Figuring out the First Year

This thread is intended to help new moms of twins and/or more find time for themselves and give them ideas about what they can do.

Taking care of at least 2 babies and some with other kids as well, can be very tiring and stressful. How do you find time for yourself? What do you like to do? If you have a DH or DP, what do you like to do with them when you have some spare time? :spiteful:

 

Time for myself; what's that? Seriously though, I eat or sleep if I have a moment. I also play solitaire while I'm nursing. It's a big stress reliever for me.I would love to spend some time with DH right now, but I don't know when that will happen.

 

I've gone to have visits with friends/family in the eve. or a weekend night. It helps a lot. I even did this in an eve. both when LOs were 6 and 8 weeks. I just needed a breather! I highly recommend it as a sanity saver. Date nights are fun too and a way to reconnect.

 

I don't think I'm entirely at the point yet (my twins are 9 months) where I've got the whole free time thing figured out, but I do have a couple things I like to do. I usually take care of the babies by myself during the day time, so when they nap, I spend some of the time online having a forced break.

I try and make a point of getting into bed early, right after the babies are asleep, nappies are in the wash (we use cloth) and bottles are washed. I have a few tv series on dvd, so I try and watch 2-3 episodes a week. I've also recently subscribed to a few magazines, so I'll read those in bed too. If I get an hour or two to myself in the evening to relax, I am a much better person for it the next day.

DH has also recently started watching the babies for a couple hours in the weekends so that I can go out and do what I want for a while. I normally just end up doing the grocery shopping, but any time where I can get a couple hours is great.

Neither DH or myself have family close by that are able to help out with the babies, so we really don't get any time to ourselves at the moment unless its at home. We are going to put the xbox back up soon for some star wars therapy though - there is something strangely therapeutic and relaxing about shooting your spouse on screen .

I'm also going to get back into selling my jewellery once the babies can walk. I used to do regular art and craft shows, and sell at a variety of locations, but when the twins were born I just didn't have the time. Now that they are getting a little older, it'll be easier to take them places and keep them entertained for a little longer.

 

stop worrying about housework!! that freed up a lot of my time. especially in the early days, these are the priority questions i went through: what do i need to do for the babies? have i eaten? have i had a glass of water (very important for nursing)? do i need a shower? do i need a nap? anything that fell outside of those questions, did not get done. period. it took a lot of pressure off of me & ensured that ALL the people in the house were cared for.

once things started to settle down a little bit more, i realized i had to make it a priority to leave the house. it didn't really matter where or what, but it was important to get out, even if it was just for 30 min, sans babies. it was important for my sanity, but it was also important to allow DH to figure out his own system & method for caring for the girls without me micromanaging him. it was stressful the first few times i did it, but it didn't take long for DH & the girls to figure out what worked for them & it made for an all around happier family. i think the sooner you can start doing this, the better.

my favorite things to do when i leave the house are to go for a short massage (30 min), go to Tim Horton's with a good book & have a coffee, or go to Chapters & browse for good books.

once the girls had a predictable & set bed time, i started taking advantage of my open evenings & going for dinner with friends, or to see a movie. DH & i also take advantage of the free baby-sitting that his parents often offer & go out for dinner or movies on our own. or sometimes we just order pizza & rent a movie or watch the hockey game & snuggle up on the couch for a cozy evening at home. we often also invite friends over for dinner & just hang out having good conversation.

i think the key thing to remember is that free time often doesn't just happen - you need to make it happen. and it's an important priority - you can not leave yourself last on the list. that is the fastest way to burn out & become useless to everyone. a happy & refreshed mommy & partner is a 110% better than one who has no reserves left.

 

During the first year it was very difficult to be away from my girls. I worked full time so any 'free' time I had, I wanted to spend with them. However my DH was adament about me going out with my friends and especially going to my book club once a month. I am very thankful he pushed me because it is important to schedule 'me' time even though I didn't realize how much I needed it. DH and I are still working on scheduling 'us' time. We go out occassionally, but since we both work full time and flex our schedules to be with the girls as much as possible, we spend a lot less time together than pre-kids. However we are constantly emailing and talking on the phone and usually stay up late at night to talk about our day and share funny stories about what the girls did.

 

I am very fortunate in that my DH stressed that I get some "me" time. I would go to the gym or to the mall/Target by myself-a huge sanity saver. We are fortunate that our family is nearby, so my SIL comes over every Saturday and DH and I will run errands together or just go to the Mall and walk around. It gives us time to talk uninterrupted.
Other ways I have gotten me time: a bath, going into another room to read or exercise while DH watches the little monkeys. Getting me time is hard but so essential, it does wonders for you and the babies!

 

i think the key thing to remember is that free time often doesn't just happen - you need to make it happen. and it's an important priority - you can not leave yourself last on the list. that is the fastest way to burn out & become useless to everyone. a happy & refreshed mommy & partner is a 110% better than one who has no reserves left.
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How I find time for myself: I completely agree with this...YOU have to make it happen!! I make "me" time every night after the babies get to bed...whether it's watching tv, reading a book or magazine in bed, etc...DH and I have made a deal where every other week, we have a "girls night" or "guys night" out. I'll usually bathe the babies, feed them, and the leave to go out with friends and DH will put them to bed; likewise he'll get out with his friends, workout, whatever on his own! We have a date night every weekend where we get out together...just us, with our friends...

What I like to do: When I get out, I get out, even if I don't have anywhere specific to go...I'll just sit and get coffee alone...ahhh...I like treating myself to a mani/pedi, running errands, grabbing lunch with a friend or working out. With DH, we usually grab dinner and a movie, meet up with friends...

 

I joined a gym with a good daycare and got to know the ladies who work there so that way I could pack the girls up and work out every day if I want to! It took me several months before I really felt comfortable leaving them there but that is the best thing I have done for myself!

Also, if I can't get to the gym and am feeling really stressed I will put the girls in the jogging stroller and put on my headphones (really loud) and go for a walk around the block. It really helps me to calm down to think about things on a nice walk.

When DH and I get time alone together we like to go out for dinner! We also like to go to the movies, or go on walks alone together.

Something else I like to do is have scheduled girl time with my girl friends! Either my DH or my parents will watch the babies and my girl friends and I will have girls night out. We go to the gym and just relax in the hot tub and sauna, or we go get pedicures and have dinner out. Just something so that I can spend time with my girl friends w/o DH or the babies.

Finally, I have to get time by myself. Sometimes my parents will keep the girls overnight when DH is on the night shift, and I will just come home to an empty house and get in bed at 4:00 and stay there until the next morning.

I don't get to do any of these things as often as I'd like, of course. Maybe once a month or every 2 months. (Other than the gym and the walking which I can do any time.) But I feel like in order to maintain my sanity I need time with my girls, and then away from my girls with my spouse, with my girl friends, and by myself.

 

The best thing I did to take care of me was to accept all and any help. Have someone come over and do the dishes/start a load of laundry and have a nice looooooooong shower. You can't hear the babies while you are in the shower and you know someone else is watching them and it feels like heaven! Try to enjoy the small moments to yourself (even if it's just a few) and do something you enjoy during that time. It will get easier as time passes and your time alone will increase!

If you can do a home pedicure/facial or just something to make you feel great than do it! Also, I finally went out and got my hair cut/colored about 5 months PP and it felt FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!

 

June07girl: Oh I did that at 5 months too and I felt great after! I need to go again though!

If my two nap at the same time, I will enjoy a shower in the morning but Im very quick as I worry about them calling me & not hearing! I also enjoy my internet time though I tend to do that in the evening.

I am lucky as I have a lady who comes two mornings a week and every afternoon Mon-Fri to help. On Friday afternoons, I dont teach so today I escaped for 1.5 hours and went to the shops on my own. I have to say I really enjoyed it.

DH and I dont get much time together alone as we dont have family where we live. When the twins are down for the night, he´s at the gym till late but if he doesnt go then we´ll have dinner and watch some TV together.

 

From a mom of twin 3 yr olds. I got very, very ill trying to "do it all" during the first 1.5 yrs. Now, 1.5 yrs later and lots of tests, drs, $, I've realized I burned myself out by not getting enough sleep.

i'm very hyper sensitive to sound and smell, and it was nonstop overstimulation for 1st 1.5 yrs. I have very little help. no family around. If I could do it all over again - I would have hired and/or asked for more help. I've spent more on "recovery" and have not enjoyed the first 3 yrs as much as I would have liked to.

Hire a babysitter or ask a friend/family for help. Get some sleep/rest. Take care of yourself physically & mentally. You'll be no good to your kids if you are sick. trust me.