don't read if you are paranoid

i need advice, but a word of warning- if you are the paranoid type, stop reading now. i'm currently pregnant with #6 and #7... our second set of twins. we did not get the best reception at the news that our 5th child was on his way... seems like 99% of people nowadays are not ok with the idea of large families. both of our families were not happy when we announced the last pregnancy. so needless to say, we are not looking forward to telling them about TWO more on the way,. i HATE feeling like i have done something "wrong", and have to "fess up" to our families. it shouldn't be like that. all babies should be celebrated, and considering we are not dependent on any of them for ANYTHING, it's really none of their business how many children we have. anyway, end rant with that issue.
the big thing is this: sunday, a close family friend of my husband's family died from SCAD. basically, the vessels in her heart dissected. this was a direct result of her carrying twins. she gave birth to them 2 weeks ago, and died suddenly 12 days later. very very tragic. apparently, this is very rare- something about the progesterone during pregnancy weakening the walls of the heart vessels, and they split open. she was 33 years old, no prior coronary issues. she left behind 5 children, two of them being the newborn twins.
we were planning on breaking our news at thanksgiving- two weeks from now. i will be 13 weeks then. but now, we are petrified that this will just be bad, and cast a morbid pall over thanksgiving weekend. i don't want the announcement of two more precious babies on the way to be received with fear, worry, and disappointment, but i don't know what else to do. i won't be able to hide my bump (or constant nausea) from them for an entire weekend. WHAT DO I DO????

 

First I want to say, I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I think you are in a no win situation. Either way you do tell people, someone is bound to be upset hurt, have comments etc. If you want to tell them Thanksgiving weekend like you planned, what if you got one of your kids to announce it for you? There is no way an adult could make a comment or react in a negative way if a child were to announce it. Well hopefully anyway. Good luck.

 

I like the idea of having one of the kids tell, it may soften the blow. I don't believe the blow NEEDS to be softened but from what you describe... I feel like you were already expecting your family to respond in a not so good manner so go ahead and tell. This is a wonderful joyous gift and I know how people can be as far as large families are concerned (we have 5 living, a lost twin, and a lost set so we would have been at 8) People are stoopid sometimes. But this is a blessing meant to be shared. After the initial shock, remind your family that's how you feel about the pregnancy, it's a blessing, and that you desire only positive thoughts! Good luck.

 

I am so sorry for your situation with your family. I hope announcing the pregnancy goes better then expected. I would have a tough time staying in contact with people who could not be respectful and supportive of me, hopefully these people will eventually see this as a blessing just like the rest of your children which I can only assume they appreciate and love.
Good luck to you. :hug:

 

I am not the best advice giver, but I just wanted to say I will be thinking of you and your family. We have felt the need to justify wanting a big family in the past. Finally, my husband and I decided that if our friends and family do not like our large family, then they are welcome to discuss it behind our backs. I agree, all children should be celebrated. Good luck.

 

Wow, what a crazy, terrible story and situation. Unless you are worried about showing, maybe share the news Christmas time, so everyone has time to recover a bit from the shock and loss of their friend?

We are also planning on having a large family (these are #2 and #3) although I suppose it's more culturally expected and accepted with us because we are Orthodox Jews. However, my husband's parents and family are not orthodox and I'm sure once we make it past #5 or so the comments will start coming. I don't think they can wrap their heads around a family larger than that lol. I agree with the person who said to just let them talk behind your backs. It's your life and your decision, children are always a blessing!!