Don't know what to do about CIO

DH and I are having MAJOR disagreements on attempting to CIO. He's ready to put them down and turn of the monitor and just let them wail! It is SO hard for me to do that, I have heard a million times trust your gut instinct, and I just feel like I am going against my better judgement to just let them wail when they wake up in the middle of the night. We don't have too many problems with getting them to sleep, but they wake up frequently, and they almost always wake each other up. So we have two screaming babies!! I just can't take it. I'm willing to get up and soothe them, it's usually not too hard to get them to go back to sleep. They sleep in their beds, we don't put them in the bed with us.

Is is so terrible to go in and soothe them back to sleep? Is it terrible not to? My thing is that if I can go in there and pat a bottom and get them back to sleep in a few minutes what is the harm? Yes I'm tired the next day, but I don't think there has been a day in the last 9 months that I haven't been tired the next day, it's just a part of being a parent right?! I just hate it when DH and I disagree on something this major, in our sleep deprived crankiness it almost always erupts into to a major argument!

I know alot of folks on here have done it, and I guess I am ready to try, but how do you do it with two? The poor things aren't going to get any sleep from waking each other up! And when Sam gets going, he gets going. He can work himself up pretty quickly, to the point that he can't calm himself down, near hysterics!! I don't want to reinforce anything, but DH says that Sam is being manipulative, but how do you reason with a 9 month old?! And can he really be trying to manipulate us this early?

I guess I just have a lot of questions and reservations about this, and just don't know what to do. So if you have made it this far, thanks!! I'm open to any advice!

 

My thinking is if you are the one doing the soothing and don't expect hubby to, then why does he care?

I say do what you are comfortable with and go from there.

I can do CIO to a point but that doesn't mean I think every one out there should do it. Go with your gut instinct!

 

If you dont feel comfy doing it, then dont do CIO. I only do CIO right now when I put them to bed at night, we have yet to do it during the night because we arent at our home right now.

 

Is there anyway to seperate them?? I don't know if I would attempt it with them in the same room. Only you know if you can do it, and I would not try it unless you are committed to sticking with it, otherwise you will make the problem worse. I think what you need to ask yourself is...do I believe it will work? If they are not waking to eat, just plain waking, and wanting you to get them back to sleep...that is an ideal situation to try CIO. Have you ever let them cry for any period of time?? I know with my DS I thought I would eventually have to do CIO and it would be awful, but one night my DH said lets just give 10 min...and see if at that point it is better...and sure enough it was. I am just curious if you always run in at the first peep.

 

Id say if you dont mind soothing them then you should keep doing it. Especially if CIO does not feel right to you.

We did do CIO. Like you, we did not really have a problem with them going down it was more in the middle of the night. It took a few nights and some of those night definately included one crying and waking the other and then both of them cried. AFter those few night, when one cried the other slept through and to this day they sleep through the cries. But again, do what feels right.

 

I have to admit, I do run in at the first peep, if feel like if I can get that one back to sleep quickly then the other might not wake up too. I don't have any way of separating them, just not enough room in our tiny house. I guess I could try the 10 minute thing. Are there like some sort of rules to follow? Maybe if I understood more how to ease them into it, I would feel more comfortable with it...how did you do it? THANKS!!!

 

We did CIO with them both in the same room. We had problems with them waking frequently at nite. It took about a month!! but now they both sleep from 8pm-6am straight. We tried the go in pat them but it didnt work for us. We could pat for 2 minutes or 15 but once we stopped they were right back up again so that didnt work for us so we did CIO. Do whatever feels comfortable for you.

 

Emma was sleeping through, when I decided to do CIO with Jacob. They were in the same room. It was around 6.5 months. He was up at least 8 times during the night, needing soothing, or a paci, and we were all miserable. It took 2 nights with him, and the longest he cried was 20 minutes at a time, which felt like forever. But, after those 2 nights, he has slept through the night ever since, and I could probably count on one hand the # of times I have had to go in because he was crying at night. Emma woke up a few times when we were doing the CIO, but she put herself back to sleep. It is a hard thing to do, and it is not for everyone, or every baby. I have done it with 3 of my kids(all of the boys!)and it has worked everytime, and they are great sleepers when it is done. I would wait until you are absolutely comfortable with your decision, because if you "give in" to the crying, it's almost like starting over, if that makes sense. Hang in there, and good luck!

 

We are in the middle of it right now. When the girls wake we go in and make sure they are ok and pat them. If they don't go right back to sleep we begin CIO. We start with 5 minutes, then 10 then 15. Yes they somethimes wake each other and we have 2 crying babies but they have always fallen back to sleep by the end of the 15 minute wait. We have been doing it for 6 nights and the girls are now sleeping from 7pm-6am.

They sometimes wake at 5:30 but play in their crib till 6.

It is really hard but we did turn off the monitor (we can still hear them but it is not in stereo that way).

Do what you feel. We had to do it because our night wakings were many and I felt like by 8 months they should know how to put themselves back to sleep. One of my biggest fears is having 2 toddlers who wake up during the night!

 

Catie, I am going through this right now. We are trying CIO when we can, but most of the time they just get WAY too worked up to fall asleep that way. They share a room with their big brother too and I hate disturbing his sleep all night. They also wake each other up and I would do anything to keep the other sleeping through (really, I'm not kinding). If you are comfortable with getting up and dealing with them and not with CIO, you should do what you want. If your DH isn't even getting up with them, then he shouldn't mind the personal decision you have made.

I promise you that they WILL sleep through the night by the time they are in high school

 

I respect all the different points of view presented on this post.

Here is my experience:

My doctor once said that it is a gift to teach a baby how fall asleep on its own. Everybody goes through sleep cycles, even you. You wake up at night, maybe adjust your position or a cover and go right back to sleep. YOu might not even know it. Babies too wake up between their sleep cycles. They need to learn to go back to sleep on their own. I would be afraid you are starting a habit that might get worse as they get older.

That said. I too was like you, ran in at the first peep because I didn't want them waking each other. Even when we did try to let them cry for 10 minutes, they only got worked up. BOY can they CRY!! It wasn't until we decided "we are sleep training," did we follow through. At 7 months we started. Jacob learned very quickly. He barely cried much. Mia on the other a few nights cried almost 2 hours before falling asleep. I. It was not full on crying, a lot of "sup, sup." It took about 4 nights for her to get it. We had Jacob in our room and Mia in their room. We kept them there for a month and now they both back in their room. They rarely wake each even when one does wake in the night. They go sleep on their own and sleep all night now. Mia, when she starts to fall asleep when drinking a bottle,wiggles because she can't fall asleep in our arms anymore. She can't get comfortable. Before only way she'd fall asleep was in our arms , but NOTHING like it used to be.
Letting a baby cry definitely goes against our emotions. CIO is so hard. I still HATE it when they start crying, even if it is only for 5 minutes. I can't stand it. But at the same time, I know that my kids are SOOO much happier and on a better schedule now that they are getting good sleep. I too feel human again.

GOOD LUCK with whatever you decide.