Feeling like a lazy mom

I went to the mall the other day (because I finally fit into normal clothes) and I saw so many moms with babies. It dawned on me that I just don't take my boys places. I mean we go to our families every weekend but I just don't take them places. I am starting to feel guilty like I am lazy or just fearful. It seems like such a hassle to take them to the mall, I mean why would I? If I'm going it's because I need to buy something and I would have to stop in the middle of my shopping and try and feed, burp and change two babies! DH does grocery shopping so why would I lug all their stuff and mess with a cart and stroller. Nothing is really close to where I live, we live downtown so I have to drive to a suburb 15 minutes away to go shopping and it just seems like unnecessary stress. Do I need to be doing more with them, and how do you manage with them both out in public? I feel like they are getting shafted on doing things but I have a hard enough time taking care of them and keeping them busy at home all day. DH is more than willing to stay home anytime I need to go somewhere. The one time we took them out to Twinsday it was horrible DS cried histerically because it was hot and I was worried about him the whole time and stressing because he was crying. Where does everyone take their babies? Am I just being selfish? It makes me sad that I don't take them places but I am truly exhausted when I take them anywhere for the day!

 

I didn't start taking mine out by myself until they were about the age of yours. it was just too hard. since i have three, i just couldn't imagine doing it on my own. now we go for walks, I take them to the park, and other places like that. As for shopping, I don't do that alone. I took all three of them by myself to sam's for the first time. It wasn't too bad, but it was ALOT of work. Probably won't be doing that for a while.

we do take all three of them with us when we go grocery shopping. my husband and i load them all up and go grocery shopping together. it is alot of work, but i think the kids like it to look at everything and it is a GREAT ego boost, b/c EVERYONE stops you to tell you how adorable they are.

good luck!

 

Wow! You should have been with me today! You would not feel at all guilty about not taking them out. I went to the mall today with them by myself (which I've done before by the way). I thought i would buy a shirt to go out in on my birthday coming up on Monday. As SOON as I started shopping, they both started screaming bloody murder. I felt so horrible becuase when I waited tables at night, my favorite thing to do was go shopping by myself during the day and relax. It was always so quiet. I would hate to hear/see people like the NEW me coming. Anyway...

They screamed so I decided to take them in the fitting room to nurse them. It's the only thing that works after a certain level of yells. They got quiet and I thought "phew, relief". Then I hear the rumble of two poopy diapers in the making. I'm balancing both babies on my thighs and barely holding on to their little heads while they nurse and I feel heat all over my legs. Yep, bright yelow poop all over my left leg and all up right leg baby's back!

So now I have to change not only the diapers, but their ENTIRE OUTFITS in a fitting room on a hard wooden bench. Of course they start screaming again. Caleb sticks his foot in the poop, I throw the diaper to get it out of his reach...poop is now on the mirror! The saleslady is knocking on the door asking if everything is okay and I'm almost in tears. And of course after all is calm, they look up at me with those "aren't I an angel" smiles. All I could do was look in the poopy mirror at my shirtless, poopy self and my two wobbly babies and laugh at how drastically my fitting room experiences have changed over the course of a year.

Moral of the story...STAY HOME! IT'S OKAY! And if you do take them out, don't start with the mall. It's too hard. I take them to little boutiques sometimes. And I'm going to start taking them to the library this week I think. But for now...the mall is a no-go for us Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure your children are just fine at home with the people they love!

 

"My shirtless poopy self" - oh my i nEEDED that laugh (it's nearly 4 am, i'm pumping and the next baby will inevitably wake before i'm done...)

As for taking them places: it IS very difficult. I find at 4 months that timing was incredibly difficult; by the time everyone is fed, diapered and changed, and you've had time to make sure the diaper bag has EVERYTHING (including emergency bottles), by the time i get them into the car and go anywhere, it was almost time to feed them again! So I'd have, say fifteen minutes before there were two crazy babies on my hands.

I hate to say it but - my girls are six months and it STILL sometimes takes us all day to get out of the house. One thing I do sometimes is just pop them in the car and go somewhere we can walk, since i get sick of our neighborhood and it's not really conducive. But it does feel like an incredible hassle often - yet they are VERY happy out of doors and of course there's the advantage of the Magic Sleep Machine - aka the CAR!

As for grocery shopping - it's pretty difficult alone; we have a snap-n-go and pushing that SUV through aisles while also pushing a cart - ha! I did find that sometimes I will wear one in a bjorn and then push one (do you have single strollers also- i think they're worth it to get; cheapies either on craigslist or sale; I got two Baby Trends at K-mart on special, they were about eighteen bucks and have made all the difference)

Whatever you do, stop feeling guilty or badly. You're doing the best ou can, and at their age you are still in survival mode. what they need is your love and attention; definitely some visual stimulation, but - if they're not likely to need therapy because not at the mall. they might need it for other things!

 

I only take my babies for walks and to dr. app'ts. There is absolutely nothing attractive about trying to get anything done at a mall/grocery store with two babies in tow! Why on earth would I bother? It's not about laziness, it's about sanity! If you don't feel like going out, then by all means stay home & enjoy lounging in sweatpants. B)

 

I don't go far from home if I can help it. I don't think we've used our car seats in a month! I take the babies for up to two walks a day (a mini walk in the a.m. and a good walk in the afternoon) or we sit on the front step or in the back yard. Evan and James are contented to stare up into the trees or watch people and cars go by. That's enough excitement for us! Occasionally, and only if I really have no choice, I'll take them to the grocery store or shopping mall, but it's never any fun. We've been to visit my mum a few times, but she lives a couple of hours out of town and my boys aren't as happy in the car as they once were. Personally, I find the babies happier and myself more relaxed if we stick close to home. I have vowed not to go out of town again until Christmas and I don't care if that makes me seem lame.

I don't think your babies are missing out on anything. When they get a little older you'll be able to take them out for the morning to the zoo or a farmer's market, or something like that, but I truly don't feel they are missing anything by not going to the mall! Don't compare yourself to mothers of singletons - I wasted a lot of weeks doing that. Twins are a whole different ballgame. My friend took her baby everywhere any anywhere for the first year of his life - he even came out with us on New Year's Eve!! But for me life with twins is all about keeping everyone happy and that means regular naps, not too many outings, avoiding hungry fussing, and getting to bed on time for a good, long sleep. I think you'll find many mums on this site feel the same way.

My stepbrother is getting married next month and can't understand why my husband and I don't just come to the wedding and bring the kids. I can't think of a more horrible way to spend an evening - trying to keep two babies happy WAY past their bedtime at an adult event? Gross! I'll be going to the wedding alone and my DH will stay home with the babies, who will be happily sleeping in their cribs with any luck.

Sounds like you're doing exactly what makes your babies happiest.

 

Mine are the same age as yours (not quite five months) and I've just started in the past month taking them out. We haven't yet gone to the mall because that seems like too much work. Also, I never feed them while out. Usually I run one small errand each day, like a quick return to Target, or grocery shopping where I only get 10 things. Sometimes I use the double stroller and sometimes I put one in a Bjorn and the other's infant seat in the cart. I only go to stores with wide aisles (Costco, Target, grocery store) and I only plan to stay for about 1/2 hour.

I live on a really steep hill and can't take them for walks right out the front door, so if I didn't put the girls in the car and go somewhere, we'd literally never get out of the house. I usually run errands in the morning right after they've woken up from their first nap. If not, they melt down because there's too much awake time before the next meal. So I pack them up, put them in the car, and let them fall asleep for another 15 minutes while I drive. Then they're awake and looking around while I shop. If I stay in whatever store longer than about 30 minutes they get fussy, so I just plan for short trips. I go out more for me than for them and it works for us.

Don't feel bad if you don't take your twins out. You can only do what you can do, and what works for one of us isn't necessarily the right thing for you. If you do feel like you want to get out more, start small.

 

I took the girls everywhere when they were about 2 to 4 months old. They slept in their carriers great and it got all of us out several times a week. But at 4 months that all stopped because their naps were starting to really take shape, and the going out was disturbing naptime. Now I try to get them out a couple of times a week to the library, store, etc. but mainly we go on the weekends with DH when it's easier to handle if one or both is upset.

 

QUOTE(Jordari @ Sep 25 2007, 02:51 AM) [snapback]422224[/snapback]
by the time everyone is fed, diapered and changed, and you've had time to make sure the diaper bag has EVERYTHING (including emergency bottles), by the time i get them into the car and go anywhere, it was almost time to feed them again! So I'd have, say fifteen minutes before there were two crazy babies on my hands.


Ditto on this! Don't feel bad at all! I rarely took the girls out much on my own during the whole first year. It just seemed like way too much work and stress every time I tried. I didn't even take them into the backyard by myself often because I didn't like carrying all the stuff out (blankets, toys, bouncers, etc) and then hauling the 2 babies out. I felt guilty because so many of the women on TS were talking about going out with their babies, but it just wasn't for me. I do work outside the home 3 days a week though, so that may have helped my sanity because I did get out of the house at least those days. For me, it was much easier to get out after they were walking and went down to 1-2 naps a day.

Just relax and do what feels right for YOU!

 

Are we allowed out of the house? :huh:

I just started venturing out more when they turned a year! :hug99:

 

I take my babies out all the time. Not because of super mom! Barely! Mostly because it saves my sanity. My kids eat every 4 hours. So I usually feed them at 1130am and we are completely finished by 12pm. I feed them both at the same time. Then I immediately put them in there carriers and get in the car. If I know Im going somewhere, I usually make sure the diaper bag is all packed in the morning when they are napping. We usually go to the mall, Target, BRU, wherever. It gives me until about 230pm or 3pm to be out before they will start getting cranky for their next bottle. Again, this is all about me and not for the babies. I need to be out of my house or I go crazy. I just went back to work part time last Monday, so on my days off, I don't feel the need to get out as much, since I do get out when I go to work.

I don't feel like you should hold yourself up to any standard. If you feel like going out one day do it. If you want to stay home for 3 weeks straight, then do that! Right now I have horrible nappers, so it saves us all to go out, cause they pass out as soon as that car starts moving! You are a great mom. What works for one doesn't work for all, so just do your own thing. Your kids could care less if they are at the mall!

Hugs!

 

QUOTE(serranoboys @ Sep 25 2007, 04:36 AM) [snapback]422167[/snapback]
Wow! You should have been with me today! You would not feel at all guilty about not taking them out. I went to the mall today with them by myself (which I've done before by the way). I thought i would buy a shirt to go out in on my birthday coming up on Monday. As SOON as I started shopping, they both started screaming bloody murder. I felt so horrible becuase when I waited tables at night, my favorite thing to do was go shopping by myself during the day and relax. It was always so quiet. I would hate to hear/see people like the NEW me coming. Anyway...

They screamed so I decided to take them in the fitting room to nurse them. It's the only thing that works after a certain level of yells. They got quiet and I thought "phew, relief". Then I hear the rumble of two poopy diapers in the making. I'm balancing both babies on my thighs and barely holding on to their little heads while they nurse and I feel heat all over my legs. Yep, bright yelow poop all over my left leg and all up right leg baby's back!

So now I have to change not only the diapers, but their ENTIRE OUTFITS in a fitting room on a hard wooden bench. Of course they start screaming again. Caleb sticks his foot in the poop, I throw the diaper to get it out of his reach...poop is now on the mirror! The saleslady is knocking on the door asking if everything is okay and I'm almost in tears. And of course after all is calm, they look up at me with those "aren't I an angel" smiles. All I could do was look in the poopy mirror at my shirtless, poopy self and my two wobbly babies and laugh at how drastically my fitting room experiences have changed over the course of a year.

Moral of the story...STAY HOME! IT'S OKAY! And if you do take them out, don't start with the mall. It's too hard. I take them to little boutiques sometimes. And I'm going to start taking them to the library this week I think. But for now...the mall is a no-go for us Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure your children are just fine at home with the people they love!


Hilarious!!!! And so painfully true! I remember spending ages getting my two year and the twins ready for an outing only to discover while getting them out of the car that my dd had a major diaper explosion and was actually sitting in a puddle of poo in the bottom of her car seat. It had taken me over an hour to get the kids ready and out of the house, we had driven 15 minutes to our destination and I just turned right around and went back home to clean the river of poo. Going out is not all it's cracked up to be!

Reyna

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Sep 25 2007, 08:29 AM) [snapback]422311[/snapback]
I only take my babies for walks and to dr. app'ts. There is absolutely nothing attractive about trying to get anything done at a mall/grocery store with two babies in tow! Why on earth would I bother? It's not about laziness, it's about sanity! If you don't feel like going out, then by all means stay home & enjoy lounging in sweatpants. B)


DITTO - That's exactly the way I feel. I only take them out for walks (on my time when I am ready. No stress involved. If I get dressed and I feel overwhelmed I just stay home) and I also take them to the Dr.

 

Ummm, my girls are 6 months and we still barely go anywhere. It's just not worth it. You are NOT a lazy mom! You are a practical mom!

 

Until very recently, I actually felt like I was giving myself a break by taking them out of the house! They would always sleep in the car, and then you they are still in their car seats, so you just plop their infant seats in the stroller, it was great! When they were tired, they would fall asleep, wherever.... The mall is the best because ours has a nursing room, and a really huge, nice living type area with sofas and kiddie tables and toys for the older bunch. It's basically where moms go to feed and change their babies.

Mine are just still fascinated by most things, so luckily they are really good in public, and they love the attention. The only meltdown we've had at all was a few weeks ago when we were out during naptime, and they were super tired and super fussy...but that was my own fault for not being home for naptime.

Then when I discovered podee bottles, it was even better! They could take their bottles while I still shopped!

Now they are really too big to be kept in their infant seats, so its getting harder, and we HAVE to be home for naps, with few exceptions.

Do whatever you feel is right, and no, you are not lazy! But if you do decide to take them out and about, it will probably get harder in a few more months, so take advantage of it now! I took mine grocery shopping yesterday and they were grabbing everything, and talking, etc! Still not too bad, but it will get harder the older they get, I think....

 

Oh my goodness, I certainly hope that not taking your babies places doesn't make you a lazy mom. My boys are 8 months old, and I still don't take them places unless it's unavoidable! I just don't want the headache. I'll take 'em for walks in the neighborhood, but the mall w/ all the kids by myself? NO WAY! But I think it's been good for them to stick around the house. They have only ever had a mild cold. So if it makes you feel better you can tell yourself you're staying home for their health. I tell myself that all the time. There are too many germs in public anyway. No one needs 2 sick babies on their hands if they can help it right!?

 

Don't feel guilty! I have always taken the twins out to the local grocery store, bank, etc. that I could stroll them to. I am just now getting brave to take them places!

 

We never took them anywhere (except to family's houses, and then only when we had to) until they were at least 6 months old. It was just too hard. Remember that most of the moms you see at the mall have singletons (or a baby with an older child), and what's the rule? NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO A MOM OF A SINGLETON.

We did take them for walks, because they usually fell asleep, and if they pooped or got really upset, we could always just come home. But we never tried to DO anything with the babies along, whether it was something productive like shopping or something fun like going out to eat or visiting people.

When they are older, it will be easier and more worth it. Once they were cruising, I'd take them for walks and let them out of the stroller to cruise/crawl around at the park. Once they were walking, it actually became fun to take them places (within reason -- I still don't try to shop with them).

 

My friend has twin boys three months older than mine. I remember visiting her when he babies were a month old and asking "So, have you joined any mommy groups? Taken them to the library?" I was SOOOOOOOOO innocent.

 

You're not a lazy mom at all! Just a mom of twins! Plus, your little ones are still so little. I don't think I ventured out to run errands until they boys were like, 4-5 months old. Until then, it was just walks around the neighborhood!

 

I felt that way with my first. I never did the mall. I did take him to the library baby group. We'd sing and dance and play with the babies. Plus you were surrounded by other moms. Does you local library or bookstore having something like that??

 

we didn't go anywhere the first 4 months..too cold and I was worried about them getting sick. Then cabin fever set in and I couldn't stand it..so I started out taking them for walks (with my two dogs in tow which was a sight to be seen)..then we would just go to Target to "look" in preparation for if they started to whail I could just leave. Then we would go to Kohl's to do the same...etc etc. I had a goal to do something once a week just to get out of the house..it seemed that many times I wondered if it was worth it b.c they would be cranky once we got back but I think it made the day move along a little quicker. When we were out they were pretty good. I only went grocery shopping with them once and that was only to buy non persihable things so that if they started to whail I could just leave the cart. They made it through..but that was the only time unless I'm with someone. So take it slow..go to a park or just for a walk outside.

 

omg the poop story had me hysterically laughing! i know those days! but, i took my kids out right from the get-go almost. i belong to a twins club and we actually had playdates in those early days...we would all have our kids in their buckets, napping away, or eating, whatever...and all the moms would be chatting...how do you do this? what do you do for that? etc. it was nice to get out of the house...do something different. it was much easier when they were in the carriers. wait until you have to actually take them out of the carseat and strap them in a stroller....they fuss about every transition

i used to take them for walks, go to the mall, go to my friends, go grocery shopping, whatever i needed to do, i pretty much took them w/ me.

don't feel bad though, everyone is different!

good luck!

 

we only do short walks (15 mins or so) and only started doing so recently, as the weather is still not very cooperative (too hot)...we take them to DH's grandmother's home on saturdays for family gatherings (stay about 4 or 5 hours), and they've been to my parents' about 3 or 4 times...pediatrician appointments....once to the consulate to register them....and this weekend we went to the beach and spent the first night away from home...in 3 and a half months, that is IT!! and i don't plan to change that too soon! i refuse to believe that this makes me lazy LOL

sandra

 

It is HARD to go out with two babies!! You are new at this and still getting used to it. Try going for small walks near where you live to get them out. They will get to see so much on these walks. And as long as you don't stray too far, you can get back if one of them gets fussy. Don't be so hard on yourself!

 

I HAVE to go out every couple of days or I start to feel like I'm losing it! It's Wednesday and we haven't gone anywhere except to Breena's therapy on Monday and I'm going nuts. I'm getting ready while they sleep now and then we're headed to the mall or Target or wherever.

Our local mall is very family friendly. They have family lounges so I can take the girls in there to feed them their bottles (to cut down on the gawking and questions) and if they scream in there it's no big deal. I go to the mall at least once a week just to get out. It's too dang hot here to walk them outside right now.

Last week I went to a home store here called Old Time Pottery. I was just going to walk around with the snap n go, but Baylinn started screaming as soon as we got in there. When I picked her up, she stopped yelling. I was determined to get some shopping done so I went to Plan B. I hauled them back out to the truck, put the screamer in the bjorn and the sleeping one in a shopping cart in her car seat. Baylinn instantly fell asleep in the bjorn and I got about a half hour of peaceful shopping done. It wasn't easy but I felt like I'd made a huge accomplishment by figuring it out myself!

Going out with twins is not for the faint-hearted and there are many days that I hibernate inside!

 

Mine just turned 5 months and i *try* to take them out alot on the weekends. BECAUSE my mom watches them during the week at our house. So they are at our home all the time and i dont want them to not be social so to speak. I basically do the same as CABA. I get everything ready the night before, then when we wake up we eat, dress and go. Mine don't have many issues with spitting up, we have never had a blow out and we just go with the flow. When i first started taking them out around 6 weeks old i would get all nervous etc. Now it is not bad at all. It totally does not make you lazy at all. I work a full time job and choose to get them out so they have something different...It is nice when i can run to the store and pick up stuff i need but this past weekend DH was busy working on his jeep. So on sat i loaded them both up and we went to Walmart and a few local stores, Sunday Walmart again and CVS. I just park by the cart hopper and grab one and put them in there. I have no snap and go so anywhere i go without carts i just carry both seats. That can be wearing but it works for us. If i go to the mall i take them out and put them in the stroller, they are or so far always are well behaved and i think enjoy the change... I enjoy showing them off (tried for 4 years to have them) so taking them out is always fun because someone new always comes up to us that knew we were trying... I think if it works for you then go with it, you are who matters in your household.

ETA: ditto to sunshinetwins too... we take the bjorn if we need it then we can put one in there because my little boy never throws a fuss, mainly just have to worry about sissy...

 

If you and your babies are at home and everybody's happy, you have every reason to be very happy!!!

Really, once they turn around 2 1/2-3 years old, THAT'S when they're really going to benefit from a bunch of different activities and exposure to different things. Babies throughout human history have not been taken to special museums and had special developmental toys, etc. In most of the world, they still don't, but they all turn out just fine.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with letting your babies see the world. It can definitely entertain them to see new faces and sights, but it is not necessary for good mothering! A happy and calm mommy, however, is VERY important from an early age.

My babies are now almost 9 months and they hardly go anywhere. I, myself, am dying to get out of the house, but the babies take 2 naps during the day and go to bed early for the night. After I get them nursed and fed their solids and then clean up (plus feed my oldest), there isn't hardly any time to go out. I have maybe a half an hour between naps to leave the house. If God meant babies to be really taking in their environment like gangbusters, He wouldn't have made them need so much sleep! (IMO).

Hope that makes you feel better.

 

QUOTE
Babies throughout human history have not been taken to special museums and had special developmental toys, etc. In most of the world, they still don't, but they all turn out just fine.


Heck yeah!

Don't know about you, but my babies think that simple things like keys, spoons, empty Tupperware, and their own hands are the most fascinating thing in the world. Everything is new, so everything is stimulating!

 

I never started taking mine out a lot until they were a year old. Mainly because that first summer they were just so little, then RSV season hit and I took them nowhere, and once they turned a year and RSV season ended, I finally felt comfortable and no longer had to deal with bottles on the go, etc.

Now I have to take them with me a couple times a week because they get stir crazy if they don't get out. But as young as yours are, they don't care. It's a lot easier to do errands on your own than with two in tow, trust me.

 

I took mine out fairly often by myself in the beginning. We would do early morning walks or go Target or Costco or something like that. We live in Florida and it is WAY to hot to do anything outside or even walk after the sun comes up and too buggy at night. It is finally getting to where we can walk in the evening without too many bugs or humidity. I stopped taking them out by myself around 3 mos. when they stopped being content to sleep in the stroller and wanted to look around at everything. Also, naps are so important now that by the time we get somewhere someone is bound to be a fussing grouch due to missing a nap. I cannot wait until they are able to stay awake for longer stretches.

That being said, DH and I have, from about 6 weeks of age until now, always taken them out to dinner at least 2x a week with us. We are now sure to go out early and get them in bed by 7:30 but I think that going out to our favorite restaurants, just like we did before they were born, a couple times a week with the babies is what has saved us. We have had to get our food to go and create scenes often, but it is worth it!

Amy