Feeling miserable (vent)

My dh and I aren't getting along. Try as I may, I can't help using him as a whipping post. We had a talk about it over the weekend. I told him I'd stop.

Well I got so overwhelmed today with them crying, the demands of work (I work from home) the dog acting out, I called and freaked out on him, then threw the phone against the wall.
I feel so overwhelmed. None of my friends come by, and I feel so isolated.
I'm stressed about Christmas. There's no $$, and I'm just not in the mood. To top it off, the next 2 weekends he has to work, which leaves me doing it ALL.

My mother offered to come down, but she's going through cancer and it winds up being more work for me. I told her she's no help top me, and know I hurt her feelings.

Another thing. I work hard to look good. I shower, do my makeup and dress decently every day. Yet my dh never notices anyhting. I never get one da** compliment, and I'm sick of it.

I'm tired of being taken for granted. I truly love my girls, but motherhood doesn't feel too enjoyable right now. Nothing does.
And yes, I'm on medication.

 

My dh and I aren't getting along. Try as I may, I can't help using him as a whipping post. We had a talk about it over the weekend. I told him I'd stop.

Well I got so overwhelmed today with them crying, the demands of work (I work from home) the dog acting out, I called and freaked out on him, then threw the phone against the wall.
I feel so overwhelmed. None of my friends come by, and I feel so isolated.
I'm stressed about Christmas. There's no $$, and I'm just not in the mood. To top it off, the next 2 weekends he has to work, which leaves me doing it ALL.

My mother offered to come down, but she's going through cancer and it winds up being more work for me. I told her she's no help top me, and know I hurt her feelings.

Another thing. I work hard to look good. I shower, do my makeup and dress decently every day. Yet my dh never notices anyhting. I never get one da** compliment, and I'm sick of it.

I'm tired of being taken for granted. I truly love my girls, but motherhood doesn't feel too enjoyable right now. Nothing does.
And yes, I'm on medication.

 

Hi girlzmom2b,
I wanted to let you know that I am glad you posted your feelings. We understand and I hope you can find a couple of minutes for yourself. A shower, some hershey kisses. Is there a twins group you can join in your town? Please feel free to email me if you want to talk. I know this is not much, but please know we are here for you.
Tracy

 

I went through this with my first, it does get better, once they start walking and communicating, you will find you have little buddies, that you can talk too and giggle with. Hang in there!

 

I feel the SAME WAY you do right now!! My twins are 6 weeks old and I feel like I am being taken for granted. I am totally burned out right now. I am finally getting a sitter one time per week, which I cannot wait. I have been fighting with my husband because I want him to appreciate just how hard this job is to handle!!

Just know that you are not alone in what you are going through. And, I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!!! I really do - I know how hard you are working and what you are doing for your family. It will pay off. When I get overwhelmed, I just sit and look at the babies. They are totally worth it. This is the greatest job on Earth...and, the most difficult.

Hang in there and post anytime!!

jen

 

Oh Sweetie!! I'm so sorry you are having a hard time!! I have to say KUDOS to you for getting ready with make up and hair everyday!! YOU GO GIRL!!!

Sorry you are having a rough patch with DH and that your mom is sick as well!! I wish you and she well!! You have a great deal of stress in your life, so there's no wonder that you are needing an outlet. Sounds like you need a BIGGER outlet (i.e. a way to get out of the house a few times a week!!)

Best wishes!

 

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I feel bad.. my girls are so amazing. They bring smiles all day long.
My dh- he tries and does great with them.
The no compliment thing is an ongoing issue since the beginning. I guess I have to pick my battles.

Sometimes I can be a brat- I admit it...

 

HAHAHA!

My DH forgets to compliment too!!

How about you tell me how BEAUTIFUL I am every day and I will tell YOU!

You're doing GREAT Mommy! Our Boys were born on May 1st so we're almost outta the hardest NO SLEEP part. Head up Momma!


BB

 

I felt the same way through the first 4 and a half months. I finally had to sit my DH down and tell him exactly how I was feeling and let him vent too! I became the way too bosy type, one day I screamed at him for lying on the bed with his work clothes on (not fresh clean ones to match the fresh clean sheets, of course!) Well, needless to say he let me know that I can't freak about everything and he is tired and overwhelmed too. But, I love watching him with the boys and he finally started to get it when I started sqeezing (and I mean s-q-u-e-e-z-i-n-g) nice words into my day for him. The reality is we were sleep deprived and headed down the path of hating each other and neither one of us wanted it.

A not so subtle way to get compliments....start posting them around your house, for yourself (on the mirror "I am fabulously beautiful") he may eventually feel bad that you are doing it for yourself and do it for you. But hats off for getting all cute everyday. It's my birthday today and I walked around in a tank top, grey undies and black and white stripped socks that came to my knees, simply because I never got the time to find some pants that were clean.

Hope you get the peace of mind you need, real soon! Hugs!

 

The first year is HARD! Being home all day can get to be very isolating, especially during cold and flu season. None of my old friends had been around since I had my son so i guess Im used to it by now.

My dh NEVER compliments me....I lost all 40 pregnancy lbs and then an additional 15 lbs in the first 2 months after having them but does he say anything??? NOPE not one thing. On the occations that I do get all done up for him, he says nothing. It finally got to the point where I told him flat out that since he doesnt seem to notice the hour wasted for me to put makeup on and do my hair then I wouldnt do it anymore. He said he does notice but until he starts saying something I quit doing it. I take a shower adn put on sweats and thats it. If I go to a work function with him I do put on makeup and do my hair but taht is it now.
What it seems like so many times is men get all pissy if you dont tell them how wonderful they are yet we never hear a thing and we are doing the most important job of raising their children.

 

Your situation sounds a lot like mine. I too get so frustrated with my DH about being overworked and unappreciated. I work from home too and I feel like many times he doesn’t see my work as stressful as his. I have to remind him that it’s not easy to care for twins while a company is screaming about deadlines for my work. I too have a dog that acts out and now with the cold weather my DH asked me to let him stay in the house during the day. Oh, that makes my life soooo much easier. Now I have one more thing to look after. When I get really frustrated about the lack of help he does around the house I make out a list of all the things we need to do on the weekend. Then I get two colored pens and say o.k. start choosing the ones you can accomplish. He likes it because I’m not just yelling at him to do the work.
Hats off to you for showering and looking good! I’m in sweats everyday and only shower right before bed to get the spit up smell off.
As for XMAS tell your family that twins cost a lot and you are only doing cards this year. If it makes you feel less guilty tell them you all have plenty right now and would just like cards as well. That’s what we did with most of our family.
Hang in there you are doing great! Take some deep breaths and take one day at a time.
Good Luck.

 

Having children forever changes the marriage. Communication, physical love, respect, and fun are changed permenantly. I am not saying that it is a bad thing. Now instead of cuddling on the couch while sharing our days, I toss my dh a baby and a bottle and we talk briefly about his work, if the kids did something dumb, cute, or I discovered a new allergy, then we burp, put them down and move on with other things like dinner. We don't have the time for sex we once had. And we don't laugh with each other, we laugh with our kids. We no longer have to dress and smell amazing to feel appreciated, bc there is so much more love to go around. There is now more to our relationship than each other, not that our time together isn't precious, but our kids wil only be kids for a few years and we still have a lifetime together. I would rather have him take my ds sledding and have him make a great memory for the both of them, and to sit at home cuddled on the couch watching a movie. It doesn't make your relationship easier or better, just different. When you look back on this time in your life, you will smile, whether you feel that way now or not. It goes so so fast.