Expecting and terrified!

My husband and I have a 20 month old daughter, and found out over the holidays I was pregnant. We were over the moon. Last week we found out it’s twins- and it’s been the shock of the lifetime. We had always pictured a family of 4- I always said I didn’t want to be outnumbered by kids. We’re having a really tough time dealing with the news. We even thought about terminating, but I don’t think I could live with myself. We just have to accept it and move on. It’s been tough. We’ve gone from being so happy about this pregnancy to absolutely dreading it. My husband is worried about health issues- me, not so much. I’m having di-di twins, and I’m confident health-wise we’ll be good (or at least I’m trying to not worry about it!). I was hoping to have a similar experience as with my daughter. I was looking forward to taking care of my new son/daughter, having already the previous experience, and be able to enjoy it more knowing what to expect. I now have absolutely no idea what to expect. I really enjoyed holding and hugging my daughter,  binding with her. I don’t know how to do that when I have to juggle two newborns. How will I have quality time with each? How can I cuddle only one at a time knowing the other one probably needs/wants it too? How will I breastfeed? I nursed my daughter until she was 15 months old, and I used it as such a great bonding experience. I don’t know how I’ll split in half and still be able to enjoy it. I don’t know how to handle the guilt of how my daughter will handle not just one, but two newborns that will need my constant attention.
 
I know I’m probably hormonal (twice as much!) but I’m terrified, and I don’t know how to deal with this. I’m getting better, but still, it’s been almost 2 weeks since we found out and I haven’t recovered from the shock, still dreading it, and still crying every day.
 
I’m so, so terrified of this.

 

How far along are you? I am due with twins June 6th and have three other children.  We are used to caos.  I think just having one and facing two more may be more overwhelming than having three and facing two more for the reason I said above; we have adjusted to more than one.  I have no idea what to expect really.  The only thing I can think is that I will have to take one day at a time.  Hopefully you will find some others to talk to and friends or family nearby that can help and be supportive to you.  I'm sure your feelings are normal especially since you had no plans to have more than two.  That is definitely an adjustment in thinking.  You have time to prepare for this and learn some tricks.  I'm sure you will come to appreciate this special thing in time. 

 

:hug: It is definitely overwhelming news. My first thought while reading your post is to encourage you to look into hiring a postpartum doula. They are worth their weight in gold, especially with multiples. They can help with supporting your older daughter as she welcomes her siblings, breastfeeding, help wth holding and/or wearing both, recovery, local resources, meal prep, tidying, etc etc etc.

http://www.dona.org/mothers/faqs_postpartum.php

 

:welcome: to TS! And congratulations on your pregnancy!
When we found out we were having twins, my husband and I did not have other children so we did not know what to expect at all.  But we were terrified.  We felt completely unprepared for one newborn, let alone two.  How could we care for two crying babies?  Who do you go to first?  I think it's completely normal to feel scared and overwhelmed.  You and your family will find your rhythm and things will work out.  The adjustment period is tough but you do find your groove :hug:

 

I personally think how you feel is normal  :hug:  ... maybe because i felt similar... i didn't want any more children... i was happy with my family of 3... then i found out i was pregnant... that took an adjustment... THEN i found out there was two in there  :blink: ... i don't know how long i was in a fog... it was a LONG time... my oldest was almost 10... we were heading to the finishing line and to start all over ... BUT i feel everything happens for a reason... and now i get sad thinking what life would be like if i didn't have them (especially with oldest turning 17 this April and half way through his Jr year of HS).
 
I agree with the help if you can.  We stopped contributing to retirement/savings to pay for some help... and that was the best money i EVER spent!!!