feeling bad and unconfident

It's been tough week - both got the beginning of their first tooth, thanksgiving with to many kids grabbing at them (nicely, but still overwhelming) and then they both got sick. I haven't slept much since the holiday- Monday night I was up all night with DD holding her so she could breathe. (Then I felt guilty that I wasn't giving DS enough attention the next day because she was so sick.)

I just feel so bad about my self lately, on top of it all. I dont feel like a good mother. I feel like when they are up, I should constantly be engaging them/playing with them. I KNOW they need time to just observe their world, but I feel guilty if I'm cooking, picking up, or go on the internet for a bit. But, I want a break! I NEVER turn the tv on when their up. (I have no idea what's happening in the world) At almost four months, they are still eating every three hours and stay up for two and then down for a nap. Everyone keeps asking me why they dont stretch out and I dont know what I'm doing wrong.

Plus, I'm so stressed thinking about the holidays- decorating the house, the tree,shopping for gifts, traveling to the in-laws six hours away, plus I want thier first Christmas to be special.

I just needed to talk to people that "get it". I wish I knew how to get it all done! I hate feeling this way, but I dont know what to do to relax a bit with them and take it one day at a time. Thanks for reading!

 

Oh sweetie, you are not a bad mom at all. We all felt like that early on. But I promise you that spending more time with one sick baby for a few days absolutely will not in any way scar your other baby. Not only should you not feel guilty for not entertaining them every second of the day, you should pat yourself on the back! They NEED that time to explore their little world - along with mommy and daddy time. And you need time to do other things. No mother in the world can spend every second of the day devoted to her children, and twin moms have a harder time than most. They will be fine, and when they are almost 2, like mine, you will be so proud of them for their ability to play by themselves for big chunks of time sometimes.

As far as the spacing, your spacing of bottles sounds exactly right. At 4 months, we still didn't always make it 3 hours! It was much later, like 6-8 months that we got more spaced out - after solids were introduced for us. If they are hungry, they are hungry. Don't listen to what other people tell you they "should" be doing.

They are not even going to remember this Christmas. It'll be much more fun for them if their mommy is not losing her mind trying to find perfection. Let yourself off the hook some! You are doing great.

 

:hug: You are doing NOTHING wrong!! I never understand why people are compelled to tell us what they think our babies "should" be doing. Is that supposed to help us?! Argh. Anyway, your schedule sounds absolutely normal.

As for the rest of your life (lol), well this time of the year is a bear WITHOUT TWINS, so please cut yourself some slack! My best suggestion for you? Screw the uber-tidy house. Screw the excessive Christmas frou-frou. Screw making dinners that take a long time to make. There will be plenty of years for that in the future! Once I realized that I couldn't do it all and just decided to ditch my perception of what "should" happen every day, I was a much happier mom...and my kids were happier too. Now I focus on giving all 3 quality time every day, as well as giving myself a bit of that, too. My house is messy, we eat lots of easy-peasy, mundane meals, and I only have about half the usual Christmas stuff up this year. I do what I HAVE to do for all of us to exist (this includes me doing some nothing from time to time)...the rest is optional and a bonus if it gets done.


The age bracket you're in now is a tough one. My peeps are now over 6mos and I really am starting (FINALLY!) to feel like we are all human once again. My days certainly aren't flawless, nor will they ever be, but it really, REALLY does get SO much better! Hang in there, and give yourself a giant atta-girl hug! Heck...you've survived this far thru The Dark Days...YOU DESERVE IT!!!

:hug:
Eve

 

I think this is normal-I so eel the same way! these are my first babies and I try to manage it all(school part time for my Masters degree, part time work at home and at nights, and babies) but I am so overwelmed and feel so guilty when I just need to "shut off" and go surf the internet and I leave the babies playing without my interaction. I feel like a terrible mom not constantly trying to interact but Im so sleep deprived and have so many things to do, I cant possibly be the mom I dreamed of being, laying on the floor rolling around playing with babies. It really is weatring on me too. Your not alone dear. No one ever told me the guilt that goes along with being a mom, let alone a twin mom! Im constantly feeling like i give more to one than the other based on neediness/fussiness or just plain cuteness at time and dont know how to feel ok about this daily.

 

You are a great mother and one way you can be sure of that is that you are worrying about all of these things. Being a new mom is tough, being a new mom to two is even tougher. You are just now getting out of that "survival mode" phase and it will get easier. As far as the feeding/napping schedule goes here's my advice. Completely tune out everyone but yourself, your babies, your DH and your pediatrician. You are with them every day, you know what they like and need and if someone has a different opinion then they can go have their own twins and do it their way. I got a lot of "advice" too around that age to stretch them out longer, wondering why they eat every 3 hours, etc. and I know that's hard. Hang in there and do the best you can - it really does get easier and you'll find balance. But none of us can do it all; it's about doing what we can, when we can, the best we can.

 

You are a great mother & it sounds like you are doing everything just right to me! :hug: You gave your little girl extra snuggles & cuddles at a time she needed them, you entertain them & play with them lots but also give them some time to be on their own looking around & observing the world, you care enough to wonder if you are a good mom, and you want to give them special times like holidays even if it exhausts you. All of that points to you being a great mom! Give yourself a break & pat yourself on the back for all that you do for them, and try not to worry that you are not doing enough! :hug:

 

Wow, we could switch places right now. We just got teeth, went to Thansgiving, and now 2of the four of us have swine flu. We are so scared of Christmas now.

Not sure if you want to hear this or not but mine still eat every three hours or so, and so does their one year old cousin.

 

Everyone covered most advice that I would give. As for Christmas shopping, I did all of mine on Amazon. Free shipping on most things and I feel like they have everything! Good luck

 

You are not a bad mom. And I am so thankful that you posted this- I feel the same way you do. (And thankful for the other responses too!).

 

:grouphug: My babies ate every 3 hours until they were 8 months. It sounds like you have them on a pretty good schedule, which is great for 4 months!

When the kids are sick it is absolutely exhausting! And as far as the holidays being overwhelming, I hear ya! :hug:

 

Thank you thank you thank you everyone! I'm crying from your kind words. It makes me feel so much better knowing other moms feel the same way and have gone through what I am now. I will take your advice to heart and try to cut myself some slack. When I went to make dinner, I put them in their chairs and gave them their little toys. I played some music and sang- it was nice- no guilt! We just played a little on their mat, DS fell asleep and DD is in her swing. I'm going to print this message and read it until it sinks in!
Thank you again!!!

 

:good: YAY for you!! I agree w/ Rachael, too, btw. Alone time is not only necessary for you but for them, too. The patterns that you set now will influence them later on. They really do need to learn how to amuse themselves...it stimulates their brains and encourages creativity. I have a 3.5 yo who is FABULOUS at playing by himself. Since day one he's had to endure alone time on a regular basis, and I cannot tell you what a lifesaver that has been since I had the twins! I would have never made it this far if I had a needy boy!!!

Good luck, glad you feel better, and more :hug: 's!!
Eve