feeling like the worlds crappiest mom

every night i feel like cr*p
i feel like i sit here. think about my day and my time i get to be home in the summer with my loves and think - all i do is yell that the 4yo twins need to be better listeners.

is this normal at this age for them to just NOT listen????
their teacher at camp this week - be better listeners. i feel like they pick on my kids only. me at home. we are doing an incentive jar. jars are almost filled. told the kids if they were *good* listeners today i would fill their jars to the top so they can get their 'treat!' DIDNT HAPPEN

they wont nap anymore
i have to SIT in their rooms so that they dont talk

im just feeling so crummy....i feel like people spend the day telling my kids to be better listeners and all i want to do is hug them and tell them how awesome they are.

vent over.

 

We're 3.5 and having different growing pains, but I feel ya in general. I hate the time spent disciplining and redirecting and coaching and yelling. More yelling than I'm proud of. :grouphug: We're doing our best, though!

 

I think it is totally normal at this age. And it is perfectly okay to just hug them and tell them how awesome they are and how much you love them. Cause at the end of the day... they will learn to listen. Eventually. Then they will hit the teen years.

Have a yes day. Whatever they ask (obviously within safe limits) let them do. Picnic breakfast, ice cream for lunch, pillow fight with mom, wrestle with mom, water hose play etc. We have the book and just had our first yes day this summer. I did make suggestions/plant ideas and we did have a few limits for physical safety but it was very renewing and rewarding.

 

My kids are terrible listeners as well, and I also feel like I spend a lot of time fussing at them, redirecting them, repeating myself a million times, and breaking up scuffles. I also do a lot of hugging and praise the good things they do to try and balance it out, but I totally hear you. My kids are starting preschool in a couple of weeks, and I know it's going to be a tough transition (AND I feel for their teacher!!)

 

i love the YES day!
how do i explain this to the kids?

 

I love that idea, too! I couldn't reply immediately because I was saving my 5,000th post for Miriam, but I want to do it. Expand on this.

 

Totally loving the Yes Day idea!

 

I hear ya. My twins are 4 as well and we definitely have those days. My husband says he feels like a drill sergeant sometimes and wishes he didn't have to discipline them during the few hours he sees them a day. Of course, I feel the same way too and I am with the ALL day.

My guys only nap a few times a week and when they do, I also have to stay with them until they fall asleep... usually 30 minutes. It took me a while to finally give up the glorious daily nap. Bedtime is much easier now, though.

I really like the idea of a "yes" day... we'll have to try that!

Remember that discipline is hard but you are doing them (and the world) a huge favor!! Good luck, mama!

 

I read the Yes day book to them several times and then read it to them before bedtime one night and told them tomorrow would be a yes day. We talked about things they might want to do. I told them that I would have to say no if it was an unsafe activity and gave a few examples and then went back to discussing what they might want to do.

They wanted to stay in their PJs all day. I made them Pancakes and Waffles for breakfast (usually I make them pick). We wrestled and had a pillow fight. Had ice cream for lunch. Finger painted (the one time I got them out of their PJs). And I basically played with them the entire day since what they wanted was my undivided attention all day long. We went for a walk (in their PJs) to their favorite tree climbing spot. Had a water fight in the backyard. Had pizza and popcorn in bed while watching a movie (big treat at our house since they don't watch TV). Stayed up late. And I read a huge stack of books at bedtime.

I did what the article suggests and tried to ask leading questions so really while it was a "yes" day it was not over the top. I also told them it was a special occasion. I plan to do another one this winter when we are stuck inside.

 

Most 4 year olds DO need to be better listeners. It's part of learning and growing. It's hard. And harder when there are two of them. I don't know what the best answer is for not yelling. Right now, mine is talking in a silly voice... but I find I need it more with my 13 year old than my 4 year old. Yesterday, I used it a lot about dishes. I wanted to yell, but bit my tongue and changed my tone. When my son asked why I was talking like that, I told him. "I'm totally frustrated and feeling like yelling. But I don't want to yell at you, so this is what you get. Do the freaking dishes and you won't have to hear it." All in a high squeaky voice. Haha. We were both laughing and he actually did dishes... while rolling his eyes at me A LOT.

 

If they have listening issues at home - and I agree with everyone else, what 4 yo does not? - does not mean that the same issues will arise at pre-school. Our feedback from pre-school is that different things are challenging than at home and totally different things work very well for DD, for DS the feedback is consistent with what we experience. So DD really seems to have an at home and an outside-world side to her personality.

I am going to try this idea! I often think I should use some ridiculous humour instead of letting situations get out of hand, but I often do not have an idea in the moment when I feel like yelling.

 

I swear my kids dont hear my nice voice...they dont even pretend to listen until I am screaming like a fool-and then they are all like 'why are you being so mean?' :aggressive:

Hang in there, they go through phases...but its NOT you!! I'd just try saying things like 'mommy is asking you nicely right now, but if I have to ask you again I am going to use my mean voice'....then give them a *high five* everytime they listen the first time-make a huge deal of it and say 'I'm so proud of you for listening to me the first time!!! THANK YOU!!'

Good luck!!

 

I love the idea of a "yes day". I try and praise my kids as much as possible when they do listen. We have a "well done dance" ( a silly little dance that I made up)that they love. I have also found if my two don't listen, I have to get down on their level and make them look at me. Often they are so involved in what they are busy with at that moment.

 

Yes, this! Mine just keep doing what they are doing unless I physically stop them!!! I feel like I repeat everything 3 times. They are starting preschool in the fall and we have tried to get them in a few activities to get them prepared to listen to others. In swimming lessons we were told that DD would pass if she could learn to listen. In gymnastics, we are told that they are stronger than most of the kids in their level but they need to learn to listen. Ugh! It's especially frustrating because I know that I was the type of kid who acted up if I got bored and I have a feeling DD is the same. She is so much worse at gymnastics than my hyper boy is and I think it is because she is thinking, "seriously, you're making me practice that skill for the 64000th time." I wish they would just let them try to level up and I am sure they would surprise everyone, but it seems like everyone elses kids are these quiet little mice who just sit there and do nothing.

 

We are right there with you!
I too, love the idea of a YES day! I can't wait to try it.
Every night at bed, I tell each of them separately how wonderful they are and how much I love them. Then we each tell something that happened good in our day and if something happened that was bad, then we talk about that.
Last night C tells me, that he had a great day but that I yelled A LOT and I hurt his ears.
So I said that tomorrow I'd try my hardest not to yell if he could try to listen better and both were thrilled with our little pact.

One thing that helped me as they gave up their nap, is to still have quiet time, not for them, for ME. I need that 45-60min break each day. So the have quiet time and I'll let them talk or play quietly as long as I can't hear them. If they start fighting, then they know they have to get in their beds and sleep. I'll tell you, they've never gotten along so well! Haha! So maybe use their quiet time for your sanity break time.
Hang in there, you're not alone!