feeling guilty

Well, I have been on the breastfeeding forum a lot - asking numerous questions about how people breastfeed with twins and two older children at home - mine just turned 3 and 5. The twins are 2 weeks old today and I think I have decided to give up on breastfeeding. I breastfed my older girls for 3 and 4 months each. After that, for convenience, I switched to formula.

I started to exclusively breastfeed in the hospital with the twins after a vaginal and C-section delivery except for two bottles at night , so Icould get some rest. Everything was going great!!! I stayed in the hospital for 5 days. Then, I came home and I found it difficult to find the time to breastfeed and take care of the older kids. They were very patient but I felt guilty. The twins were eating every 1.5 hours on breast milk versus 3 hours on formula!! Big difference for me. I can find time to do an activity with my older girls on formula versus the breast milk.

I admire all the moms who breastfeed twins!!!! I have just decided it is better for everyone in my family if I formula feed the twins so I have more time for everyone. Was anyone else in this situation??? What did you decide?? I still feel extremely guilty and I am pumping about four times a day. I see how little they are - 6 lbs each and feel that I should be breastfeeding but then I feel guilty because of lack of time for the older girls and it just turns into one vicious cycle of guilt?!?!

Did anyone else debate over this issue???? What did you decide???? Thanks for listening!!!! Vicki

 

I am still BF, but I do not have any other children, and I can't even imagine how I would function, let alone BF, with 2 other little ones in the house. Do not make yourself feel guilty over this. Seriously, I don't work, my DH does more than his share of housework, and my focus is just on my twins..and it's still hard for me! Plus my DD refuses to nurse so I pump half the time anywys, and that's even harder bcause then you have to keep up with washing bottles etc.

My point is you're a great mom, and do not make yourself feel guilty over this issue. Pump what you can, when you want, and know that your babies are still getting excellent nutrition from formula.

On the other hand, we are totally here to support you if you want to continue BF. It does get easier after about 6-8 weeks. I remember when I literally just walked around with a bathrobe on and no bra, because it seemed like I had a baby nursing ALL the time, every 30-45 minutes!

Do what's best for you and your family, we are here only to support you either way!

Jennifer

 

I could have written your post! I gave up after a week for most of the same reasons. I was constantly feeding a baby and it left me no time for my older 3, let alone housework, a SHOWER, etc! I was also in a lot of pain from nursing constantly. I felt a huge relief when I finally decided enough was enough. Honestly though, I do feel very guilty for not hanging in there longer. But you are right, guilt in one hand for quitting, guilt in the other for not being able to spend time with your kids...there is no easy answer!! I'm sorry, I am not much help am I!!! You are a great mom for making a decision for your whole family! :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

I remember when I was pg with my twins, I would always ask every twin mom I came across IRL they bf'd and for how long, 'cause I was really worried about making it work. I remember one that bf'd for 3 months and another who bf'd for 4.5 months and I thought to myself, "awwww, I wonder why they weren't able to keep at it?" Flashforward to when my babies were one month old and I thought, "WOW! How did they make it so long bf'ing????" They became my idols!

I remember reading in "Mothering Multiples" (LLL's book on nursing multiples) that with a singleton you should "try" for 6 weeks 'cause it gets easier after that, and with twins, you should "try" for 3 months. I found it to be really true. BF'ing didn't get any easier for me until I hit the 3 month mark. (I posted to you on the bf'ing board, I'm the one that credits most of my bf'ing success to my mom because she helped with my older child so I could spend all day on the couch bf'ing).

Honestly, the first 3-4 months with twin babies are really about survival, whether you're a new mom (with all that adjusting to do!) or a seasoned mom (with a bunch of other kids' needs to take care of and no ability to sleep when the babies sleep). You gotta do what you gotta do to make it through.

I have no judgement for you if you end up weaning your babies to formula.

 

I don't have older children, and I got exhausted from breast feeding them exclusively. I was pumping all of the time, had terrible plugged ducts, and my husband was constantly on trips away from home. I was a complete wreck at 8 weeks with no other children in the house. I was hoping to nurse them some of the time, formula the rest, but I had another health issue (breast lump) and my doctor and I decided that I was done with breastfeeding. It is hard not to feel guilty, especially with all of the successful women over on the breastfeeding board - what a supportive group! kudos to those who can make it! - and I feel bad about it sometimes, but I had to do what was right for me and my family. A happy mommy (who is getting some sleep and has time to play with her other children) is the most important thing. Do what is right for your body. If you can keep pumping, great, if not, you know that you tried. It is not like you are contemplating stopping it because you are selfish or vain, you have a good reason. Mine are doing great on the formula. They are happy, I am happy, it is expensive, but having kids is expensive, period. Make your decision and don't listen to anyone else. Only you have walked in your shoes. You know best what is best for your family.

 

My daughter was 22 months when my twins were born. I had a terrible time trying to bf her and ended up pumping for 3.5 months exclusively. With the twins, I just knew I wouldn't have the time and energy to put into bfing when I wanted to care for my 2yo's needs at the same time. So, yes, very similar situation as you. After a few days, I just knew it wasn't going to work for me and I felt so guilty about my decision. A friend of mine told me that I needed to just accept that I made the best decision for my family, realize the decision has been made, and move on to taking care of my kids. It was exactly what I needed to hear. She was right. The guilt will get you nowhere. You'll find something else to feel guilty about tomorrow!
Take care of yourself and congraulations on your babies!

 

It is ROUGH trying to take care of older kids, and make the BF work, too. My mom is staying with us for awhile, and my DH isn't working right now, and my 3-year-old is *still* having a hard adjustment because I just don't have enough time for her. I'm pumping almost exclusively as my munchkins aren't latching yet, and it's constant and draining....

You really do have to make the best decision for your whole family. There is no easy answer -- I still feel guilty because my older DD weaned at 10 months, when I really hoped to nurse her for at least a year. With these munchkins, I will be doing a dance if I make it 10 months! Right now, I am just taking it one day at a time, because it's too exhausting to think ahead. I am so tired that I can't even see straight.

Best of luck to you, no matter what you decide -- we are here to support you either way!

 

I've got a 2 year old and I'm BF'ing my twins exclusively...and honestly, it's like a full-time job in and of itself! I'm grateful to have a VERY helpful and understanding DH who does everything to help me focus on being able to BF. If he wasn't committed to it like I am, I would stand no chance of making it work! I also credit some very close friends of mine who often take my little one for play dates and really support my efforts to BF as well. I'm almost at the 3 month mark and it is significantly easier now, and much less time consuming than at first. I think I prepared myself going into it that it would be very intensive the first 3 months or so, so I wasn't alarmed at that fact that I spent the majority of my day feeding someone. With that said....we as mothers will always find something to feel guilty about and I think it comes down to your intentions. Your intention is to take care of your family to the best of your ability---how can you feel guilty about that? You are a great mom, and your babies will thrive no matter what you decide. We will all support your decision!!

Reyna

 

QUOTE(becky5 @ Jul 12 2007, 02:20 AM) [snapback]327059[/snapback]
I could have written your post! I gave up after a week for most of the same reasons. I was constantly feeding a baby and it left me no time for my older 3, let alone housework, a SHOWER, etc! I was also in a lot of pain from nursing constantly. I felt a huge relief when I finally decided enough was enough. Honestly though, I do feel very guilty for not hanging in there longer. But you are right, guilt in one hand for quitting, guilt in the other for not being able to spend time with your kids...there is no easy answer!! I'm sorry, I am not much help am I!!! You are a great mom for making a decision for your whole family! :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:


Me too. I still feel guilty four months later, I just feel selfish for not trying harder, especially since I BF DD#1 for a year, but I also was always worried she wasn't getting enough, she was slow to gain weight, etc and I promised I was not going to stress myself out w/ BFing this time. DS had jaundice and was always soo hungry and frantic and hard to BF and DD was always so sleepy and needed so much stimulation to even get her latched and I was soo exhausted that pumping was last thing I felt like doing and then having to feed EBM and do the bottles anyway..
one time DD#1 turned up the vacuum on the pump and with all the other new sibling issues I just didn't need any more to try and deal with especially since I knew I was going to have to do it all by myself. Everytime I feed them I still feel that twinge, that maybe I could have tried longer, harder. I have wanted to post on this for so long,so thank you for helping me relieve some of the weight, and know you are not alone and try not to be too hard on yourself if you do decide to stop, BFing is not the end all be all to motherhood.

Alyson

 

Thank you for all the support!!!!!

It was great hearing all of your stories and to know I am not alone!!! Everything else has been going so smoothly, but this topic has and will continue to stress me! Like someone said on one of the replies - I must accept the decision I have made for our entire family and move on! Thank you again!!!!!Vicki

 

I BF for a month....it was the most stressful month of my life...not only were there numerous issues (one had thrush so I couldn't switch breasts and the one that had thrush was having problems latching, had to use nipple shields huge pain, was only getting enough for 1 baby, one would nurse then 40 minutes later still hungry so would have to give a bottle and believe it or not the list goes on) so after horrible guilt about even thinking about stopping I finally decided it was just too much. They weren't doing well with it and I was losing more weight than I ever thought I would due to losing weight b/c of BF plus stress...They have been on formula since and as they have been growing have always been in the 95% or 97% for weight. Obviously no problems... I could understand the guilt (not sure if that ever goes away..and to this day I would do it with one) but you have to do what's best for all involved.

 

Hey...I give all of you credit for nursing twins at all. I nursed my older two for a year. Then when we got the boys through our adoption process, I remember vividly thinking that there is NO WAY that I could do that and admired anyone who even attempted it! I swear that my body could have done it even though I didn't give birth to them. You do what you need to do and go from there.

 

I'm still BF and pumping while at work but it is a FULL TIME JOB! I have no other kids and cant imagine doing it with other children to take care.

You are doing what is best for your kids and that's all there is to it! It's impossible but try not to feel guilty!! Just try to enjoy those babies!!