting little sleep and be stressed, things weren’t quite as bad. And before you know it (around 11-12 weeks) things do get better! Once they start smiling at you, it makes it all that crying and all those rough nights worth every minute of the journey. My b/g twins were born 6 weeks early, but still, once they hit the 11-12 week mark, they started sleeping more (and at that point, 3 hours is better than no hours! And it just gets better as they sleep longer and longer). There are still rough times, but the worst will be behind you very soon. Hang in there! I thought the day would NEVER come. I was living on 2 hours of sleep a day, no food, and a bottle of Visine a week! I often second guessed our decision to do IVF, and then would feel horribly guilty for even thinking that. But now, it doesn’t even cross my mind. You’ll be just fine

B/G twins born 10/2/07 at 34 weeks

 

It does get better, I swear. Those first 3 months are the hardest! And just because you did IVF to have your babies doesn't make you any less stressed by those early days with twins.

Hang in there, and sleep when they sleep. I swear you hear that time and time again, but just do it. Let other things slide.

And let me tell you, staying home with them is really hard. My hats off to all SAHM's - it's the hardest job in the world and I don't think I am cut out for it.

 

I could have written your post. My mom lives 5 hrs. from me and I have NO help during the day and even by the time Dh gets home from work they are ready to go to bed. I question my decision all the time on putting two embroys back but as my Dh points out which baby would you give up? I just think about how much easier it would have been with one....but alas I have two and I love them both. Some days I have to just leave them in their cribs screaming and take a breather..

 

The guilt is really overwhelming, isn't it? People say to enjoy these days because once they start moving it's all downhill. I feel so terrible wishing them away. I just want to get to the point where they're somewhat self-sufficient. It is so hard trying to care for each of them. No matter what, I feel badly. If they're both just hanging out, I feel badly that I'm not stimulating them. If I'm working with one, I feel guilty that the other isn't getting any attention (but, I want them to feel like individuals, not twins). And, if I'm playing with both, I worry that they're not getting enough one-on-one time. I think my head is about 30 seconds away from exploding.

It makes me feel so much better to know that I'm not alone here. I guess we all just feel like bad moms. I just try to think about my mom and my childhood and know that it's all going to be okay. Sometimes I just think it would have been easier to have them one at a time. But, of course, there are so many challenges with that too!!!

Thank you all again for your words. They are all so comforting. . .

 

YES to all of the above. It is INCREDIBLY difficult having twinfants, difficult at a level no one who hasn't done it can really understand. ANd no matter how much you longed for babies, the REALITY of taking care of two, preemies no less, is a whole separate story.

That said, a couple of things; yes it does get easier. it's still difficult but - you get more used ot it, you know what to handle. And as they get older and more responsive, the smiles and changes will help get you through the hard times.

I found that if i just DROPPED any expectations I had of getting anything done, it got easier. I can PLAN what i want, but they don't always cooperate. But - getting out of the house made, and still makes, a HUGE difference. If you are a SAHM it can be incredibly lonely and isolating, not matter how much you love your babies.

and although it can sound trite, things like a long hot bath by yourself, with some candles (and a glass of wine if you drink, or a nice glass of pretty fruit juice in a REAL glass), makes a huge difference. Or get out of the house, even for an hour, by yourelf on the weekend when you dh is home.
Those first months are a total blur - and soon your babies will be off their monitors (that is a huge drag, mine were on it and it adds a whole other level of emotional and logistical complication!) and it will be esier to get around with them.

and somehow the time WILL pass, and you'll look back and, i promise you, hardly remember this time. You'll know the gestalt, it was crazy-hard, but you'll have rolling, crawling, babbling laughing TWINS and your heart will be so full of love you won't believe it.

And you'll STILL need some time by yourself! Yes, explore a local multiples group. and if you belong to a church or a synagogue, see if you can get some help - even just having another adult ot talk to makes a huge difference.

And really try to take one minute at a time; i joke with my dh that having these babies has made me the Perfect Buddhist, for there is only THIS moment that i live in!

Good luck, hang in there, you'll do fine. But- i also agree, talk to your doctor to see if you are having some PPD issues, because you really CAN get help for that!

 

Jenny, :hug99: It is totally normal the way you are feeling. I think every mom goes through it at one time or another, but the fact that you did IVF may make you feel like you brought this on yourself, I know that's how I felt. :hug99: It will get easier, I promise you. You are the toughest stage of twinfants. I like the idea of writing down the positive, sweet things they are doing each day. Also, go out with them, even if it's in the yard or for a walk. I'm not sure how the weather is by you, but a few minutes could change everything for you. And when you feel very overwhelmed, but the kiddos down in a safe area, go into the next room and let it out! That always made me feel better, to let go of some of that frustration. We are always here for you. :hug99:

 

QUOTE(TwinLove @ Jan 9 2008, 12:58 PM) [snapback]564599[/snapback]
And when you feel very overwhelmed, but the kiddos down in a safe area, go into the next room and let it out! That always made me feel better, to let go of some of that frustration. We are always here for you. :hug99:


I hate to even admit to this, but when I would get really frustrated I put the babies in their crib, went down in the basement and just yelled and stomped my feet as loud as I could, I chose the basement b/c I figured the neighbors couldn't hear. I always felt better afterwards and although the babies cried, at least they were in a safe place. I knew things were getting better when it had been a whole week and I hadn't been to the basement once!

 

QUOTE(xavier2001 @ Jan 9 2008, 01:11 PM) [snapback]564625[/snapback]
I hate to even admit to this, but when I would get really frustrated I put the babies in their crib, went down in the basement and just yelled and stomped my feet as loud as I could, I chose the basement b/c I figured the neighbors couldn't hear. I always felt better afterwards and although the babies cried, at least they were in a safe place. I knew things were getting better when it had been a whole week and I hadn't been to the basement once!


:hug99: I'm happy that things are getting better and you are staying out of the basement :lol: And a few minutes of crying won't hurt them, it's better then having crying babies AND a crying momma!

 

I noticed things got a lot easier when they hit 6 months old. It was like they woke up one morning and were way easier. They could sit and play with toys and seemed to be happier. Up until that point I wanted to pull my hair out some days. Just hang in there, it gets easier. Now we just have a lot of fun everyday and I look forward to spending my days with them.

 

It does, it does get easier. And I totally understand about second guessing your decision -- I felt the exact same way for the first few months. I wished someone had talked me out of doing IVF before we spent our entire savings and ruined our lives. DH now teases me about that and asks if I still want to give the babies back (which I don't).

Try to let go of the guilt. You are doing the best you can. It might also help to remind yourself that while singleton moms can lavish lots of attention on their first children, they often feel just as guilty about having a second as we do about having two in the first place. Meanwhile, you will be sitting pretty with two children who love each other and have never had to make the adjustment to having a sibling, because they've always had one!

 

We didn't do IVF...and in those early days my husband would say, it's good thing we got 2, we would have not done this again, but now he wants 2 more! We would look at the "safe baby drop sites" and think about leaving jake there.

IT DOES GET BETTER.

1) Try to get out of the house (weather, etc permitting) - that was a life saver for me and Becca generally feel asleep in the stroller so in a way, they were easier "outside of the house"
2) let them cry sometimes, it's fine
3) Narrate what you do, or put them a bouncy seat so they can watch. That will be entertaining and stimulating and you can do what you need to (even if it's a bath)
4) While they are completely dependent right now, at least they aren't mobile - there are some advantages to the 'stationary phase'

Look, all these ideas are easy to write down and say, but sometimes you just need to cry and be sad about how much your life has changed. It's the dirty little secret no one tells you until you are in the new mom club. It will get better and if it doesn't talk to your dr.

I guess I didn't really add anything, but sometimes it feels good to write this stuff out. When i think back on those first few months I want to cry sometimes...but isn't that life? I want to cry at work sometimes to (and i get paid to be here!)

 

:love0028: Just had to add some hugs and encouragement here, too!
You've gotten some great advice and as you can see, you are definitely not alone! You are in the thick of twin craziness and I promise it gets better! Hang in there.

 

Mostly i just just wanted to say - like all the other posters...your not alone. I'm all choked up reading the replies...because it's nice to see how many people have been in your shoes, and come out the other side. That's what I have to do.... right now, when things are bad, I remember how bad it was when i was pregant -- or when they were newborns (and were up atleast ever 2.5 hours) -- I try to remember how i never thought that would pass....and it did...so I tell myself, that this will pass too.

We're finally getting to the days where there are often more "good" days then "bad" -- but somehow that almost makes the bad ones worse - because you know what good days feel like -- I find that hardest of all.

Last night we had a bad day like we havn't had in a while -- they were both hysterical -- and I could calm either of them down no matter what we did -- so there we were ...me holding two babies, and all of us crying...until my DH came home (and of course they were fine then little buggers! ;-) I DO think that its the "dirty secret" of motherhood -- sometimes you wonder why you thought you were cut out for it at all. (I know I do).

((hugs)))

 

I seriously could have written your post when my twins your twins age. I too did IVF after trying for 5 years and was pleasantly surprised to find out we had 2 little blessings coming. Even with all that people told me about how hard it was and how much work it was with just 1 baby, nothing prepared me for the reality of the situation until I was in it. We also had no family around and because dh was in a job that required him to drive a truck, it was extremely important that he got a good nights rest. So, that meant that during the week, I had to do all the night time feedings and with twins waking up every 2 hours to feed until they were about 5 months, well, let's just say that sleep deprivation can make you do and say things you would have never imagined. I honestly felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. But, I am happy to say that things really do get better. I remember questioning whether or not I was meant to be a mother at all or whether or not I made the right decision to become a sahm but I now know that I did. I'm not saying there are not days where I wish that I had an outside job just to get myself away and back in to the adult world but I would not trade being the one who raises my kids for anything in the world. I would say that I started to enjoy REALLY being a mom when they were about 9 months old. It's not the same for everyone. Some people experience the joy immediately and some take longer. You are still in a very rough part of infancy. The newborn/infancy stage was just not all that enjoyable for me and you know what? That's ok and totally normal. There is nothing wrong with that. It's really really REALLY hard work. ESPECIALLY, when you have no one to help out and relieve you. It doesn't help that dh and I were totally neurotic and couldn't handle leaving them in the hands of anyone but family (which we didn't really have). But I promise that you will be writing a similar reply to someone in about a year from now (if not sooner) as I am writing to you. I deffinately don't miss that stage but I feel proud and strong that I made it through. Hang in there and keep coming back for support, or to vent or to cry or to laugh. We will be here to help you through it.

 

You ladies really are the best! I took your advice and dragged our cranky butts out to Trader Joe's to pick up something for dinner. And, you're right, a close trip that I don't have to pack for made all the difference. I feel tons better -- though that could have something to do with the fact that they are both sleeping right now and I have time to catch a repeat of Gilmore Girls!! It is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm going to chose to believe all of you that it is there. It's just really really faint at this point. You wouldn't lie to me, right?!?

Can I ask a really dumb question that I probably should have asked a loooong time ago? How do you pick up 2 babies? For the life of me, I can't figure out how to hold them at the same time unless someone puts the second baby in my arms. I'm just so nervous that I'm going to drop one, or have some sort of Three Stooges incident.

 

QUOTE(JennyR @ Jan 9 2008, 05:09 PM) [snapback]565087[/snapback]
Can I ask a really dumb question that I probably should have asked a loooong time ago? How do you pick up 2 babies? For the life of me, I can't figure out how to hold them at the same time unless someone puts the second baby in my arms. I'm just so nervous that I'm going to drop one, or have some sort of Three Stooges incident.


I pick up the first baby and hold them over my shoulder with my left hand (it's easier to pick up DS first, he's 2 pounds heavier), then scoop the second baby under her armpits and scoop her up. When they didn't have great head control I would lean forward so I could balance her on my body, but it's getting easier now that they have good head/trunk control. But there is nothing wrong with moving one baby and then coming back for the second, I'm just lazy and don't like walking up and down the stairs twice.

Glad that you are feeling better, soon the good days outweigh the bad.

 

Oh, jenny, i'm laughing at the notion of a Three Stooges moment!

And remembering sitting in the glider in the middle of the night with one in my arms and the other in the carseat on the daybed next to me, and having to get that one out too cause DH was 12,000 miles away......reaching out, picking up a baby with one hand and bringing her over to me all the while chanting internally, Don't DRop the Baby, DON"T DROP THE BABY!!!!!

First - it IS ok to pick one up, bring her somewhere and put her in a car seat or something else safe and then get the other one. Those few seconds or minute of crying won't hurt anyone (oh, and that's another other dirty little secret of motherhood; at the beginning you cannot BEAR to hear them cry - but you get used to it and start to know when they really need something or are just protesting...and then you can stand it. As my MIL says, no baby ever died of crying.

When i did pick them up I actually usually took the heavier one first, put her on my shoulder and made sure i bent my knees to get the other one - while also cantileverign my body backwards so she wouldn't fall. which i am sure contributed to the major back problems i am having these days!

And no, we wouldn't lie to you, and yes it does get easier and Trader Joe's ROCKS....think, you can go, shop and even have a snack (they do samples in the one by me all the time)

Seriously, I learned that getting out made all the difference; even though it was a huge hassle (heck, it STILL sometimes takes me half an hour to get out of the house - and that's when they're already dressed!). Just being in a different space, breathing air, seeing other adults, getting some stimulation for you is a mind-saver.

One thing i learned; i got a diaper pod - a little case that holds two dipes and a small pack of wipes and i take that with me when i don't want to do the full-on diaper bag.

 

Hi ladies! I just wanted to thank all of you for your kind words yesterday. It really helped more than you can know. Last night DH and I had a long talk. We've decided that we're going to move back to CT to be closer to our families. While we both love DC, it's just too far and we need too much help. Even though we're not going to be able to move until the summer, just knowing that we're going has made a huge difference.

Thank you again for your support. I'm looking forward to being able to return the favor!!

:love0028:

Jenny

 

That is great. I am glad that you guys were able to reach that decision and soon you will be near your family again. Good luck!

 

It gets easier. In the early days it's 99% work, 1% fun. Slowly (very slowly!) the fun part increases over time. Now at 10 months I can honestly say it's 50/50. I noticed a distinct improvement around 12 weeks (so you need to go by your babies' adjusted age) and although there have been ups and downs since then, nothing has been as bad as those early days. I think mothers who conceive through IVF expect a lot from themselves because parenthood has been such a long-awaited dream. But it's natural to second guess yourself sometimes.

 

QUOTE(JennyR @ Jan 9 2008, 10:09 PM) [snapback]565087[/snapback]
Can I ask a really dumb question that I probably should have asked a loooong time ago? How do you pick up 2 babies? For the life of me, I can't figure out how to hold them at the same time unless someone puts the second baby in my arms. I'm just so nervous that I'm going to drop one, or have some sort of Three Stooges incident.

I'm glad you're feeling better and have made an important decision that you feel good about.

In answer to your question... I didn't. It was so awkward and I was so worried about dropping one, I just always took one wherever she needed to be and then went back for the second one. I don't think I carried them both until they were 9 months or so, and more able to hold on.

But our daycare teachers do it all the time, and I think they hold them under the arms. Pick up the first one however you want, and hold against your body, facing out. If the other baby's on the floor or in a crib, roll her over on her tummy and grab her across the chest. I can't quite imagine how to do it if the other baby's in a bouncy seat or something.... so I guess you pick that one up first.

 

QUOTE(JennyR @ Jan 9 2008, 10:28 AM) [snapback]564242[/snapback]
I'm having a really tough day today for some reason. I'm just tired and lonely, I guess. Our families are far from us, so I get little to no help (we stayed with them for the holidays, which I think has made things worse). The babies have started sleeping better, so that helps, but I'm just spread so thin. I would love to go back to work at some point, but can't even fathom trying to prepare for that. Right now, I'm second guessing my decision to do IVF. Being a mom is something that I wanted SO BADLY. But, now I can barely deal. I love my babies, but this is so much harder than I could imagine (and I really tried to imagine). And, I feel horribly guilty for feeling this way. Please tell me this gets easier soon. My twins are 4 mos (2 months adjusted).

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jenny


Hey Jenny (and everyone else )
I just wanted to write because I was pointed to YOUR thread by a friend.. I too, have twins VIA Ivf. I transferred 2 blasts and one of those split and I ended up with identical twin boys.. Fortunately, the other little embie didn't attach and give me three. I guess "someone" knew that I could not handle it.

Anyway, my boys were born at 35 weeks cuz they are identical and it's considered unsafe to go longer..

To make a VERY long story short... I had been dreaming about having TWINS and as dumb as this sounds (identical twins- I have had an OBSESSIon with them since I was a kid-- have identical twin cousins etc.) So.. I was STOKED when I found out that my DREAM was coming true.

Fast forward to bringing them home............ UUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..... Someone get me off this crazy thing! I think I changed my mind!!!!!!!

What an everloving nightmare this has been for me. *Disclaimer*** I am not holding anything back here-- JUST GOING FOR IT so if you don't want to read- please don't---- I want to get my TRUE feelings out or I'm wasting my time!**

First of all, YES.. I love my boys... We all know that. No one doubts a mother's love. Yes, I probably have post partum- I am on meds for it (have been my whole life for depression..) So.. I don't need advice that I might have it.. I am a Psychology Grad.. so I know the score. I also know to get time to myself, and do all that stuff.. DONE IT. My husband does ALL of the nite feedings (always has) he is a CHAMP and he UNDERSTANDS what I go thru here during the day. He tells me every single day that he CANNOT WAIT to go to WORK! (That's how BAD it is girls..)

Anyway, people did warn me that it was not going to be easy. My mom had twins (my brothers.) She said it was H-E- double hockey stick. I didn't believe her. I do now.

I have one baby that is a GEM. Great behavior, easy going CHILLED OUT guy. And then I have a baby that is ME reincarnated. High strung, high maintenance, pushy, shovey, attention needer, wise guy kind of baby. Just cranky in general. He doesn't like to "mess around" if you know what I mean...?? He is the one who wakes up SCREAMING his guts out EVERY SINGLE TIME-- like he's on fire.

I am intimidated by him. He is intimidating. That is how I describe it. It's like he's really really smart or soemthing.. I know- that may sound odd. But other people have told me the same thing on their own.

Okay, so here's my beef... The mornings tend to be OK. Then it all melts down. Some days (3/4) of them are pretty hard. But 100% of the time from 3 pm to 6 pm is an ABSOLUTE disaster!! I mean, I end up in tears 3x's a week. It is awful. Put it to ya this way; I sometimes have 2 people here to help me and WE combined cannot handle it. Ya, it's that bad!

They cry and cry and basically have to be walked around the house and entertained. If they see you going near the couch-- SCREAMFEST! I cannot sit down or else. And this presents a MAJOR problem when I have two 14 lb babies to carry! I cannot do it. My back is already RUINED from this.

Thankfully, by 6 pm, they go to bed.. but it's that 3 hours of SHEER Horror that I DREAD and DREAD every single day. It's like a ticking time bomb..

Does this EVER stop? Will this go away? When?

I do believe my high strung baby has colic. I have come to accept this. I had colic and have been told (On a fairly regular basis) that I was the WORST baby that ever lived (No one would babysit me..). Stroller had to be brought INTO the house to push me in.. So.. you get the idea.. I'm not saying I'm innocent... I'm getting paid back and I realize this. The thing is-- I need to know that this is going to "go away". Is it? TrulY? And when? I am going by adjusted age for behavioral issues.. Have to, wouldn't be fair NOT to..

So.. they are ten wks adjusted right now.. WHEN?

Alright, I have to go take care of someone.

I appreciate your ears and Jen--- I'm right here with ya! I cannot believe how my life has changed and pray every single day that it gets easier. They do well at nite and only wake up once but they NEVER nap during the day. At All.. Which means-- you guessed it-- No breaks for Mom! Yikes!

Alright gals, take care and thx for listening! Jen- and everyone else-- hang in there! We are going to make it-- we have no choice!

 

ivfbound078 - I just want to reassure you that I had one E X T R E M E L Y difficult newborn. He was the definition of colic. I don't think I was able to put him down for more than a couple of minutes for the first three months. Every evening was a horror show for weeks - you know the persistent colic cry "Ra ra ra ra" - thought I would go crazy. But...the fog started to lift just before the boys were 12 weeks old, and although Evan was still "sensitive" he was much, much better. But, anyway, the main point of my story: now Evan is the sweetest, happiest, most independent, easily-impressed baby in the entire world. He sleeps well, eats well, plays well, loves meeting new people...I feel SO blessed. James is a wonderful baby too, of course, but Evan was my main worry because I remember looking at him when he was about 6 weeks old and seriously wondering if he might be part devil (I was not joking at the time!). So...keep your chin up. And may your baby do an Evan-style turn-around soon.

 

When we did IVF we made the decision to have as little embryos as possible, because we did not want to freeze any, and we made the decision that no matter how many embryos we ended up having that we would use them all. We have 3 embryos left and I am 34 and the thought of having 3 more kids is very overwhelming.
My husband said to me one day when I mentioned it to him, I know it will be hard, and busy, but can you imagen how great it will be when we are 60 and our kids have their kids, we will be one big happy family. I know it will be a while before we get there, but I think of that when everything is to overwhelming. I know it is a little different, but once you get some decent sleep everything will look better.

 

Definitely it gets better (as far as my experience with older dd who is 2.5 yrs old now). It gets more fun and easier and joyful. The first year is definitely the most difficult! Hang in there, you will notice it getting better even by 6-8 months when they start babbling, trying to talk and crawl. Good luck and HTH