First Birthday Party

I'm just popping in from the First Year because I need some ideas/opinions.

My girls will be turning one in about a month and I'm not sure what to do about a party. I'm not sure if I should throw a big party with invites and all sorts of family and friends or if I should just keep it small. Let me tell you my dilema. My mom is well, very opinionated, and she tends to say things before she thinks them through. It is no secret that she either doesn't like my in-laws or she is very jealous of them. Ideally, I would like to just have one big party and invite both families, but I am nervous of how my mom will behave. She makes everything a competition between Grandparents and it is embarrassing. I don't want her comparing everything they do to what she does. So, do we just have a small get together for each side of the family, or do I have one big party and invite lots of people to help distract her. I know they are too young to really remember it, so maybe I should wait for a big party until they are older.

Anyway, if you guys could give me your ideas, suggestions, thoughts, I would really appreacite it.

 

I guess I would make this decision by weighing the chances that your mom would say something inappropriate (at one big party), vs. the chances that she (or anyone else) would think it was weird that you had separate parties, and potentially make inappropriate comments about that.

If you do choose to have separate parties, you could always say that you didn't want the girls overwhelmed by too many people.

FWIW, we chose to have a pretty small party -- we did have both sets of grandparents there, because there isn't too much overt competition between them , but other than that we just had DH's brother and sister, their families, and 2 friends. That was about 12 people, which IMO was plenty. The girls were pretty shy at that point (still are, but not as much) and I just worried that they'd be unhappy with too much hubbub. Also, our house is small and I tend to stress out about hostessing -- those were supporting reasons for keeping it small, but mainly it was because I didn't think the girls would enjoy a big party.

HTH.

 

I would do whatever is less stressful for you. I did a fairly big party but none of my relatives are near so I could do what I wanted (although I would have loved the help). I think it's very cool and 'socialite' to have more than one party. If it's not too much work for you and it's the easier option emotionally, go for it. If you do one big party make sure you have lots of chilled wine (for you).

 

We don't have a competition problem - we have a divorced in-law problem (you would think after 9 years MIL would get over it but that's a post for another day).

We had the girls party last weekend, and I thought about having two parties. I chose to do one party for a couple reasons.
1. I didn't want the stress of planning two events
2. I didn't want to deal with who got to have their party on the DAY of the b-day
3. There are going to be a lot of "family" events and we are not going to be able to have two of everything
4. Everyone is adults - the party is about the kids and not them.

I say do whatever is easier for you - but remember - you aren't going to be able to keep them apart forever

 

This is my opinion: You may need to have a sit down with your mom...yes, it may hurt her feelings, but if you do it in a caring manner then it will be the best thing BECAUSE the two sets of grands are going to be dealing with each other and crossing paths for a while...wouldn't it be best to encourage them all getting along now? if you keep having to plan separate events, well thats just not convenient. I have a mom just like that...she is so mean to MIL, with a little due cause but still BUT we seem to manage to all get along okay, and I think if there are enough people there to distract her then she will be fine. We had about 60 guests, I think...YEAH, I KNOW...and it was mostly family. 7 aunts and uncles on MIL's side, 3 on FIL, 5 on Mom's, 4 on Dads...thats almost 20 guests right there

 

We just had a HUGE party a week ago and it was SOOOOOO fun! Everyone had a blast. There were about 95 people including both kids and adults. I have great pics and a video of the day.

 

QUOTE(MSB1203 @ Jul 19 2007, 09:37 PM) [snapback]338532[/snapback]
This is my opinion: You may need to have a sit down with your mom...yes, it may hurt her feelings, but if you do it in a caring manner then it will be the best thing



Talking to my mom isn't something that works. I have recently tried to sit her down and talk to her and she refuses to she that she is at fault for anything.

 

The first bday is really for YOU. They will not remember it, they will see pictures. You need to do whatever is least stressful and potentially most enjoyable for you. We had a large one, with all the extended family. It was alot of work on my part. It was nice, I would do it again, but, their last bday we had twp (well three if you include daycare but I didnot do that one) We had one with our playgroup and one at my dads house and let everyone know when and where and if they could make it, great if not we would miss them.

Good luck, Again, take care of your wants and needs, this is a milestone for you! Congrats on making it to one(times two!)

 

My opinion is this: I would do one party and get it done. If you start having 2 separate parties now, you'll have to keep doing so. How are they ever going to learn to co-exist for things like recitals or school plays, graduations and all that?

I say set the example now, try it, if she starts acting a fool, then it makes HER look bad, not you. I'm mean that way, sometimes you just have to do it so everyone can get used to it.

 

Tough one!

I wouldn't want to do two, so I'd probably go with one, and see if you can just let it skim off your back. You are not responsible for your mom's behavior. She is who she is, and she's their grandmother, and I think everyone has to deal with that reality. I personally wouldn't want to have to feel responsible for protecting people from one of my family members.

BUT...that said, it's your decision and like someone else said, the 1st birthday party is really as much for YOU as anyone. So you'll have to do what will be easiest for you. And if you can't distance yourself from whatever drama your mom might be causing, you might have to give the two parties.

Mightn't that add fuel to her fire though?

QUOTE(Gabe+2more @ Jul 20 2007, 01:03 PM) [snapback]339057[/snapback]
I say set the example now, try it, if she starts acting a fool, then it makes HER look bad, not you. I'm mean that way, sometimes you just have to do it so everyone can get used to it.


Exactly!

 

I dealt with something similar - my parents are divorced and haven't been in the same room in over 20 years. So I was debating on having two parties but I chose to have 1 huge one and everything worked out fine. If I could do it over again I would have made it smaller - we had like 65 people.

 

I agree with PPs who've said have 1 and get it out of the way. My parents and ILs don't get along either ... but IMO, too bad for them. It's not about any of them.

Sorry you have to deal with that!