Fighting over toys

I have B/G twins and am running into issues with them fighting over toys. They've fought over toys off and on for years now, but since they've turned 3, things have gotten ugly. DS pretty much only plays with his Thomas trains at home. DD wants to play with them too, but DS freaks out and does not want to share them at all. He has multiple Thomas trains, including some that are duplicates/identical to each other. Yet, he screams and has a fit if DD tries to play with any of them while he is also playing.

So far, I have been insisting that he share with DD and let her play with at least one train. Of course, he suddenly has to have whatever that one train is as soon as she picks it up. I've been firm about him having to share the trains, but he continues to have at least one tantrum daily over this. (When he tantrums, I send him to his room until he is ready to calm down.)

So, any ideas for me? Should I keep on keeping on, and how that the tantrums decrease? Should I take away all his trains if he throws a fit about sharing them? Should I respect that the trains are his toys and insist DD play with something else?

 

If my girls are fighting over one toy, I use 1-2-3 magic and warn them that if they can't agree on whose turn it is, or share the toy nicely then I am taking the toy away. The first few times, they got their toys taken away. Now they have learned to work it out more often than not.

My girls each have certain toys the "belong" to them each individually, and I still make them share. The general rule is, whoever had it first can continue to play with it.

Good Luck! I know how frustrating it can be!!

 

You should see if you can find Emily and Rosie Trains. Make a big deal about them being girl trains and that they are her trains.

 

Emily is DS's FAVORITE train. I think he has a crush on her.

 

What about Toby or some of the other square face ones?

 

My twins fight over toys all the time. It doesn't matter what kind of toy it is. They want with the other kid has! It eventually leads to a temper tantrum. Yesterday the fought over a play mustard bottle!

 

If both boys want the same toy and can't work it out themselves (the first thing I want them to try), I set a timer. If we're near the stove, I set that one for one or two minutes (or up to five, if I think they can manage that), and when the timer goes off, the toy switches hands.
If we're away from the stove I set "the timer in my head" (yeah, they believe it exists) and I make a clicking noise to indicate the timer has started. When the time is up, I make a beeping noise and the toy switches hands. So far the timer method is the only thing that works consistently with no tears.

 

I wish something this simple would work. DS is in this awful phase right now of going ballistic over everything. I try to make them take turns or make him choose one train that DD can play with, but he won't. Every single time, he screams and fights and physically tries to rip it from DD's hands. So I end up physically ripping it out of his hand, he throws a tantrum, goes to TO. Rinse and repeat.

I think I am going to try getting DD her own train and keeping it put up and separate from DS's trains. I know he will see it and automatically want to play with it. But again, I just have to hope that with consistency he will get it. DS's problem with sharing toys is really just indicative of his horrible behavior overall right now. Everything is a power struggle with him.