Feeling so guilty!

I feel so guilty is saying this, but I am not enjoying my twins right now. They are SO demanding (as you all know), my boy is super fussy all the time unless he is held, evenings are horrible with them both crying and fussing for hours, the lack of sleep is killing me, and on top of it I have a 22 month old who drains the last bit of energy that I have. My DH works long hours so my mom helps me alot, but I still am so overwhelmed.

I didn't feel this way with my older DS. I just keep looking forward to the twins getting bigger. I love them with all my heart but I am ready for the newborn stage to pass because I am not enjoying it at all (*guilt*).

Please tell me I am not alone in feeling this way. I feel like a horrible mother for wishing away this time in their lives.

 

You are VERY VERY normal. We all went through that stage and it will get better soon. My days are just now getting more manageable and they are almost 5 months old. I think around the 4 month mark they started getting easier. I have had Post partum depression and it has been very hard. I care for my babies and older two kids 90 % of the time. I am lucky some days to get a shower or eat or pee. It is getting better though now that they are more content playing and looking at stuff. Two newborns are hard for anyone. I used to say yeah right when I heard this but it WILL get better soon. Hang in there.

 

Oh yes you are normal. I found myself saying things like,"I'll be glad when they......" I too was wishing they would grow up faster. I had a dream one night that changed my way of thinking completely. I no longer say those things. I just started waving the white flag, I surrendered myself to them and all of a sudden it got easier.
Hang in their, I promise it will get better soon.

 

So normal and nothing to feel guilty about. They are a lot of work and right now they are blobs that are helpless and needy. It will get better I promise.

 

I did NOT enjoy newborn twins. I saw my mother cooing over the babies and talking about how wonderful they were every time she visited and I'd think to myself "I just don't see it! They're little energy suckers!" But it got better with time and now they are the loves of my life. Older babies are WAYYYYYY more fun. You'll get there!

 

Oh goodness yes it's normal! Please don't feel guilty. I don't know if it's possible to enjoy a newborn all the time and two is insane. It's really the most overwhelming thing I can imagine going through in terms of exhaustion and stress. People would say "Oh, enjoy every minute...it goes so fast" and I'd be thinking "Really??? Because I don't think it's going fast enough...I'd like to fast forward to 6 months!" Hang in there. You have a lot on your plate. I really don't know how you moms with toddlers do this infant twin/toddler thing. It's crazy. Good news is it does pass and there are little moments of bliss in each day...even when it's hard.

 

You are totally normal! Twinfants are HARD!!! It will get better. Don't feel guilty at all!

 

QUOTE
Please tell me I am not alone in feeling this way. I feel like a horrible mother for wishing away this time in their lives.

:hug99:
You are not alone! Not by a long shot. I remember so clearly how awful this time was and thinking exactly the same things you are. It's hard not to feel guilty but try not be too hard on yourself. Right now you are just trying to keep up with them - it's pretty much just work. My DS was really fussy and I used to get so frustrated about it. Once we made it to 3 months things got so much better.

Remember, if you were a horrible mom you wouldn't be here worrying about it. Hang in there!

 

You are soooo not alone in this! Someone reminded me the other day that sleep deprivation is so hard on our bodies that some countries have used it as a form of torture.

Try to enjoy the good moments when they come, but don't beat yourself up when you're not enjoying it. :hug99:

I felt like things have been getting much more rewarding as they have become more responsive to me over the past few weeks, smiling and cooing. Maybe if you smile at them even when smiling is the last thing you feel like doing, their smiles will cheer you up.

Hang in there!!!

 

QUOTE(joannabug @ Feb 5 2008, 10:33 AM) [snapback]606403[/snapback]
Someone reminded me the other day that sleep deprivation is so hard on our bodies that some countries have used it as a form of torture.


That's true! I never thought of it that way. Since I had a c-section I can't say..."I labored for 10 hours and pushed you out of my womb..." as a guilt trip comment for when they are older. Now I can say "You tortured me for ___ months!"

 

QUOTE
That's true! I never thought of it that way. Since I had a c-section I can't say..."I labored for 10 hours and pushed you out of my womb..." as a guilt trip comment for when they are older. Now I can say "You tortured me for ___ months!"


:rotflmbo:

I told DH that when it comes time we will be putting an alarm clock in their room for various nighttime wakings!!!

 

Thanks so much for all your comments.....I feel so much better knowing that feeling the way I do is normal right now.

 

You are not alone! I do the same thing. We get up in the morning and it is all smiles and happy- then the crying and fussing starts and drives me insane! I feel helpless, guilty, sad, happy all at the same time! I go back to work on Thursday and am acutally looking FORWARD to it

 

Totally normal... do not feel guilty. I didn't really 'enjoy' mine at that age either.

The 4 month mark was much better! Then it gets better and better as they become mobile.

 

I agree with everyone else that what you are feeling is so completely normal. I think we all have experienced that feeling in one form or another during the first months. In fact, I HATED having twins until around 6 months. I loved them to pieces, but it was so hard and stressful that sometimes I found myself wishing I only had one.

Now that the very difficult first year is over things are a million times better and I love having two!!! Just give it time - it does get better. :hug99:

 

What you are feeling is so normal. I was in the exact same situation you were in. I had a toddler, infant twins and DH was going to school and working so he was gone a lot. I had very similar feelings you expressed in your first post.

Some suggestions that helped me is to take a few minutes for yourself everyday. Whether you leave them in their cribs for 15 minutes and have a good shower or having just a few hours by yourself.

Also, take lots of pictures of them, they grow up so fast.

Another thing that is helped me was trying to coordinate their naps so everyone was sleeping at the same time. It took a few months, but when it started to happen consistently it was wonderful mommy time.

HTH! Life is so crazy when twins are so young and especially when you add a rambunctious toddler to the mix.

 

No, you are not the only one. I HATED the newborn stage. It was soooooooooo hard and overwhelming. I actually did not start to even enjoy being a mommy until they were about 9 months old and then something changed within me and from that day I have been in love with my girls. But it took 9 months to get there.

 

"You are totally normal! Twinfants are HARD!!! It will get better. Don't feel guilty at all!"

Yep! :hug99:

 

Yup, I feel the same way at times. There are days that I cannot wait for the moment that they are potty trained, sleep through the night and can entertain themselves. I keep feeling like I am just not meant to be a Mommy to newborns. But in the same respect, I love them to pieces.

 

no it's so normal. My twins are 2 1/2 months old now and it's just starting to get a little easier. You start fnding your own routine or techniques that work. What it sounds like you need is "you" time. Maybe you can have someone watch them for a couple hours while you go in your room and sleep or just have you time.

 

I'm right there with you.

Being a new mom on top of them out numbering me...it can be so overwhelming! I can not imagine doing with an older child in the mix.

:hug99:

 

:hug99:

 

You are so not alone!! I felt the same way! Those evenings of unconsolable fussiness and having a toddler to pay attention to- it's so hard. I enjoyed my dd's first few months of life so much more than my boys because having 2 newborns is really frigging hard. With my dd I had all the time in the world to just sit and hold her and cuddle and bond, but with 2 new babies and a toddler- there's hardly time to go to the bathroom let alone sit and enjoy a quiet moment with your newborn. It will get better, though- it already has for me. They're pretty much over those night time fussy spells and I'm enjoying them so much more. I felt guilty for wanting them to take a nap so I could rest, but I think that's a normal survival mode reaction. Good luck and don't feel bad at all!!!!

 

Just wanted to say THANK YOU for posting this. Reading this thread made me feel so much more normal and not like a horrible mother for not really enjoying that newborn stage either. As another poster said - I would get up in the morning and they would be all happy and smiling and then by the afternoon I would feel like I was going to go crazy if they didn't stop crying. Once I went back to work I would look forward to Mondays so much after a long weekend of listening to them cry and fuss. I was always feeling guilty about it and now I that I read this I am going to stop doing that. And for what it's worth, mine are five and a half months and in the past two weeks they have gotten so much easier and less demanding. I really feel like we have turned a corner and it is only going to get easier from here (at least until we hit the terrible twos!!

 

About 3-4 months it got alot easier for me. Now that they are 6 mo it is even better. Just hold on, you can do it. If you have help try to take a nap while she is there. The lack of sleep kills you. Good luck, you can make it through.

 

You are SO not alone! I hated the newborn phase. It is all work and pretty much no reward. I can't even imagine what it's like with an older child. I remember in those days opening up the Carter's clothes with that cheesy little poem on the tag that's something like "one warm hug to hold you near/there's so much love in just one year" and being like "What the ****?!" I had PPD at the time, but it really seemed like parenthood was just some squalid form of torture that everyone just pretends they love so that they can con more unwitting victims into it! :lol:

But like pps have said, 3-4 mo is a big turning point, and it just gets better and better. Every month is a bit easier than the last one. When my babies were newborns, I hated being a mom. And now I couldn't possibly be more in love with my babies. I'd die for them. :wub: (And most days I no longer feel like I am in the process of dying for them!!! :lol: )

 

What you are feeling is SO normal! I can remember feeling that way when my twins were their age...I couldn't wait for the next step. I was in complete survival mode for months. For us it was like a switch flipped right around the 6 month mark...looking back I can't even remember how terrible those days were. I had so many women here telling me it would get better, but I just prayed for the days to breeze by until it actually WOULD get better. Hang in there, and know that this too shall pass! Sending hugs your way

 

:hug99: I'm right there with you and completely understand. You're not alone.