Feeling desperate

I hate that I only post here when I'm feeling at the very end of my rope, but I feel like maybe other twin moms will understand where no one else seems to. Except I read other posts here and I think everyone in the world is doing this better than me, so maybe I'm off base.

I feel like SUCH a failure. These are my 5th and 6th kids, so I thought I had some idea what I was doing, but they are almost 8 months old and they are the worst sleepers, no exaggeration, that I've ever heard of. I hear moms say, "my baby still got up once or twice a night for a year," and in my head I think, that sounds AWESOME. I would kill for a night where I only got up once or twice. Or even once or twice per kid. I literally have not slept more than 45 minutes straight in over two weeks, and I think I'm going to lose my mind entirely.

I have read every single book I've ever heard of. I've stalked every kind of parenting board. I took my dd to the pediatrician today thinking SOMETHING has to be wrong w/her, but no, she's fine (physically). So why, why, why will she not sleep for one solid hour, day or night?

My head hurts from crying and not sleeping. I feel like there's no hope, and no end in sight. I know it sounds like I'm depressed, but it's just the sleep and the helplessness. If they would just SLEEP, I could be a human and a mother again. I hate to even post this, I sound so pitiful, but I need to get it out somewhere or I'll just burst. I know there's nothing anyone can do, I just had to write it out.

 

I hate that I only post here when I'm feeling at the very end of my rope, but I feel like maybe other twin moms will understand where no one else seems to. Except I read other posts here and I think everyone in the world is doing this better than me, so maybe I'm off base.

I feel like SUCH a failure. These are my 5th and 6th kids, so I thought I had some idea what I was doing, but they are almost 8 months old and they are the worst sleepers, no exaggeration, that I've ever heard of. I hear moms say, "my baby still got up once or twice a night for a year," and in my head I think, that sounds AWESOME. I would kill for a night where I only got up once or twice. Or even once or twice per kid. I literally have not slept more than 45 minutes straight in over two weeks, and I think I'm going to lose my mind entirely.

I have read every single book I've ever heard of. I've stalked every kind of parenting board. I took my dd to the pediatrician today thinking SOMETHING has to be wrong w/her, but no, she's fine (physically). So why, why, why will she not sleep for one solid hour, day or night?

My head hurts from crying and not sleeping. I feel like there's no hope, and no end in sight. I know it sounds like I'm depressed, but it's just the sleep and the helplessness. If they would just SLEEP, I could be a human and a mother again. I hate to even post this, I sound so pitiful, but I need to get it out somewhere or I'll just burst. I know there's nothing anyone can do, I just had to write it out.

 

Its really hard when they wont sleep. Could she be teething? Have you tried baby orajel and some tylonel to ease the pain?
Perhaps CIO would help. SOmetimes the waking is just out of habit.

It will get better

 

I was also going to ask if you have tried CIO??

 

I'd be feeling desperate too! Are they on the cusp of a milestone, such as crawling? They seem to go through a phase of sleeplessness when something big is about to occur. James is sleeping horribly lately, not as bad as your guys but he'll go down for 45 minutes after a 40 minute cry-fest, but he sleeps for 6 hours at night. Just out of curiosity have you tried putting to sleep earlier? I wish I had some great advice to help you, but I don't think I do!

 

You guys are so sweet to answer so quickly, I feel like a dork for being so hysterical.

I keep thinking it might be teething, or illness, or milestones, or something - but they've never slept, this isn't new. I have tried CIO, and it helped get them to go to sleep in their cribs, but it hasn't helped keep them there (dd can cry for hours, literally). I've tried orajel and tylenol, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. I put them on a nap schedule, and they go down for naps like clockwork, but don't last a full hour. I've moved their bedtime backward, forward, etc - no one time seems better or worse than any other. I really felt hopeful a month ago after reading HSHHC and putting them on a nap schedule and moving bedtime back and getting them to sleep in their cribs, but the STAYING asleep never followed like I hoped it would.

I almost wish they were ID, so I could think it was something innate, genetic or something, but they're frat, so it has to be my fault. I just feel out of ideas. It doesn't help that dd still won't take any solids or a bottle (I breastfeed), so I'm trapped here all day and night and get no breaks at all.

Just an example - I put them down at 7:45 (we'd been doing bedtime between 6:30-7, but I've been moving it later to see if that would help). Before I posted originally, they'd gotten up 2x already. Since my first post, they've gotten up two more times (and are both crying now), and it's 9:45. So, 4 wakeups in 2 hours. What I've been doing for the last week or so is not going to them to feed them unless it's been at least 4 hours since their last feeding, but it hasn't stretched their sleep one little bit.

Again, thanks so much for listening. At least typing gives me something to do while I listen to them scream.

 

I know CIO does not work for all babies so I really dont mean to push it but I just want to share something. When we did CIO, we didnt fully do it. My initial intention was to eliminate some night feedings so I had them CIO but did go in one time a night when they cried to feed them. Then I realized I was not really doing CIO because they expected me to come in during one of their cries. FInally we did it full blown and have been doing it for about 2 weeks. Every once in a while one will cry in the middle of the night which we ignore but it has become less and less where it really is not an issue. Again, it seems like you have done everything. Hopefully, someone will have a suggestion for you

 

YOUR NOT ALONE! I'm going through the same thing, I just
want to scream with them!!!!!!!!It must have something to do with this age......I"ll think of you and feel much better knowing there is another mom out there tonight going through the same thing.
Hanging in there with you,
Nikki

 

It is not your fault they don't sleep- at least not entirely! You said you already have 3 other children and they slept better than this right? There is nothing harder than no sleep and crying- nothing. Is there any way someone else can go check on them besides you? I'm saying this because my first son was also a non-sleeper and it helped for my DH to go to him and not me while we were trying to wean him from night wakings. He always expected/demanded to nurse if I was there, even every hour at 6 months. With him, we finally had to stop going to him and let him cry which no mother wants to do. He cried for 2 hours the first night but in 3 nights he was sleeping 10 hours with no crying. I know he responded incredibly well and all babies are different.

Twins aren't just twice as hard, they are ten times harder than sleep training one! HSHHC is a great start and a good reference, but it doesn't have all the answers for all children. I love the book and the first step is to get a schedule going. You do need to consider your kids' own biological rhythms as well. Maybe they should have a 3rd nap still or maybe they should go to sleep at 6pm and wake at 5:30 or 6. Mine first son never slept before 8pm no matter how hard we tried to make it earlier. The twins go to sleep at 6pm and started doing it with no prompting from us. We were trying for 7 or 7:30pm, but they would have none of it! Our first used to take an occasional 3rd nap at their age at 6pm. They are all so different! They have not been the best nappers (45mins to 1hour), but they are getting better on a schedule.

My twins still get rocked or held before going to bed and they do not cry themselves to sleep but I do let them cry (within reason, not when sick)when they wake in the night. They learned very quickly I was not coming to feed them and they put themsleves back to sleep with very little to no wimpering now. That said, they have had a cold for a week and I have not let them cry for more than 2 minutes without going to settle them. It's just not fair to let them cry when they are sick or teething! They really got used to calling me to their room again quickly, too. I think Nathan was right along with yours because he cried and cried every half and hour for 2 nights straight. He tried it on the 3rd night, but they were better so I said no way and let him cry and did not interfere. He only woke up once more that night and none last night!

Keep doing what you can and take care of yourself. Just because you are bf'ing it doesn't mean you can't take a break. At 7 months you should be able to go out for an hour or 2,even if it's on the deck in the back yard and have DH handle the kids for a while. Go for a walk with your older kids and blow off some steam. Tell your DH he has to go settle the babies at night this weekend one night and get some sleep. They do not need to eat at night at this age unless they are small or unhealthy. Take care of yourself or you know you'll be no good to the kids! Good luck

Kelly

 

Hang in there I hope everything works out for you.