For those of you that went back to work

I have been back at work full time for almost a year, I went back when my girls were 4 months, and just can't get into work. At first I thought it would just because I had been out for close to 6 months and it would take time to get back in the swing of things. But, after almost a year being back I still don't feel right.

It is like I just don't care about what I do anymore, I think about what my kids are doing and what I am missing. I can't seem to focus and just feel like an idiot all day at work (I am a corporate manager at a bank so I am paid to be here and think and make decisions). Before I had the girls work was everything, I was here all the time, now I could care less.

Anyone else go through this? What did you do? I think that maybe I need to make a serious career change to something less demanding and stressful. I don't know...just a little lost I guess.

 

I completely feel the same way you do about this. Unfortunately, I'm at work and can't respond in depth - I'll post more later.

 

I have felt that way and I am way behind because of it. I am finally getting back into it only because I have dug myself into such a big hole. I still make a lot more mistakes than I used to and my focus is not there. I have made a choice to invest myself more in work and really try to be there in the moment and forget everything about work the minute I walk out the door. Some days I feel like I am doing a good job with this and other days it is an uphill battle. It is hard so good luck.

 

I understand how you feel. I don't think I had it as bad as you but I did feel that way. The thing that helps me is that my dh has every Tuesday off and I have every other Friday off so they are only in daycare 3 days one week and 4 days the next. They do great in daycare, they really enjoy and need the interaction with the other kids but they also enjoy their time home with us.

Is there anyway you could alter your work schedule a little either go to part time or 4 10's (that is my husband's schedule)? I work 9 80's so we do 80 hours over a two week period working only 9 days instead of 10. 9 hour days M-Th and then the Friday we work is 8 hours. That would at least even things out a little for you.

 

I am the same... adn am soooo far behind becuase of it too.... I do have to start diggin my way out soon !

 

That's a tough one, I guess you need to follow your heart and make the decision that's right for your family. Obviously you have worked hard to get to the position you are in now, but your focus isn't there because you have been blessed with two beautiful children. You will never be able to get the time back with them, but you might be able to work your way back up the ladder again someday if you choose to "quit".

I'm so lucky as I am a RN and work part time. I really enjoy my time at work as it is a break from my kids and a chance to use my skills and feel more fullfilled than reading the same books over and over and over. But I also love to be at home most of the time and read my son's the same books over and over and over. LOL! It's all about balance I guess. I assume there isn't any way to job share your position, or possibly go "down" the ladder to a less time intensive position? Just a few thoughts. Good luck with your decision. And kuddos to you for sticking with it this long to see if you would/will get back into the swing of things. Having kids really does change everything? Doesn't it?!!

 

quote:
It is like I just don't care about what I do anymore, I think about what my kids are doing and what I am missing. I can't seem to focus and just feel like an idiot all day at work


Iv'e been back to work now for 16 months and I feel the SAME way. I'm in human resources and I AM the whole department. So, I just deal with everyone's crap all day long. It gets extremely tiring. I was allowed to go back to work full-time, but I get to work 2 days from home. I LOVE spending those 2 days with my girls, but I still have to work. With spring coming up and stuff, this will be the first real spring/summer where they are able to run around, play, etc...but they will be stuck inside in case mommy is needed for work. I would LOVE to find something just part-time and be able to play with the girls, take them on play dates, etc. but we NEED my full-time income.

I completely feel you frustration and I don't have an answer either. But, I too find myself at work not really caring very much and just wanting to go home. I've totally become a clock watcher.

 

I definitely don't feel the same about work now as I did before the boys were born. Who cares about crappy office politics anyway when you have 2 adorable children at home?

I only wish I could work part-time because while I do like going to work I feel my time away from the boys is way too much. However, being the breadwinner/insurance carrier, it's just not an option right now.

 

Yup, I know how you feel ... and, thanks to daycare costs being way too much money to justify, I quit my job and now am a SAHM (who works as a writer during their naps to bring in some extra cash).

I have made a lot of good decisions and bad decisions in my life and choosing to stay home with them is the best thing I've ever done, for myself. I was a professional writer anyway, so I have the skills to work at home, so I"m lucky that way. (Take that Liberal Arts Foes).

I have to say that I'm very much lost in what I will be when I grow up this time ... but I don't care. I'm cooking and cleaning and bargain hunting ... all really new challenges for me. And, weeks like this when I have sooo many deadlines facing me, I defintely don't miss working outside the home.

Follow your heart. If you're not into it by now ... you probably won't be a few months from now.

I know when I left them at daycare, it just never felt right to me. Never.

 

I totally know where you are coming from. I was a director of a financial aid office at a university. I loved my job before the girls, went back to work when they were 3 months and just never regained focus. I resigned when they were 20 months because of the commute with kids, the girls were always sick from daycare and it was just all too stressful for everyone.

I stayed home full time until a year ago when my old job asked me to comeback as a consultant 2 days a week. It is PERFECT. I love the days I work because of the adult conversation, the break from the girls, my own money, using my brain in a different way...But- I love that I get to be home the other days. When the girls go to kindergarten I am going back to school for a career change. I no longer want to do this job full time and am hoping to get a teaching degree.

Good luck to you! It is so hard to be a mom. It takes all of your energy and focus. I hope you find a good balance. Keep us posted!

Lisa

 

I also understand your pain! I was home with the kids for 11 months and never really had plans of returning to work. But due to my DH's layoff and other reasons- I had to go back to work. I am forever grateful for those 11 months and hope to someday be able to only have to work part-time. But there is not much I can do a this point becuase I have to be working, so I grin and bear and take it a day at a time.

 

I feel the same way. I was so into my career before having the girls. A normal day for me was to work until 7 or 8 at night and on the weekends. Now, if I am not out of the office by 6pm, I am almost in tears. When I am at work, I have a hard time focusing on what I need to do. I feel like everyone knows I am faking it and not pulling my load. Luckily for me, my work has been really slow for awhile, so I could coast. Now it is starting to pick up and I am not sure how to handle it. My DH is a SAHD so I have no options. I have to pick myself up and do a good job or we have no money/insurance. I wish I knew the magic answer, but it is a struggle for me every day.

 

I think you are in such a similar situation to so many Moms.
I went back to work when my oldest was 8 weeks old. I trudged along & did what I had to do for 4 more years.
We got into a situation where we thought we were moving away for my husband's job & I told my employer our circumstances. Anyway, shortly I was suddenly written up for the same crap everyone else was doing & sometimes for things I had no involvement at all. I walked out & our lives have been better ever since.
The job fell through, & we had no income for several months.... sounds scary, but it all turned out for the best. We had our twins 2 years later & I'm so happy at home.
I know it doesn't work fo everyone, but you really have to evaluate what you are working for. We looked at what we were spending on daycare, clothes, lunches, clothes, commute, etc. & in reality, my well paying job was bringing home very little.

 

Thanks everyone for your great feedback, it is really nice to know that you aren't alone sometimes when you are struggling like I am.

I think that I need to seriously consider making a change. This job worked for me before kids and it just doesn't work for me now. I plan to sit down with DH and go through finances to see how much I do need to make for us to still be okay financially and maybe I can transfer to another position in the bank that is less demanding or find something else all together.

Thanks again!