Feeling bad about myself as a mom

Okay, i have this friend down the street who has a daughter 2 weeks older than my girls....we get the girls together a lot for playdates and stuff. Well, she has also invited me to go to the zoo (45 min. away), to a craft fair (1hr. away) and, most recently, the beach (1.5hrs away)....I have always declined to go when it's that far away...

She and her husband invited my husband and I and the girls to go to the beach for the day....well, my hubby couldn't make it and I am just not comfortable taking the girls to the beach 1.5 hours away by myself. I know that she and her husband would be there, but it's just not the same....

Well, her husband sat me down at a party and said that I should come and he would be there to help and that I needed to "get those girls out of the house".....

I know that he only meant well, but it made me feel like I am holding my girls prisoners....I take them on walks all the time, we play outside all the time, we go to the mall, to target, to the grocery store, etc.etc....I just haven't done a trip with them that is far away by myself....my girls are 10 months old and just the thought of them not taking their naps, trying to feed them their finger foods in public, changing diapers, dealing with meltdowns at the beach by myself does not sound very appealing to me and seems daunting....

Does anyone else feel the same way or am I just crazy??????

 

Oh my! I would not take them to the beach with out by dh. We actually have not even made a drive farther than 45 minutes. I think all the things you mentioned are plenty of times for getting them out. No way are you keeping them as prisoners. My thought is that your neighbors mean well but just dont get it. The stress of taking 2 10 months olds is a lot. All the reasons you mentioned for not wanting to go (naps, feedings, etc) is the exact same reason I would not go. Do not feel bad!!!

 

My boys are 22 months and I wouldn't attempt that alone -- not when they were younger and not now. Man! I would go if DH went with me in a heartbeat though.

I have found that when I go places by myself with the boys, people ALWAYS tell me they will help. I know they mean well, but they just don't understand how it is with 2 toddlers the same age. I usually do not get the help I need so I don't go.

You are not a bad mom. I've only done the things you've done with your kiddos and I think my boys are doing fine. You will eventually find your way to doing things more things (like long trips) with them.

Don't worry!
Mendy

 

Yes, I have felt like that but you know what made the feeling pass? Doing it once and realizing everything was ok and I had fun, then doing it again and realizing wohoooo I can do it then doing it again and thinking cool I really am supermom (just kidding but you know what I mean).

What a sweet man to talk to you like that! I hope you feel comfortable and up to giving it a shot sometime soon! If anyone had ever told me that I would take my two on a 5 hour drive to meet TS members by myself and subject myself to a large playground one day and an amusement park the next day I would have thought they belonged in the looney bin! But guess what? In 2 weeks it will be the 4th time we have gone and all the anxiety is gone (well almost ).

I am not married so waiting for my husband to come home is not an option. I usually try to think if I had one child would I do it? If the answer is yes then I try to go for it!

 

:hug99:s, I think with twins, it's easy to get stuck in a rut and stay at home and say it's easier not to do things! Trust me, I am one of the biggest offenders! But I agree with Dianne, once you do it, you realize that it's not so bad, or maybe it is, and you know what to do different next time! I don't at all think you are holding your babies prisoners, you have to do what you feel comfortable with. Sometimes it's good to take a leap though! That said, I have not ventured to the beach with my two yet..and can give you no good excuse why not! Well except for the whole bathing suit issue. :unsure:

 

I live 3miles from the beach and I haven't done it with-or-without DH. For most outings I agree with what Dianne said, just do it and you'll feel better. The beach is a whole diff story. Sand will get in their eyes if you aren't VERY diligent. Sun will burn- keep putting on sunscreen (careful, the sand will stick to it.) What are you going to put them in/on?- Oh yeah, and how to get that AND 2 babies AND the other gear across the HOT sand (stroller doesn't move very well in the sand) and get it set up (careful the babies are getting sand in their mouth now.)

Please don't take this wrong- I LOVE the beach and miss it terribly . I will get the babies to the beach, hopefully this summer, but I know that I wouldn't do it w/o DH. Help is wonderful but there is just so much involved with babies and the beach.

 

The beach is really scary when there are more kids than adults (well, kids that young) because drowning can happen...doesn't usually, but I understand your concern. Other outings can be funner than you think. We just flew halfway across the country...just my 3 year old, my 2 mo old twins, and me...and it was FINE. I was so nervous, but it turned out great. I keep the roads hot with my boys...for my sanity and my 3 year old's. They actually like all the stimulation, I think. Anyway, as long as you are getting out of the house at this age you are doing well. Your kids probably enjoy a trip to the store almost as much as the zoo anyway. Don't be afraid to get out of the house...but don't think it has to be a cultural event to count.

 

I would politely say to that man..."Until you have twin infants, please don't give me advice."...then say, "Having just one must be soooooo easy!!"

Don't feel bad at all!! I think it was rude of him to say that to you. Next time, invite them somewhere close to you and where YOU feel comfortable being with your girls.

jen

 

Isn't it interesting how differently people can interpret the same scenario. I think your friend's husband was sweet and jen thinks he was rude, interesting opposite reactions.

I just remembered that I took K&K to the beach when they were about 8 or 9 months old and I actually went back to the house saying this was the one thing I had found I couldn't do myself. I totally forgot about that until this afternoon (when the site went down and I couldn't post). I literally went by myself though so I am not sure how I would have felt if I was going with another couple. I love the suggestion for you to pick the place and invite them along!

Just for the record, now that they are older I am perfectly comfortable taking them to the beach myself so it was not a forever defeat for me. I just had to wait until they were walking and good at following directions.

 

My in-laws are in town this week and I'm feeling so completely psyched up about my HUGE! BIG! MEGAOUTING OF THE YEAR!!! We are going to the public library for infant story time for 30 minutes! Woo us! Seriously though, how much does a 10 month old really get out of the zoo? Probably not too much. They're still people watching at this age. A trip to Home Depot seems to be my girls' outing of choice. It's got plants, people, machines that are doing stuff... I can't fathom going to the beach at this stage.

 

Well you definetly shouldent think that your girls are prisoners. They are only 10 months old, they couldent care less if they see an elephant at a zoo at this point. In 6 months though, they will, so I'd practice taking them out. I promise, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

 

YES! We never leave! We do go for small walks, take John to school and sometimes hang out in the yard but really, we never go anywhere else. It's just SUCH a hassle. So I know what you mean and you ARE NOT a bad mommy. This sort of thing goes hand and hand with having twins.

 

I agree with Christina. We live only a few miles for the beach and just the thought of me taking the kids by myself has never entered my mind! I get so flustered by people who have ONLY one child and think they know what it is like to have two at the SAME age. You are sooo not a bad mom b/c if you are then I am too. BTW, I'm going out (by myself with the kids) for the first time in two weeks (I wait til the weekend for my DH to be here to go places so I have help). Even then, all I'm doing is going to Target and maybe the mall which is 30min away. YEA!