Expecting Twins and Terrified

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by Shellie Rebecca, Jan 29, 2007.

    I saw an earlier post about how much a mom loves her kids and I thought that it makes sense for me to actually direct my concerns to the group. I am expecting my first and only babies in a few months. At first I was thrilled at having 2 and then I got online at this group and have gone to some multiples meetings which are supportive...but also a downer. It seems like everyone talks about how HARD it is to raise twins. How you never get to sleep...and it actually sounds like it is constant drudgery and pain. People will add, at the end of a rant, "but of course it is great." Well, I guess, but you just spent 10 mins telling me how hard it is....A big part of me wishes it was just one baby...and then I feel sooooo guilty...how could I be so selfish with 2 little lives growing inside me, I OWE them a good and loving mother....

    ps -part of this concern maybe that my mom did not like being a mom to any of her FIVE kids. Different generation, you know, when you had kids just because that is what you did...

    Shellie
     
  1. I saw an earlier post about how much a mom loves her kids and I thought that it makes sense for me to actually direct my concerns to the group. I am expecting my first and only babies in a few months. At first I was thrilled at having 2 and then I got online at this group and have gone to some multiples meetings which are supportive...but also a downer. It seems like everyone talks about how HARD it is to raise twins. How you never get to sleep...and it actually sounds like it is constant drudgery and pain. People will add, at the end of a rant, "but of course it is great." Well, I guess, but you just spent 10 mins telling me how hard it is....A big part of me wishes it was just one baby...and then I feel sooooo guilty...how could I be so selfish with 2 little lives growing inside me, I OWE them a good and loving mother....

    ps -part of this concern maybe that my mom did not like being a mom to any of her FIVE kids. Different generation, you know, when you had kids just because that is what you did...

    Shellie
     
  2. Angie26

    Angie26 Well-Known Member

    I am not going to lie and tell you it is a piece of cake, but really you will get your own system down and it won't be so hard. It took me about 2 months to really figure out how to feed them both at the same time and get into a routine. Yes it is going to be hard to go places and yes you will wonder can I do this. The good thing is these are your first babies and you don't know any different or how easy 1 baby would have been. I caught myself wishing I only had one and still do at times, but I would not trade it for the world. Remember if you ever need to vent, ask advice, or share your funny stories we are always here to help you. As far as the sleep you will get accustom to very little and then when actually do get to sleep you will still be up wondering why they are not up. [​IMG] I wish you the best and everything will be fine.
     
  3. ads3046

    ads3046 Well-Known Member

    It's the fear of the unkown my friend. My kiddos were the first and last for us. Once you look into those little faces, your fears will rapidly melt away. You go straight into "mommy" mode and everything will fall into place. The hardest part is the change in your life. Once you have come to terms with that, the rest is "gravy". This is absolutely the MOST wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I have never been so fulfilled and so overwhelmed at the same time. You won't actually understand that statement completely until it happens to you. You will be great at this!!!! [​IMG]


    Angela
     
  4. Sue1968

    Sue1968 Well-Known Member

    I've only been to a couple of the Mothers of Multiples meetings because everyone spends so much time complaining about how hard newborn twins are. All they talk about is planning events where mothers can "get away" from their kids. I was so upset when a new member (still pregnant with twins) was told she was going to need outside professional help when she gets home from the hospital.

    Is taking care of two newborns harder than taking care of one? I don't know. I didn't have outside help at all and we did very well - I even breastfed for 8 months (and had a c-section). It helped that my husband was (and still is) extremely supportive and helpful. He took four weeks off of work when the boys were born. I know that a lot of people don't have that option. I think the big turning point was when we had established a routine (like the pp said). That probably didn't happen until after DH went back to work. The babies and I had a blast staying home nursing and playing and smiling those first few months. Sure, there were (a lot of) times when I was frustrated and tired of little bald people screaming at me all of the time. But it is totally possible and I wouldn't change much.

    I'm not going to tell you not to worry because you will no matter what. But don't think that this is an impossible time that you are entering. It is possible and you will eventually realize that it's hard but it's not THAT hard.
     
  5. j_and_j_twins

    j_and_j_twins Well-Known Member

    I love having twins!! I sometimes get stressed that I'm not giving them enough individual attention, but they have a built in playmate. My girls love to be together, they play games together, use their imagination together, hug each other, its adorable.

    And one thing, people will of course say how do u manage "two" well u know wot, u won't know any different as these are ur 1st (the same as me). You'll be fine with no sleep, u just keep going becoz u have to, and if u feed them at the same time, u do get a little break inbetween.

    Good luck. You will be a good and loving mother..Congratulations.


    amanda (jorja and jessica 3)
     
  6. SandyKay

    SandyKay Well-Known Member

    I love having twins too and would do it again in a heartbeat. My twins have always been excellent sleepers. They were born the end of May so my husband was home all summer to help me. They were sleeping through the night by the time he went back to school (he is a teacher). You will do fine. I don't think the twins have been hard to take care of. Now you need to focus on carrying them long enough to be healthy. Rest alot and good luck.
     
  7. firsttimer

    firsttimer Well-Known Member

    My twins were my first and I heard how "hard" it was going to be. I don't think I really listened. Honestly having two forced me to be a bit more schedule oriented etc., but I have no idea if one would be any easier. I go to gymbore and would hear people talk about sleep issues at 6 or 7 months and I didn't have them. They would be so amazed that my kids would nap together when their's didn't even sleep (they only have 1). The fact of the matter is that each baby is different. Like the pp post said - it's not easy the first few months (but I bet one isn't either!). The unique experience of twins is so amazing I wouldn't trade it for the world.
    It gets so much easier and nothing beats going in their room in the a.m. and seeing two huge smiles.
    It's scary (I remember), but once you have them you will be in love and Mommy instincs will kick in.
    Misery loves company. Don't let the negativity get you down. People often vent to others in the same situation as they are more understanding. People don't always post about the joys but believe me, they experience them every day.
    Try to think about the joys ahead of you. You have been blessed and will make a terrific Mommy.
     
  8. twinsmom2005

    twinsmom2005 Member

    Twins are the best blessing ever. These are my only, also. I'll repeat everyone else, when you don't have any others to compare to, you really don't know if it's any harder than one or not. I think it kind of depends on the children and it definitely depends alot on your outlook. When they hit one year old and are sleeping through the night, you will look back and say "what lack of sleep". It really won't matter. All that matters are those loving, beautiful, little people that you helped make. This is the BEST job ever. They are biggest challenge and most wonderful gifts God has ever given me. I get really tired of hearing people complain about needing time away from the children, too. And the ones I hear complain the most are the moms with one child. Two are great and at the same age are loads and loads of fun. So look forward to the blessings and don't listen to other people. It's amazing what you can accomplish when it's time. There are lots of things I was scared too death about that I look back at now and think, what fun and how exciting. It'll be a great ride just remember to hold on!!!
     
  9. Dianne

    Dianne Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you think we are downers. I like to believe we are a group here to support and encourage other members through the challenge of parenthood, no matter how many children and what ages they are, parenting is definitely a challenge.

    I think it is important to remember that people are much more apt to seek advice about issues they are having trouble with than they are to seek advice on something that is already working for them. Kind of like five great things can happen to you in one day but if one or two negative/stressful things happen later on we tend to remember those and think we had a bad day.

    Parenting is hard work, the motherly instict has not kicked in for me and every day is certainly a struggle. Those are the facts for me and I believe they would be the facts whether I had one child or fifty one.

    Good luck with your pregnancy.
     
  10. Utopia122

    Utopia122 Well-Known Member

    Having twins is wonderful! I have no idea why God chose plain, ordinary me to have such a great gift, but he did and I am so blessed. It has been hard, but whether you have one or two, it is still going to be hard until you adjust. But it is only hard for a little while--then the fun begins!

    My girls are laughing, playing hide-n-seek with each other, talking, and fighting. I wouldn't trade one moment of anything I have been through for anything in this world. There is nothing like the sound of two babies laughing at each other--even if it is at 5:30 in the morning. It makes all those sleepless nights seem like distant memories.

    Being unsure is normal--every one of us has wondered how in the world we were going to get through with two babies. I screamed when I saw two babies on the ultrasound screen. My first words were "How are we going to afford the diapers?" Don't feel guilty for being unsure and terrified--I am still terrified at times. I still ask myself questions like, "How I am I going to afford college?", "How am I going to afford to buy them all the clothes they need for school?" Being scared and unsure is just part of being a mother. Your not weird or an unfit mother for having those feelings--you're normal--and it's okay.

    In a little while, you will be where we are telling another new mother that it is okay and that she'll make it through it. You'll be telling her all the shortcuts and neat tricks to raising twins and how great it is two have two little ones.

    I hope that we all make you feel a little better. Enjoy your pregnancy--it will be over before you know it!!!
     
  11. mesamama

    mesamama Well-Known Member

    I have a friend with twins older than mine and ALL she told me about when I was pregnant was how hard it was: the pregnancy, the birth the newborns, everything. I mean, horror stories that I would be driving home crying about. But you know what? Everyone is different and perceives their situation differently, deals with stress differently and deals with their life in their own unique way.

    Yeah, it was hard but it would have been hard with one too. It's all in your perspective.

    Have fun! [​IMG]
     
  12. sharon_with_j_and_n

    sharon_with_j_and_n Well-Known Member

    These are your firstborn children so you probably suspect, but can't TRULY imagine how stuffed full of joy your life will soon be. I think that these boards and twins clubs exist so mothers can vent without guilt. That's why you are hearing so much about the difficulties which are a reality. I wouldn't qualify my venting with "but of course it is great", I would qualify it with, "I wouldn't trade one moment of the difficult times for my life to be different. Twins are the best thing that ever happened to me and I am so thankful to have recieved such a special gift". Don't be scared, be prepared....and excited. You'll do great!

    [​IMG]
     
  13. mamaslilbears

    mamaslilbears Well-Known Member

    I didn't read all the replies, but I know most told you how wonderful having twins is, and they are not lying, it truely is. It is hard work yes, but worth every minute and so much fun!!

    Now, I'd like to address how you said you sometimes wish there was only one baby. Do not feel guilty about that at all, I felt the same way. I don't know if it is normal, but I chalk it up to hormones and the fear of the unknown. When I got prego with the twins, I was living in another country, no family besides Dh, who was active duty, and my 2 daughters. I had no support groups, no one to tell me what to expect, a bunch of friends who were also prego, and I was compairing my twin pregnancy to my other pregnancies and my friends. I was miserable at times. I would cry and think "everyone else is only having one baby, why am I the one having 2".

    It all worked out in the end. My neighbor and best friend at the time had her baby 2 months before I did. Want to know something? When the boys were 2 months old I was getting more sleep with the 2 of them than she was with one baby! After I got going with the twins, it was not as bad as I thought. Hard at times, that I won't lie about, but it can be done!
     
  14. stinabina

    stinabina Well-Known Member

    we would be sugar coating it if we said it wasn't hard, but for every midnight wake up, 2 crying babies and 2 dirty diapers we also get 2 smiles, 2 coos, 2 cuddly snuggly WONDERFUL children. 2 babies is a miracle and only a twin (or more) nmommy can tell you that it is going to the the hardest, but most rewarding challenge you will ever face. the key is to go into it knowing that it might be tough.

    i think i didn't have enough people tell me that it was going to be difficult so i didn't know what to expect and it was way harder than i was prepared for... but WE MADE IT!

    Don't let the "horror stories" scare you. You have been given an amazing blessing. There will be hard days, there will be easy days, there will be ups and downs. The one thing that got me through the tough parts was to say. "How lucky am I to be given to healthy baby boys!"
     
  15. cajuntwinmom

    cajuntwinmom Well-Known Member

    I do find it to be a challenge sometimes and I see where you are coming from, but there is nothing to be scared of. Yes you lack sleep at first, and you give up free time, but that's with any newborn. Just like PP said, you have 2 of everything, 2 sick kids, 2 dirty diapers, 2 hungry at the same time.

    But then again you have 2 miracles who you are the world to. You have 2 to be proud of, and and it is so rewarding to see two of them together growing up.

    Having twins is a blessing and don't let anyone make you think different. You shouldn't feel guilty either about having anomosity about being a twin mom. People without twins just don't know. You'll get rude comments, you just ignore them and walk away thinking they have no clue what they are talking about.

    You're gonna do great, just as we all have. And we've all survived and wouldn't change a thing!
     
  16. Crystal74

    Crystal74 Well-Known Member

    I loved having twins so much I did it again!! [​IMG] Is it easy---NO! But the rewards totally outweigh the toughness of it all. Anxiety will get you sometimes, but once those beautiful babies get here, it will disappear. I have not gone to any Mother's of Multiples meetings yet, but I plan to go in a few years when I have some time. I think a good support system is essential. You see a lot of venting on this website simply because we know that this is a safe place to come and vent to others who feel exactly how you're feeling. I've gotten some really good advice and handy tips from TS....it really has been a lifesaver for me. I think you will find the same. Good luck to you!

    Crystal
     
  17. lovafox

    lovafox Well-Known Member

    Welcome to "the club". Having multiples can be a challenge but it is also such an incredible blessing! One really neat thing about having twins is the sisterhood I've discovered with other twin moms. No matter where you go, when you see another twin mom, you will have an instant connection.

    We went through infertility treatments so I knew I had a higher chance of multiples. I was so thrilled and scared at the same time when we saw two heartbeats. I read every book/website/etc. that I could get my hands on and I joined the local multiples club. Nothing can fully prepare you for the birth of your babies. You will have a few bumps in the road along the way, but that's why you need a support system like TS or the multiples club.

    Trust me, the feelings you're having are normal! Don't beat yourself up! You are going to be a wonderful mom!! And when people ask you in a few months how you do it, just smile!
     
  18. K&B's Mom

    K&B's Mom Well-Known Member

    My twins are also my first and, at least so far, only children. When people ask if it is hard having twins, I can only say I think it is probably just different. After all, it is all I know. I've always had two. My sister had her daughter about 5 months before the twins were born. After hearing her complain about the lack of sleep, etc. it wasn't exactly a confidence booster. People with singleton newborns complain just as much I think as people with twin newborns. I think just getting used to a newborn's needs and schedule is hard. I remember being scared to death when I found out we were having twins; and poor DH had to sit down and take a couple of really deep breaths at that first ultrasound [​IMG]. I also wished at times that I was just carrying one. I think those feelings are normal. As far as people at multiples meetings or here at TS talking about how difficult it is, I think Dianne is right when she says that people are more apt to post or talk about difficulties they are facing. I know I've almost exclusively posted with problems but that doesn't meant that there aren't good things! People sometimes just need to vent and it is nice to have a place to do so.
     
  19. jem0622

    jem0622 Well-Known Member

    First...congrats! Second...relax! That is key. Take all of it in stride, and laugh it off. Do this and you will be fine. Don't fret about the house, eat off of paper plates, and slow down your pace. They grow up so fast! It's unreal! I miss my tiny baby sweeties!

    I did sleep sitting up on the couch for 3 mos. The girls each slept on a section of the EZ2Nurse pillow. Then, we moved to them sharing a crib (the swaddlers rock, BTW). Then, we separated them b/c they were rolling. By 7 mos, they were in their room, and we did not go to them during the night unless they were sick. And they still love us! And my girls are my youngest!

    Be a slave to the schedule. I have been since I only had one and it is still in place. It keeps us all happy and sane.

    It may be challenging, but I wouldn't call it hard. And never would I say I've been miserable either. When they are sick you do wish you had more arms and laps, but that is all I can gripe about.

    You will find your groove and you'll do great!
     
  20. Minette

    Minette Well-Known Member

    I was totally where you are. I could not imagine how I could like anything that everyone kept saying was so incredibly hard. And I admit, for the first few months I didn't like it AT ALL. I just wish I had been able to believe that it would get better, because it did! Think of it as a 3-month boot camp or something. Don't expect to like it at first (although if you are lucky you will), just trust that you will come out the other side.

    I also spent much of the first few months wishing I had just one baby. There's no way around it, having one is easier! (Although you wouldn't know it, from the way that singleton moms complain.) And in the first few months, probably more enjoyable.

    But now, I love having twins! They play with each other, they crack each other up, they pass bits of half-chewed food back and forth at mealtimes. [​IMG] And at this age, raising 2 kids who are the same age is easier than having one toddler and one newborn, I'm sure of it. I feel sorry for my friends who are now having their second babies and going through that newborn stage all over again!

    Take a few deep breaths and don't panic. [​IMG]
     
  21. KellyAnn kamp

    KellyAnn kamp Member

    I love having twins. I found the first year easy, the second was a little harder, but my girls are 2 1/2 now, and its getting easier again. Its great that they have eachother to play with. My cousin's 3 year old constantly wants her to sit down w/ her and play with her and she gets nothing done. The only downside i felt of having twins was its hard to go out of the house, example parties, i always need someone to come w/ me.. But its great.. I'm thinking of having another, hopefully one. Good luck.
     
  22. Debbi and A.J.

    Debbi and A.J. Well-Known Member

    Honest to goodness, I love having twins. I wouldn't trade this for anything and I totally believe that having only one would be boring! I love watching them catch eachothers eyes--- with a huge smile. Oh, there is so much to love.

    They occupy eachother and love eachother so much. The ONLY hard part is that I don't have time to give 1:1 attention. But, my DH and I have talked about that and as they get older we are going to do 1 week Daddy/Sophie and Mommy/Sally something special and the next week we will swap. That way they both get special time with each of us- then we will have family time as well.

    It does get hard when everyone is screaming, but--- they learn patience. And- as long as they are in a safe place, a little screaming never hurt anyone.

    CONGRATS!!!
     
  23. valentinetwins

    valentinetwins Well-Known Member

    Wether you are having one baby or two, the first few months are hard. I HONESTLY thought having twins was easier than having one because they entertain each other. My friends complained more with their singletons than I ever do with having twins. It has been more FUN than I could ever explain to you. I feel so incredibly blessed and have even said I would LOVE to have another set. The moms on TS will always be here for any of your questions after the twins are born. This has been such a wonderful place for me to come and get info. God Bless you.
     
  24. twindependent

    twindependent Well-Known Member

    I so know how you feel! Everytime I told someone I was having two, they were like, "OH NO!" Umm...great.

    But now being almost 2 years into it, I will say it's do-able. Honestly, if I can do it, anyone can! And no, it's not easy, but neither is anything else really worth doing, you know?

    Just be sure to keep an eye on yourself-in terms of getting some time for yourself, getting some good help those first 6 weeks or so (I forced my family to help and ordered a lot of takeout!), and keeping an eye on your mood in terms of post-partum depression (more common with moms of multiples).

    You can do it, and it's fun AND worth it!!! You'll be fine!
     
  25. jxnsmama

    jxnsmama Well-Known Member

    In a couple weeks, it will be exactly 5 years since I found out I was having twins, at my 22-week ultrasound. DH and I absolutely freaked out for two weeks. We were SO worried and it was an emotional roller coaster. After we got that out of our system, we switched to a "bring it on!" attitude, and we found out that most of our fears had been entirely unfounded.

    It's OK to be terrified! Yes, it's going to be hard work at first, but it continues to get easier, and the joy literally is doubled. I've been blessed with both a singleton and twins, and it has been an entirely different dynamic with each. I have experienced so many fantastic things with twins that singleton moms will never get to do, and I feel so special for that.

    You are very lucky and very blessed. There will be many days, especially early on, when you don't feel that way. You will second guess your decision to ever get pregnent (we sure did!). You will wonder how you're ever going to get through it and if you'll ever have a "normal" life again. But in the end, it really is an unbelievable experience, and you WILL get back to normal -- and "normal" will have changed in a fantastic way.

    God bless you!
     
  26. MommyofThreeBoys

    MommyofThreeBoys Well-Known Member

    It IS a lot of work but manageable!!!! You will love & cherish them more than your life!!!!! It is hard somedays and easy some days. I love being a mom! It's all I talk about.
     
  27. anicosia

    anicosia Well-Known Member

    I can honestly say that my two singletons were harder than my twins combined. I have been blessed with two wonderful little girls who have had their challenging days but basically have been easy. It's really easy to get caught up in how "hard" having twins is supposed to be, but it isn't always the case. You are going to face some challenges. It takes a while to get the hang of feeding two at once no matter which method you use, but you do get the hang of it. You will find a way to do things that works for you. When you have a problem or are stuck with something, you come here, you ask for advice and you try different things until you find what works. No two people have the same experience. Take all the bad things you hear with a grain of salt. Be prepared to be tired and frazzled. Mother's of newborns, or of a single newborn, get frustrated and tired. It's the simply the way it goes. And you aren't alone in this. You have a partner in your significant other. Ask for help. My dh and I both got up for the late night feedings. Got them fed, burped and back to bed so we could both get some sleep. Plan on eating simple meals until you get your strength up and develope a routine. Don't sweat the small stuff. The housework will be there later. When people ask what they can do, tell them, give them a task. Not just hold the cute baby, "Could you run the vaccuum for me?" "Would you watch the babies while I take a shower and a nap?" You will manage. We aren't given more than we can handle. You can do this. And every time you look at your babies, you'll be reminded that all the effort you put into this, is SO worth it. It may take a while for you to see the rewards in having twins, but you will.
     
  28. Lovinmom

    Lovinmom Well-Known Member

    Congratulations on the soon arrival of your twins. I love my twins to pieces! They are the BIGGEST blessing that has ever came into my life. I pray hard about my twins before they came. I too was concerned how it would all go. For one, I was concerned about the birth. All I heard about is how most twins end up in NICU and mother with a "C" section. I did all of the research that I could in trying to have a natural vaginal birth. I had to seek a doctor who would deliver baby B breech if that was to happen. I consulted with a top nationally known midwife for the best nutrition during pregnancy. I had a wonderful pregnancy. My babies were born at 38 wks 5 days. My labor lasted one hour with the baby born 8 min. apart and baby B breech! My doctor would have induced about 3 1/2 wks prior, but I knew my research and believed that the twins were to come when they were ready. If he would have had it his way, they would have been around 5 1/2 pounds when born. My guys weighed 7 lbs and and 7 lbs. 8 oz.

    I was flying high until I hit the wall with a bad breastfeeding problem. I was engorged but for some reason the twins were not gaining, were dehydrated. I was going crazy! The doctor wanted me to supplement, so I used a SNS not wanting to create nipple confusion. The twins gained. They got breastmilk and formula. I saw a LC who gave bad advice. She said that when the twins had a more mature suck, they would wean off of the breast and not take the SNS. Well, that never happened. The twins got hooked on the SNS. She gave me wrong advice (as well as the Madela directions) on how to use it (Dr. Newman's better). Not until the babies were 10 mo. did I find out what the problem was. I finally found a IBCLC who knew her stuff! I wish I had her in the beginning! The whole problem would have been solved. The twins had a high pallate and needed suck exercises that would help them at the breast! I was nursing both on the EZ2Nurse pillow. They needed a deeper latch. I fed two previous babies for almost 3 years with no problems and then this. I urge you to get a good IBCLC (ilca.org for a referral) who knows their stuff if you have a breastfeeding problem.

    Other than the above, my twins are so good! They sleep together, wake together. The first three months can be rough as far as getting up to feed. If you have them in the same room, they will wake each other up and most likely be on the same schedule. The book "Happiest Baby on the Block" and "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" were a godsend to me! I highly recommend these books with twins. The first book calls the first three months the fourth trimester where babies needs lots of activities that mimic the womb - rocking, swaddling, etc... This helped a lot. Put baby in the swing for naps if you need to. This all worked great. Swaddling at night! The second book teaches how to get the babies on a nap schedule. That has been great!

    My babies are only 13 mo. now and so far things are going good. I hope and pray this continues. I wish you well with your little ones. Everyone is here to support you if you need it. Just pm me or anyone else if you need to or post here.

    Best of everything. You will love your twins!
     
  29. Lovinmom

    Lovinmom Well-Known Member

    P.S. The mother of twins group that I am in also was kind of like that. I like lots of activities with the kids rather than getting away from them. I stay a part of the group though so that I can encourage those that come. They need some support!

    I wanted to add that if you somehow end up formula feeding your babies, you can still use the EZ2Nurse pillow. It is great whether breastfeeding, bottles, SNS, whatever! You can cuddle and feed both babies at the same time.

    I hope that all goes well with your labor (I know each labor is different) and taking care of the babies when they come. You are double blessed and I think you will definitely feel that too! Take care!
     
  30. twoplustwo

    twoplustwo Well-Known Member

    I'm just going to say that just because something is difficult, doesn't mean it's not rewarding. I think sometimes the hardest things in life are the most rewarding.

    That said, yes, it's hard. Having one baby can be hard too. With one baby you don't get much sleep, you get less with twins. With one baby you spend a lot of time changing dirty diapers and cleaning messes, more with twins. With one baby, it is a constant struggle to put up with tantrums, crying, and other parenting issues, twice as much with twins. BUT there is also twice the love and excitement. It is twice as rewarding. I love having twins and think is so exciting and totally fills my heart up with love and happiness.

    Don't feel bad for wanting to expereince 1 baby at a time, that is normal, just not meant for you right now. Good luck with your babies.Everything will be great. Just wait and see!
     
  31. Susanna+3

    Susanna+3 Well-Known Member

    I think that throughout my pg and their first year there was always a part of me that wished it were just one baby...but another part of me that wouldn't separate them for the world... I can safely say that after having a singleton there were a lot of things that were more difficult about twins...and some things that were easier. When I had just one toddler I was the only entertainment source for her... and while that doesn't sound like something to complain about, just ask any first time mom of One about how frustrating it can be... I hear my friend's singleton dd whining over the phone and it all comes rushing back to me... Not that my three don't whine..but they do entertain each other much better... they love playing together and inspire each other in good (and bad) ways... The twins became much better nappers than my singelon...and I like to believe it was b/c of neccessary neglect on my part (you can't give them as much attention and they get used to it..it's kind of a good thing..) . But overall... in terms of sleep during the first 3 months...it was really horrible, horrible, horrible..and I can't gloss over that (I was in a time warp for 90 days, functioning with less than 3 hours straight of sleep at night and trying to care for my three kids during the day...they are not fond memories) ... I have a strange kind of mentality... I believe if you expect the first 3 to 6 months to be really, really bad then maybe it won't be as bad as you expect it to be???... KWIM??... As for me... I really didn't know what to expect...and let me just say I had a hard time the first six months...then it got much, much better..to the point now that I would be thrilled to have another set of twins... hope that's some consolation... all initial (and continuing) challenge makes it worth it...and maybe that's what those moms meant when saying things like that...
     
  32. Angelasbabes

    Angelasbabes Well-Known Member

    My suggestion is to keep away from those meetings until your angels are here and THEN you can commiserate the joys and the woes of twins.

    I've not gone to any, I just didn't feel any connection to the group when they came to talk to us at our multiples birthing class.

    Anyway. As mentioned, find your nitch. You'll do great. You were given these 2 little blessings. You're never given more than you can handle.

    The best thing to know is that it's okay to process those type of thoughts NOW, but go through them, and then get rid of them! I think it's part of every pregnancy. My thing was that I didn't want boys. I'm sooo glad that I found out at 16 weeks they were boys. It literally took the rest of the pregnancy for me to be excited that my boys were born! LOL

    Don't be intimidated by two. You just forage ahead and do as needed. It won't be the same as any other person out there, but it has to do with you and your babies. Be proud to be a twin mommy! They'll love you no matter that you forgot to change them out of jammies for a whole day! As long as you remember to feed and change the diapers, they'll give you the biggest smiles, because they already know you.

    That's all you need to get through. They were made for you and you were made for them!
     
  33. seamusnicholas

    seamusnicholas Well-Known Member

    quote:
    It seems like everyone talks about how HARD it is to raise twins. How you never get to sleep...and it actually sounds like it is constant drudgery and pain. People will add, at the end of a rant, "but of course it is great." Well, I guess, but you just spent 10 mins telling me how hard it is....



    I kind of laughed when I read this because in the first year board this is true. Often, we say it is hard and we are so tired and we need tips for a variety of things but the reason I laughed is the "but of course it is great" comment. This is so true. Not long ago I was one of those 'i dont know how i will get through this hard part to where people say it gets easier'. But here I am enjoying every second of this!

    As nervous as it may make you, I would continue to glance at the first year board. I wish I did that because then I would have been more prepared and had great suggestions from so many people of how to survice those first few weeks.

    I did not read the previous posts but I am sure they said how wonderful it is to have twins. That could not be more true!!!
     
  34. yvonneinoregon

    yvonneinoregon Well-Known Member

    quote:
    I'm just going to say that just because something is difficult, doesn't mean it's not rewarding. I think sometimes the hardest things in life are the most rewarding.


    I completly agree. Is having twins difficult? It can be. But so is a singleton, KWIM? Its all relative and so much depends on you.

    I think that for many, myself included, venting can be very therapeutic but come across the wrong way. I also think/know that the stuff we TYPE can be difficult to interpret the way the writer intended. (Just look at some of the drama...) [​IMG]

    Being a parent can be tough. There I said it! But, there is nothing more rewarding either.

    I have a 24, almost 25 yo DD and did it again! Not only that, I spent a small fortune to have these guys! So, yes, it is very very very worth it.
     
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