First time mom-to-be and I'm scared to death!

Okay this is probably going to sound really stupid, but I just need to know if I'm the only one.

I am soooo nervous and scared lately about becoming a mom. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we're having twins. On my really low days, I feel like I just didn't sign up for two, and what am I going to do with them?? I know that sounds so awful, and I honestly wouldn't trade either of them for the world, but I am just in a state of panic!! I feel that I could be a good mother to one... but I am utterly clueless about two.

If I were only having one baby, I think I could get the hang of feedings/changings/naptimes/etc. But I have no clue how I'm going to balance two babies. I get so panicked when I think of them being on different eating or sleeping schedules. I am just honestly scared out of my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited to be a mom. My husband and I tried for so long to have a family and every time I see them on ultrasound or feel one - or both - of them kick, it just makes my heart melt. But I can't shake the feeling that being a parent is going to be overwhelmingly difficult.

...Help? Please tell me I'm not awful or weird for thinking/feeling this way. Everyone keeps telling me that it'll click when they're here and that I'll instictively get the hang of it. But I'm very doubtful about that.

 

Okay this is probably going to sound really stupid, but I just need to know if I'm the only one.

I am soooo nervous and scared lately about becoming a mom. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we're having twins. On my really low days, I feel like I just didn't sign up for two, and what am I going to do with them?? I know that sounds so awful, and I honestly wouldn't trade either of them for the world, but I am just in a state of panic!! I feel that I could be a good mother to one... but I am utterly clueless about two.

If I were only having one baby, I think I could get the hang of feedings/changings/naptimes/etc. But I have no clue how I'm going to balance two babies. I get so panicked when I think of them being on different eating or sleeping schedules. I am just honestly scared out of my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited to be a mom. My husband and I tried for so long to have a family and every time I see them on ultrasound or feel one - or both - of them kick, it just makes my heart melt. But I can't shake the feeling that being a parent is going to be overwhelmingly difficult.

...Help? Please tell me I'm not awful or weird for thinking/feeling this way. Everyone keeps telling me that it'll click when they're here and that I'll instictively get the hang of it. But I'm very doubtful about that.

 

Hi heather,

Hang in there!!! Everyone goes through the "reality check" of being pregnant with twins so you're not alone!! I think I just blocked out everything that would happen post birth -- and focused on the pregnancy. that way I just slid into motherhood and the whirlwind it brought.

My boys are now 5.5 months old and they are a hoot. I can't say that it has been easy -- most moms of twins will tell you that two babies is definitely harder than one, but it's been doubly rewarding.

#1 - If you haven't already, I'd suggest connecting with your local mother of twins or mother of multiples organization. I've found the National Mother of Twins Organization to be invaluable. The moms are really supportive and I've found some great friends through the network of new moms. We even have a playgroup that meets weekly,

#2 - Definitely get all of your projects done around the house (if you can) and organize everything cause you'll likely have no time to get any of that done for a few months after birth.

#3 - Relax!! and get as much help as you can -- if yo ucan have family stay with you or be at your house for the first 4 weeeks -- it really helps. I found 3 sets of hands made life easier in the beginning.

#4 -- if you can afford it, hire help after your family has stepped out. it's great to have someone who can come help when you really need it.

You'll be fine, the babies will be great and you'll have a blast getting to know your little ones.

Cheers,

Teri D

 

Your feelings are normal. And though I have dealt with twins yet, I am a mommy 3 times already. Being a mommy, period, is hard work. But it really is the best work in the world. You will have awesome days! You will have horrible days! It is even normal to have bad thoughts. Those things will not make you a bad mommy. Because you will do everything you can no matter how you feel to make sure your babies thrive! The advice above is great. We are already working on getting us support (our nearest family is 14 hours away.)

 

I have 3 singletons and a set of 2 week old twin girls - I am not going to lie to you I was scared to death also at the thought of having 2 newborns at once.Now my babies are 2 weeks old and it is NOT easy. I have had to realize that housework can wait, Travis can cook,
and if I have to give the girls a bottle every now and then - they will survive!! Really my girls have slept at the same time - and they
will sleep about 3 hours in a row - so when they nap I try to nap. -
While you are still pregnant - try to rest as much as possible -
With 2 newborns - I have really just adjusted my schedule to theirs -
nap and sleep while they sleep - I have Ava attached to my boob right now. I was terrified and now I feel like we would have been cheated to just have had one! You will see - once those sweet babies arrive -
things will just fall into place and you won't know any different!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Addison Emily and Ava Grace 6.9 &6.8 pounds born 01-03-07 by scheduled c-section!!

 

You are SO not alone. I, too, waited a long time for these babies, adn if fluctuate between unbelievable excitement and total freak-out. I mean, how are we going to go from being a family of two to a family of four in one fell swoop?!

I think the answer is, as my mother has been telling me for years: you have no idea what your internal resources are. You will do it because you'll have to - because your sweet babies will be there and will need you. And you will know what to do. And as pp's have said - of course there will be awful moments and awful days, and there will be magicalol ones too. And you'll get through it - and like every other parent in the world; a year later we'll all look back and say "where did THOSE 12 months fly to?!"

Hang in there, try to focus on the good stuff, and definitely try to hook up w/other twin moms (and dads!) because having twins ISN'T just 'a little more work" - either in pregnancy or when they're out!

 

Like the others have said, you are soo not alone! Motherhood is not something that comes naturally to me. I felt like I didn't bond with the babies in the beginning like everyone told me I would and it made me feel horrible. I felt like I was a machine changing diapers and doing feedings, not a mom who loved her babies. The good news is, I got there and while motherhood is always a challenge for me I lean on people (like our TS members) to help me through. The one thing that is totally true is if you come here and post about what you are feeling/thinking you will learn you are not alone and others will share their strategies on how to overcome that particular challenge. The thing is getting comfortable enough to share your feelings but it sounds like you have worked through that which is great.

 

I know exactly how you feel. These are my firsts and mine weren't even planned so imagine my surprise! Everyone tells me that something kicks in once the babies are born and you just do it. So for right now I just try and enjoy my pregnancy one day at a time. When I start to panic I just try and bring myself back to right now and make it through this day. Since they are your first you won't know anything other than how to take care of two. You will be great, we never get more than we can handle. Lot of love!

 

Heather,
I don't have any advice for you, but I want you to know that you are NOT alone. Somedays I just feel this overwhelming panic of how in the world will I ever do this! My DH is in the military so just the thought of him being deployed and me being with 2 babies alone scares the crap out of me.
I am not sure about the "click" either. I think it will be more of an adjustment and being able to adapt.
DH and I also tried for a while and I feel guilty when I do get scared and try to imagine how I will do it. So hopefully once the babies are here, we can figure it out. Don't feel alone though!

Traci

 

Definitely not alone. I already have a 4 year old daughter and was scared to DEATH when I found out I was having twins.

They are 3 1/2 months now. To be honest, the first few weeks, were ROUGH. But now at 3 months, I'm getting the hang of it, it's still hard and I'm constantly busy, but it's getting easier.

 

I am a mother of one toddler, and I'll tell you what helped me the most during those first few hard months. Most people will tell you, "oh you'll love them and they'll be so cute and fun etc.." but the reality is: You WILL love them, but it doesn't have to happen in the first 9 seconds after they are born. It's ok to get to know them first. if you're one of those people who has overwhelming love for them from the beginning--then great! but don't put the pressure on yourself to feel that way right off the bat. Also, know that the first month is the hardest. Just like Dianne said, it is a whirlwind of feeding/diapering that doesn't seem to end. If you have your teeth brushed by 2pm you're doing a great job! You will have no schedule but theirs and everything else can just go on hold. Just having realistic expectations makes all the difference. If you go into thinking "this will be a piece of cake" you're going to freak out. If you go into it knowing, "this will be the hardest thing I've ever done" you may be pleasantly surprised by how well you do at handling it all! We are all in the same boat with you, so don't ever feel like you're alone in this.

Reyna

 

hey our due date is the same!!!
I too am scared ****less to say the least.
I know I am having babies, but most of the time I'm in denial that I actually will have to care for them. It's not going tobe easy regardless of whether it's one baby or two...at least we don't know any different seeing as we don't have any other kids.
If it's really freaking you out, you may want to find a councellor or therapist to talk to...or find some twin moms thru a local orginaztion and talk with them....
I have good days and bad days, but i just have to remember that it will all be worth it.

 

It's okay. Everybody handles it differently but, somehow, everyone here ends up being a wonderful parent to their two babies. You do need a schedule with twins and you'll most likely want the babies to be on the same one. That is something that the nurses at the hospital can help you with. Many of us come home with our babies on a 3 hour feeding schedule and it makes life so much easier. In those first few months, just let the babies sleep wherever they want. It would probably be easiest to keep them in the living room with you during naps and they learn very quickly to sleep through each other's cries and the normal noises of home if they are exposed to those things from the beginning. While there is a lot of feeding, diaper changing, rocking, and crying at first just try to remember that it's all normal. Cranky babies are not an indication of how well you are doing as a parent.

 

Hi MomToBeX2, I can relate to everything you wrote. I've had the same thoughts. We struggled to get pregnant and were finally blessed with my pregnancy. Of course we too were shocked to be pregnant with twins. Even though they run on both sides of our families. We still didn't expect it. When I found out I was pregnant, I was super excited.....I had tears of joy. Later when I found out I was pregnant with Twins - I cried for several days. I felt confused, overwhelmed, I freaked out at the thought of caring for 2 newborns at the same time with no experience. Once I reminded myself that I have been blessed with 2 babies and that "someone" obviously thought I could handle it.....I started to relax. I relize now that - I need to enjoy my pregnancy, do a lot of reading about caring for twins and to not be afraid to ask other mom questions about caring for babies. I know it's going to be difficult - I expect it to be difficult. But somehow......I think you and I are going to be just fine. We'll figure things out one day at a time.

Good Luck!

 

Thank you so much for all of your replies!

I just feel so terrible, because everything I thought I could with one baby, I think I can't do with two. Like take a trip to visit a friend, or hire a babysitter, or whatever. I feel guilty too, all the time I wonder why I am having twins... Like I said, we tried for such a long time, and during that time I was on a forum for women who were TTC. So many of them had been trying for twice as long as we had been, and when we found out we were having twins, all these girls were saying that they wished they would one day have twins. And when we found out they were b/g twins, everyone was so jealous! And I feel just terrible because I didn't ask for this, and there are so many women who have. Does that make sense?? I feel like if I were having one, I'd be so ecstatic and not scared at all, and that these women who have been trying for 2 or 3 years and pray for twins every night would be so much more deserving and so much better at it.

I'm so glad to know that there are groups for twin moms. I actually live in Twinsburg, Ohio, which as most of you may know is home to the annual Twins Days festival. (Which we have avoided like a plague since moving here when I was 12, lol, but now I guess we'll have to go every year!) So I'm sure there have to be plenty of twin resources in this area. I never even thought about looking into anything like that.

Another thing that scares me is that I am going to go back to school full time next fall. The babies will only be about 4 months old. I'm not sure if I'll still be afraid to leave them at day care, or if I'll be greatful for the breaks. And I'm so nervous that it'll throw their whole schedule off, or that it'll mess me up just when I'm getting the hang of raising them. I just don't know what to do to make myself feel better, or at least calm down a bit!

Anyway, thanks again for all the replies. I really appreciate that you guys took the time to read my post and offer advice!

 

You are not awful for feeling nervous! It's a big life change and anyone who says they aren't scared becoming a new parent (or a new parent to twins for that matter) is lying.

That said, you WILL get it, you will be fine! It's hard for everybody, even if you have years of experience. Really the love you feel will pull you through (and a supportive husband is a big help too!).

You'll do it because you HAVE to.

 

Oh, I just read your other post.

Ive heard of Twinsburg; one of my clients grew up there and loves to talk about it. I've thought of visiting with the twins when they're older just for fun! It's my understanding that it's rather impossible to avoid completely.

Once you see those new babies and hold them for the first time, your fears will melt away, I promise!

 

One more bit of (unsolicited) advice; you mention you're planning on going back to school full-time in the fall: while it's a great PLAN to have, I hope you can be flexible enough that if it doesn't work out for you, you don't feel like you're postponing it forever. You might find that you want to just see how you adjust to the babies; from what i've read, people just barely start getting the hang of this at about 3 months, so - there might be other options: part-time school for a seemester or two.

My point is: you've got enough going on just being PREGNANT w/twins, and then having them, etc.; i don't think it helps to make yourself crazy about what you're going to do about school, logistics, etc..


My sense is that the two thing taht makes being a twin parent ok are a sense of humor and FLEXIBILITY.
s
I offer this in the spirit of possibility and openness, NOT criticissm, so i hope it doesn't sound that way!

 

The boys were our first kids too - when I found out I was pregnant I was overwhelmed at the begining - but then I thought - you know what, I've never had just one baby, how do I know what it's like to have one, let alone two? I'd probably be just as overwhelmed having just one, being a first time mom anyway, so why let having two get to me when I really don't know any better - sure I had expectations about sitting down and playing with one baby and having lots of bonding time with them (as all my friends will attest I wanted my children at least four years apart - hahaha) - but you know, the way things happen, how do I know I'd have a baby who would want to spend all that time with me - sometimes reality doesn't match our expectations... So the next time you start to feel worried, stressed, overwhelmed, remind yourself that even if you had just one baby, there is no way to guarentee that the reality of having it would match what your expectations of parenting just one would be - and that maybe your expectations of having twins won't match the reality either - having two definately has it's bonuses, watching them interact - having them play together is great for giving you some down time and letting them learn how to interact...being a first time parent is a hard adjustment whether you have one, two or more babies - you really have no idea what your in for - and the reality is SO VERY MUCH BETTER than you realize

 

My baby will be 16 months old when the twins come (I hope!) and my oldest will be 3 1/2. Here is what I know:

1)Life will be crazy for a few months
2)I will be tired
3)It will go by really fast
4)It won't always be crazy
5)One day (after about a year) I will wake up and realize how easy it has gotten
6)I know all this, but I'm still a little scared!

I will tell you this too. If you do decide to have more children, you will be the biggest pro with one baby! I find it helps me if I don't think too much about the first month with the babies, but think LONG TERM. In the long run having twins will be easier, as (from all I hear) they will entertain each other.

Best wishes,
Jennifer

 

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!!!you have come to the right place
Congratulations on the babies!!! I felt exacctly as youdid at one point not sure if im over it yet..but i know that this whole pregnancy thing will pay off in the end when these little angels arrive. Exerything will come naturally to you and if not then we are here to give you advice and experimental stories which are super!!!

 

Thanks again everyone!

stbmo4 - NOOO way, LOL, I am pretty sure these will be our first, last, and only babies! I am way too worked up to think about going through this again, lol. Not to mention, TTC was pure absolute **** for us. I really don't think I could stand trying again.

Jordari - all advice is solicited, and I thank you for it! That's why I posted here, for advice! Thank you for the school advice. I just feel really guilty because I had literally just started going back to school when I discovered I was pregnant. I dropped one class right away (that was before I knew I was pregnant) figuring I could pick up the slack the following semester (which would be now)... However I had so many issues during school (I had a hematoma which required me to "take it easy", plus I was sore quite a bit, and whenever I had cramps or felt queasy I would stay home and rest, etc etc etc) that I decided it would jsut be safer to take off this spring semester. The babies are due in May anyway, and it would be just my luck that they would come at a time that would screw me over for finals. Plus, who knows if I'd end up on bed rest. I was just going to take a class or two, but decided against it all together. Plus, I won't be taking classes over the summer. I guess I just feel that if I'm going to go back to school, I don't want to do it half-assed, and yes my babies are important, but I guess I keep thinking I can juggle all of it... but I probably can't. I think it'll be a good idea to just take two, MAYBE three classes next fall, and ease back into it to see how I do with the babies. Thanks for the advice.



I am still really nervous of course... Money is another thing that freaks me out. My husband and I don't have much and I figured we'd do just fine getting by with one baby. Now I'm petrified, thinking of how we're going to support two at once. I want to breast feed, but what if it doesnt work out? How can I afford formula for two babies? Sure I can get on WIC but there's so many other costs.... I just can't stand thinking about it. I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown when these babies are just a few weeks old, and what kind of mother is that going to make me???

It really helps to know that I'm not alone. i really appreciate everyone's responses!!!! Thank you all!

 

Dear Heather,

You've probably had enough posts, but I wanted to add one more because I sooo understand how you feel. BTW, we have a similar due date. TTC was long and h***ish for us, and these are our first kids, so whenever I have a moment of not being petrified for their health I start babbling about what will happen after they come out.

If it is any help, I am convinced that the posters here must be the most wonderful mommies ever because they care enough to admit their feelings and try to deal with them. Also, if it's any help, my mom, who is a self-described "relentless optimist" and overachiever, did her master's while I was an infant. The teacher would supposedly rock me while she had to take exams and such. I've seen women come to our franchise trainings with baby carriers and those babies were sooo loved, they made the whole room feel relaxed.

Actually, I'm inspired by your school story, because I want to keep every option open (work at same job, work at different job, go to school, scrimp and save to stay at home longer) so that I can choose what will work out best once the babies come. Good luck and keep posting, because I'm going through the same things too and your posts help me a lot, too!

d

 

If your DH doesn't make much, you should qualify for WIC. WIC is a totally different thing then other 'welfare'. Heck, I don't think I would even classify it as that. With two babies, you will get tons of free formula OR if you are nursing them, you get even more food for you! I felt really embarassed when we had to use it with our last child. DH had lost his job and things were so tight. But the lady there assured me that we had paid taxes to be able to use that service and not to feel guilty about it.

Last bit of extra advice Try to remind yourself after the babies come there really is very little you can do to mess up your babies. They don't break, if you don't purposely try to break them. You won't mess them up forever, if you love them forever. Babies/children are very resiliant and can bounce back pretty good from any accidently mistake we make. After you learned this for you, remember to learn it for your DH, grandparents, aunts and uncles. They may not think like you, but they love those babies as much as you do. They won't do anything to hurt them either.

I am saying all this, because you will need to relax a bit :hug and you will need the family's (esp DH's) help. As much as you think you will be able to do all the above, most of us are extremely possive of our first babies. It is like some wild she-wolf instinct. "Mine, don't touch." You will have to remind yourself of the above and let them touch.

I used to go in the other room when DH was taking care of our first or I knew I would interfere. I was convinced he would get water and soap in the baby's eyes and blind him for life while giving a bath. Or that he would put the diaper on backwards and the leaking urine would scar my baby emotionally. :lol It was easier for me not to watch. And yes, hormones are evil irrational things!

Like many said, you may not bond with them right away or feel like you love them or maybe you will. But either way, the above instinct is usually there no matter your feelings.

It is a great journey to be a momma, but yes a very scary one as well.

 

You will be fine, believe after about 2 weeks you'll be a pro. I was so scared of having kids period and than I go ahead and have two and I made it. Here's some pointers - Get two of the carter's bouncers (the ones that look like a papasan chair) BIG Time lifesavers, two boppy pillows and tons of blankets. When they are ready to eat and you want to go take a shower or run a load of laundry - make their bottles - put them in the bouncers and prop the bottle up with a blanket and you're good to go. It's alot easier than I thought - I actually (not to be mean) but I laugh at people who have one child and they are at their wits end - but give me three kids and everybody can laugh at me because that is the day that I'm scared of. Good Luck and if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me.

 

Hi Heather,
you've recieved great advice and support. I just wanted to ad a recommendation for the book Mothering Multiplesby Karen Kerkhoff Gromada.
My pregnancy was long awaited as well, fortunately I didn't have to struggle to concieve, but we put off trying until we thought the time was right. During my 20s I thought alot about what kind of Mom I would be. When I found out I was having twins I panicked and I thought I wouldn't be able to carry out all my plans. I have had to make compromises for sure, but this book really helped calm me down, take a depth breath and say, okay, I can do this.


I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly. Hey, if I did it, anybody can!