Eating at the Table

Ok, so 5 days out of the week I'm essentially a single mom and I have the joys of having the night times my "shift". We have been working this schedule for the past 3 years and every night, dinner is a complete disaster! I am at a loss and I don't know what to do, you would think that in three years things would get easier. We all sit down to eat dinner at the table (every night) and its like watching a three ring circus act. They are up and down having to pee, or just wanting to run, not being satisfied with the colour of their plate, not liking what I have made for them, their brother/sister sitting too close, not sitting beside me.....Ladies....if its not one thing its another. Last night I lost my marbles. I had just had enought!

My thing is that I know that they will eat when they are hungry and if they don't eat their meal they won't get any treats or snack later on that evening...I get that....but what I don't want is for them to leave the table feelig satisfied that they won the battle and now they won't eat until breakfast. Truthfully, my kids LOVE breakfast and will eat me out of house and home, so the fact that they aren't eating dinner doesn't phase them because they know they will eat like kings in the morning. I don't want them to leave the dinner table to get to go and play or carry on what they were doing before I called them for dinner.
If I made them crappy kraft dinner or grilled chesse every single night they would eat. If I make them a nice well balanced meal, they won't eat it. What do I do? Just not make them dinner and say "tough it out, eat at breakfast because I know that me making chicken will make you angry and I refuse to make you kraft dinner again tonight?" AHHHHH!!!!! Sorry, I just want to rip my hair out!

I could care less if I ate every night....but just figure that as socieity we all eat three meals a day....i'm at a loss as to how to approach this gong show every night.

INSIGHT?!

 

It's very normal for kids not to eat much at one meal or another every day. My girls still rarely eat much at dinner. Remember the division of responsibility - it's your job to serve a variety of healthy foods at age appropriate times every day, it's their job to decide what & how much of what has been served that they'll eat. Honestly, take the pressure off of yourself! Making meal times a battle is a losing situation. What we do insist on is that the girls have a "thank you" bite of everything on their plate (we serve VERY tiny portions to start & have them ask for more if they'd like), however they're also allowed to spit it out if they don't want to eat it (although it's counter intuitive, this actually has created a situation where they taste *more* foods because there's no risk in it for them), and that they sit with us for at least 10 minutes. After that, they can go & play or whatever if they don't want to eat. They also have access to their plated food until bedtime if they do decide they're hungry later (but no new or additional food). Check out the blog "It's Not About Nutrition". Great ideas there.

 

Thank you Rachel! I honlesty have been fuming all day from last night in fear of having to do it all over again tonight....THANK YOU! I can catch my breath and see!

I like your idea of the "thank you bite" and even just hearing your calming attitude is helping me see around my frustration.

I will totally check out that blog!

 

Mostly I try to actively not care about what they eat. We don't really have time for snacks after dinner but they eat a ton at lunch so I don't worry too much. For annoying behavior I just remove them from the table which they don't like.

 

Much much better now at almost 5. It got better in the last 6 months. Since they were 2 or something we've just served them what we had. They didn't eat much for a long time, then hubby started bribing them... just put a spoonful of everything on their plate and if they ate it they'd have desert (a couple marshmallows, a cookie, a small popsicle). I don't really like it because now they expect dessert and I've never been fond of bribing, but it worked. They eat almost everything now.

They still occasionally get something they want, but only when hubby's going to be late anyway and I don't feel like cooking for 3. But really they love veggies, chicken, fish now... go figure.

 

My kids were (no, I'll say *are* in case this a fluke) really picky eaters and were underweight, so dinner was totally stressful in our house. After talking (at length!) with everybody here I decided that I just wasn't going to live like that and we started feeding them what we eat, plus one guaranteed option. The guaranteed option is garbage filler food (waffle, toast, etc) but we just praised and praised the main course until they gradually started trying everything. Now they'll try most things on their plate and sometimes eat it all (they each had a whole steak Sunday!).

I have some table rules (no banging, no messing with your sister) but I ignore everything else (being loud, playing with food). We praise trying foods and eating profusely and we do offer dessert for good eating. My standard of good eating depends on what they've eaten all day, if they've tried something new. But, honestly, if they're cheerful dinner companions, they get a treat. Paul and I enjoying our meal is important to me!!

It's just gradually gotten better and better. Dinner now is a family affair and it's usually fun. Making the decision not to stress was key for me. And I'm seeing returns in that my girls gained weight at their last appointment! Win/win!

 

Oh! And we let them help set the table. They get to pick their dishes and spit at the table and it's amazing how much more excited they are about the meal because of it. No idea why it works, but I'll take it!

 

We do a lot of the same things that PPs suggested - a tiny portion of everything to taste (and they may spit it out or leave it on their plate if they do not like it), letting them help themselves (except for steaming hot food or things that are too messy or difficult to handle) which allows them to feel in control of what they eat, one safe choice in every meal which I know they will enjoy (peas or carrots always seem to work for us). Mine were never picky eaters, but their appetites vary widely and that makes planning really difficult.

I have also found that getting them involved in the preparation of meals helps, i.e. going shopping together and asking them to pick a veggie (they sometimes really surprise me with their choices and I have even had to look up how to cook some of things they have picked), letting them help with the cooking, setting the table etc.

Mine may not get up from the table (except to go to the toilet) until they are finished with their meal. After that they may ask to get up but often enough they will stay at the table for a bit longer to enjoy the company. Although I am pretty strict with table manners (bad table manners have always been a pet peeve of mine and I love being able to take the children everywhere for meals), we try to make meal times fun with chat and laughter and I think the children are beginning to understand that gathering around the table for meals is about more than food.

They rotate seats on a daily basis, so they get to sit next to mom one day and next to dad the next. We were always having fights about who sits where but this rule almost instantly stopped them.

 

Oh I totally know where you are coming from! We have dealt with this for a long time as well and I am in a similar boat as you with hubby being gone a lot of the time so dinner is on me. They have gotten better the last few months as far as eating but the getting up, running around, etc. drives me CRAZY. It is just rude, I think. Some days they do it and others they sit perfectly still, eat, then go play. Sheesh.

Some of the things I do...well honestly when hubby isn't around I don't make "real" meals because it isn't worth my time and effort. I tend to make things like pasta, fish sticks, breakfast for dinner (pancakes/eggs), etc. Over and over again because that is what they will eat! When hubby is home we make real home cooked meals. Certain things they don't like but we tell them "Try everything at least one bite. If you don't like it you don't have to eat it." They generally do pretty good at getting at least a decent amount of food down. Also sometimes we make little games at dinner time...like we will make a point to each take our bites at the same time and see how many we can do (I love that one, cause they are eating more and not even realizing it, haha). The other night we had spaghetti and they decided they were "worms" with "worm blood" LOL so we got a kick out of talking about worms as we were eating. (Kinda gross but hey, they ate 2x what they normally would!) I stopped doing the power struggle with eating, most of the time. I remind them a few times to eat but then say "Ok. If you choose not to eat, that is it for the night." They have never been fazed by this actually but at least I feel like I tried and I don't have to argue all night. Also if they can, I try to have them help with dinner at times. Like making meatballs, etc. They get more excited about stuff when they have helped make it and it doesn't seem as "weird" to them.

As far as the getting up from the table, most of the time I don't stand for that. They get a few warnings and then are sent to time out if they cannot behave decently. They can come back and eat of course but playing with toys, etc. at mealtimes is not acceptable to me. Eventually if they choose to keep getting up and ignore me, they miss out on mealtime altogether and have to wait til the next meal/next day.