Family Dinners

My DDs just turned 18mos. and we still rarely all sit down to dinner together. The couple of times that we have it's been really chaotic. On weekends we all eat breakfast together and sometimes we have other meals together. But, we have always been in the routine on weeknights of feeding the girls dinner around 6:15 because they go to bed around 7:15...every night we sit with them while they're eating dinner and talk to them and to each other. However, DH and I have always put them to bed and then we sit down together to eat dinner.

I know that there are numerous benefits to sitting down with the kids and all eating dinner together and I FULLY intend on doing it. I mentioned wanting to start it very soon, but DH is more hesitant. I feel guilty not having family dinners, but, on the other hand, it is the one thing that DH and I do together, enjoy and we actually have meaningful conversations. So, I'm struggling with giving that time with him up, but feeling guilty that my 18-month-old DDs are getting cheated out of family dinners.

What do you think? Am I a bad mom if DH and I squeeze out another few months of the current routine? What do those of you who have kids this age do?

 

Life is crazy and I don't see anything wrong with it because its a matter of routine. My 2 are 4 now and they are just now getting the gist of family dinner and it being a time for talking and stuff. Of course, they talk all throughout dinner and have to be reminded to eat. LOL! I don't think you are a bad mom at all.

 

My scenario is a little of the same, and a little different. My dh works 2nd shift, so there are many nights I'm here to do dinner by myself. I/We used to do it the same way...feed the girls, off to bed, then feed myself/us. I decided a few weeks ago that I really wanted them to have dinner with us. Let me just say, it has been wonderful! The girls seem to eat much better and be more interested when we're eating at the same time they are. It's been more of challenge getting dinner together, but it's been very worth it! The best thing about it is dinner is done and over with so after they go to bed we have TIME to spend together which is awesome. It's not spent running around cooking and cleaning up dinner.

Try it and see how it goes. If it's a disaster, nothing lost right? Good luck!!

 

I think you need to do what works best for your family. We have always done family dinners since Emilie and Trevor turned 1 and started eating table food. To me, it is very important to sit down each night as a family.

 

Whatever works for you is the right thing.


That said, I do believe in sitting down daily as a family and we have done that with all of our children since the could sit up and eat (under 1 yr). I believe that the earlier you start, the easier it is for them.

That doesn't mean that they have to sit up for an hour. Start with them sitting & eating for as long as they can. We would let them leave the table when they had reached their limit. It was slowly extended until they stayed at the table until dinner was done.

 

My DH works from home, so I don't have to worry about what time he's home. So, we just have dinner early too, ours is usually about 5:30. Eventually, they are going to eat more of a real dinner, and I would think it would be a hassle to fix two dinners. I have never really found all of us eating together to be chaotic. They just sit there and eat, and we eat. No, we can't really have meaningful conversations, but they are starting to understand when Mommy and Daddy are talking to each other that they shouldn't interrupt.

 

We tried unsuccesfully at that age, and it was just too stressful for everyone. But by about two, they were able to sit and eat a meal with us. 1) They were more adventurous with a variety of foods, 2) THey had an attention span that would allow them to sit for longer period of times, and 3) They were able to hold out and eat a little later, giving DH time to get home from work and giving me time to put together a decent meal.

I too felt very rushed since I valued the concept of a family meal and wanted us all to be eating together from the start. But now we do, and my kids don't know the difference. You will know when you are ready and so until then, just enjoy the moment!

 

we don't eat any meals together..i wish we did

breakfast is my dh feeding them while he has his coffee and i'm getting ready for work

lunch is with the nanny


dinner, dh feeds them early, before i even get home....


i think like Kate, we need more time before we get to the family meal. It's probably something to look at changing, but they still require a lot of help eating and we like to relax and enjoy our dinner.....


threads like this make me sad, because even when they get to the point of feeding themselves, the odds of my being home for dinner on a regular basis are slim due to my job. I just don't see a family dinner as a reality...not with life the way it is...

 

I think you need to do what works best for your family. I did try to feed them an earlier dinner (like 5pm) for a while, around age one, but they never ate much. I found that they eat much, much better when we eat with them. Plus I think family dinner is important and we sit down to family dinner every night when DH gets home from work.

Maybe once every 2-3 weeks I'll feed them and DH and I wait to eat until they go to bed.

 

I do the same as you.

I rush home from work - usually home by 5.30/6, get their dinner ready and they eat at 6/6.30.
Then we go straight into clean up, baths and bedtime to get them down by 8.

Once they are down - we breathe and then make dinner for ourselves.

My DH usually works late and if he is home by 7 that is early. So he will give them their baths, while I clean up.

You have to do what works for you. That said, last night, Sunday we were out and about and picked up some pizza for dinner and for the first time ever we sat down at the table and ate dinner with them.

So we may not be able to do it every night but I am going to work hard to make it at least a Sunday night ritual.

 

We have ALWAYS sat down as a family and ate dinner together. It was a very important part of dh and I's upbringing and something we think is important to bring to our family as well. It is hard at first but it gets much easier the more of a routine gets down. I would try it maybe just on the weekends and see how it goes??

 

We have always fed ours early and my DH and I eat dinner after they go to bed. At this age for us it makes more sense to feed them first, they eat at 5:30 and put them down and then for us to eat. We always sit with them when they eat dinner and talk, we just wait to eat until after they are in bed.

I fully intend to eat dinner as a family when they are a little older because I think that it is important.

 

We eat dinner together and have since just after their 1st birthday. I am lucky to work very close to home - only a 5 minute drive. We also found that they do eat better when we sit with them. It's also easier to introduce new foods because they see us eating the same thing. I treasure our family dinners together and would be very bummed if my schedule changed so that we couldn't eat together.

 

We started out eating at separate times also. I think once they turned 2ish we made an effort to eat dinner together. It can be hard at first, & honestly, mealtime can still be chaotic & is my least favorite time of the day. But, the boys are learning some important behavioral lessons with their family.

 

I say you do whatever works for YOU. No matter what the 'experts' say, each family has unique nuances and sometimes 'textbook' simply doesn't work for everyone. You obviously value the importance of an eventual family meal, and you're doing everything you can now to eat as a family when possible. I think that recognizing the importance for couple time/conversation should not be disregarded as an equally important 'family foundation' as well.

We did start doing family dinner around a year. It wasn't easy. I swear I never got to eat b/c I was so busy feeding the kids. I usually 'ate for real' once they were down for the night. I don't regret it, but I certainly wouldn't proselytize about it either (ETA: at least at that age) .

 

we are in the same boat with you.
if we do try to eat together it just dosent work right now.
I want to eat as a family at dinner time but we will get there.
at this point this just works best for us and me and Hubby get some quiet dinner time together

 

You need to do what works best for you.

From the time the girls went into their high chairs we have had family dinners. I used to feed the girls first and then pull them up to the table and they'd get snacky puffs or something while we ate. It was hard at first because they used to be very unhapy sometimes but now it's totally part of their routine. We eat every single day dinner as a family!

 

I think that as long as you and dh are both sitting down together while the kids are eating and talking to them, it is irrelvent if you are actually putting food in your mouth. I believe the "family dinner" benefits is the talking and checking in with each other, not the actual eating.

we've always done family dinners and I love that time of day, no matter how hectic it is.

 

We were doing family dinners but now my boys are down to 1 nap so they need to go to bed earlier (6:30). Time doesn't allow for a family dinner, since my husband doesn't get home until 5:40 and we need to do baths, etc. So we try to eat together on weekends and when time permits. I know we'll get back into it when the boys get older and can stay up a bit later. For now, I don't worry too much. It's not like they're eating alone in the corner - I'm right there chatting and feeding them, sometimes snacking along. If I were you, I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself.

 

I agree to do whatever works for YOU as everybody and every family is different. We do about the same as you do and the twins are 3, Jon is 1. I make the boys dinner and get them all seated and then, on occasion, Jeff and I will sit down for dinner (if I've managed to make dinner for 3 boys - pickiest eaters EVER and the twins have texture issues - and then also make something for hubby and I at the same time.) Otherwise we feed the boys, do baths and then put them to bed and THEN eat dinner. We do sit with them while they eat though so I think that has to be enough for now as that's about as much as I can handle some nights We do better on the weekends but sometimes hubby isn't even home when I feed the boys so at those times I eat with them but otherwise it is usually separate.

It'll come You just do what's right for you

 

I'm suprised how many of you eat dinner so late! How do you make it between lunch and dinner?

Ever since they girls started solids, I always sat them at the table with at least a little something to eat when we did. Even if they just ate a bite or two, and ate their main meals at other times. I worked under the philosophy that the new baby (babies) need to be incoporated into our exsisting family. Not the other way around. After all we call it "an addition" to the family don't we?