Due date question and venting a little

Okay, I have a question that I guess I could ask my doctor today at my appointment, but I'd like to hear it from everyone here.
When you are asked when you are due, do you go by the 40 week due date, or the 37 week?

Also, I'd just like to vent and see if this is only me or if anyone else is going through this. The other day my MIL called and asked how I was doing. She said, "Oh I heard your pants are already feeling tight" (I'm ten weeks right now) and I said, "Yes" but I was thinking "well duh lady I'm carrying two in here and of course I'm going to gain weight faster." But then she said, "well, when I was pregnant I didn't start showing until the 4th or 5th month." and I said, "Oh, okay" but I was really thinking "AAAHHH why don't you just stop talking about you and how little weight you gained and realize that I'm carrying two here and will show a sooner!!!" :angry:
I've always had a problem with my weight, not really controlling it, but just obsessed about trying to lose weight (even though I'm always told I'm fine the way I am or I'm skinny) Yes, that was something I was batteling before I got pregnant , but now that I'm pregnant I started off excited that I would be eating healthy and I had promised to gain the right amount of weight....but with these little comments of "oh you're already showing" or "wow you're pants don't fit already"...well, they really make me feel depressed. I cried the other day and my DH was scared and asked what was wrong and I said, "I don't want to get fat" and he assured me that I have to gain weight for the health of our babies, which quickly makes me change my mind and feel like I have to do what's best for them. But my problems with eating (I guess it was a mild eating disorder, but I refuse to diagnosis that myself) sometimes block my logic and rationality. I've battled with trying to stay thin for years (probably since I was 10 or 11) and it was just getting worse and worse within these past few years (although I was average weight pre-pregnancy) and my self-esteem wasn't all that high either. Finding out that I was pregnant with two was a blessing and a shock, and my two little ones, I feel, have been my saving grace, but it's just people like that, who love to comment on how much weight I'm going to gain just makes me sick and depressed. And now, in about two weeks, we have to go visit his family for a wedding anniversarry. I'll be 12 weeks almost 13 by then and I just know I'm going to hear all those comments, and I'm going to leave depressed. I don't know if this is just all my hormones going or a mix of everything from pre-pregnancy to pregnancy.
Sorry to ramble on and on, but I really can't talk to anybody face to face about all these problems. And my DH knows all about my eating problems and has always tried to help me, but I'm stubborn and I don't listen to what he has to say sometimes, except when he reminds me that I'm now responsible for two more lives.

 

i am in the same boat as you. i have always struggled with my weight. i have started to get belly these past two weeks. my MIL said to me the other day, "you're getting fat!". i was so mad. i am sure that she's not carrying twins in her saddle bags...

 

On the due date, I usually just went with the month the 40 week due date was in. My doctor wouldn't schedule me until about 39 weeks so I wasn't getting my hopes up for anything earlier than that. As I got further along and was so big, when I'd tell people my 40 week due date I always got asked "Are you sure" or "Is there more than one" - usually I'd just tune them out.

It is totally normal to have snug fitting pants earlier with twins, people that haven't had twins don't realize what a big difference it makes. One thing to keep in mind, just because you're having twins doesn't mean you'll gain tons and tons of weight. With my second set I only gained 14 pounds, even though I was measuring 8-10 weeks ahead for my entire pregnancy. Even if you do gain alot, if the end result is healthy babies that's all that matters. You'll have plenty of time to lose it when you're chasing 2 toddlers around

 

Congrats on having twins! As far as the due date question, I just tell people I'm due in August, I know I'll be lucky if I make it that far.

I've never had an eating disorder but like anyone else I can obsess about my weight at times and I can imagine how hard it'll be for you to listen to people comment about your weight. You've got to eat a lot more for those babies, believe me, you don't want underweight babies especially if they come early. Just keep reminding yourself that you're doing what's best!

As far as your MIL, don't be shy about telling her to not compare. You're pregnancy is entirely different, even of you were only carrying one baby. The thoughts about weight gain have changed a lot since she was pregnant.

 

I have the same problem with the due date question. People ask me "when is your due date" & they must think I'm crazy because I always hesitate & say, "um, well, I'm due May 20th but..." so I know what you mean! I'm almost there & I still haven't figured that out! so hopefully, some other mom's will have an answer for you!

As far as the weight thing goes--I know what you mean about that too! Our mother's generation has a completely different outlook when it comes to gaining weight in pregnancy. This is my fifth pregnancy & I've FINALLY learned to tune it out. It's a hard thing to do with your first though! My mother has told me 500 times about the amount of weight she gained (or didn't gain) with each pregnancy. I just let it go in one ear & out the other. I don't know why they feel the need to say these things. I've also struggled with my weight since I was a kid. It's hard to watch what you eat & try not to gain weight all your life & then all of a sudden--put all this weight on. But, you really need to try to just tune out negative comments, eat healthy for your babies, and worry about your weight after they are born. A phrase that I like is "9 months on, 9 months off". And if the weight comes off before 9 months it's a bonus & if it takes longer--oh well, you have babies! People are going to make comments your whole pregnancy & then when the babies are born--they continue to make comments!! Just listen to the comments of the people you care about & trust & ignore the others. My in-laws are coming this weekend & I haven't seen my FIL since last October & I'm sure the first thing out of his mouth will be--wow--you're huge. I'm preparing myself ahead of time & I think I'll comment about his bald head. When I saw him in October he said "wow, you look really skinny." Duh, the last time I saw you I had a new baby. Meanwhile, I was 2 months pregnant with twins in October. Hope you don't mind that I'm venting too!!!! I just wish people would keep their body comments to themselves!!!! I had to say something to my mother recently because she is always comparing my daughters to each other. 2 of them are really skinny & one is not & she's started making the "not skinny" one feel bad. It makes me so mad because I've had such a poor body image my whole life and I don't want the same for my daughters! She hasn't started on my 2 year old yet but I'm sure she will.

I hope this helps. It's taken me years to finally be happy with my body--I hope you can get there. I just try to focus on being healthy & have my kids do the same. I know it's so hard--but ignore the comments! People just don't think. Some days it will be easier than others. Keep us posted!

 

Thanks everyone, this has been helpful. It was good to release some of my pent up feelings. I'm trying to stay confident and happy. I have an appointment to get to and hopefully I'll get to see these two wonderful little joys of my life.

 

On the due date question - well it took me awhile to figure out what to say. my 40 week date is at the end of June but my doctor has assured me I will not be going that long. So when people (strangers) ask, I am very vague and just say "the end of May" . . .

As for size, do NOT beat yourself up about it! your MIL clearly needs a bit of an education in multiple pregnancies b/c OF COURSE you're going to be bigger than someone pg with just one baby! DUH! I have always been very petite but I swear I had a little pooch at 7-8 weeks. My stuff stopped fitting quite right only a few weeks later. Here I am - at 31 weeks - and I am ALL BELLY. Everyone seems pretty impressed by that (not that i had anything to do with it!). But my point is that it's ok to start showing super early. It's not an indication of what you're going to look like 20+ weeks from now. Nor is it an indication of how well you were (or were not) taking care of yourself before getting pregnant. Your MIL's comments are mental junk - right now, all you should be worried about is getting proper nutrition. Your weight gain, whether it will be more or less than someone else's, is not the most important thing to be focused on.

 

I've been saying, "I'm due mid-July, but probably the babies will come in June." That usually satisfies people....

For the weight thing, I recommend getting "When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads" by Luke and Eberlein, and read it cover to cover. The book -- while a little strict -- explains very well why you MUST gain weight, and a lot of it, during a multiple pregnancy. It has great guidelines for protein intake, etc. Remember, your goal is to grow two healthy babies.....this author suggests gaining 60+ pounds, as early as you can, especially if you were on the thin side before becoming pregnant.

Pooh on anyone who tells you they didn't show until the 4th month....dude, you're having TWINS!

 

isn't family great!!! My mil had twins and gained a ton of weight so I don't hear a lot of that but what I do hear is how she went to 40 weeks and didn't slow down around the house because you just "do what you have to do"... it makes me feel weak because I can't...I just have to blow it off and know I'm doing what is best for my babies. Gaining weight is crucial for your little ones, don't let anyone make you feel like you are gaining too much too fast.

 

By the time i was at 10 weeks i already had to wear Maternity Pants!! I have always had a bit of an eating disorder, and your MIL isnt helping at all. I think you just need to ignor her comments (I know its hard!). You are trying to bring two babies into this world and they need a lot of food! and not everyone gains a lot of weight! My SIL didnt gain anything at all and so far i have only gained 10 lbs. Being pregnant is not the time to watch your weight anyhow! As long as the babies are healthy!! :hug99:

 

I was 100% maternity clothing by 7.5 weeks. You and I are the same along and I am already definately showing too. There is no doubt that I am pregnant. I was a larger gal before being pregnant but I am still expected to gain about 40 pounds. I also suggest that you read the afore mentioned book, "When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads" by Luke and Eberlein. It has great nutritional info along with info about after the babies are here, tips and suggestions. I checked mine out at the library and may just end up buying one.

Asfor the due date, we are due the same time, I just say late October or early November. My doc said I won't go past 38 weeks for sure, which is November 5th so.....besides no matter how many babies you are carrying a due date is a guesstimate. My dd was "due" on December 30th and was born on January 11th. She was nice and comfy and not giving up her "apartment". I learned from that, it is only a guesstimate.

Good luck to and keep just growing those babies healthy. People are going to say stupid things. Funny thing is if they said you seemed small for carrying twins you would hate that too. I did with first pg if someone thought, only once or twice, that I seemed small. Because then you worry there is something wrong. Pooh on them all....

 

Its only going to get worse, so you have to have some tough skin to ignore the comments. My DH and my MIL are the only ones that say I am "fat". Everyone else in this city think I look great and am all baby. Sure the fat thing gets to me a bit, but in a month I will have lost alot of weight, on my birthdiet?! They are just rude. I think its just their payback to me for saying they stink....because of their smoking....gross! I just try to stay positive, I know what I am doing is right for me....and anyone that would like to say something that hurts you, you need to defend yourself. All I know is I could snap at any moment, so they better watch what they say, lol. I am seriously hormonal, its a good excuse to be "bitchy".

Hang in there.....

Juli

 

I always went by the 40 week due date . Also i havnt really much advice to give you but i will send big :hug99: you way x

 

I always went by the 40 week due date. I loved seeing the look on people's faces, then I explained that I was having twins.

In terms of your MIL, if she makes any comments, just tell her that you are making a happy temporary home for your babies. Explain the need for you to nourish two babies and that it is completely different from a singleton pregnancy. Don't let her comments get to you, you know that you are doing what is best for your little ones.

 

I feel your pain. You will struggle with this your entire pregnancy. As a recovered/always recovering eating disordered person I know that people will always be quick to judge my weight. In other words, my close friends and family, those who are aware of what I have been through and bounced back from, always look first to my weight and if I am not "meaty" enough for them are concerned. I think my entire life they will see my weight first, judge whether it is "acceptable" and then either relax around me or be concerned. Oh well, I guess they care. My entire pregnancy has been spent explaining to my mother that "yes, I am eating enough, yes, I am gaining enough weight, and yes, I am taking good care of the babies inside of me." When it finally got too much for me I explained that I did not really benefit from her judgements and although she may not realize, her constant notice of my weight felt like a criticsim of the kind of mother I was already being before my babies were even born. I asked her to trust my own judgement and know that I am an excellent mother already and providing the best possible for my babies while they are growing inside of me.

Anyway, I gained about 15 lbs. the first trimester and my weight gain tapered and now I am 34 weeks with a total gain of 30lbs for the pregnancy. Your body is just fueling up for the long road ahead. I just try to listen to my body the best I can and trust my own instincts. I think that as mothers, trusting our own instincts is going to be very important so we might as well start now.

I don't know if this helps or not. I don't know if there is anything that can be said to help. Stay strong and true to yourself and try to see food as a life source and a fuel that the body needs to grow and thrive - that is truly what it is.

Also, your mil must be very "proud" of the fact that she didn't gain weight until late in her pregnancy and obviously doesn't have much of a chance to "brag" about this. I am sure there will be more to come!

Amy

 

What a stupid remark by your MIL! Even though she can't know the full scale of her blunder, I don't know many women for whom weight is NOT a sensitive issue. Give her some reading material from Dr Luke, and hopefully she'll change her tune when she realises what's best for her grandchildren.

I only had that kind of idiocy from a far relative (my SIL's aunt) which I just meekly bore since we were at my nephew's christening and I felt I should keep family peace: She didn't gain any weight at all, and I should really watch it because it would be so hard for me to shed it afterwards, and though breastfeeding does help some people like herself didn't lose any weight that way (I mean - duh - she had just lost weight comparable to a full pregnancy gain!). I still regret not having stood up to her ignorance - of course I shouldn't have exploded in her face, like I felt most like, but I should just have informed her that scientific studies suggest this and that weight gain for twin pregnancies - and perhaps I could have snuck in that it was lucky for her that her children turned out normal considering her eating disorder during her pregnancy.

I think it's amazing the liberties people will take - it's just like the bellyrubbing: when you're pregnant you're apparently public property. And if it bothers you, don't just bear it and cry afterwards - make sure people know the truth about twin pregnancies and weight gain!

 

I always gave my 40 week date, but quickly added that it was twins and that I would be having them a few weeks earlier than that. As far as your MIL and comments, can you have dh take her aside and politely ask her not to make comparisons or comments to you about your weight or size... just have him tell her that you are sensitive about your weight as it is, that you are trying really hard to eat healthily but that with a twin pg you are going to be bigger than most pg moms to begin with... Even if he just chalks it up to your hormones..any excuse to gently let her know that the comments are going to bother you. Unfortunately you will have to try to get thick skin...you will be getting some pretty painful comments during pg...lots of insensitive people say stupid things. The best thing to do with people that are around you a lot is to be honest... perhaps then they will be more sensitive and say things like, "you look really great" instead. With all the others you could try some common come-backs that ladies on here have come up with...or just burst into tears and say "that's the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me." And see if that person ever makes a comment toward a pg lady ever again!!

 

You said that some people would call you skinny pre-pg--my guess is that MIL is jealous. People take a sick pleasure in watching the "skinny" girl gain weight, even if it is for a good cause. Sorry you're dealing with that.

I always gave my 40 week date. I never measured more than 2-3 weeks ahead; most people didn't believe I was having twins when I told them. Every body was different, and I did gain over 40lbs from my hyperemesis -17 low, so it's not like I was trying not to gain!