Done having kids?

Did something "click" with you when you knew you were done having kids? My husband and I were blessed with b/g twinkies. They'll be two at the end of June. I feel like we need to decide by the end of this year if we would like to try for anymore. I keep going back and forth (to the point that sometimes it makes me crazy) if we should try again or if we should just keep our family as it is... beautiful and healthy.

 

Well, for us part of it is that we would most likey need to do IVF to get pg and that costs money and is emotionally taxing. But obviously if we really wanted more kids we would try again.
I think having twins has really turned dh off to more! He saw how hard it was, especially on me (ppd is alot of it too) and does not want to experience that again.
We also want to be able to travel internationally with the kids and logistically and monetarily it would get harder with more kids. We want to be able to afford certain things (sports, trips, college) for the kids and if we had more that would be difficult.

But we always joke if we won a large lottery that could do away with alot of our reason and maybe we would have more :lol:

 

Absolutely done here! I wanted to get pregnant one more time and when I did I was estatic. With both my pregnancies I had terrible morning sickness and the twin pregnancy was so stressful I just can't imagine going through another pregnancy. I still love to look at babies and hold them, but I don't envy a new mom at all with all the sleepness nights. I love my girls, but my husband and I both agree that we want no more. I guess for me it was just a peace. There is absolutely no more longing for a baby like there was when I was pregnant with my girls. For me I just know that I am finished.

 

I really don't know. I am still on the fence myself and I have three under 6... and a 1200 square foot house. I don't know if I will ever really feel done.

 

I always felt there was another child waiting to join our family. I had strong feelings that it was time for another. I even had feelings I that the pregnancy was twins before ever going to the DR....they run in our family. So I trust those feelings I get. As of right now. the twins are 2 and if anything I have gotten the feeling enjoy these little ones while they are little. Make me feel and think that we are done. My feelings now are peaceful, that our family is complete!

Cindy

 

QUOTE(Utopia122 @ Jun 13 2008, 11:01 PM) [snapback]826135[/snapback]
I still love to look at babies and hold them, but I don't envy a new mom at all with all the sleepness nights. I love my girls, but my husband and I both agree that we want no more. I guess for me it was just a peace. There is absolutely no more longing for a baby like there was when I was pregnant with my girls. For me I just know that I am finished.


That's me too. Ellie was a surprise as it was. Joey was sleeping all night and I was sooo done with sleepness nights, or so I thought. But now we're done. Two kids were our plan, and you can see how well that worked out: we have 4. I had a tubal ligation with my C/S when Ellie was born.

My nephew turned one this spring. My sister would call me about all the newborn/infant stuff and I would just think, "Man, I'm sooo glad I'm done with that!"

Definitely done!

 

We'd like to have more, but I think we're done too. DH is retiring soon from the service and we'd both like to stay home and only work possibly part time, but we need to save for their college funds, buying a house etc.....I think we were blessed with these two and they're so wonderful and sweet that I feel I'd just be testing fate by wanting more.

 

As I am divorced, ummm....I am done. :rotflmbo:

 

QUOTE(nicolepag @ Jun 13 2008, 10:43 PM) [snapback]826102[/snapback]
Did something "click" with you when you knew you were done having kids? My husband and I were blessed with b/g twinkies. They'll be two at the end of June. I feel like we need to decide by the end of this year if we would like to try for anymore. I keep going back and forth (to the point that sometimes it makes me crazy) if we should try again or if we should just keep our family as it is... beautiful and healthy.


i completely know what you are saying. mine are 3 now, but around 2, i was feeling that "urge" to decide too. i think my husband and i both wanted more (or at least another), and my reasoning was that i didn't want them to be too far apart in age, you know? we were actually going to start trying after the 1st of the year (2008), but a few months before, we were in a terrible wreck, which broke my back (my story). that was almost 7 months ago now, but i figure that was God's way of telling me we were "done" and to be thankful that my girls survived a high-risk pregnancy AND our accident.

i am a huge believer in "signs", and i got mine for sure. maybe you will get one too?

good luck with whatever you choose...who knows maybe it will be another "set".

rebecca

 

I used to be a baby baby baby person. Loved seeing and holding other's babies but now, I enjoy looking and making them laugh a little but don't have that "oh I want one!" yearning inside anymore! I am almost 40, so for me age has a lot to do with it. I think I MIGHT feel differently if I were 30! You can only REALLY know when you know. It's like when I knew that I would marry my husband. There was never any doubt for me.

 

I have felt the same way!! I don't think I'll decide that I want to have another, but I'm not completely ready to say that I don't. I think the fear of having another set of twins may keep me content with the two I have. I love my boys, but I would not want to go through it again!

 

I love kids and love being pregnant (believe it or not) but I am done. Yes, somethng just clicked with me and dh. WE love our kids and are ready to stop having kids and fully focus on raising them. I don't regret that decision for even 1 second but it does make me sad that I won't meet my baby for the first time ever again.

 

I have a little twinge now and again when I see a newborn, but there is no question that we are done -- mostly for practical reasons:

1. We had to go through infertility treatment to get all of our kids, and we don't want to do that again.

2. Twin pregnancy really did a number on my body, and I feel like I'm still recovering.

3. I feel stretched among three kids as it is, and find it hard to spend quality time with each of them -- can't imagine adding any more to the mix.

4. All our kids are healthy, and I have sort of a "quit while I'm ahead" mentality -- also, I'll be 35 tomorrow, so the risk of issues goes up the older I get, of course.

5. We have two beautiful girls, and one funny, mischievous little guy, and we just "feel" done. I'm really glad I got to experience both twins and a singleton, as they were really different experiences.

6. Right now, we have enough space for each kid to have his/her own room -- but no more.

7. I really can't imagine going through pregnancy while taking care of three children! I know so many other people do it, but clearly they're stronger women than I...

8. We want to do private school, and the tuition is already ridiculous for three kids.

9. We're pushed for space in our minivan....seriously, what kind of car can you get to haul more than a family of five?

Etc!

 

I didn't feel done, or content, until the twins were born. It's hard to describe, but it's just a peace that you have with your family being complete!

 

Although I love being pregnant and the baby stage, we are done at 4 kids. The twins made #3 & #4.
I know we're done because financially we provide well and can do things like activities for the kids and extras. If we had more it would be too much of a juggle for us.

Neither of us have had THE surgery, but DH will soon, I think. I could convince DH of one more, but I won't.

My love of babies could have me reproducing for a long time, but I have to be reasonable.

 

QUOTE(JakeandPeyton @ Jun 14 2008, 11:25 AM) [snapback]826386[/snapback]
As I am divorced, ummm....I am done. :rotflmbo:

Not necessarily ! Look at ME Brook !

Since I was 38 when I had the twins .. I KNOW I'm done .. I'm a grandma now and too old to do it all over again !!

 

Medically I should never have had kids, but we decided to try and had the twins. We have often thought about weighing the risks and trying again but there is just something in me that is saying "no more". Even if I was healthy enough to have more babies, I don't think I would. I just feel, done. My dh is going to get the big V in 2 weeks. I was laying in bed thinking to myself "this is the last month of your life that you could get pregnant" and I wasn't sad, actually I felt a little relieved. You will know if you are done, it's just a feeling that you don't want anymore.

 

I feel like a crazy lady most days about this subject!!! I have a strong urge for 1 more - we have to do IVF and have the car issues, bedroom shortage issue and I have 17 month old twins and 1 teenage boy and 2 preteen boys? I really would like to feel that done peace - but I don't - if I have 1 more will I ????????? that is the thing I am afraid of!!! how many will it take for me to say NO MORE!!!! right now I feel like we have so many already that what is one more!! I am happy with my family so I do not know why I cannot shake this feeling!! I guess there is someone missing!??

 

Um, we are done. Four kids age 4 and under.... :winking0009:

 

QUOTE(Irishlisa @ Jun 15 2008, 10:10 AM) [snapback]827739[/snapback]
Um, we are done. Four kids age 4 and under.... :winking0009:


Ditto

 

I didn't feel like I was done until the twins were born. Even while pregnant I always thought I'd want another one. However, with them being born so early and no one being able to tell us why I feel like I can't take any chances with another pregnancy. Plus when I think of my family and children I think of Caroline, Emilie and Trevor. I don't think there is anything missing.

 

I wish I could help you but I'm still struggling a bit with this myself. You would think practically I would/should be done (I'm 46 and would need to use an egg donor plus IVF again, I'm 46, I work FT and am raising 3 girls, private school is a fortune, we have 4 bedrooms and need more living space, I'm 46 and the list goes on) I think that if we had one boy, I wouldn't feel the urge as strongly as I do. Dh is done and moving on. We had a fantastic vacation this week where I felt for the first time some peace with our family at the size it is. So, I guess for me it's a process. It will still take some time but I'm getting there. You will too.

Also - don't let others tell you how many kids you should have or when. I had all 3 of mine over 40 and I'm sure some people would have a hard time seeing that as a positive thing.

 

I just "know." I look at them and feel completely and totally content. I do not want (nor does my DH) anymore.

 

QUOTE(veggiehead @ Jun 15 2008, 07:15 PM) [snapback]827983[/snapback]
I just "know." I look at them and feel completely and totally content. I do not want (nor does my DH) anymore.


Exact same feelings here.

 

Since I had infertility issues, I always hoped for just one. When we finally got pregnant via IVF with the twins, I knew we were done so I had a tubal during my c-section just to be sure.

When the girls were 6 months old I started feeling like I wanted one more. DH said no way. Then my sister had her 2nd baby in February and I REALLY was feeling like I was going to have to try to talk DH into another. HOWEVER - when she came to visit with the 9 week old and I was trying to help her while still taking care of the twins, I realized that another baby wasn't for me. I love being able to devote myself 100% to the twins. Her visit really made me realize that I was just supposed to be a twin mom

 

I think it's a day-to-day thing with me. Some days I think that I really want a 3rd baby, but then the next day I think "what were you thinking yesterday?" HA! We had a hard time getting pregnant with the twins, so I count my blessings everyday that I have them! I guess I'm just not sure how to interpret my maybe/maybe not feelings about having another. Right now I'm just focusing on the girls and I'm enjoying them SO, SO very much. I will re-evaluate in 6 mos to a year and see if I have any strong feelings one way or the other. I know one thing...I had a very tough pregnancy and I'm definitely scared to go through that again and scared to have another baby born so early, which may be part of my hesitation to get pregnant again, if even possible.

 

DH told me no more, otherwise I'd be up to one more!

 

We are done too. Having to go for IF treatment and them the stress of having babies in NICU made the decision for us. I am just very thankful for my healthy babies and don't want to tempt fate too much.

 

I'm hoping I'll get a sign or a signal as to when our family is complete. I do have a name for a girl that I desperately want to use. So I'm thinking there might be one more little one to add to our family. So I'm not done. I hate pregnancy and labor, but I love children. I am going to wait the amount of time suggested after a c-section before trying again. That will hopefully give my body some time to recover after having 5 kids in 5 1/2 years.

 

For me it did 'click'....when I had a pregnancy scare a few months ago. I was crying, so mad at myself. I couldn't believe I had gotten pregnant. We had always kind of joked how we would get pregnant in a second if we were guaranteed a singleton girl who would sleep through the night by 12 weeks and not get knocked up at age 15.

If we did get pregnant, we'd certainly be surprised, but we'd (evenutally) adapt to the idea. It took a pregnancy scare for me to realize that the fantasy of having another baby was much more enticing than the reality of having another.

 

we are done...like pp posters, issues include:
age (i'm 37 and a 1/2)
money (ugh...)
space
time

i think time is probably the biggest issue. I feel stretched as it is working full time, being there for the kids and being away from the kids (the me time i need!)

What makes me sad, is like so many people on this board, i had a rough pregnancy and a rough first few months. I'm so sad that I couldn't enjoy more of that new baby time, but being a first time mom, i was in WAY WAY WAY over my head. I adore the kids but lately i'm feeling sad about the baby phase being over the toddler phase going so fast.

But...i realize that missing having a baby isn't the same as wanting another child and i don't want another child, i just want to borrow someone's baby for a week, ok maybe a day

 

I dont think im done.

My DH used to be admant against, then he sort of said 'yeh ok'. Now we are having so many sleep issues with the twins, that im thinking i would be crazy to start again.

I'd love to have twins again. We have no space and money would be an issue. But i still don't think i'm done.
I can rationalise and rationalise, but when it comes down to it, i'd love 1 or 2 more.

 

For me, I thought I was done when I got divorced. I had no intention to ever get married again, or have more kids....and i figured if i did get married it would be to someone older than me. (Since that is who I was attracted to) Then when I was 29, I started dating DH (who is 6 years younger than me) and knew almost instantly that we would be married. I also knew that he'd make a GREAT daddy and I couldn't deny him that. I loved him so much that I couldn't wait to give him that experience! We got married in June 2005 and were pregnant with the girls less than a year later, despite multiple miscarriages. There are 13 years separating the girls and my DD1, 16 years between them and DS. The plan was one kid together when we were happily surprised by the girls. Now we know we're done. We feel like our family is complete. I struggled through an awful pregnancy and honestly don't think my body could handle the stress again. I had a tubal during my C/S with the girls. Even so, my periods are a MESS since the tubal and we've had a couple of pregnancy scares...where we actually took the test. I know if the unthinkable happens and I get pregnant despite the tubal, that we will welcome the new baby (or babies) happily. I have no idea how I'll handle the pregnancy or how we'd pay for any of it, but we would be happy with the surprise. I'm sure that confuses some people: I know I'm done, but I would be okay with it if I got pregnant anyway. But that's just how it is.

 

I am still completely ambivalent about the idea of having more. I think I could be totally okay with being done, although I slightly fear having regrets when it is too late. But then on the other hand, I would love to have a singleton little boy, ideally with an easy pregnancy.

I think the 15 weeks of bedrest and 31 week delivery put a lot of fear in me. Had my twin pregnancy gone well I think I'd be more gung ho about having another. And we are trying, but it took IVF to have the girls and I don't think we'll do IVF again.

But I worry about the expense with the price of gas, food, diapers, etc. rising right now. We can still afford to do the things we want to do but I think a third child would change a lot for us financially.

 

Done here, only because dh says NO to more. When we married, I had a 4 yr old. Dh was happy with her, but I pushed for one more. (That was understood prior to our marriage!!!). Low and behold, I got preggers with two.

Now that I have 3 kids, I want to round up to four! But we are already so far out of control. I think dh would agree if he knew we would have a boy. But we aren't about to do the IVF sex-determining procedures so alas, we are finished.