For Mom's who did IVF

I'm not sure if my current mindset has to do with having gone down the whole IVF road. I have two great guys, now 22 months but I keep thinking of another one. I feel like I could do it naturally. Here is the rub, everything I know tells me not to have another baby, I am exhausted, frustrated and I need to get my life back. My DH and I are still fighting a bit because we don't get any time to ourselves. I can't even imagine traveling with three and the money it will all cost. My mind tells me not to do it but something is niggling at me to try for another. Do you think it's because I want to see if I can do it naturally? Get a "freebie" if you will? Do you feel the same? I really wonder if it's because we tried so hard for so long and now we could probably do it without any intervention. (I am 40 by the way).

 

We did IVF - actually, we used a gestational carrier/surrogate to carry for us, so I was not the one pregnant.

I am 37 and we were married for 9 years before our twins were born, so we tried a LONG time and went to extreme lengths, and financial cost, to become parents. I would LOVE more children, but it is highly unlikely that I would get pregnant on my own, and we cannot afford more IVF with a surrogate. My babies are also the same age as yours. :icon_biggrin:

DH and I really do not fight at all about time alone; we have plenty of time "alone" with the babies. We had too many years of just us, and while we enjoy each others' company, time together with the kiddos is way better for us. :love0028:

I don't know if you'd be able to get pregnant on your own without intervention. Everyone's medical issues are so very different.
You always hear about the couples that tried for so long, used help, and then got pregnant on their own, but you never hear about the MANY couples that are not so lucky. Who wants to hear about those sad stories, right? :winking0009:
So I personally believe it is a misconception that it will happen easier after you've already had babies. But I absolutely wish you luck - I say go for it, if you really want to add to your family. Why wait? If I was surprised by being pregnant I'd be thrilled! :a_smil09:

 

First, I would not care what ANYONE but Dh and you (and a dr maybe) tells you about having more kids. It is not their business.

Second, if DH is on board - go for it. Otherwise, you may have a lot of talking to do. A good chat withe a therapist or other health worker may enable you two to 'make' some time for jsut the two of your or help you adjust to having a family of 4 (my DH has a hard time with the loss of his 'me' time even 2 yrs later).

I would LOVE another one- but w/o IVF we will have no more so DH and I are 'talking' about it. He is concerned abotu the same things (time , money, health)- but I am hoping with time he will come around. There is no way I would want to have more if he is not 100% OK with it. That said, he said if we happen to get pregnant 'normally' he would be happy- but the emotional drain of IVF was fairly heavy.

Good Luck in your choice!

 

I did mine kids in reverse (singleton, twins) but at 18 months with my DD I knew that I wanted another baby and so we tried the whole trying without medical intervention thing (we had no frosties). My DH swore that we would get pregnant that way, but after about 2 months of nothing I decided to pursue IVF again and it worked and we got our baby boys. I was 33 when I had the boys. IMO and I am sorry to bring up your age, but it is a factor and that would be a huge push for me to go the IVF route if I knew that I totally wanted another. Good luck with your decision.

 

thanks for the responses. the thing i am grappling with is do i really want another child..and should i have one? I feel like the ivf **** we went through is making it more appealing. i would not do ivf again, it would only happen if it happens naturally. i'm just not sure we really want one. Dh is 90% no and i am 80% no but i have this niggling feeling. maybe i need to see a clairvoyant, heh, heh.

 

I would go the IVF route again, just becuase of the age factor....

I am one of those that tried for years (approximately 6 for us) and had many m/c's, and finally was able to get pregnant and carry my twins to term. Then, w/o even trying (granted I wasn't preventing, didn't really think I had to with our medical problems and the fact I have PCOS) we got pregnant. What was so ironic is that I was so exhausted from caring for the twins that I had convinced myself I didn't want any other children. But, in time I've accepted it and become excited, and come to figure that all things happen for a reason and we were meant to have our kiddos all in close age to each other (our twins will be 15 months when this one is born)

I personally would not even want to try on our own. Had we had to make the decision to try for another, I already had my mind made up that we were going straight to the Dr. for the fertility meds and/or IVF. As long and hard as we tried for the twins, and as much time that was wasted in Dr.'s telling to keep trying on our own due to our age (young 20's) I would not want to even THINK about traveling down that road again if I didn't necessarily have to.

 

I have no desire to have more, but I do know that feeling of wanting to see if we could do it "naturally" and have a "normal" pregnancy. IMO that's not a good enough reason to have another child. But if you sincerely want another one and think you want to try to do it naturally, that's something you need to decide with DH.

The concern is that if you don't want to do IVF again, it can be a very slippery slope if you start out thinking "We'll just see what happens." You could get caught up in the whole TTC thing again, and it might be really hard to decide, if it doesn't happen fairly soon, whether to give up or go back to more invasive methods. I don't know what your reasons are for thinking it would be possible without intervention this time, but as a PP said, you always hear of the cases where that did happen, but you rarely hear of the couples who wanted to give it one more shot and weren't successful.

Hope this helps -- good luck with whatever you decide.

 

I can totally understand how you feel!

Some days I wonder what I got myself into! OF course I love my babies more than anything, and thank God for them everyday, but staying at home with them is SO hard for me! But then I secretly hope I'll get pregnant on my own! We have said we won't go to any extremes, but we aren't preventing, and would be thrilled to get pregant on our own. I don't know where all these thoughts come from, considering how I always feel tired, and like I have no free time.

Its it possible that it's an age thing too? We all have our "age" that we say no more babies after that! For some it's 30, for some it's 35...maybe it's because 40 is "your" age?

I mean who can resist the thought of an itty bitty baby snuggled on their chest????

Jennifer

 

We had our twins through IVF. When they were 22 months I became pregnant on my own. I was like you...I really just wanted to know if it could happen. I definitely wanted a third and would of gone thru IVF again if I hadn't conceived on my own. I love all my kids and I wouldn't give them back for anything...but 3 under 3 is hard. If I had planned better I would have waited until my twins were a little older.

Good luck with your decision.

Amy

 

We got our twins using IVF and we did get pregnant on our own this time! We were planning on doing a FET with 'our next pregnancy' so we were VERY open for another pregnancy. It was a pleasant shock to be pregnant on our own. It can happen.
I agree with the PP who stated it is a decision between you and your husband and no one else's business!

 

I feel the same way. We conceived our kids on our 1st round of IVF after about 3 years of trying. I sometimes think I might want one more, but my DH and I both agreed we would not do IVF again. The cost and emotional toll on me was too much. We have thought about trying the good old fashioned way, but am afraid that if we try that way and I can't get pregnant, I will end up on the infertility roller coaster again and end up back at IVF. I am also afraid that if we get pregnant on our own, we could have twins again. Probably a dumb fear on my part, but it just sticks in my mind when I think about having another baby. I don't think I could handle another set of twins. I love my kids, but one set is enough for me. Good luck with your decision.

 

I understand the feeling of wanting another one and wanting to see if we can do it naturally, I think that is a perfectly normal feeling. We have no intention of doing IVF again, we tried for 9 years and we tried many different things before going the IVF route. Money and time is a factor for us, but after a few "scares" (I now know I have thyroid issues which can throw your cycle out of whack) during the time that I was late, we talked and decided that IF it did happen naturally, then it truly would be a miracle that was meant to be. Otherwise we are not trying for anymore, but we are also not using any protection... the way I look at it is we did go through so much to have our twins chances are slim it would happen naturally, if it did happen though then it was meant to be.

Good luck in your decision, you have to follow what is in your hearts.

Nina

 

I think you have to have an honest open talk with your DH and follow what is in your heart.

I too have had those moments - what would it be like to be pregnant with 1, be able to breast feed, could we get pregnant on our own now? etc; etc; But then I look at our 2 beautiful miracles. They are healthy and they are happy. And we are too. I have no desire to push my luck. We only ever wanted 2 children to start - we just didn't ever think we would have them at the same time!

I KNOW I could never go through the emotional toll of IVF again. I just watched my cousin go through it. It reminded me of how hard it really was.

Good luck with your decision!

 

Just curious, why will you be able to conceive without ART/IVF this time around? I wish I would have that kind of luck.

 

I think you need to follow your heart and discuss with your DH! (It is impossible (IMO) to stop that baby fever! LOL!)

I did IVF after multiple mc's and I just know I do not want anymore. It is a feeling that is in my gut/soul that this is perfect for me. That is why everyone is different and no one can tell you how to feel. Only you know what is best for you and your family.
I wish you all the luck and love in the world that you fulfill what it is that you want. Good luck with everything!

 

I have no idea if I can or can't. Just a feeling. I had endometriosis, did ivf once and it failed. Had all my tubes etc.. cleaned out with an op. Did IVF again and it worked. The doc said if i got pregnant it would cure the endo. I'm not sure the facts back that up but I have nowhere near the pain I used to. Also, many people have said once you get pregnant it sort of reboots your system and it then knows how to get pregnant. But my issue is not with weather to do IVF again because I just wouldn't, it's way too expensive and I am over it all. My issue is should i have a third. everything says no but I have those little thoughts, you know?

 

We tried to get pregnant for 4-1/2 years w/naturally to fertity DR. We failed w/our 1st IVF (w/ours) and then opt for 2nd IVF w/egg donor. I have 2 beautiful children w/one of each (g/b).

I would LOVE to get pregnant again even my husband agree but our chance are no where we stand at this point w/my age factor. I am slowing accepting the fact that I'll be okay with 4 of us.

I am an organizer for our twins play group locally. I just learned that one of our friend is expecting her singleton after 3 years of trying to get pregnant and went through 1st IVF w/g and b. It was a fluke for them to be this LUCKY to conceive on their own. So, anything can happen!

Diana w/Rianna and Justin (17.5 mos)

 

I understand your feelings. For me those feelings stem from wanting to prove that my body will actually work right. I doubt that will happen, and I doubt that a second pregnancy would be any easier than the first, so Dh and I are still seriously thinking about whether our family is complete.

 

We conceived our boys through IVF on the first try. They are such a blessing. We are sure that we want another baby (or two, just not at the same time if we can help it). We have three frozen embryos and planned to do a transfer this July. My boys would have been two when the new baby arrived if we'd had success with this transfer. But now I'm dealing with some health issues (thyroid cancer - very treatable) that make it impossible for me to become pregnant right now or even within the next 8-10 months. At first I was very disappointed, but now I actually feel relieved! Isn't that funny? I'm just thinking that I have a chance to get Evan and James toilet trained, into big beds, into nursery school, etc. before a new baby comes. The only thing that worries me is that if the frozen embryo transfer(s?) fail, then we'll have to start from scratch with IVF and that's something I didn't really want to do in my late 30's.

Anyway, my suggestion to you is to go with your heart. I have heard people say they wish they'd had more children but I've never heard anyone say they wish they'd had fewer.

 

As mentioned, this is a total you and dh decision.

Now my 2 cents worth :winking0009:

I had a dd at 26, after a m/c and 3 years of trying, got pg with her after a 4clomid dose.

Absolutely NOTHING for 7 years. Naturally, nor intervention.

At 35, I said that I'd try our ONLY chance at IVF. If I didn't get pg, I was done. Done wishing, done dreaming, done wanting something that just wasn't going to happen. If I did get pg, then it was meant to be.

I got pg with the boys. They were the only 2 to grow, and were implanted.

I simply have no desire to have more children. I get the urge for babies. But I know I'm 40, I'm exhausted, and I just don't have the energy to do the whole sleepless thing again. That's me. To take care of my urge, I work in the nursery at my church. I get to hold the babies, hear them cry/scream, change their diapers, and the best is the snuggles. But I don't have to do nor hear that every day. It's enough for me.

If you know that you don't want to go through IVF, does that mean you guys are stopping the possibility right now? If there's a chance (your thoughts) that you can get pg naturally, what's stopping you? other than both of your thoughts about the NO's you mentioned.

 

I would love to be able to have more children.
The problem is that the only way it could happen for us is to do more IVF with a surrogate to carry for us. We simply cannot afford that. It is very sad, because we can afford to raise more children, but cannot afford to get pregnant, KWIM?
We already have B/G twins so I have everything I would need for a new baby with the exception of formula and diapers of course. I admit I am envious of women that can conceive for free; they often do not realize how important and meaningful that is for some women like us. For me the cost of getting pregnant is the difference between me having more children and not.
I aboslutely adore my two little ones, but am already missing the fact that they are not babies anymore and would love to experience that a second time.
Good luck on your decision.

 

I understand your wish for maybe one more. It's a hard thing to stop - we're hardwired to be nurturing. If there's ever a poster child for not having more it's me. We used donor eggs at the age of 43, I have an active 5yo, I work full time in a very busy Children's Hospital, my twins have asthma and the winter is one long snot fest with NO sleep for anyone, childcare is SO expensive, traveling is just miserable...I know you get the picture. Anyway, I just have this little hole in my heart - just one more would fill it up.

We don't try but don't use protection either - miracles happen. I have one word of caution for ttc in your 40s - mc's are very common. I've had 6 and none of them were easy.

My girls are 22 months too - oh what fun! Enjoy.

 

We always knew we wanted three. After the girls, we didn't do anything to prevent it, but knew that it probably wasn't going to happen on it's on. I believe I did actually have a chemical pregnancy at one point, but nothing more than that. I didn't have any frozen embryos so we knew we would have to go the full IVF route. We actually had to go through three cycles (two fresh and one frozen) this time and did a single transfer and now I'm pregnant with one baby. I have to say that since I was successful with the girls on my first IVF (after numerous other procedures), I just kind of assumed I would succeed again quickly. It was harder to deal with the negative results. But, the actual process was easier because I was too busy with work, the girls, life in general so I didn't have time to dwell as much on every little detail. The cycle that actually worked was a very busy time for me with tons of visitors staying with us, holidays, etc. so I think I wasn't as stressed about the cycle which turned out to be a good thing for me. It's not fun to go through again and I agree with the pp's in that it's a decision that the two of you have to make and if you try naturally for a while and get back in that mindset, it may make you want to do IVF again and start the rollercoaster. Good luck with whatever decision you and your DH choose.

 

I would love to have another one, but my insurance paid for most of the IVF and the ob and the peri and since I'm a SAHM out income is cut in half ok maybe not half DH does making more than I did, but his insurance only pays 50% of IVF. So we are bring home less $$ and IVF would cost more. And then there is all the appts and the shots and the moods that they bring.

And then there is my age I'll be 38 next month and I worry about a special needs baby. So since I had my tubes tied, there is only a 1% chance that we will get pg on our own and since we had male factors I think that would be less than 1%. We have no frosties-we got 22 eggs but only 3 made it to day three and we got the girls. We are so blessed with them, but I feel like this choice has been made for us because of $$. Like the pp said, I wish we could have made that choice for ourselves. I really want/ed to give DH a son, he said he is thrilled with 2 healthy girls. There is just this little spot in my heart. KWIM? Whatever you choose I hope it brings you peace. T

 

I am on my way to 40 very soon, and I can't imagine going back to square one but it's such a personal decision. We like that they can communicate and are really good travelers and just love our little family as it is.

So, sorry.... I don't feel the same way, but I would support YOU in any decision YOU make!! :hug99:

 

Angelasbabes, what is stopping us is we are 80% sure we don't want another one for all the reasons that Corrine923 mentioned. I don't want to do something I'll regret. I know this is my last chance. I guess I feel like I might be able to yes...see if my body works right, then do it all again but better... breast feed properly and for much longer, get the sleep stuff down now that I know what I am doing etc.. Then maybe have a little girl. I don't know. Then I think of how hard I am already finding everything, how I have angry mood swings with my DH daily that is so not what I used to be like, how I feel like I have no time for me at all, how we need more money, how we want to fly back to Australia at least once a year (a 15 hour flight!). Then I think how will I feel when I'm old, wouldn't another child be nice. Then I think the world is already overpopulated and I should adopt if I want another one. Then, I shouldn't push my luck since I already have two awesome little guys when friends of mine don't have any children. Then I eat a block of chocolate and watch Two and a half men.

Basically I wrote this post because we are changing to a cheaper health insurance and it is much cheaper if I don't have maternity coverage.

 

QUOTE(Lindyloo @ Mar 12 2008, 11:25 PM) [snapback]666602[/snapback]
Angelasbabes, what is stopping us is we are 80% sure we don't want another one for all the reasons that Corrine923 mentioned. I don't want to do something I'll regret. I know this is my last chance. I guess I feel like I might be able to yes...see if my body works right, then do it all again but better... breast feed properly and for much longer, get the sleep stuff down now that I know what I am doing etc.. Then maybe have a little girl. I don't know. Then I think of how hard I am already finding everything, how I have angry mood swings with my DH daily that is so not what I used to be like, how I feel like I have no time for me at all, how we need more money, how we want to fly back to Australia at least once a year (a 15 hour flight!). Then I think how will I feel when I'm old, wouldn't another child be nice. Then I think the world is already overpopulated and I should adopt if I want another one. Then, I shouldn't push my luck since I already have two awesome little guys when friends of mine don't have any children. Then I eat a block of chocolate and watch Two and a half men.

Basically I wrote this post because we are changing to a cheaper health insurance and it is much cheaper if I don't have maternity coverage.


I think the part that you and DH are 80% sure you do not want another says it all. I understand the urge but as I am sure you already know it is a big committment - one that you need to be on board with 100%. Good luck!

 

QUOTE(JicJac @ Mar 11 2008, 12:58 AM) [snapback]662532[/snapback]
I agree with the PP who stated it is a decision between you and your husband and no one else's business!


I got the impression there was something inside HER telling her not to do it, not outside people, but I could have misread that.

I'm in a similar position. DH and I had the conversation just this weekend, spurred on by me getting rid of my box of maternity clothes! I'm 41 and did IUI w/injectibles to conceive ours. I also think about whether we would get PG on our own. What holds me back is: 1) my age. While I know lots of women who had healthy babies in their early 40's (my MGM had her 9th child at age 42), I sort of feel like I "dodged a bullet" with the twins and was so very grateful that they are totally healthy. 2) DH and I want to adopt one day so need to save up for that.

We're different in that we both are 80-90% sure we DO want another child. If you both are pretty sure you don't and you're having some adjustment issues now, adding another child would add a lot of stress. I would venture to guess that your ambivilence has to do with the above mentioned issues of wanting to see if your body could do it, etc plus the knowledge that if you're going to do it, you can't put it off too long or the decision will be made for you. These are hard, life changing decisions that are really hard to make. I fear that if we don't have another child, I'd regret it. But, I know I have to make a decision and be happy with it.

Wow, great thread. So therapeutic to get all this out!