For anyone who goes to religious services

So my dh and I were raised Catholic. I guess you could say we are lapsed, but ever since the girls came along, we've wanted to go back and join in the parish, starting with Sunday mass (we had them baptized last year).

So we had gone here and there when they were infants and, though I wouldn't say it didn't go "well", they were noisy. So I've been going on my own or my husband will go on his own. I would say it's been about 5-6 months since the girls have gone.

But I had told my husband that all around Christmas time, they really focused on the family during mass and I even noticed a few families with their babies too. I saw them get up with them if they got restless and noisy, but it was nice to see. The noise of them crying didn't bother me and a few times I didn't feel it was warranted for the mom or dad to have to take the baby outside.

So, after I told my husband about them focusing on family, we both agreed that we should start taking them again and all go together as a family. Well, now I know why those moms and dads were getting up and walking out. The looks I got! And it wasn't even as if my girls were screaming, just the regular "I want to look this way", frustrated-type, 2 second crying. I did notice that it was mostly elderly people that were giving me daggers. I know sometimes it's shocking to hear a baby yell in a room that echoes, but people weren't just glancing over their shoulders out of curiosity. It was out-and-out staring at me. There was one little boy, about 12 years old, fully turned around in his pew staring at my baby well after she had stopped crying and I returned inside. I was thisclose to going over to him and physically turning him around myself. I was just so annoyed by that point. And his mother never said a word to him....she just let him keep staring! Which is more rude? A baby crying or a pre-teen innappropriately staring at us.

I understand that it is a time to pray, but it is also a public forum, no? If my girls were full on throttle crying (which at one point one was and I took her outside), I could absolutely understand. But a yell? A brief cry of frustration and I should head for the hills? I got so fed up that I just said to my husband, let's go. To be fair, the woman sitting next to us said (when I apologized to her when we were getting up to go and she handed me my daughter's hat), she said, "what for?" and smiled. Obviously a mom.....

After I read the other post of getting dirty looks IN A MALL (for pete's sake), I realized that this is now becoming an epidemic. The whole "children should be seen and not heard" is just plain mean and unrealistic. And when did everything become so intolerant of babies? Even before I had children, I never ever gave a mom a dirty look or even felt mad at her. Yeah, the screaming can become irritating, but what can you do?

I guess this was more of a vent than anything else. I'm just kind of disheartened that I felt unwelcomed in a place that, one, is finding it difficult to keep parishoners, and two, where we're all there in the interest of God and, really, what else do children represent except the hope that there is one!

 

Does your church have a "crying room" or a certain area for you to sit with children?

When we first started taking them we'd sit in the main area of the church, and just go to the crying room if they started getting loud or unruly. Now that they are toddlers we just go straight to the crying room. They have all sorts of fun in there with other kids.

I know when we used to go sit in the main area, there was a couple who always sat next to us and they are always excited to see my girls to this day, even though we're not brave enough to go sit out by them anymore.

 

We actually have not gone to church since the girls were born. I just don't think that a church service is somewhere I want to bring the girls - people there are trying to listen to the service and I would hate for the girls (who are to young to enjoy or appreciate the service themselves) to disturb them.

When the girls are older we will bring them. At our church the children stay for a short time, listen to the children's lesson and then head off for Sunday school or the nursery while the adults stay for the rest of the service.

I guess I just think of church as a quiet place where people are trying to listen to the sermon and reflect on what is bring said, they aren't there to listen to my girls fussing because they want to get down and run around or play under the pews. I would be annoyed if two adults began having a conversation in the middle of the sermon, why should someone else have to listen to my kids. The mall on the other hand it a TOTALLY different story.

 

We brought the kids to the family Mass on Christmas Eve. It was great because there were LOTS of kids there. Does your church do one Mass each weekend for the kids? Ours is the 9:30 Mass, I think and my parents church has one, too. I would check to see if they have one, or if a nearby parish does. Church is for families as well as the older people and you shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable.

 

We haven't been to church much either since the twins were born. I find myself tending to them and not being able to hear the service anyway. So I figure why go and disturb everyone else. I feel like God understands, and we will be back when they are old enough to go to children's services while we stay for mass.

 

The only time I've ever had my twinkies in mass was during the mass held for their baptism. My parish not only has a crying room, but a nursery as well. This time of the year neither feels right to me, so DH and I take turns going to mass. For me, mass is a time for quiet reflection and focus, neither I would be able to do while juggling my babies.

 

I think if the church offers a nursery or a "cry" room that's where the little kids should go. It's hard to pay attention to the music or the sermon if there are little kids fussing and crying and talking. My girls are almost two years old, and we've been going to church regularly since they were newborns. But we don't take them into the sanctuary with us - they go to the nursery. I wouldn't give someone dirty looks if they brought their baby or toddler into the service, but it would annoy me if they started crying or fussing and the parent didn't take them out. JMHO.

 

We go to church irregularly- when the girls were less than a year we took them into service and simply sat in the back and left if one got noisy ( we never got a dirty look that I noticed).

The church we attend does have a 0-4 yr old nursery (different room for each age), but we were not comfortable leaving them when they were on monitors and/or small. Once they were mobile- we left them in nursery. Though I do see some kids their age in service from time to time. It is a large building and there is always someone coughing, sneezing, shuffling around, so unless a baby is really wailing- no one notices (or it is in the middle of silent prayer time).

I would go if you want, and simply sit toward the back and leave if you need to.

 

Unless mine are really crying or being disruptive I have no problem staying in the main sanctuary. They have to learn how to behave in church somehow. Also, I think they see bad example of behavior in the cry room. But if they are crying or misbehaving we go to the cry room so as not to disrupt Mass for others. Usually I just get people telling me that they are cute and how nice that I bring them to church. I would ask your Priest what his "rule" is about children in the church vs. the cry room and just abide by his wishes. When mine were little and would just make baby noises I just smiled and told people they were praying