Feeling overwhelmed and scared

I just need to talk this out, no one seems to understand me. Since my twins were born I have times that I feel overwhelmed and scared that I CAN'T DO THIS. Raising these two little lives is the biggest responsibility I ever took on and I am scared. I thought as time went on I would stop feeling this way but it hasn't gone away. A few times they were both sick, at the same time, with vomiting and I felt powerless and so scared. I love them so much and I would never change anything. My twins are the greatest thing that ever or will ever happen to me. THEY ARE PRICELESS but I wish I wouldn't feel so scared and it isn't all the time but most of the time. My DH said I need to stop worrying about things that didn't happen yet but that is how I live day to day always worried about the next time they get sick or when they cry at the same time can I comfort them both the way a mother should be. Now that they are hitting their terrible twos they throw fits and always want what they can't have and I keep wondering can I handle this stage as a good mother?
When they were first born I cried so much wondering what did I get myself into, wasn't that terrible way to feel, so scared and unsure of myself. I have driven myself to stomach pains and that is just crazy because I have two beautiful healthy twins and a happy marriage there isn't anything in life I would change. Then why can't I enjoy it like I should be?

This site has been a huge help. I read all the new postings and so many things I can relate too and this helps me feel much better.

Thanks for listening this helped me feel better.

 

Believe me, I (and many other moms on the boards) can relate. I wonder all the time who ever decided that I could be a good parent (and so often feel like I am not one). Doing the best I can feels SO inadequate much of the time.

That said, it sounds like what you are feeling is even stronger and more disabling than the norm. I would highly recommend that you try some kind of counseling. It may be covered by your health insurance, if you are working your employer may have an Employee Assistance Program (that offers several sessions for free, and no, your employer doesn't get any info about it).

I was so miserable when my twins were babies that I finally got some counseling. I don't know if it was true PPD, but it was pretty awful. Counseling didn't make everything magically better, but it did help a lot. It may help you figure out which of your worries are worth worrying about and how to put aside those that are not.

In addition, if it's at all possible with your schedule, I highly recommend exercise as a way to deal with these feelings (this is actually the "prescription" I got from the psychologist I saw). When I do exercise, somehow it helps me deal with all the other stuff. It's so easy to put taking care of your self last on the list of priorities, but how can you take care of your children and your family if you're not taking care of yourself.

My twins are 2 1/2 now, so I'm not at a point to say that it all magically gets better (maybe it does eventually?) but just to say that I understand.

Good luck and lots of hugs.

Rachel

 

Rachel's given you some awesome advice! I believe exercise really helps, and when I'm feeling overwhelmed, it's usually because I've let that slide.

I would try keeping a journal. It doesn't have to be a record of every moment, but maybe a daily list of things that went well, cute things your kids did/said, even concerns/worries. I think listing your accomplishments will help you see all that you are doing well. And writing out your fears might help them seem less overwhelming -- somehow writing mine down allows me to let them go rather than swirl around endlessly in my head.

If it's any consolation, my boys are about to turn 6 and I look back on those first 2-3 years as a MAJOR accomplishment! It's hard! You are doing a great job, and your babies are lucky to have you as a mom -- and pretty soon they'll be telling you that too

 

I have felt like that at certain times. I think besides the newborn phase, the time when Ainsley wouldn't nap and would scream if I put her in the crib was the hardest. I got absolutely no down time all day. I would just sit there and cry some days.
I really think you should talk to someone. Having two at once can be very overwhelming at times. Is there any way you could hire a mother's helper? Maybe someone just to entertain them for a couple hours while you get some other things done, or even just sit on your butt and take a break!

Stick around TS. I've found almost no one IRL can relate. TS is about the only place I have where people really "get" what I am dealing with sometimes! :hug99:

 

not only can i relate but .. i actually talk mine out.. not necessarally sp with regret but.. the why did i get myself into this mess..

every decision i make affects these little people who i love so much..

the big difference.. im doing it by myself.. ( with moms help)

any mistake i make the x and his parents want my kids with everything that they are.. (evil)

its very normal to feel anxiety.. the best thing my dr gave me was xanex.
for when the stuff hits the fan..

like signing divorce papers.. and job transition.. or the millionth time he threatens to take me to court..

other than that.. eh.. mom did a good job with me..
ill try my best to be everything to my three.. but the best is all i can do..

please pm me if you need someone.
m

 

:hug99: The pp gave you some wonderful advice. I just want to send some hugs and support and say that I have the same feelings you speak of. I get worried that I am just not good enough for these two humans. I think it is normal when you love someone so much, but at the same time it shouldn't take over the whole day. As someone else suggested, help for a few hours is what pretty much saves my day sometimes. Sorry I didn't have better advice. :friends:

 

I think sometimes when you are in the middle of a situation, that is all you can think about. When your babies were first born, it was a 24 hour job with no time to think about life outside. Sometimes it's hard to break free of the pattern that you need to think about them every single minute. But if you develop some time away to just work on you, and to learn to trust that they will be ok, everyone will be happier. You may also want to consider taking an anti-anxiety medicine to help you overcome those feelings. It may be something that would help you to relax and realize that you are doing fine and so are your babies. Good luck!

 

I just wanted to tell you you are not the only one! This is a huge responsibility, raising children, and frankly we've got double duty on the normal fears and frustrations of parenting.
Do take the advice you've gotten here- I see a therapist, I'm on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds and I exercise 5 days a week. These things take the edge off, but I still feel parenting is a huge challenge for me.
Hang in there.

 

Sounds like you might be dealing with some depression as well as the typical Mommy worries. I would spend some time with your doctor and see if you could get help. Counseling, time at the gym time with yourself, time with your girl friends and some great funny movies will help.

We all have been there. I think I have been there 2 times already today. It can affect your marriage in larger cases, which will in turn affect your kids, so please do not waste time speaking to a professional.

Good Luck and many, many hugs your way.

 

I had a meltdown last week!! Somedays I feel like I didn't sign up for this!!! While my kids are the best things ever sometimes I do wish my life were more simple and I didn't have to split my time between the kids and work....

just wanted to let you know you aren't alone!

 

And I went on a shopping rampage at TRU today to try and make up for snapping at the kids this morning. I know that doesn't help, and hurts in some ways, but everything is away in the closet for some special occasion. I wish I could say I always felt like I was a good Mom, but I try to be, and I think that's the main thing. I don't have any better advice than you already have been given, but others have made it through this, and we will, too.

 

I just want to say that you described my feeling with my girls their first 8 months to a "T". They are 14 months now. I exercise every day and I am also on a low dose anti-depressant (Zoloft 25mg/day). I was SO against taking something. I tried everything first. Talking myself out of it, exercising, drinking wine at night....I would still lay in bed and not be able to sleep b/c my stomach was in knots worrying that my girls would get sick the next day or....etc...etc...anything you can think of worrying about....I feel bad now looking back on it, that it took me so long to mention it to my doctor b/c I feel like my husband got the worst of it - me worrying or crying....

So, I finally mentioned it to my ob/gyn and she suggested taking an anti-depressant...I had the prescription for a few weeks before I had the courage to fill it. I must say that it has really helped me. I don't stress out about things like I used to; I don't fly off the handle emotionally like I used to; I don't worry excessively about how good or bad I am as a mother like I used to; I feel like I am actually enjoying my girls as opposed to worrying about them constantly.

Please feel free to PM me if you want. This website has been a HUGE help for me! I always turn here when I have a problem or a question b/c I don't have any friends that are moms of twins. And, while it is a huge blessing, it can also be extra stressful at times. I also don't want you to think that you HAVE to take meds to feel better. I am just telling you my story just to show you what worked for me. The exercise does help too!! I take a long walk/jog with my girls every day and it does help clear my head!! If you were here I would give you a BIG hug!!

 

I can relate too.

Wellbutrin, a therapist, breaks from the kids, etc.... They all help. We put so much pressure on ourselves as moms. I try to remember that's not good for anyone (the kids, dh, etc). It's hard to do... but try to take care of yourself. We'd all be better moms if we carved out time to actually take care of OUR selves. The 1 thing that I manage to do: massage appt every 2 wks. Helps tremendously, physically & emotionally.

 

QUOTE(debbeeanne @ Sep 5 2007, 02:57 PM) [snapback]394174[/snapback]
You may also want to consider taking an anti-anxiety medicine to help you overcome those feelings. It may be something that would help you to relax and realize that you are doing fine and so are your babies. Good luck!


I agree with this. While I know how overwhelming motherhood can be, the fact that you are completely consumed with worry and concern makes me think that perhaps a visit with your doctor might be a good idea. It's normal to love and worry about decisions we make everyday for our little ones and to question our parenting skills from time to time but the way you are describing yourself sounds a bit more intense. I have several people in my life who suffer from anxiety/panic disorder and it can be regulated with medication. I'm not saying this is what you have (I'm not a doctor) but you may want to look into it as an option to figure out why you feel so overwhelmed with the emotion of not being good enough for your babies and always being consumed by the "what ifs." It can be soooooooooo hard and you are right, being a parent is the hardest job ANYONE will ever take on but when you are constantly worrying about the future (what do I do if they get sick, what happens if they get hurt etc.) then you fail to live in the now and enjoy every moment you have with your sweeties. Whatever you decide to do just remember that you are a FANTASTIC mother. The fact that you worry and question yourself on everything just goes to show that you truly love your kids and want the absolute best for them. GL and please keep us posted on how you are doing.

 

PS MY OTHER BIGGEST FEAR.. IS FINANCIALLY THEY ARE MINE

WHAT IF I CANT WK.. GOD KNOWS THE X WONT ..

THAT BEING SAID.. INSTEAD OF THINKING I HAVE TO WK FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS..

HOW ABOUT.. ENJOYING THE JOB I HAVE TODAY AND FIGURE OUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT COMES UP..

IM ENJOYING TALKING TO YOU

M

 

Some days are tough, some weeks are tough, some months are tough. I am sorry that you are having such a tough time. It does get a little easier as they mature. It is an extremely difficult job to be a Mom especially to twins.
Hang in there! :wavey: