feels like things are harder than ever!

I have to admit that for the first 9-10 months, I really felt blessed to have such easy going babies and had it somewhat easy during the newborn stage. Everyone says "the first 6 months are the hardest" but I am finding the one year mark to be the hardest yet. I feel like I am drowning and can't gasp for air! :drown: Reece has become whiny and clinging a lot of the time. He wants me to hold him all the time and clings to my leg every chance he gets. If I leave the room, he cries. He is our drama king! Then there is Spencer, definitely our laid back boy, but throws a temper tantrum the second he doesn't get his way. If you take something away from him, he throws a fit. If Reece takes something that Spencer wanted, he throws a fit. If you don't give him his food in time, he throws a fit...and on and on. They don't understand the meaning of "No" and are getting faster by the day.

I also feel like I am in a rut with what I should be doing with them. I feel like all of us are getting bored during the day. I try to read to them, but they want to eat the books. They get bored with their toys and end up just wanting me to hold or entertain them. It's too hot outside to take them anywhere right now and I feel like everyday is groundhog's day! I am constantly watching the clock for naptime and bedtime. I count down the hours until DH gets home from work. I'm not enjoying my boys right now and at the end of everyday I just feel wiped and like I am about to lose my mind. Is is bad to dream about a weekend away to just SLEEP and do nothing??!! I feel so bad for wanting to get away from it all. I'm tired of the whining, tantrums, boredom, and the everyday grind! :faint: :80:

What's wrong with me?! Somedays I just worry that I don't give them enough attention or I am not helping them enough developmentally. Right now I feel like I am struggling and don't know how to fix it.

TIA for letting me vent.

 

I could have written this EXACT post! I also have developed a clingy baby amd one with a temper like you wouldn't believe. I'm excited to see the advice people have.

My kids have fallen in love with books lately and we read 18 today. No exaggeration. Kaydee even sleeps and travels with her "Piggies" book. That seems to help our day. We spend a lot of time just dinking around outside and going for walks. That helps keep mama sane too!

Good luch and know that you are not alone!

 

I was reading this thinking if you just inserted my girls names I could have written this. The only difference is add on the fact that I am preggers again and we are trying to sell a house and move. I actually just had my OB put me on lexapro and it seems to be helping a lil. I don't feel soooo incredibly overwhelmed.

There is also nothing wrong with wanting a break. We all need them. I am actually getting one today until Tuesday and I am so excited. I need to sleep and have some time just to clean and hang out without fussing, screaming, whining, tantrums, and clinginess.

I hope this phase passes quickly for all of us.

 

I think a mothers day out program for 2-3 days/wk would be nice. You could get a few hours of me time and the boys would get a change of scenery and some interaction and be able to burn a little energy. I'm putting my 18m old in mothers day out in aug bc we are in the same rut and I have the twins now.

 

first off, there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with you - in fact, you sound perfectly normal! i don't know a mother on the planet who doesn't feel the way you are at some point (and usually at multiple points) in their life.

second, i think we all stress way too much about what our children are and aren't doing developmentally. unless they've been evaluated & are struggling in an area that you've been given specific tips on how to help them, then they're doing fine! letting them play, and letting them play on their own, is all they need right now.

i found when my girls got clingy it was because they usually needed a time in - i would stop what i was doing (if it was something i could stop) and just spend 5 minutes or so giving undivided attention to my cling-on. sometimes it worked & they'd go back to playing happily on their own & other days they just really needed a lot of attention. as for the tantrums, distraction may be your best friend! i found that anytime i saw even a glint of a tantrum, the quicker i could find something to distract them with, the better.

as for saying no, there's a good possibility that they do have an inkling what it means but they're just ignoring you - my girls did that. i found that switching from saying no, to giving a simple instruction on what i wanted them to do seemed to work better. so instead of saying "no, don't crawl there" i would say "come here".

all that being said, there were still some days where as soon as my husband walked in the door from work i disappeared for an hour because i couldn't take one more minute of my children. ardon: it's a tough phase, but it does get better as their language skills develop & they're able to communicate with you better. hang in there! :hug:

 

I feel like this pretty much describes how I feel most of the time. I think the really good days are more of a rarity, but I do try to savor them and the little moments that come even on bad days.

For me, what seems to work is getting the hell out of the house. It makes me feel better and them. Even if it's just the playground at the mall and the trip is short. They seem to get really bored being in their playroom. If I can't/don't want to go out I will change up where we are. Bored with the playroom? Let's make a little fort and get some toys in the kitchen so I can clean/cook. Still not working? Let's hang out in the cribs and sing songs. Etc. I feel like it's just a matter of trying new things.

And as Miss_Bossy18 said, sometimes just really letting go of all the things that are stressing you out, and being in the moment with them and really being present is the best medicine for everyone. That said, I am always a much more patient and attentive mother when I get back from being out by myself.

 

I agree with Rachel that this whole language barrier is tough :lol: They know what they want, they don't know how to tell you other than pitching a fit. We got to the mall.. a lot. More than we should. Like, every day. The effort of getting them dressed and in the car is way less than having to carry them around all day crying. I can't wait until the day that they can just tell me what they're after!

 

Thanks ladies! It makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one going through this right now! Yes, it does get better when we go out, so I am going to try and find things to do during the day.

 

I just wrote the same post about 2 weeks ago ;-) My kids got better now at not clinging to me so bad but they still get so bored. We cleared out one bedroom for them to make it into a playroom, they also have TWO (!!) different rooms to play in downstairs an they still get doted and whine all day long. My daughter is the queen of tantrums and anything and everything must be her way or else you will see the worst immitation of convulsions on the floor and lawnmower noise that is her scream. Insane! I too cannot wait until DH gets home. I am though starting to enjoy them a bit more and like pp said, it has to do with them being able to communicate with me more and interact. The best advise is to get out of the house. I always try even if I don't want to otherwise I will go crazy here and it feels like the walls are closing in. Completely normal I guess for twin moms, specially if you never have any help like me.

 

Holly, you are not alone! :hug:

I felt like when my kids turned one, someone flipped a switch on me because my normal, happy go lucky babies suddenly became whining, tantruming, clinging with toddlers with attitudes. I agree with PP's it got better once their language skills improved. I did find that a lot of our tantrums from ages 12 to 18 months were really over communication: they were frustrated that they could not communicate what they really wanted or what they felt and I had a hard time trying to figure it out.
I spent many a day counting down the time until nap and bedtime!
As for getting out, I would try simple and short outings right now (with a quick exit planned if needed) I don't know if you have a Barnes and Noble by you but they usually have a storytime a couple of times a week and it's usually no longer then 30 minutes. Walks around the mall or the block (if you are not dying in the heat we are having on the East Coast!), looking at flash cards, coloring, if you have a tent or can make a tent with blankets for the kids -that provided quite a bit of entertainment for my two.

Hang in there Momma, :grouphug:

 

Oh yeah, we're there too. Hugs. Hang in there. I'm lucky to have older kids that can step in and entertain them some so I can get some work done, but when everything is caught up around the house I'm on the floor with them or rocking them in the chair. I can't say that now is worse than what we dealt with before but it definately is not easier.

 

I know those days too. What works best for us as for PP is getting out of the house - playtime in the garden, a walk in the stroller, or best of all if I am feeling fit babywearing them both for a walk, i.e. each child in a sling on one hip. Yes, they are heavy but well balanced and they love going for a walk that way because they are at face level with me and with oneanother and we can all talk and look at things together (and they can't put everything into their mouths). Today we spent about 10 minutes discussing a poster for an upcoming event, not a kid's event but a good poster; then we found some roses to look at and smell and a lady walking a dog to watch etc. We don't walk far most days. They really cheer up the minute I get the slings and say we are going for walk and they will usually happily chat with me the whole time.
The other thing that works well is meeting with moms with children who are a bit older than mine. I don't go to a playgroup and most of my friends who are mothers work part-time like I do or live too far away for quick meetings, so we don't manage to do this often enough. But my children really enjoy being allowed to play with the "big kids" and are usually very tired and happy to go to bed after an afternoon like this.