Feeling Like a Failure

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by ward, Sep 25, 2011.

  1. ward

    ward Well-Known Member

    To be honest I have been debating weather or not to really post anything about this subject and my feelings but I hope i can get some advice out of this post. So here goes my (hopefully) little story.

    Right after the girls were born we started breastfeeding right away. We actually had to wake the girls up because they just slept and slept. So the nurses would come in our room every three hours to make sure I was nursing. I WAS so tired from having a C-Section and now on top of it I am not getting any rest at all. My supply never really came in till about a week after we were out of the hospital but of course we had doctors appointments for the girls every day for the first week. and it was hard to breast feed and get any sleep and try and rest because i was still healing. Anyway while in the hospital we had to supplement because my supply really never came in and they wanted the girls to gain weight and still after my supply seemed to be coming in we still needed to supplement and its just easier to bottle feed at night anyways so i can get some sleep so im not doing both babies. So...my supply started to go away because well...i just got lazy breastfeeding just didn't seem as important as making sure the girls were gainging weight. But here we are at 8 weeks now and I really would like them to get my breast milk. So i have been pumping probably not as often as i should and i do make excuses. But its seriously hard having to take care of two newborns at the same time plus a 2 1/2 year old who only wants my attention while the girls are screaming. I do have a MIL who helps but can really only help feed them so of course its with a bottle. Not only that but the girls litterally have been lazy since they were born they will suckle for about 5-10 minutes sometimes shorter before giving up on my breast because its not coming out fast enough for them. So now i am taking Fenugreek which seems to help even if i do smell like a pancake house lol. But im still not getting the amount of milk i would like to have for my girls and i just feel like im failing as a mother here i am supposed to give them a better immune system by breastfeeding and i want to do it I just feel like im to lazy to do it. =( I can't even get through this post with out crying about it. Its been a hard road of guilt. But i have been trying to pump every time either before or after they eat. and on a good day i will get about 2 ounces total for the whole day =( UGH im so frustrated.


    Okay one of the girls is waking up ready to eat so im gonna go and try and get her to breastfeed but i know she will give up. As a good commercial said today BUCK UP BUTTERCUP lol. Thanks for reading. Gotta go miss teagan isn't happy that im posting and wants her mommy and she wants to eat =)
     
  2. FGMH

    FGMH Well-Known Member

    I would like to send you a big encouraging guilt-freeing hug! It is hard taking care of 2 newborns and I cannot imagine adding a 2.5 year old toddler to the mix. Mom guilt is the worst and so much easier when you are tired yourself. You are doing great work and breastfeeding is just a part of what being a wonderful mom to your little girls is.

    I am not a breastfeeding expert and I am hoping someone else has more specific advice but I would like to share my own story - mybe it will encourage you a bit. I did not achieve full breastfeeding before the babies were 3 months old. I also had supply issues and one of my babies was too weak to trigger my let-down and preferred the bottle as she had been supplemented with formula from birth. So I worked on establishing full breastfeeding with my good nurser and nursed the weaker one whenever I could to help with supply and give her as much BM as I could. Once she grew stronger she grew better at nursing although it was quite a battle until she preferred the breast to the bottle. But it is doable even when breastfeeding does not get the best start. I felt so bad about my weaker nurser getting formula instead of BM oder EBM because she also had a much lower birth weight and was much more frail and would have needed it more than her twin. But she was not sick more often or more severely than her twin.

    One thing really helped me to increase supply and establish breastfeeding: I had real nursing marathons, days or half days spent on our big bed with both babies, lots of pillows, diaper changing supplies, and a supply of snacks and lots of water for me, and no topping-up bottles for the babies at hand. We basically snuggled and nursed and dozed on and off the whole day. No other commitments for me at all, so you would need someone to take over responsibility for your son for the time - maybe your MIL can take your son for a special outing? Totally exhausting days for me, but frequent demand builds supply best. A few of these days really helped my supply much more than pumping which I found time-consuming, painful and frustrating until the babies were much older.
    Also warm compresses for a few minutes and a short hand massage of the breasts immediately prior to nursing helped for an easier let-down.

    GL!
     
    3 people like this.
  3. ward

    ward Well-Known Member


    thank you...i will have to see if i can do something like that.
     
  4. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Jessica- :grouphug:

    I'm so glad you posted. :good:

    I really like what HappyJune had to say- she's right on with nursing marathons. You say that your MIL helps- have her take your 2.5 yr old on a Friday, & do a marathon with whomever you think'll be easier to get going. Then on Saturday, hopefully your DH can take care of S (still love that name BTW! :wub:); again letting you focus on nursing.

    Another trick I used for my lazy baby Sebastian was that I'd get the milk flowing (thank you, Orion!) and actively nursing, then have someone hand me Sebastian and he could nurse. He didn't have to wait to get the milk started. Don't be discouraged by them kneading your breasts, popping off & you popping them back on after a bit- that's their way of signaling your body to make more milk. The more you ask of your body, the more you'll make.

    I'd set small goals of what you think is manangable- be it 1 baby exclusively nursing by the end of the week or 1 baby nursing all day, whatever- and then when it's the end of that time period, reassess.

    Nursing 2 babies is THE hardest thing I've ever done. Take heart- you can do it. Having the will to do it is more than 1/2 the battle- you just need some support right now to get it done.


    Please come back anytime & post on your progress or struggles- we are here for you!
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. ward

    ward Well-Known Member


    thank you so much
     
  6. rtsbeacon

    rtsbeacon Member

    one handed typing here, so sorry for typos!

    my boys are almost 8 mo, 14lbs each (were 7 at birth 36 weeks) i had a similar start... slow gainers (still are) pressured into supplementing to gain. 4.5yr okd at hone, no help, so no nursing marathons. pumping just was not working and just adding to the stress.
    i found my supply lowest at around 6pm, so thats when I would supplement. Aroung 2.5 months i started supplementing 2 bottles back to back, 4:45 and 6:15 (nursing before both). I kept thinking I could get my supply up so that I could eliminate this. I felt so bad about feeding them formula that I began making my own formula using the weston A price recipe http://www.realmilk.com/formularecipes.html my boys were and still are hunrgy round the clock. Even now I feed every 1.5-2 hrs. Doc said medically they were gaining just slowly and i didnt need to supplement any more, but they were always fussy b/c so hungry. At around 3.5 months I started taking Domperidone to incrase my supply. And i took it for 2 months. For me it worked in that I would fill up fast. Every 1.5 hrs I was ready with milk to feed them, and with enough to keep them happy for about 2 hrs. I tried to wean off to see what would happen and I thought i was ok, but then I think my supply did go down a bit. I am still supplementing 2x a day and making my own formula, but now they also eat solids, which helps fill up their little tummies and make them happier.

    The other thing I have had to come to tearms with is that I have a great supply of milk all night long. They take in the majority of their milk at night. I can tell by the diapers. Until about a month ago, I was up every 1.5 hrs feeding them, sometimes not at the same time b/c one would sleep longer stretches and i was trying to let him get more sleep (dumb idea b/c no sleep for me). I have now stretched them out to 3 hr blocks at night. I could night wean them at this point, but I would rather give up sleep and give them more breast milk.... I figure i have made it 8 months, may as well keep going, I have years ahead where i can sleep.

    so, talk to your doc about Domperidone. I wish i had tried it earlier (some say results are better prior to 3months). And if breastmilk is really important to you, you might put aside any ideas of STTN until you are ready to let their milk amounts drop.

    Good luck to you! you are doing a great job, every ounce counts!
     
  7. lianyla

    lianyla Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to say "Cheers" to the other mommies of "Sebastians". Mine is 2 weeks old tomorrow! I lllooooovvvvveee the name!
     
  8. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    :air_kiss: How's he doing, Meredith?
     
  9. ward

    ward Well-Known Member


    we loved the name too =) congrats on your baby!!!
     
  10. ward

    ward Well-Known Member

    I am also gonna be unable to do any breastfeeding marathons as well. My MIL really can't help like a regular MIL would she is handicapped and there for unable to do a lot.
    Im thinking at this point im just gonna have to keep doing what im doing and come to terms with the situation. And be greatfull that im getting any supply at all, My other idea is to actually still feed them formula for now but through a syringe and put a small tube tapped to my nipple. and then let them suckle my breast get breast milk plus the formula it may take a little longer for a feeding because at almost 9 weeks old they are little heffers they are litterally eating 4-6 ounces every 4 hours. Just not sure on what i wanna do at this point.
     
  11. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    An SNS is a great way to build supply!

    I'm sorry- I didn't realize your MIL is limited in what she can do. Is there someone else who would take S for the day to give you some time to focus on the little ladies? Or can you start on a Saturday & have DH take care of S? By the time Monday morning rolls around you are usually almost done with constant nursing. You might have to do it for a few weeks in a row to get that supply up but it is doable.
     
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