Feeling kind of lonely....

Since having the twins i've had a million emotions... wonder, joy, shock, frustration, elation and so on.....
Overall i've settled into the mommy routine pretty well (at least I think) and I am super lucky b/c I have a mom or MIL helping me daily. DH is great too but I am starting to feel as though the world is going on around me and I am stuck in my home with wonderful babies but babies that require attention ALL the time. All my "free" time is spent on the internet or I read a little before bed which is still pretty early (~9:30pm) b/c I am wiped.

I feel like I have few friends who understand what I am going through and even my BF (who is single and lives downtown and goes out regularly.. you get the drift) is a world away.

I went to a local twins meeting and albeit I was there for a very short time, it started at 8:30pm, and that's getting late for me. I found the moms nice but didn't really connect with anyone there and felt a little judgement when asked do your kids sleep the night. When I answered I wasn't ready to CIO, I got a look from two moms who had done it quite early on. To each his own I guess!! It was funny b/c I felt out of practice in smoozing and meeting people, usually I am pretty easy going about it but somehow I felt uptight.

Anyways, I feel a little lonely and starving for other mommy company but the idea of taking my twinkies anywhere makes me sweat. Even a little adult time would be nice but I can't think of anyone I know that I would like to spend my free time with at this point.

Have you ever felt kind of disconnected from your previous life and friends?

 

Yes!!! I totally feel the same way, that's why I cannot wait to go back to work. I do take my twins out but it's never for long because someone needs to sleep or eat or is having a meltdown! At least its summer and we aren't completely cooped up. I will gab with some moms at the park and I text a few of my friends during the day who are home with babies too, so that helps a bit.

 

Yep, I've totally been there & it's not fun. :hug: The first year with L&L was especially hard. Most of my friends have kids the same age as my older kids, and they weren't/aren't eager to deal with little ones again. Things are slowly getting better as they get older & easier to take places. They fit in better now with the older kids which helps. Things will get easier for you as they get older, too, if you can just hang in there. Try to get out to the playground or a park and chat with the other moms who are there, meet an old friend for coffee alone if you can swing it, have a friend over during naptime for coffee or after bedtime for a drink, any little bit of adult time helps! Most of all know that you are not alone in feeling this way! :hug:

 

So nice to hear!! My mom got on to me because I am not nearly as social at work as I used to be. When I came back after having the twins, I was still SOOO tired every day, it was all I could do to get through the work day, I didn't have energy to "shmooze". Now, I'm slowly getting better, but it's still hard. I, also, spend most of my free time on the internet and just don't make the effort to socialize. I don't know if I'm getting lazy, or am too obsessed with my kids, or what it is.

But I definitely feel your pain. It's good you recognize it and I'm sure it will get better. Slowly, over time you'll meet other moms with kids your kids' age (even if they're singletons) and find ways to reconnect with old friends. It's hard and I think it takes a concerted effort. Good luck!! I hope it gets better!

 

I hear you! I went through this, too. I work, I get out of the house, but besides working and taking care of kids I had no spare time and ended up just surfing the net at night for a few minutes right before I passed out.
I now gave up surfing the net (I try to do this at work, I know, it's not right, but hey...) and I take my dog for a long walk with my best friend who lives just a couple of blocks away. I call it my sanity walk.
I am still tired every day, but I go to bed knowing I did something for me....

 

I totally hear ya, girl! Not many of my friends have children or are even married so it can be a bit difficult to relate to them on the same level anymore. It is so hard to make the time to get out with them without the kids and while there are a few core friends I see every few months (that is "regularly" for me now) it is not ideal. I am just exhausted most of the time and particularly in the past few months I have been feeling extra drained and in no mood for company/going out (but that has a lot to do with an undiagnosed chronic sinus infection that I am finally getting treatment for)!! Not to mention, I still haven't lost all of the pregnancy weight so I feel pretty crappy about myself and am therefore even less inclined to go out. Sigh. And I definitely agree with how you lose the knack of conversation after spending so much time at home with babies - I used to consider myself quite a good conversationalist but lately find myself unable to hold up my end of the conversation the way I used to. Quite depressing! That being said, I love being at home with them. I figure I can worry about socializing and all that later.

I also think that you should try to get out with those babies as much as possible, even though the idea of doing it makes you nervous! You will get to the point where you don't even think about it. I took my girls out to lunch with some friends about a month ago and I was a little worried about how it would all play out but it went great! Just bring toys for them to play with and hand one or both of them over to the first friend who even looks in your direction. You may not be able to take them out to a fine dining establishment or anything but there are plenty of family-friendly places out there. I don't have a car (or even a driver's license) so I pretty much have to take them everywhere I go, whether it's to the grocery store, pharmacy, coffee shop, etc. I just try and avoid peak times so that there are less people to get run over by my enormous double stroller or in case the girls have a meltdown there is less of a scene. What's the worse that could happen - the babies start crying? They are babies. So what if people look at you? Just smile back at them and shrug. Quite a few months ago I was in line at a very busy coffee shop and both babies started WAILING at the same time. I was pretty uncomfortable but I just laughed and bought my coffee and got out of there. Of course, as soon as I got out of the coffee place they stopped crying instantly. Go figure! For your own sanity, you need to get out of the house. And do what you can to arrange a ladies night out every once in a while with friends while your partner or a family member watches the babies. I also take a day off once every 1-2 months where I just spend the whole day doing what I want. The last time I did that I spent the day getting a spa treatment, meeting up with my mom and sister for lunch, shopping, reading and drinking coffee, etc. It was lovely. I kind of got a bit off track there as your question concerned spending time with other moms/adults but I hope it was somewhat on point in terms of getting some "adult" time (i.e. doing non-baby related things once in a while).