Feeling like the worst mom ever!

Oh where to start. Well how about how this morning DS tells me "I wish I had a different mom". Really? "Where did you hear this?" he says, "The cat in the hat movie!!!!" YIKES!!! DS has always been such a sweet easy going boy, but since her turned 4, I'm not sure what has happened. He's name calling, hitting is sister, talking back, etc. He's had his mouth washed out with soap even!!!From the moment they wake up in the morning until they go to bed at night it's pretty much non stop fighting and yelling. Don't forget all the tattling. Honestly our house is just no fun all all right now. Also, they watch entirely too much tv!! Which I know is bad, but honestly it's the only times when things are quiet and I can get a little break. Yesterday, we turned off the tv from 9 a.m. til 12 and honestly it was miserable. My two don't seem to play bythemselves or each other all. If they do it's very short lived. I realized the tv thing was such a problem, because before Christmas when I was trying to think of what to buy DD, I couldn't think of anything, because mostly she would watch tv 24/7 if you let her!!! With all of these issues I just go right ahead a blame myself!!! I taught 4th grade for eleven years before I got pregnant, I know everything I should be doing, I've taken child psych. and child development, etc. I know what I should be doing, that's what makes me blame myself even more!!! Financially, I'm going to need to be looking to go back to teaching next school year, and honestly, I'm looking forward to it. Also, DD is still wetting her pants (I have another post about this), it is literally making me crazy!!! We've tried 1-2-3 magic, which I think is great, and it works when DH and I can do it the right way, with no emotion, but honestly sometimes they get the better of me and I just end up yelling again (I never though I would be a yeller). Then I just feel completely guilty, like a horrible mom again!!

Thanks for letting me get this out!!!! Hoping things should improve next week. Right now we're coming off of three weeks with no school for the kids (they go two days a week), 2 weeks were school vacation, then both kids were sick all last week, now DH and I are sick too. We've been cooped up in the house do to sickness and bad weather. Hopefully we'll get back to our normal schedule and things will improve.

 

You are so not alone. It's just really hard sometimes. We're going through a pretty rough patch here too and I never thought I'd turn into a yeller either, but here I am. I don't do any of those great things I should be doing either... everything is just too much of a hassle with two. I try activities, it ends up in tears and frustration. Way too much tv here because at least they're controlled and not destroying the house. I thought preschool twice a week would help but it's still not enough. I envy you, I wish I could work but I wouldn't make enough to cover the cost of daycare. I'd work week ends but I don't trust dh with the kids. Seriously I don't know how I'm going to make it until Kindergarten.

 

Your DS really has you pegged, doesn't he? How do such little beings manage to manipulate so perfectly? :headbang:
I think 1-2-3 Magic is great also, but it might take too much from you right now. In this situation, IMHO, DS needs a come to Jesus (sorry for the religious phrase). I would simply find his currency and cash it in. Whether it's watching tv, playing with games, whatever.
He's old enough to understand a simple misbehave = consequence discussion. So when it's calm or he's at his calmest (is that when he wakes up, after breakfast, etc), sit him down and calmly explain what will happen. "We love you very much, but your behavior is unacceptable. We are all members of this family and all deserve to have peace in our home. Every time you do X, Y or Z, you will lose A. Every.single.time."

We went through something very similar with one of our sons. We tolerated it for a while because we felt bad about moving and disrupting his life. Then we reached a breaking point. He had some horrible scream fests, slamming doors, telling us he didn't love us, etc. Those were some dark weeks for us. But we tried to be as consistent as we could. He spent a lot of time in his room in timeout (his currency - he hates to be separated and alone). Life is much better, and he listens better. The results today were worth the pain of getting there. And implementing the consequence will be painful. It will get worse before it gets better.

 

I could have written this post myself when the girls turned 4. They went from my sweet, easy going girls, to absolute hellians. They began arguing constantly, talking back, whining, it just seemed to never end. From 4 to about 4 3/4 was honestly not a fun time in our house. Now that they are 5, so much better. They still argue and whine, but it's not constantly like it was there for about 8 months. I though I would never make it through that patch, but I honestly think it's just the age. It's a tough age, or was in our house anyway, but just a couple of months shy of 5 is when it all began to turn around.

 

Just wanted to offer :hug: :hug: :hug: . Staying at home with them all the time can take it's toll for sure. We were out for 2 weeks of school too and it got rough towards the end. Hopefully, once the normal routine starts back up again (and everyone is well) things will improve a bit. I agree..that it is probably (partly) the age. Hang in there!

 

When people tell me that "it is just a phase" I usually want to punch them in the face =) But ... it is probably just a phase :gah: I know how frustrating it is to hear that ... but I find, with mine, it is always something and/or somebody ... it scares the daylights out of me to read that when they turn 4 is when it gets hard because I feel like it has been hard ... and when people told me (when they were infants) that it got better at 6 months or 1 or 2 or whatever ... I really thought that I wouldn't live that long! But you know what ... I did =) And you will too ... just breathe and take it one day at a time ... and stop beating yourself up ... when I was pregnant with #3 we watched all kinds of TV but then she was born, she got a little older, life got easier, weather got better ... and we shifted to less TV and more doing stuff ... maybe you should try baby steps ... instead of saying NO TV!!! Maybe after a few shows then say ... OK lets turn this off and do something fun! I find, too, that when I can really sit and devote some play time to them ... say half an hour where I do just what they want me to do (just try to forget about the dishes/piling laundry for a bit) ... Playdoh, fly them around the room, let them brush my hair and/or paint my nails ... etc ... really just sit and focus on them for a while ... then the will generally give me some "off" time after that ... It is those days where the baby is fussy and I am trying to do 100 things while also take care of them ... that is when they act up ... just to get the attention ... when I can give them the attention up front for a while ... then I can generally "sneak" off to do my own thing without too much fuss. I am really lucky that my girls play well together (at the time being, anyway Hang in there ... but I do want to say ... please don't think you are a bad Mom ... we all have our moments ... and when I have mine, I feel terrible too but just the fact that you are worried about it shows that you care.

 

:hug: I hope you and your dh are feeling a bit better and you've gotten some great advice! The only thing I can add is to be consistent with what ever you chooose to do. They are old enough to "work" for their tv time. Then you don't feel so bad for giving it. If they are good in the morning and say eat all their breakfast then they can have tv for 30 minutes. Just a thought.
Good luck! :hug:

 

This is a very hard time of year, sickness, too much togetherness...my kids behavior is not so great right now either. It's very hard. Every day is a new day. Maybe you could make a plan to get out of the house with them and go do some fun things...the library, a museum (get free passes from your local library, etc.) Maybe just a little change to the routine and a little variety will snap everyone out of it and then you will feel better and can get a fresh start on the 1-2-3 Magic and maybe things will start to fall into place a bit. I am a teacher (have taught 4th grade for many years with a few spurts at some stay-at-home mom time) so I know the feelings you are talking about. But I also know it's a lot easier sometime to manage/discipline 25 nine year olds, who all go home at the end of the day...than to manage/discipline young children/twins who are at home all day with you!!! Totally different ball-game. I'm sure some of it's transferrable but it's so different when they are your own and I truly think they usually save all their bad behavior for their mother cause they know we love them unconditionally!

By the way, the Cat and the Hat movie is banned in our house. I hate it when they take kids books and make them into movies that are inappropriate for kids. Dr. Suess must be rolling in his grave! My kids started coming up with some fresh things recently and then I realized it was from that movie! I've since hidden it!

Good luck!
Shannon