Does your DH work/travel alot? How do both of you handle it?

DH has been approached w/ a promotion. More hours, some overseas travel possible. This is good for his career. Not sure how much of a pay increase yet.

He's a really hands-on dad (both because he wants to be and bcuz I have health issues). I'm worried about him missing out on alot with the girls. Any strategies for this? Is it worth the trade off? Any tips for helping girls adapt? (ya know, the ones who ask for daddy all day long!)

Of course, this also means alot more work and stress for me (and i'm already burnt out). So more daycare/babysitter hours (so the $ has to balance). We don't have family help. Is it worth the trade off???

For those of you who have husbands/partners that work alot of hours, how do you manage? balance "quality" time? Thx for any insight/advice.

 

Since before my girls were born, DH has been a graduate student. His school is in a city 11 hours away! So he's gone a lot. We have the advantage in that it is the only life my girls have known, I imagine it will be very hard for your girls to transition--but they will. The most important thing is that this be what you and DH really want. My marriage has only survived the last three years because we both know that this is what he really wants to do and that we will get a lot of long term benefits out of it.

In terms of practical things, I had DH call my cell phone and leave the girls a very general message which I saved. So if they ever want to talk to him at a time when we can't phone him, I let them listen to the message. I also work, and we have a live in Nanny/housekeeper who has kept the three of us alive!
Will your husband get comp time for the over time he works? My dad did when we were growing up and was usually able to take 5 days off a month for all the over time he worked when he was giving courses (he was a coporate trainer). DH does something similar in that he comes once a month for a week and when he's home he's home--no studying only family time.

Good Luck!

 

I guess it's something you both have to consider and if he does take it, how much time away will he be gone? It'll more than likely be harder on him than it will be on you all. But if it's only short amounts of time every couple of weeks/months and the money is good. Then it's totally up to what you two want to do.
My husband is gone for 2-2.5 months at a time, with only 4 to sometimes 6 weeks home. In and out like that all the time now. He was home for the first year and the girls have gotten accustomed to him being home, but I'll say they've also adjusted well to him being gone as well. I think they do miss him, but we look at pictures of him and they have a soft photo album they can drag around if they'd like. I also video taped him reading a their bedtime books or messages to play for them. When he does get a chance to call they get to listen to him over the phone. It was also suggested that I laminate a picture/s of DH for them to carry around or hold too. Haven't done that one yet, but might. I've also been video taping alot of the girls antics for him when he comes home as well. Hopefully that way he won't feel so left out of the loop.
I think it's harder on him, he's missed Eve beginning to walk and now they're babbling up a storm and saying words every now and then.
It's a hard decision to make. Unfortunately ours was made for us, we got transferred and here we are. I wasn't excited about the prospect of feeling like a single parent, but I'm trying to make it work, and suprisingly it's not that bad. I thought I'd be completely exhausted, but I'm not. The girls are pretty good. It'll be like this with him in and out for the next 3 years.
I'd say if he doesn't have to do it indefinitely and it'll get him a better promotion next time, to do it now while they're young. It'll just get harder when they're older.
Good luck and I hope the decision you make rests well in both of you.

 

Hi. My dh began travelling more when the girls were born, and now he travels for three or four days almost every week. My parents moved here when we did, to help us, but they are in thier 70's and the twins really wear them out, so I don't ask for a whole lot of help from them, which means I do it mostly by myself. It's really hard and I pray every day that dh will be offered a job which involves no or a whole lot less travel!!!! Personally, I have a really hard time with how much he is gone, both because it's very hard on me without many breaks, and because the older the girls get, the more they ask for Daddy and don't understand why he stays gone so much. Then when he IS home, they overwhelm him with demands for his attention and they fight with each other for his attention. So it's not the way I had hoped it would be when I had kids. I had always envisioned having dinner together every night and the girls getting excited over "Daddy's home!!!!" when he comes home each night, but instead I'm burnt out and forever having to explain about Daddy travelling again. Not to mention the things that go undone at home, things Daddy takes care of normally.

I wish I could say something more positive, but for us it doesn't seem to be working so well. Oh, my husband is in sales and is on straight commission which increases the stress level a whole bunch, since we never know when he will get a paycheck. More travel means more opportunities for a sale, so when things are slow he is gone even more.

Perhaps you have a much higher stress threshold, mine is very low, I burn out quickly. I always look forward to the nights dh is in town just to get a little break!! Like you said, you have a lot of things to weigh, and I'm sure you will both make the decision that's right for you. This is just how it is for us.

Good luck, I hope it works out the way you want!!

 

You have to look at your family situation and your priorities. My DH is a very "hands on" Dad too. When I completed my maternity leave (1 year in Canada), we really looked at what would be involved if I wanted to stay at home. For our family, a balance of seeing both mommy and daddy was the best thing. We both work close to home 9-5 jobs and DH actually comes home for lunch every day. Fortunately, we both have retired parents who were able to take turns caring for them during the day, so that helped with our decision. Every situation is different, but for me it was very important for not only the girls to grow up seeing a lot of daddy, but for me to see a lot of him too. All our evenings and weekends are family time and DH wouldn't trade that for any promotion or pay raise. If you really DO have a choice (some families really don't), talk about it and look at all your options before you make a decision. Good luck and I hope everything works out well for all of you.

 

My DH works pretty long hours, leaving between 7 and 8 in the morning and coming home usually around 9 or 10 (sometimes even midnight or later). He's an attorney so I knew what I was getting into back when he was in law school. It's not ideal, but it works for us. DH had a few other jobs prior to going to law school and he was always unhappy with those positions. This is the first time he really likes the work and feels like he really has a career. He travels a bit, but not often. Sometimes he'll be gone for a day or two. Once he was gone for two weeks and that was pretty challenging for all of us.

It took some getting used to. Especially after he was around so much for the first year of N & G's lives (his third year in law school). I can't say that it would work for everyone (lots of my girlfriends tell me often that they would never want to be married to someone that works as much as my DH does), but it does for us. Besides DH being very happy with his job, he also makes a lot more $ than he was at any other job, so it has given us more financial freedom.

Since I do spend most of the day alone with all three kiddos, we put N & G into daycare/preschool 2x per week. It's a good break for them and for me. If DH was at a different job, we probably wouldn't be able to afford to do that... so I guess it's part of the tradeoff.

You should sit down and really think about the pros and cons of this new position. When DH was contemplating law school we did that and actually wrote them down on a piece of paper. It was easy to see, once we had it all laid out, what the big negatives were going to be. And then it was a matter of talking through how we were going to deal with those negative aspects.

Good luck with your decision!