fighting over toys/not sharing with eachother

My 27 month old twins fight over toys - i mean they tug of war over toys screaming it's mine. I try and tell them to take turns but they don't want to. I ushually end up taking away the toy when the fighting is really bad, which leads to tantrums - of at least one of them, sometimes both. Sometimes it seems like only one really wants the toy and the other only wants it because it's what the other has.

A lot of toys I just buy two of so it's not as much of an issue - but some things we only have one of, like books. What do you do when this happens or do you recommend just buying two of everything? (when it's slightly different, like different colors they still fight over it).

 

I set a timer. I have done this since they were about 2. It's something they come and aske me for now if they are arguing over a toy. I started out with about 3 minutes on the timer and told them that when the timer goes off it is ________ turn. When it went off I took the toy and gave it to whomever was next. It doesn't take long for them to understand how it works. Now, if they are fighting over a toy, they will actually come and get me and ask me to set the timer. They know that when that bell goes off it will be their turn and they don't fight over it. It also teaches them patience and sharing.

 

I do this exact same thing and it does work! Initially I started counting to 10 when one wanted something the other had, but that wasn't long enough, and I'd find my girls would count to ten themselves as fast as they could and then grab the toy. So we moved to a timer and it's perfect. When they were littler, I set it for a minute or two, now it's three or four minutes for each turn. And yes, they do come ask me to set the timer sometimes when they can't work out the sharing themselves (they're 3.5, so it's taken a while to get the concept of sharing down).

 

Love the timer idea! Thanks, Tricia and Rachel! Will have to give it a try!

 

We did the timer too. It helped that they were very firm about enforcing turns at daycare too. By the time they were 18 months they could say "Mimi tuh" (Amy's turn) and "See tuh" (Sarah's turn). That didn't mean they did it voluntarily, but at least they somewhat grasped the concept.

We still have issues with it, but now we go more with "When she's done with it, then it will be your turn" unless it's something truly coveted and brand-new. In general, as they get older, I tend to think the person who started playing with it first gets first dibs for as long as she wants it. But when they were toddlers, something was coveted simply because the other kid had it, so we kept the turns pretty short.

Also, if they refused to take turns or came to blows over a toy or something, the toy took a brief time-out.

 

I use the "in one minute its your turn" approach as well. Only i didnt use an actual timer. So, mine are a bit better now (33 months old). But they were quite bad at sharing about 6months ago. The other thing I do now, is I warn them, that if I hear fighting I will take the toy away - and believe it or not this works about 80% of the time now, so they seem to figure out for themselves what to do (sometimes they share it, sometimes one kid decides they dont want to play with it anymore, and sometimes I take the toy away).