Feeling SO Lost... Almost 5 Months Old

My babies are almost 5 months-- my first kids. I'm feeling so lost right now-- much worse than when they were first born. I just don't know what to do with them. I constantly feel like I'm either overstimulating them, or not stimulating enough... I can't get it right -- or even close... and they are ALWAYS fussy with me. My SIL watched them today and she is always (brutally at times) honest about how they behave... well, they were great for her! They stayed awake, they cooed and smiled on the walk they took, one fell asleep unswaddled in the crib without crying... NONE of which they will do for me. I'm a SAHM and I guess I just thought they'd find some sort of comfort in me by now but they just seem fussy and perturbed whenever I am around (to varying degrees). They're happy in the morning for about 1 hour, and from there, it all unravels. Not to be melodramatic, but I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. There's never a point in the day anymore when I feel like there's a good flow or vibe-- just chaotic frustration on their part, which ultimately frustrates me. They might have fun for a few minutes here and there (Jumperoo, mainly) but then they get overstimulated and end up going nuts. If not that, they fuss out of boredom.

What in the heck am I supposed to do with them at this age? I've posted in the past and was told that outings (however brief) are probably causing too much stimulation and resulting in our 3-hour nightly meltdowns at bedtime. Seriously, PLEASE help me get an idea of what's typical at this age (understanding of course that every baby is different). Any good resources for a new mom to check out? I have HSHHC on order so it should be coming soon... *maybe* sleep issues are part of the problem... but beyond that, I am just lost and confused as to what I should be doing with them and how to spend the days. Online guides seem so vague... I want to know how much time I should be spending interacting with them and at what stimulation level.. types of activities... amount and type of down time... Don't be afraid to insult my intelligence with suggestions that may seem obvious... I just feel so lost & clueless right now.

Thanks!!

 

I seem to remember (seriously it is all a little hazy) the girls being asleep A LOT at that age. I don't think they were up for more than 2-3 hours at a time. I think they were eating every 3.5 hours so it was eat then nap within about 30 minutes. I also didn't have them napping in their crib till about 6-7 months so they were still in their infant to toddler rockers swaddled. Emma also did a lot of napping in her swing. If they fell asleep in their car seats I left them there. Have you tried bouncing them on an exercise ball? Emma LOVED that and a lot of the time it was the only thing that calmed her down.

As for doing things with them...I don't think that I really did much - eat, sleep, nap, maybe a bit of tummy time, a lot of music.

If they are getting crabby 1 hour after they wake - put them down and see if they will nap.

 

First off, You are doing a wonderful job. Just the fact that you are worrying and trying to inform yourself shows how much you love them. :hug99: :hug99:
I think that the kids {mine, anyway} always melted down for me and was great with others was because I was their secure person. They let it all out on me because they knew and trusted me and were comfortable letting those emotions out. Unlike someone who was only here for an hour or two.
We all go through that time where we feel like you aren't doing enough, heck, I still go through periods like that. But you're doing great. What time are they going to sleep? How are they napping? How long in between naps?
As far as play, at that age we just rotated from jumperoo, to swing, to play gym, to bumbo, to tummy time. I would read to them from a magazine I was intrested in. Play with them on the floor. Work on new skills with them, like sitting.
Just keep thinking of what a wonderful mom you are and that you will get through this, I promise. You are at a phase right now where they aren't newborns anymore but can't get around yet. This too shall pass. :hug99:

 

Hi,

Again, I am right there with you. Jack and Lily are 5mos. right now and I am feeling much the same way. I think they will be happier when they can do a little more on their own. I feel like they are always bored or tired and although we do naps every hour and a half to two hours they are still crabbuckets much of the time. I do know mine are teething, Jack has already popped two through, so maybe this is part of it.
I really think we are just at a weird stage and it will get better soon. If it makes you feel any better mine are also way more whiney when around me. Jack just glows at everyone else and mainly fusses with me. Lily is basically acting like she did when she was 6 weeks old again. I think they both want your attention and it is basically impossible to give twins exactly what they want when you are taking care of their brother or sister so they tend to meltdown fairly quickly. Just keep on going and take it one day at a time.

Amy

 

:hug99: I am so sorry you are going through this. These are my first babies and if it weren't for the women on this site I would be clueless. I have one baby who is totally affected by too much stimulation and the other not so much. I have found that HSHHC has worked wonders for us. I often feel like I should be doing more with my babies but they seem pretty happy and we usually keep our outings limited to the weekends when DH is around incase we do have a meltdown at night. This is how a typical day goes for us.

7-8 (they don't usually get up at the same time) wake-up
7-8 eat
7 or 8 to 9 or 10 they usually just play on the floor on a blanket and watch cartoons (I know it's not the greatest, but it lets me wake up and have coffee)
9 or 10 they take a nap (anywhere from 30 min to 1 1/2 hours)
11 eat and then usually a half hour later I give them some cereal and get them cleaned up and changed
after that they usually take turns in the jumperoo and swing or play on the floor until they are ready for their next nap at like 12:30 or 1:00 then they get up and eat again and more of the same playing on the floor, jumperoo, pack-n-play, activity mat, or just sit and watch me do dishes or fold laundry.
they take their last nap around 4 and by 6 or 6:30 we start giving them baths and getting them ready for bed.

I follow the no more than 2 hours awake at a time. I watch for their drowsy signs and put them down for naps right away. You will read a lot of this in HSHHC. Bedtime isn't much of a fight anymore and DH and I have time to ourselves at night. It took a little while for things to calm down but it is a lot better now. Your babies are still young and the littlest things will entertain them so don't worry about them being bored. It sounds like it is more of a sleep problem, you are doing nothing WRONG. This has been a total learning process for me and I don't always feel like I know what I'm doing so I ask questions. Getting my boys to nap better made things a lot easier. They are happier during the day and they go to sleep easier at night. Don't get me wrong we have set backs and bad days, James is in his crib screaming right now because he refused to take a nap today and he is overtired. PM me if you have anything else you need to ask :hug99:

 

4-5 months old was a rough time here. The girls wanted to do more than they could and would get frustrated. They started getting bored with laying under the activity center and looking at their toys, but they wanted to play. I started putting down on a blanket with toys for them to play with (i.e. chew on!). I didn't let them stay awake more than 2 hours at a time. Here was their schedule at 4-5months

7am wake and play (hang out in the big bed with mommy and daddy!)
8am bottle and relax (lay down in the pnp or on the big bed and have quiet time)
9-11 nap
11ish wake up, get dressed, play on the floor with toys go to daycare
12 bottle at daycare
12:30-3:30 ish sit in bouncy and watch the kids play, nap, play on the floor with toys
4pm bottle
4:30-5:30pm nap
5:30-6:30pm scream! meltdown time after being so stimulated at 'school.' put on music and danced with them and then put on soft music and started to calm them down.
6:30 dinner, bath
7pm bottle and bed
12 am dream feed

Even now at almost 8 months, their schedule isn't much different (they have a second meal, they don't go to daycare anymore, but the awake intervals are similar- no more than 2 hours up, and they are able to play more so they are less frustrated). One thing that my girls do is get super fussy around nervous people. My mom is a nervous person... especially around my dad. When they come over all h*** breaks loose. Don't know how the girls read their vibe but they do. I would suggest if you feel yourself getting frustrated, try putting on some calm music, put them in the bath, and try to relax. I don't mean to be putting the blame on your at all. You are doing a *fantastic* job... and it is the hardest job ever! But when I start getting anxious, the girls react and I do everything I can to surround them with calm, for my sanity and theirs. Good luck! -Leighann

 

Hugs to you, I had a meltdown so bad at 5 months that I thought it was delayed-onset post partum depression! (it wasn't!)
Having twins is hard, and just when you think you've gotten something worked out, everything changes (teething, sleep pattern, eating, etc.)
It continues to be frustrating, even when you think to yourself "logically, I should have this down by now!" but that is simply not the case.
It is easy for a new person to come in and play with the twins once or twice because she is rested and knows she will be handing back to you.
It is something NEW and fun for the twins, so that's probably why they were on good behavior with your SIL.

Mine slept A TON at that stage. We really couldn't go much of anywhere because they could only stay up for 2 hours until they got cranky. So,
they woke up for their first bottle, and I put them right back to bed. Then they woke and were fed and played for a while, after 2 hours, right back for a nap. Repeated through the rest of the day. We stuck to our routine like crazy, and even though my family and friends all thought we were wacko, the girls responded really well. They knew what to expect because it was the same every single day. Especially their before bed routine:
walk in the stroller, bath, bottle, bed. OH - at that age they were still in their snugrides and I just pulled up the canopies when they were in their stroller and they slept while I went for walks. Good luck! It does get easier, I promise, even though there are still some hard days here and there with teething now, I feel a lot better at 9/10 months than I did at 5.

 

HI - I'm right about the same age as you. My girls can't stay awake more than 1.5 hours. As soon as that time comes around they get fussy - sometimes yawns/eye rubbing - but not always - sometimes just fussy. So they go in their cribs and they go right to sleep. I know all babies are not alike, but maybe try putting them down to sleep when they're fussy. how many naps do they get and how long during the day? more naps might help??

Good luck - you're doing great - it's hard!!!!!!

HI - I'm right about the same age as you. My girls can't stay awake more than 1.5 hours. As soon as that time comes around they get fussy - sometimes yawns/eye rubbing - but not always - sometimes just fussy. So they go in their cribs and they go right to sleep. I know all babies are not alike, but maybe try putting them down to sleep when they're fussy. how many naps do they get and how long during the day? more naps might help??

Good luck - you're doing great - it's hard!!!!!!

 

At five months I was putting my babies down for naps after no more than 2 hours of wakefulness. Their first nap of the day was usually 90 minutes after they woke. I read HSHHC and got my ideas from there. As for "fun" we were using the Jolly Jumper, the exersaucers, and we were still taking a lot of walks in the stroller. My babies never napped for much more than 45 minutes at a time at that age so we had four 45-minute naps a day. To keep sane I did one of their naps in the stroller - or else I would have been completely house bound! It sounds like you're not doing anything wrong at all, you just need to tweak things to avoid overtired babies (= cranky mess). Your babies love you to bits and they feel comfy and free enough to make a fuss if something is not quite right when you're around because you're their mama, their one and only. Don't worry about what other people say - my mom is so blinded by love that she can't see anything wrong with the babies any time and there's always an excuse for why one is fussing ("Oh, he's going through a transition period") and an hour later she forgets that anyone ever cried!!

 

Mine are the same age as yours -- and our days are really boring, because babies this age still need a LOT of sleep, and don't do very much in between! I suspect if they're fussy all day that it might be a sleep issue....especially when you say they're fine for an hour in the morning, and then everything unravels -- put them down for a nap, then!

Mine are only awake an hour in the morning, and then max 90-minute blocks for the rest of the day, and usually only 75-minute blocks. It really works for us to be militant about naps, and *always* do them in their room, in their cribs.

If we have to go out to run errands or go to the doctor, etc. -- I schedule it for the morning, because they are most likely to recover from missing that first nap, BTW. If this happens, I keep them up for only 60 minutes later in the day, and let them nap 2 hours until the next feeding.


Here is our schedule right now (roughly):

9:30 am -- Wake up, eat 6 oz., diaper and clothing changes, wash faces and hands, hang out in darkened nursery and sing some songs, play on floor

10:30 am -- Go down for nap

12:30 pm -- Wake and eat 6 oz., play on playmat or on floor with toys

1:45 pm -- Go down for nap

3:30 pm -- Wake and eat 6 oz., sit in Bumbos facing each other to "talk" -- or, more floor time (and tummy time for my DD, who doesn't roll yet)

4:45 pm -- Go down for nap

6:30 pm -- Wake and eat 6 oz., then go downstairs and hang out in bouncies or on the floor while the rest of the family eats dinner. If I get a chance, I read aloud to both the babies and my 3-year-old. My older DD also plays with the babies a bit -- they LOVE to watch her. If we get it together, the whole family takes a walk outside....or we sit outside in the backyard while older DD plays. This won't work as well now in the winter, of course.

7:45 pm to 8:30 pm -- Short catnap. During this time, I bathe my older DD, and then start pumping while DH puts her to bed.

8:30pm -- Wake and watch mobile, do tummy time, hang out and watch some TV with daddy while I finish pumping....then baths, stories, lullabies etc. in a darkened nursery.

9:30 pm -- eat 6 oz., then go to bed



We stick to this routine religiously, and I've found that it makes for babies who are not fussy at all -- and I think it's because they know what to expect every day, and they get plenty of sleep!

 

Oh, hugs to you. :hug99: You're doing a great job, Mommy. Like Liz said, you are thier secure person, which means they feel OK in being crabby, sad, upset, or scream-y around you. Around others, they can't let themselves just "be" like that. That's why, sometimes, babies will be with a grandma or someone and be just fine, but the second you walk in the door, it's wails and cries and upset. They know you are there for them, that you will comfort and cuddle them. It actually shows how secure they are in you.

Here were our schedules around 5 months:



4.5- Month Schedules

6 - 6:30 - Wake
6:45-7 Nurse
Playtime
8:00 Naptime
9:15 or so - wake up
Change diapers, playtime
10:00 Nurse
Playtime
11:15 or so - naptime
Noonish - wake up, change diapers, playtime
1:00 Nurse
Playtime or go out - mall, Target, etc.
2:00ish - nap
4:00 nurse

Try not to let them sleep past 430 but sometimes they need a catnap around 5 depending on how they napped during the day

6:00 - 6:15 Bedtime Routine
Dim lights, shut blinds, “tub-time!”, nighttime lotion, jammies, nurse
7:00 - 7:45 bedtime


3:00 am - nurse


and then this one, around 5.5 months -

6:00ish - Wake up! I keep replacing their nuks and turn on the mobile (soft music) until around 6:30, then we get up, open the blinds, turn on the light, and turn the mobile onto active music. Change diapers and start the day!
6:45 or 7:00 - Nurse. I nurse them on the blue nursing pillow. You can put that around you with a baby on either side and bottle-feed them that way, or you could put them in their carseats and bottle-feed them that way as well (if you are alone - otherwise you can each hold a baby and bottle-feed.)
Playtime! We play on the floor mats in the morning.
8:00 - Naptime. They will nap for about an hour or so, sometimes longer. When they get up, we change diapers and play until 10:00.
NaPTIME: They nap in their swings. Chase goes in the yellow swing and Con in the blue. They each get a blanket to wrap around them, their nuk, and a bunny, and turn the music on the Graco swing on loud. If they wake up and start crying right away, they most likely woke up to early - give them their nuk and they usually drop right back to sleep.
TIP: To get one (usually Chase) to drop off for a nap when he’s tired but can’t get himself to fall asleep, shake the swing from side to side a bit so it jiggles.
10:00 - Nurse.
Playtime!
11:15ish - Naptime. They usually go down for a nap about 2 hours from the time that they woke up, so if they woke at 9, they would nap about 11. If they slept until 9:30, they might not nap until 11:45 or so. Every day is a little different. This nap is unpredictable too, sometimes its 40 minutes, sometimes 2 hours.
When they wake - change diapers.
1:00 - 1:30ish Nurse.
Playtime! If the weather is nice we go for walks or to Target or the mall or something in the afternoon, but if we go somewhere, we leave when their naps would be about to start so when they sleep in the car it doesn’t mess them up too much. Give them their bunnies if you go.
Nap.
4:00 - 4:30ish Nurse.
I try not to let them sleep past 430 so that they go to sleep around 7:00. Sometimes this means going for a walk around 5:30 if they get really fussy, or just continually holding, playing with them until 6:00.

Tubtime! Depending on when they woke from their last nap and how cranky they are, TubTime starts at 6:00 or 6:15. One goes in the cream bouncer with the butterfly toy and a nuk (strap him in on one side or he’ll slide out), the other on a clean towel on the floor. If you say “TubTime!!” they’ll start to smile and laugh, they know what TubTime means and get happy again. The white wicker basket has all their tub time stuff. Fill the blue tub and use the Nighttime bubble bath, then when they get out, use the Goodnight lotion and put into clean pjs. Then the clean baby sits in the bouncer and the other baby gets the bath. I usually put a little more warm water in the tub for baby #2. Watch Chase, he loves to roll so don’t put him too close to the toilet or he’ll roll into it.

6:30ish - Nurse.

Bedtime - Around 7. They fall asleep on the nursing pillow, I usually let them lay there for about 15 minutes past the time they fall asleep and then move them to the crib. Chase goes on the right side of the crib since sometimes he tries to roll in the night and he rolls to his right; otherwise, he’ll roll into Connor and both will start crying.

Wake to nurse - anytime from 2:30 to 4:00 AM.

This is all just a rough outline of a schedule for them. Sometimes they think it’s fun to wake up at 5:30, and won’t go back down to bed, which means they would nap earlier than 8:00. If they are up a lot the night before they will sleep longer during the day. Sometimes they nap for 3 hours and sometimes for 30 minutes. But they always nurse about every 3 hours, they eat more in the early morning and late at night than they do during the day, and they go down to nap about 2 hours from the time they last woke up from a nap. Those guidelines set the day.