favoritism SUCKS

so i need to vent.... i apologize ahead of time.

my mother is f'ing insane. she and my dad were just over now... and it pretty much took every ounce of control in me to not throw her out and tell her she can't see the babies anymore.

she's always preferred Luna over Gaia... ever since Luna smiled (she smiled first,... it took Gaia a while to get to smile). And I usually am just able to shrug it off because I know she's just insane and that's how she is and she's not really an evil human being... she's just crazy and doesn't know any better....

but it gets a little worse every time she comes over and my patience is wearing thin. i think BOTH my babies are the most beautiful girls in the world. i don't understand how she doesn't as well. she's actually said "Gaia's pretty you know, but Luna... now Luna is really beautiful."...... WTF!!!!! who says this about their own blood?????

it was very hard to tell the babies apart to begin with, but pablo and i were able to do it since about day two... obviously, we're their parents and are with them 24/7.... but it took most people a long time. some people still confuse them (though really, they don't look alike) anyways... when a picture comes on the screen saver and its a smiley baby, she goes.. "ohh look that's Luna.." even when it's GAIA!!!! and I correct her, and then all the enthusiasm leaves her voice and she says "oh yea yea that's Gaia"... and then she tries to cover up by saying "oh she looks pretty" but in the most "whatever" tone.

now she's starting to tell them apart better... and her voice gets all excited when she see's Luna, but just sorta normal when she see's Gaia. i know the babies can't tell now, but one day they will.. and really, i would rather not have her in their lives then put them through that crap. wtf is that!!!!!!

today was almost the last straw... ok... for a long time we (me and pablo) didn't think the babies looked like either of us.. until we saw a picture of pablo as a baby about 3 months ago... and let me tell you ladies... Luna is the spitting image of Pablo as a baby, just as a girl. and it's recently that we're starting to see that Gaia looks like me. i've shown everyone that picture and they all agree. except my mom who just sorta nodded quietly... anyways.. today while she's here she says "ohh wow.. look... Luna looks like me!!! I didn't notice it till right now, but look, she has my exact eyes"... You guys... SHE LOOKS NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG LIKE MY MOM... NOTHING!! and I'm not saying that because right now I'm super pissed off at her.. she really looks nothing like my mom... she looks nothing like me either. nothing at all. and so I just look at her and laugh (cause deep down i think she's just joking around) and tell her, "oh mom, you're nuts.. that baby is Pablo, get over it"... and she gets all offended and saying that she should know better because she's seen baby pictures of herself and that Luna looks like her.... and then later on in the night she says "ohh look, you see, Gaia is the one that looks like Pablo"... again, Gaia looks NOTHING at all whatsoever like Pablo. NOTHING!!!... and so I can't help but feel that deep down she loves Luna more then Gaia... thinks that Luna is pretty and that Gaia is not.. and that that's why she wants Luna to resemble her.

I'm so mad you guys... I feel like sending her to ****.

I think the only thing that's stopping me from really sending her to **** is that 1: she's my mom and i know she's crazy and screwed up in the head and i try not to judge people. and 2: we're planning on moving to california (from florida) in about a year, and so we wont have to deal with that crap.

............... ok that's my vent. sorry.

 

:hug99: I'm so sorry. I have family members (who shall remain nameless) who are exactly the same way. It's very frustrating.

 

That would send me over the edge!! I'm so sorry! Is there a way to call her on it without turning it into a confrontation? I couldn't abide that. That would make this mama bear rip someone's head off!

Reyna

 

Im sorry that is happening.. It sorta happens with my mom too.. but not with that extreme. She favors DD over DS because she thinks that i favor DS over DD... Whatever.. a MOM should never favor her children.

 

That sucks! I am sorry that you have to go through that and so do the babies...favoritism stinks indeed!

 

Aww I am so sorry you are experiencing this :unsure: favoritism does suck! sadly though this is a real issue. my father actually favors me and my sisters, over my oldest sister, who isn't his. However he still raised her since she was two. I mean they have had some falling outs but still I can never imagine having to go through that. I am the more "favored" with my parents partly because i think I stay neutral on a lot of issues, we are all grown now but my sisters still tend to have some 'explosive' behaviors sometimes ,back to the topic. Favoritism does suck and your mom should be ashamed of herself, looks should have nothing to do with it, that IMO is soo vain. I can see how sometimes parents unconciously tend to favor a child who is easier to take care of , doesn't get into trouble, doesn't talk back, doesn't cry as much,etc, but the bottom line is all children are different and should be treated as individuals and equally everyone is special in their own way. A grandmother of all people should know that. I try not to judge, but i really am with You an this one in saying your mother is so wrong! Good luck with this and Thank God you will be moving soon, before either baby notices.

 

My mother in law definately favors my DD more than my other three sons. I HATE it. They are all cute in my eyes.

 

So sorry you have to deal with this *hugs*

Dianna

 

I would say move as soon as possible. THat is just not right. I would try to find someway to tolk, write, something so she knows if she continues then time with babies will be limited.

 

I agree with PP who suggest to confront her about it. Good luck!

 

:hug99: :hug99: I am so sorry. That is really hard.

My MIL can never say any of my kids look like me. apparently, all 4 of them look like her side of the family. :blush:

 

:hug99: So sorry that you are having to go through that, I know that it can be really difficult! My in-laws go nuts over DD and they love my DS, but the attention is different. I have come to realise that DD may be getting a different kind of attention cuz she is a girl and my inlaws only had boys...so now they are having fun spoiling a girl...but DS still gets spoiled as well...I know that the inlaws love them both!

 

:hug99:

 

I am so sorry! I agree with the pp's about confronting the situation now before it gets too out of hand and the girls are old enough to see it...tell your mom that if she cant treat both girls with the same love, and attention then she will see both of them VERY rarely. You have to protect your kids from meaness as much as possible!
Good luck!

 

My dad prefers one of my sons. Always plays with him, boasts about him. Right now it doesn't matter so much but my other son is going to end up hurt. I'm enlisting my mother to make sure my father spends time with both of them and I'm making comments myself. My mother thinks its funny that he is so attached to one of them. I ain't laughing!

 

QUOTE(Lesley Anne @ Apr 7 2008, 06:53 AM) [snapback]708852[/snapback]
I am so sorry! I agree with the pp's about confronting the situation now before it gets too out of hand and the girls are old enough to see it...tell your mom that if she cant treat both girls with the same love, and attention then she will see both of them VERY rarely. You have to protect your kids from meaness as much as possible!
Good luck!



DITTO! Right now they babies don't know the difference but soon they will. Even if you move away, you'll have to deal with it when they visit you or vise versa. It's better to talk to her about it now.

:hug99:

 

I know how you feel! My mom prefers DS over DD!! She says it's because he was in the NICU a week longer and isn't as strong as his sister.....
It's a bunch of BULL and it drives me CRAZY TOO!!!!!!

 

My MIL drives me crazy too. She isn't the nicest in the world, and everything is attributed to my husband or her side of the family. The smarts, the looks, the everything LOL. I am the artist, and yet when my DD could color perfectly in the lines at age 4 she said "Oh you know where she gets that from" looking at my FIL (he paints logos on shirts) Hello, I'm an art major and clearly she gets that from me!! Its funny, it almost seems I had nothing to do with the good things my children do at all.

 

oh, the pains of favoritism.

my mom favored my brother growing up & it led to all kinds of division. a total mess...now he is 29, no job, no education, no plans for either. still living at home with an allowance. it really is so dangerous.

early on i could tell my mom was favoring my ds over dd. she has an issue with women, i think. i just said something one day... to the effect, it seems to be like davis is your favorite. her response..."well, he's a little boy!". i let her know that it would be damaging one day. since then she has made a real effort with dd.

i think it has to be said..bc it will be hurtful before you know it. kids are sooo smart & can pick up on favoritism really early on. let us know how it goes & what you decide. i think a talking to is in order.