For those of you that conceived through fertility treatments

Do twins run in your family? I get asked that all the time. Not that I mind sharing the real way we conceived, but I'm afraid it would make the other person uncomfortable - I know it's certainly not the answer they were expecting. So I get caught off guard and fumble through my answer. Sometimes I say "we had some help". But twins do run in both our families, so that is usually how I respond. But it just usually makes me uncomfortable, I feel like I'm lying (which I am so bad at) and it comes across like I'm uncomfortable answering their question. Just think it's funny how infertility issues seem so common these days, but that doesn't occur to many people and they still always ask the question. Just wonder if you always tell the truth or not.

 

QUOTE(DeniseT @ Sep 1 2008, 09:41 PM) [snapback]957884[/snapback]
Do twins run in your family? I get asked that all the time. Not that I mind sharing the real way we conceived, but I'm afraid it would make the other person uncomfortable - I know it's certainly not the answer they were expecting. So I get caught off guard and fumble through my answer. Sometimes I say "we had some help". But twins do run in both our families, so that is usually how I respond. But it just usually makes me uncomfortable, I feel like I'm lying (which I am so bad at) and it comes across like I'm uncomfortable answering their question. Just think it's funny how infertility issues seem so common these days, but that doesn't occur to many people and they still always ask the question. Just wonder if you always tell the truth or not.


Well... It depends... Let's see... Most of our family did not(does not) know we did IVF. So-we just say it runs in the family-my uncles are twins-BUT-most people don't realize I would not get the twin gene-or whatever it is-as they are my father's brothers. If that makes any sense... In short-it's on my dad's side of the family instead of my mom's...

That said... When I go out in public, whether with dh, friends, or alone-I essentially-do NOT look at people! And ya know what? IT WORKS! Now-I will walk past and smile or whatever. But I always ALWAYS look elsewhere. And now that I think about it-most people do not ask. It's usually, "Are they twins?"

Nah! I'm just borrowing one so I can see what it's like to have twins!

 

I'm new here but having triplets, I get this question all the time. I simply state that it is a very personal question b/c they are either asking about my sex life or my medical history, neither of which I feel comfortable sharing w/ a stranger. DH has also said, "We did it 3 times in 1 night." That shuts them up pretty quickly!

 

:hug:

I never did answer honestly. :blush: I just told people they were a surprise or that they run in the family because I doubt anyone really cares, I always felt they were making small talk. ardon: I also don't feel like it's any of their business, and if it's someone that is going through the situation, they'd have to get to know me first before I spill about it all. Not because I'm embarassed but because it's something very personal and emotional for me.

 

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten that comment, and I'm lucky because I can say, "yes, my husband has twin brothers." Of course, as the previous poster noted the tendency to have twins runs through the mother's side, but most people don't know.

I agree that random people don't need to know about IVF, and you could probably just tell them, "No it was a surprise and they would leave you alone."

I've told people we know (except people at my job) about IVF although I like to turn it into a joke. I say something like, "We have medically induced twins," and then I laugh to let them know I'm comfortable with them knowing.

 

The boys weren't conceived on fertility drugs. However, we had started down that route without sucess when while on a hiatus to decide if we were ready to try some of the big guns we just happened to get pregnant with the boys. I am a pretty private person in real life so I had already decided that it depended on who was asking and why they were asking as to what answer they would get if/when we conceived and if it was multiples. In short, I would have no problem lying right through my teeth to nosy strangers, or those just asking because they don't know what else to say. However, there are definately people who you know are having problems TTC and are looking at fertility treatements I would and do tell them the truth - that there is hope. Because I know what a long and lonely road that can be.

In my opinion it's not anyone's business but yours. If you want to tell them the truth, do. If not, it's totally your peroggative.

 

QUOTE(TwinLove @ Sep 1 2008, 09:51 PM) [snapback]957913[/snapback]
:hug:

I never did answer honestly. :blush: I just told people they were a surprise or that they run in the family because I doubt anyone really cares, I always felt they were making small talk. ardon: I also don't feel like it's any of their business, and if it's someone that is going through the situation, they'd have to get to know me first before I spill about it all. Not because I'm embarassed but because it's something very personal and emotional for me.


Ditto Liz, that is my policy too. Usually I just answer no and move on, unless I know the person well. It is a very personal and emotional situation for me as well.

 

I too say we were surprised. I don't like small talk with strangers, and I'm usuallyin a hurry if I am out and about with the girls!

 

Whenever I get asked if twins run in our family I just say 'nope, but fertility drugs did!'.
It's never bothered me to tell people how our twinsies were conceived (clomid/IUI).
A few times I have even been able to share my story with women that have fertility problems after being asked ~ It felt good to give them some hope

 

I am honest, and answer any questions that follow (if the questions aren't being asked by a pervy old man, or a 15-yr-old, etc.) I just smile, and say, "No, we did fertility treatments!" And, if they seem genuinely interested and ask more questions about the details of our treatments, I tell them that we did In Vitro for all 3 of our kids.

The reasons that I am candid are: 1) I am proud of pursuing fertility treatments - I wanted to be a parent my whole life, and I didn't let a pesky little problem like infertility stand in my way! 2) I have three beautiful, wonderful kids, regardless of how they were conceived... I want them to know that they should never be ashamed of not being created "naturally." 3) You never know why the person is asking the question(s) - I have found that, very often, it's because they personally, or someone close to them, is encountering fertility challenges, and they want more information...

 

If it's a random person at the store or something, I usually say, "They do now!" with a big smile. That usually makes them chuckle.

I agree that most people are just trying to find a way to strike up a conversation so they can look at our adorable babies a little longer. :lol:

 

we had ours the old fashioned way but i HATEEEE that question!!! there arent any living twins on either side. my great grandpa had a twin but it died at birth, and my youngest brother had a vanishing twin- if youd even call it that. there was another sac, but never a baby. i dont feel like explaining all that to a stranger, so i just say no. lol. i do the avoid all eye contact and walk fast thing though. i hate stupid questions from strangers, "are they identical?" first off they dont even look alike (not enough to warrant that question), and when theres a pink blanket and a blue blanket, well DUH. how can they be identical if they have different body parts! ugh people amaze me. lol or the, twins? thing. nooope i just rented the other 1. i think im a snob

 

I wish the question didn't bother me, but it does. I think people are just super curious about multiples. I am really open with friends and even coworkers and acquaintances but not strangers. We started saying 'yes' to the 'do they run in your family' question just to get it over with. I just told my DH the 'we did it three times in one night' response and we love it!!!! I hope he'll have the guts to say it next time

 

I always said "nope they don't run in our family" and that was about it. That always scared them that they could potentially have twins, and that always shut them up pretty quick! : )

 

I am always honest - I never lie about how my twins came to be.
Whether it be a stranger or a friend, I tell the truth - we used IVF and a surrogate.

I have no concerns about making the other person uncomfortable - they are after all the ones initiating the topic and they need to be prepared for the answer to be either yes or no.

I am a big advocate of women that have battled IF helping other women in the same situation.
In my years, I have educated MANY MANY people, helped quite a few that were TTC, and maybe embarrassed a couple along the way.

People are inherently curious about multiples and are more often than not just looking to make small talk - it really isn't a big deal to me - after being childless for so long, I LOVE the attention!!

 

Depends on how I am feeling that day... I either say, "yes and my cousin has twins." Which is true but that's on my step-mom's side Or "no" and then I dont follow up with anything. That's always a nice moment of silence.

 

Your post is my story exactly. I did IVF but my grandma is a twin. I always say, yes my grandma is a twin, but for some weird reason, I hated not telling the whole truth so I then followed with, "we actually did ivf" but I also did not want them to feel bad so I said it in a nonchalant way.

 

I didnt use fertility treatments but I feel like every time I get that question - which is ALL THE TIME - they are actually asking 'Did you do IVF?' One guy even said 'Hey! Clomid or Pergonal?' How rude!

 

depending on my mood, i'll sometimes tell them that i did fertility treatments, but other times i'll say 'my aunt has twins', which is true, but doesn't have anything to do with the reason i have twins... lol. i think people have good intentions and are just trying to spark a pleasant conversation and dont realize how often moms of multiples get asked these questions. it doesn't bother me at all when i'm asked all about them.

 

Honestly, I say we did IVF and they usually don't know what to say after that and either change the subject, walk away or say they have someone who is going through that. That is my opportunity to educate that infertility is a disease and help them help the other person by saying non-hurtful things. Like pp said you never know who you are talking to.

With that said, I try to keep to myself but I am not a recluse and cannot live in a bubble so eventually someone will ask. The question that irks me a bit is "Did you know they were twins?" yes in this day and age there are cases where people didn't know but I don't think it is often enough to grant that question.

 

We tried for 5 years after our first to have a baby. We tried clomid for 2 cycles when that didnt work we booked to go see an IVF doctor. What I didnt know was that we were pregnant when we went for that appointment. When people ask I say the doctor must have done something!

 

My answer to '"Do twins run in the family" is - They do now! LMBO!

 

I hate hate hate lying, as well...but to keep it from getting to personal I just answer "Yes, but they were a surprise nonetheless!"

Both very true, though not a direct admission of the Clomid that got us here!

 

QUOTE(ChelleBadger @ Sep 2 2008, 03:48 AM) [snapback]958202[/snapback]
I hate hate hate lying, as well...but to keep it from getting to personal I just answer "Yes, but they were a surprise nonetheless!"

Both very true, though not a direct admission of the Clomid that got us here!



I wouldn't look at it as lying.

My sis had fertility issues and has twins. I had twins without help. Just so happens we are twins too! It is just nobody else's business and you have every right to give a vague answer or a partial truth. My sister says they are in our family. Hey, that is true....

 

Most of the time I say "They do now" (question: Do twins run in your family) But if they know I'm an identical twin, then I have to explain that I didn't have twins because I am one. SOmetimes I just let them assume that though.

 

QUOTE(TwinLove @ Sep 1 2008, 09:51 PM) [snapback]957913[/snapback]
:hug:

I never did answer honestly. :blush: I just told people they were a surprise or that they run in the family because I doubt anyone really cares, I always felt they were making small talk. ardon: I also don't feel like it's any of their business, and if it's someone that is going through the situation, they'd have to get to know me first before I spill about it all. Not because I'm embarassed but because it's something very personal and emotional for me.


I try not to answer if I don't have to. They do run on DH's side and most people don't realize twins have to run on the mother's side for the current set of twins to run in the family. If I know someone a little better, I might say. Unless I know someone well, or they're really going through serious treatments, I'm not comfortable sharing.

 

It depends who's asking, all my friends/family know but as far as random strangers I used to just say they ran in the family and moved on. Techincally they do b/c infertility runs in the family and I have 2 cousins with multiples (one with quads and one with twins) from IF tx. It's also my experience that often people aren't asking that question just out of curiousity but b/c it is a 'nice' way of asking if you did fertility treatments.

That said I have become so much more aware as of late the impact of infertilty. If a younger (and I use that term very loosely) woman is asking me I now stop to think 'well maybe she is asking b/c she is having infertility problems and trying to reach out' and I am less hasty to just say they run in the family and move on. I don't want to miss out on an opportunity to reach out and support a fellow infertile.

 

QUOTE(DeniseT @ Sep 1 2008, 07:41 PM) [snapback]957884[/snapback]
Do twins run in your family? I get asked that all the time. Not that I mind sharing the real way we conceived, but I'm afraid it would make the other person uncomfortable - I know it's certainly not the answer they were expecting. So I get caught off guard and fumble through my answer. Sometimes I say "we had some help". But twins do run in both our families, so that is usually how I respond. But it just usually makes me uncomfortable, I feel like I'm lying (which I am so bad at) and it comes across like I'm uncomfortable answering their question. Just think it's funny how infertility issues seem so common these days, but that doesn't occur to many people and they still always ask the question. Just wonder if you always tell the truth or not.



I don't think you're lying at all. Maybe I have a too simplistic view on this, but I don't think everyone that asks "Do twins run in your family?" mean it as "Did you use fertility drugs?" They may just be wondering if you have like 20 sets of twins in your family. Anyway, my point is, you can take the question at face value, you don't have to answer any unvoiced questions that may or may not be lurking underneath it.

 

It depends on who is asking. My sister has 22 y/o id twins so I will usually mention that and it will shut them up. I have found that a lot of people don't know the difference between id twins-one embryo that splits or frat-two seperate embryos. When I try to explain the difference, it confuses them even more, esp. if it's a man. :lol:

I have also heard a lot of people say that there is a lot of "older" woman with twins and it's because they waited too long to have a baby and had to do ivf. :angry: Well, I'm one of those older woman (just turned 40) but what they don't know is that it took us 5 years and 3 ivfs to get our boys. Even DH's family (neices) who knows what we went through will comment on how they don't want to be old when they have their kids. Well I pray that they never have to go through what we did so we will tell them to start soon because you never know.

We were in a grocery store awhile back and a woman came up to us and asked if she could have one. She then told us that she will never be a grandma because her dil did multiple ivf's without success. We told her about what we went through and said there is still hope and not to give up. It was so sad. So people like that, I don't mind sharing our story.

 

QUOTE(SMiLeD @ Sep 2 2008, 09:56 AM) [snapback]958424[/snapback]
That said I have become so much more aware as of late the impact of infertilty. If a younger (and I use that term very loosely) woman is asking me I now stop to think 'well maybe she is asking b/c she is having infertility problems and trying to reach out' and I am less hasty to just say they run in the family and move on. I don't want to miss out on an opportunity to reach out and support a fellow infertile.


This is exactly why I tell the truth. I don't go into details, just say "Nope, we had a little help" ... and leave it at that. It opens the door if someone has questions. Is it any of their business? Of course not. But infertility is SO taboo and it's AMAZING how many people deal with it.

It's tough, because it is a personal issue that does have a stigma attached to it ... but I don't care. I am proud of my kids, and all I went through to have them. So be infertile and proud! That's my motto!

 

I do about what TwinLove does, avoid or say yes they do run in my family (though that's not how we conceived ours).

I can also honestly say we didn't do IVF (which is typically how the nosy folks ask) since we did IUI with injectibles. At first I honestly answered and then I had to explain IUI to an older uncle and found the whole thing really embarrassing and unnecessary. So I lie or avoid with strangers or anyone I don't feel comfortable talking about it with.

 

I usually tell them that they are the fourth set of twins in three generations. I talk about my aunt and uncle who are twins, my brother and sister who were twins who died before I was born, the fact that I have a twin brother who lives in chicago, and that Roe and Joe are the first set of same-sex twins, unless you count my second cousins who are identical twins.

By the time I finish recounting my family history, no one bothers to inquire any further.

 

I usually respond honestly to the "do twins run in your family" with "no, we're just lucky." It's true, and it doesn't give them TMI. I have had people ask me if we used fertility treatments, which I actually find extremely offensive--that is very personal, medical information; and I've had strangers ask me. It always makes me want to let loose with my smart mouth, which I admit is not my finest quality (hopefully, the boys will not inherit that). It's not that I am uncomfortable with our decisions or anything--I just think it's nobody's business unless I choose to make it their business. I have found that the "just lucky" response nips that line of questioning in the bud. They may be left wondering; but they usually clue in that I don't really want to talk about it with them.

 

Depending on my mood that day, I either say no and leave it at that or I will tell them no, I did IVF. Now when people ask me if they are natural or did I use fertility treatments, I am not so nice! That question gets asked of me more often than do twins run in your family. I usually say it's extremely rude to ask that and all babies are natural!!

 

I'm always honest with them, saying " No we had medical help." If they ask for more information, I tell them. I've run into enough women now that I have been able to give hope to, that I don't mind sharing our story at all. 9 yrs of trying to conceive, I'm THRILLED that we have them, and love to talk about them.

Mind you, I'm also the kind of woman who will talk about her labour at the drop of a hat. No sense of privacy