Fighting over toys at an all-time high

The fighting is out of control. They fight over everything! It's never been like this. It's always the silliest things too. I can't take it! Or they fight over sitting in the same spot, or who gets to go first. Sometimes I tell them to go to separate rooms, but of course neither wants to go. Time out doesn't work for this. Sometimes I feel like ignoring it and letting them fight it out. Are those of you with three-year olds going through this too?

 

Kelly, we are also going through this. Shocking, right?

I mostly try to let them work it out. When they are wronged by the other I tell them to tell the other "I don't like that, don't do that". Then they have stated their feelings on the matter.

Now, if they don't stop, I take away the toy. Or separate them as best I can!! Good luck!! They have to grow out of it, right?

 

Here too.....the day they turned three it seemed to have switched 'fight' mode on! They usually are fairly easy going and get along, but lately- UGH- fights over using the potty, which doll is whose, who gets tucked in first, who gets to color a particualr page....and on.

I usually take away the offending toy, stop the activity, and or correct the 'pushy' one w/ a timeout or a gently reminder.


You are not alone!

KC

 

Believe me-you are NOT alone! My almost-3 year olds are mis-behaving the same way. For toys, once it escalates into a full blown war, I tell them if they can't share or take turns then I will take the toy away from both of them. And I do. Of course they both cry but they get over it fairly quickly since they know I mean business. For other fighting I put them in separate areas of the room and tell them they aren't "allowed" to play with each other for 5 minutes. Well, that usually lasts for about 2-3 minutes and they are playing together again.

Hopefully, this intense fighting phase will end soon for us all!

 

Same here. It's the most ridiculous thing. Like Di, I try to let them sort it out. If the fighting continues, the toy goes to time out. I think they just do it because they can. They can show no interest in a toy and the minute the other one has it, all of the sudden it is the toy to have!

 

Taking the toy away is the only thing that kind of works, but then that ends up with them both in hysterics. We also have one messing with the other, like one is coloring and the other comes by and starts coloring on her page, or stamps on her Doodle-Pro, etc. Throw in Bea being a tattle tale and Ainsley's over-reacting, and it's a recipie for a headache.

 

OH OH OH We are so there too. Lexi tells Rachel when she Can and Can't sing and what to sing and how to play with things and what all the made up rules are and it doesn't stop from sun up to sundown. Separation doesn't work here either. i make them play the quiet game, or I distract them with something else that's new and exciting. they argue over the mundane things that they've been playing with for the past 3 yrs: dolls, animals, kitchen, etc. The new stuff they are willing to explore with me. Just coming up with NEW stuff is stretching my limits - time, money, emotional, intellect. Lexi also likes to harrass her sister. She gets put in time out for refusing to stop when sister asks. I do try to let them work it out but Rachel is such a "doormat" that she will let Lexi just get her way. So I sometimes intervene. Mostly to try to teach Rachel how to stand up for herself.

 

Me too! Me too! And I am not having any fun at all...

 

My kids also went through a major fighting period. It lasted about 5 months or so, but things are finally getting better (knock on wood!). I tried time outs, reward stickers, taking away toys, you name it. I also read books on sibling rivalry, discipline, twin psychology, etc. Here are two things that worked for us.


1. Spending separate time from each other. We tried to give them more one on one time with each parent. Or, I would get a babysitter to watch one child while I took the other child for an outing. They seemed to relish the attention of being alone with mommy or daddy. When they saw each other after a separate outing, they would usually talk about what each one did and played nicely together for the rest of the day. I mean think about it this way, wouldn't it drive you crazy too if someone else was with you 24/7 for as long as you've lived your life? Wouldn't a little time away be a really good mental break?

2. Talking through the conflict. I have to say, this was really hard but was the most effective thing in reducing their fighting. When they fought over toys, or who goes first or whatever it is, I'd stop them and "give them the words" to resolve the conflict. Basically, I made them simulate how a grown up would resolve a conflict over the same thing. For example, if A was crying because B took away his toy, I'd say to B, "Ok B, you wanted to play with this toy didn't you? But A wouldn't let you share, right? Well, when that happens, you can say 'Can I have this toy?'" Then, I'd make B return the toy to A and repeat my words. If A refuses to give the toy to B, I'll tell B "A is playing with it right now, so let's wait for 5 minutes and ask again." And then tell A, "Please let B have the toy when you are done with it." All this was such a pain because I had to interrupt whatever I was doing and spend 5 or 10 minutes dissolving their dispute. And it happened so many times in one day. But now, the kids are often able to resolve their conflicts using the words I gave them.