For SAHMs who put their kids in nursery..

My daughter is in full time nursery and has been since 9 months when I returned to work. She loves it and is very happy. Next year she will be in big school nursery and actually finish earlier - so she will be home around 1.15. She will be 3. The boys at the moment do 2 days a week at the same nursery. As of Sept they will be at a nearer nursery and I am deciding how many days I should put them in for without feeling guilty!! I want to have quality time with my daughter a couple of afternoons a week at least. So I don't know whether to stick with 2 days (8 am till around 3.30pm) or go to 3 days. They will be 20 months. But then I feel as I am a sahm I should be looking after them myself all the time! But then I might offer my services as a supply teacher - oh the decisions! I think I am rambling. I just want to hear from other sahms who put their kids in nursery or daycare - how many days do you put them in for? Do you feel guilty? What do you think is acceptable? Thanks for any replies in advance.

 

Oh I LOVE your question, as I have just been debating this myself. Right now my kids stay at home with me all week (and I have a housemaid who helps me), but I have them enrolled come September (they will be 18months) for 3 days/wk from about 8am to 2pm. I feel guilty already and they aren't even going yet! I feel that because i am a SAHM that I should not put them in nursery...but on the other hand I think it is good for them to spend time with other people and doing other activities, not to mention the "side benefit" of giving me a break!
So to answer your question I am going to put mine in nursery 3 days/wk. I will probably feel guilty about it....but I am hoping the guilt fades once they are happily going!

 

I do, and I don't feel guilty!! The way I think about it is that I NEVER have down time from my "job". I am there 24/7. My job doesn't end and 5 and there's no such thing as a lunch break! I also feel like by having time to myself to exercise or play tennis or run errands is for the good of the family. If I have an outlet for my stress, they are MUCH better off. If I am running errands, it's a benefit of the family. And strapping and unstrapping the kids in the car multiple times and dragging them around the world isn't much fun for them! And, when we do go shopping together they are great shoppers and happy and not making me miserable!

They made little friends this way and we have more fun as a result. I have found some Mom's that I like and the kids like their kids, so it's really beneficial. I'm simply not equipped to be on 24/7. (My Dh travels during the week - 90% of the time, so it's truly all me! Even when he's home it's mostly all me, so I have NO qualms about justifying it!)

I would start at where you can either add or reduce. If you have to choose 3 to start, do that and see how you feel after the first few weeks. Then you might have an option to move to two days...(maybe?)

Becky444 on this site does drop in care and before preschool started, she had my kids 2 days a week pretty much! I just needed it!! (And she is a saint!)

 

thanks ladies - have decided on 3 days a week! It's not as though I will be sunbathing - and as you say - I will be doing things for the benefit of all the family and the boys will be socialising and being entertained whilest learning!

 

I might get flamed for this, but I have to say it anyhow. I don't know. I mean since I Stay at home, I think it would be strange for me to have the kids somewhere else for three or four days out of the week. I mean one I can see, especially if you are looking for time with your daughter, I do things to have that with her as well. But for me I have to ask what is the point of me staying home if I have to get them out of the house that much? My husband works hard everyday to support me being at home. Then to spend more of his money so they can go off somewhere else? Then it would be like he was working so I could do whatever I wanted. I know he would start to resent that. We are a team and so we have to make sure each other gets the breaks and help necessary. What would I be doing for three or four days while they were gone? I guess if you have a job or something important to do. I mean don't get me wrong, I have a helper who comes and helps me out and gives me breaks so I can get out sometimes, but this is just my opinion, anything more than that seems an awful lot. So don't take this as I am coming down on the idea, I just thought I would add some food for thought. Its hard for our husbands too.

 

QUOTE(chocomilko @ Feb 24 2009, 04:32 PM) [snapback]1203524[/snapback]
I might get flamed for this, but I have to say it anyhow. I don't know. I mean since I Stay at home, I think it would be strange for me to have the kids somewhere else for three or four days out of the week. I mean one I can see, especially if you are looking for time with your daughter, I do things to have that with her as well. But for me I have to ask what is the point of me staying home if I have to get them out of the house that much? My husband works hard everyday to support me being at home. Then to spend more of his money so they can go off somewhere else? Then it would be like he was working so I could do whatever I wanted. I know he would start to resent that. We are a team and so we have to make sure each other gets the breaks and help necessary. What would I be doing for three or four days while they were gone? I guess if you have a job or something important to do. I mean don't get me wrong, I have a helper who comes and helps me out and gives me breaks so I can get out sometimes, but this is just my opinion, anything more than that seems an awful lot. So don't take this as I am coming down on the idea, I just thought I would add some food for thought. Its hard for our husbands too.

I totally agree with you - this is why I am struggling with the decision - I thought I would do 3 days and yesterday I went back down to 2 days. I am thinking that if I do 3 days I will offer my services as a supply teacher at the local school which would be great for me - extra money and I do miss the school atmos! Still undecided!!

 

QUOTE(chocomilko @ Feb 24 2009, 01:32 PM) [snapback]1203524[/snapback]
I might get flamed for this, but I have to say it anyhow. I don't know. I mean since I Stay at home, I think it would be strange for me to have the kids somewhere else for three or four days out of the week. I mean one I can see, especially if you are looking for time with your daughter, I do things to have that with her as well. But for me I have to ask what is the point of me staying home if I have to get them out of the house that much? My husband works hard everyday to support me being at home. Then to spend more of his money so they can go off somewhere else? Then it would be like he was working so I could do whatever I wanted. I know he would start to resent that. We are a team and so we have to make sure each other gets the breaks and help necessary. What would I be doing for three or four days while they were gone? I guess if you have a job or something important to do. I mean don't get me wrong, I have a helper who comes and helps me out and gives me breaks so I can get out sometimes, but this is just my opinion, anything more than that seems an awful lot. So don't take this as I am coming down on the idea, I just thought I would add some food for thought. Its hard for our husbands too.

Those are valid points as well. For me it's totally about SANITY!!! Being alone almost every week all week takes a toll and I would have not time to do anything for myself. And if I don't take care of myself at all, then I won't be as effective as a Mom. It also benefitted my kids tremendously with being shy and getting acclimated in other settings with other adults in charge.

 

Thanks to all of you for sharing your perspectives. I imagine there are many SAHMs who struggle with this. I know I do! I am a SAHM and a student so I feel like I never have a chance to breathe... I have class 3 morning per week for 2 hours but otherwise it's the kids and me everyday until 6pm (bedtime) and then I jump into homework most nights until 10pm. I would love to have some time at the gym (free childcare) but I feel so guilty leaving my kids. We already pay for it... I just feel guilty because my kids act so pathetic when I leave them there (not so when they stay with our friend/nanny while I go to class). In my defense, I don't think the child CARE is very good at the gym-- it's not unsafe, just more like a supervised play area than engaging adults for them to relate with. I do think many programs are beneficial to little ones and have looked for more structured programs for mine to try this fall but haven't found any that I love and that are affordable within our budget. Maybe next year!

Sorry to ramble so much... this is a source of seemingly constant struggle for me!

Good luck with your decision-- I bet your kids will have a blast.

 

It has been decided and booked! 3 days a week with the option of being flexible on one of those days! Also am going to do some articles for my hubby's car magazine. So this will:

be guilt free
benefit the whole of the family
mean I keep my sanity
mean I have quality time with my daughter
be a blast for the boys
mean I can have some 'me' time and loose the twin belly
make me be creative and constructive on days with boys

so everyone wins!!! Thanks for your input!

 

Sounds like a great decision for you and your family. Enjoy your kid-free time! : )

 

QUOTE(isis @ Feb 25 2009, 05:29 AM) [snapback]1204339[/snapback]
Sounds like a great decision for you and your family. Enjoy your kid-free time! : )

Thanks Brenda - and you!

 

QUOTE(AndiG @ Feb 25 2009, 01:16 AM) [snapback]1204334[/snapback]
It has been decided and booked! 3 days a week with the option of being flexible on one of those days! Also am going to do some articles for my hubby's car magazine. So this will:

be guilt free
benefit the whole of the family
mean I keep my sanity
mean I have quality time with my daughter
be a blast for the boys
mean I can have some 'me' time and loose the twin belly
make me be creative and constructive on days with boys

so everyone wins!!! Thanks for your input!


:good: I don't think you'll regret it at all!! :hug:

 

I think whatever works for your family is fine but it isn't something I'd be comfortable with. I wish I had a day off every now and then but for the most part, this is my full (very) time job. I don't have help except for my husband who is amazing and very hands on. If he was less helpful, I'd probably have a different perspective on this. I also can't afford to put the kids in daycare at this point.

I would like to do a mothers day out program next year, we'll see. I am not doing preschool at three so I'd like the boys to get that socialization practice.