does your dh help

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by Heathermomof5, Jul 28, 2007.

  1. Heathermomof5

    Heathermomof5 Well-Known Member

    we went out to eat last night and the man sitting behind us asked lots of questions about the twins. Travis answered most of them which was so nice because I had to hurry and stuff my face because it was one of those evenings where I could tell that all h%$$ was going to break out if I took my time (2 fussy babies and 2boys who decided to argue
    and 1 boy who was disappointed in our choice of restaurants well, you get the point!!)

    next thing I know Travis is telling this man that WE havn't gotten much sleep since the babies arrived! WHAT???? he has slept all night EVERY night since the girls arrived !!

    and he went on and on about having loaded the dish washer when we got home - yeah we went out to eat so there was maybe 3 glasses in the sink???!!!!!!!! oh and a spoon! I forgot the spoon!

    I just thought this kind of thing was kinda funny! he does a lot for us but childcare and housework are not top on the list as a matter of a fact they are way down with the small print!! He truly tries which is sweet but poor thing I don't think he could survive one week alone with the kids!?!
     
  2. becky5

    becky5 Guest

    QUOTE
    (2 fussy babies and 2boys who decided to argue
    and 1 boy who was disappointed in our choice of restaurants well, you get the point!!)


    LOL! Heather, that sounds like one of our "nights out"!


    QUOTE
    He truly tries which is sweet but poor thing I don't think he could survive one week alone with the kids!?!



    He would probably survive, but you would come home to Mt. Laundry with triple peaks, a filty dirty floor, 5 kids that have not bathed the whole week, and babies that are munching on jellybeans for a "snack"!
     
  3. reeba1976

    reeba1976 Well-Known Member

    Trust me...you are NOT alone. My DH does the same thing all the time. When I ask him to help out more...he says that he does plenty! Yeah whatever. Perfect example.........This weekend was supposed to be "mommy weekend". He was going to let me sleep late Sat and Sun morning. Well you know what??? It is 8 am on Sat morning and here I am up with the boys and he is where?? asleep in the bed......pathetic!!!!
     
  4. Aurie

    Aurie Well-Known Member

    My DH was like that until he lost his job 5 years ago and I was forced to work full time while he did the job search thing. He DID NOT handle it well and one night I totally exploded. He had riden my arse for so long about being at home and not getting anything done, blah, blah. The house and kids were 100 times worse off with him being the SAHD. Well, he has since straightened up ... mostly.

    With our twinkies, I go to bed at 8 pm and he wakes me at 2 a to take over. We share a majority of the household chores. Well, we share the easy ones. I still can not get him to do bathrooms, mop or dust. But I don't mow the yard or clean the gutters on the roof, so I guess that is even.
     
  5. Erykah

    Erykah Well-Known Member

    My dh is the same way! In the hospital the FIRST night he was supposed to get up and change diapers and hand me babies since /i wasn't allowed to get up. Well after 5 minutes of babies screaming and me throwing pillows at him, I had to call the nurse. Of course he wakes up and asks why didn't I wake him.. :rolleyes: Now he tells everyone how EASY twins are... lol yeah when you do nothing but diapers at 8 every night!
     
  6. twomore

    twomore Well-Known Member

    He truly tries which is sweet but poor thing I don't think he could survive one week alone with the kids!?!
    [/quote]


    Hey I don't think mine could manage for one day without going insane
     
  7. 4lilmonkeys

    4lilmonkeys Well-Known Member

    Sounds like our restaraunt experiences too. "Hurry up before the baby throws something at the guy next to us!" :lol:

    DH is pretty helpful, but he tends to get a big head about it sometimes. He's totally clueless about a lot of things. Still a great dad and hubby, but there's no way he'd make a weekend without me here. The things I come home to when I leave them here for an hour would scare anyone.
     
  8. JDMummy

    JDMummy Well-Known Member

    My DH helps out sometimes more than other times. It's like he goes through little cycles of being motiviated and then not caring. Although he always tells people about how he hasn't slept since the boys were born too! :laughing: Which is funny, since I am the only one who has gotten up in the last year! ;) Men.
     
  9. Oliver-Baynham

    Oliver-Baynham New Member

    I've been reading all these replies with a silly grin on my face as they all sound sooooo familiar.
    My husband moans about the house not always being tidy when he comes home from work. Well I go to adult classes and take care of the three kids, two of which are in part-time nursery plus all the rest of the stuff us mothers do. If I leave the children with daddy he is the perfect entertainer (dvd), a chef (crisps, biscuits, beans on toasts) as well as a good role model (don't tell your mom you've been watching dvd's and eating junk). There's a distinct discrepency between daddy's memory and reality, bless him.

    :rotflmbo:
     
  10. KYsweetheart

    KYsweetheart Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah, my DH does that too. Its a man thing!
     
  11. suzq1675

    suzq1675 Active Member

    I have the same grin. My hubby says the same about sleep, but he has slept every night through and until 9 or 10 the next morning, I am always up by 6:30 bottling, breakfast, laundry. I agree mine probably could make it a half day if they were sleeping, snack and lunch laid out and a bottle prepared.

    It is funny how they say they help out and want all this praise when they do. But, I don't see any horns and balloons for me when I do the evryday stuff that needs to get done to take care of the babies, dog, laundry, cleaning,grocery shopping, etc... You get the point.

    That is why I Love THis SITE!!!
     
  12. kendraplus2

    kendraplus2 Well-Known Member

    He tries. But he does the passive-aggressive thing which drives me NUTS. "Sure, honey, I'll do the dishes. I'm just going to finish watching this show." "Yes, I remember the dishes, give me 10 minutes and I'll do it. Why? I've worked hard all day, I want to relax a minute. Now don't even think of doing them, I'll get them done."
    10 minutes later he is fast asleep on the couch. Sigh.
    But then he complains about a messy house, actually asked me if we hired a housekeeper once a week, would it help? I told him I asked him for 20 minutes of his time a night for upkeep and the house would look great. Hasn't happened yet. GRRRR>. :rolleyes:
     
  13. Her Royal Jennyness

    Her Royal Jennyness Well-Known Member

    My DH is really helpful actually. He even let me sleep in this morning until 10! Next we're going to clean the house. He really pulls his weight around here and I love him for it. That being said he wouldn't last a week without me. :laughing:
     
  14. jschaad

    jschaad Well-Known Member

    The other night he said man i slept so good al night long, did the babies? Ummmmm no they got up and i fed them. Oh i did not hear them! LOL... YOU NEVER HEAR THEM! ROFL! Cracks me up to be honest. He *thinks* that he gets up and helps me and i told him getting up and getting yourself a snack is not helping me. I had to work 8 hours today (sat) and i still got up all night with the babies. LOL.. He is a great dad but helllooooo he is not a super hero in the house or at night.

    Oh and if someone ask about the twins he is always saying oh they are great and none of it is hard. LOL... I can say i was blessed with great babies and thus far i would take twins again but how does he know? He watched them for two days staright (he chose to take off and i was not having mom watch them if he was off) and he was like this is a piece of cake. Mind you i had to pick up all the pieces, make the bottles, clean up everywehere but babies were smiling and happy but ready to sleep since dad kept them up almost all day!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
     
  15. tracymcg

    tracymcg Well-Known Member

    I guess I'm in the minority here, but my dh is actually VERY helpful when he's home. He seems to understand just how hard it is to deal with these guys all day. I think this comes from the fact that he is actually more exhausted on weekends after helping out with the boys than he is after a day at work. Here's what he does that's super helpful:

    switches off with me getting up in the night if/when they wake up.
    changes both babies and feeds one before leaving for work.
    bathes both babies when he gets home, and helps with pm bottle.
    makes dinner sometimes, or if he doesn't make the dinner, he does the dishes (although I have to cleanup after he "does the dishes" because it's usually still a mess).
    takes the boys for a few hours every weekend so I can have some alone time :D .

    I'm not really trying to brag, I just want to credit where it's due. And dh definitely pulls his weight around here!
     
  16. AWerner

    AWerner Well-Known Member

    gee you must be reading my mind. I about died laughing (on the inside) the other day when I asked DH since he happened to be down in the basement if he would put the laundry in the washer into the dryer. he says "I already did, I saw something needed to be done so I did it" in a gloaty kind of way
    Well Halleluiah! now what was his excuse for: all HIS dirty clothes on the bedroom floor, dining room chair, living room couch, dishes piled into the sink when he watched me empty the dishwasher, papers and bills stacked on every imaginable flat surface and baskets full of clean laundry in every bedroom in the house? :rolleyes:
    Guess those things must be in his blindspot?
    BTW he only put the laundry on low temp dry for like 30minutes so when I went down the next day thinking it would be done it was all damp and icky in the dryer. sigh.

    like PP said he means well but really hasn't got a clue

    Alyson
     
  17. momlissa

    momlissa Well-Known Member

    My husband did actually survive 10 days with the kids (I was hospitalized 1 month post partum with life threatening pneumonia and pleurisy) and I have a 2 year old. You'd be surprised what they can handle!! He's by no means an expert at babies, but with the help of my SIL, he got by and they did fine.

    That said...

    Now that they are older, he has definitely slacked off on helping me. I am always getting them dressed by myself, getting them in the carseats by myself, feeding them by myself. I have to ask him or tell him to help me, which I don't think I should have to do. I am like "where are you going?" as he tries to go out in the yard. I'm like "YOU need to help me with Sofia!" It's a team effort!!!!!! I was feeding both boys and he was laying on the couch. I was like "Can you feed one of them?" and he said "I just did the dishes!" :eek: :angry:

    He's a great dad, but sometimes needs a little prodding.
     
  18. AWerner

    AWerner Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(momlissa @ Jul 29 2007, 03:21 PM) [snapback]348354[/snapback]
    My husband did actually survive 10 days with the kids (I was hospitalized 1 month post partum with life threatening pneumonia and pleurisy) and I have a 2 year old. You'd be surprised what they can handle!! He's by no means an expert at babies, but with the help of my SIL, he got by and they did fine.

    That said...

    Now that they are older, he has definitely slacked off on helping me. I am always getting them dressed by myself, getting them in the carseats by myself, feeding them by myself. I have to ask him or tell him to help me, which I don't think I should have to do. I am like "where are you going?" as he tries to go out in the yard. I'm like "YOU need to help me with Sofia!" It's a team effort!!!!!! I was feeding both boys and he was laying on the couch. I was like "Can you feed one of them?" and he said "I just did the dishes!" :eek: :angry:

    He's a great dad, but sometimes needs a little prodding.


    You described my hubby almost perfectly! We did have a little "talk" a few weeks ago about him helping w/ the babies w/o being asked and it got better for a few days. his problem is that he has way too much going on(his fault) and can't organize himself properly.
     
  19. momlissa

    momlissa Well-Known Member

    Yeah, we'll have a talk and he's good for a few days, then slacks off again. I just wish I didn't have to remind him all the time, but I suspect I will. He was so great with my dd when I was pregnant and couldn't do much, I need to get him back to that place. :D
     
  20. ahmerl

    ahmerl Well-Known Member

    Luckily, thank God, my husband is very very very helpful, supportive, and good with the babies and the household things...so far anyway :)!

    It has only been 2 months so I guess I will not thank my lucky stars yet!

    Amy
     
  21. Heathermomof5

    Heathermomof5 Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(tracymcg @ Jul 28 2007, 12:25 PM) [snapback]347447[/snapback]
    I guess I'm in the minority here, but my dh is actually VERY helpful when he's home. He seems to understand just how hard it is to deal with these guys all day. I think this comes from the fact that he is actually more exhausted on weekends after helping out with the boys than he is after a day at work. Here's what he does that's super helpful:

    switches off with me getting up in the night if/when they wake up.
    changes both babies and feeds one before leaving for work.
    bathes both babies when he gets home, and helps with pm bottle.
    makes dinner sometimes, or if he doesn't make the dinner, he does the dishes (although I have to cleanup after he "does the dishes" because it's usually still a mess).
    takes the boys for a few hours every weekend so I can have some alone time :D .

    I'm not really trying to brag, I just want to credit where it's due. And dh definitely pulls his weight around here!


    WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS GUY???
     
  22. Jordari

    Jordari Well-Known Member

    I've got the same silly grin...and for me it's a both/and thing. He really DOES do a lot; he cooks, he 'cleans up' (but like pp I have to follow that up - um, WHY does he think that it's ok to leave food in the sink, as if it's magically going to gather itself down the drain and turn on the disposal???

    we had a big fight the other night, long time brewing and he pointed out all the things that he does do that were invisible to me - like take out the garbage, handle stuff w/the cars and other things. So i had ot give credit where credit is due.

    that said, when i ask him to take one of the girls as the other is napping - their new trick, CONSECUTIVE naps, so mommy NEVER gets to rest!!!), he takes her downstairs, plops her on her back on the gymini, and reads a magazine or newspaper. Um, that is NOT being w/her!

    but he's been great; it's just that i think men are not programmed, or socialized, to multi=task the way we do. Actually it's a brain thing: women have a MUCH higher rate of the cells that connect the left and right side of the brain, so men are actually physiologically incapable of doing more than one thing.

    that said, my favorite Blondie cartoon ever is when Dagwood comes home to a house that looks like a tornado struck, and asks "what happened?!" She answers "you're always asking me what i do all day; well, today I DIDN'T"

    HA HA HA HA HA
     
  23. NYCmom

    NYCmom Well-Known Member

    My DH should be so thankful that I come to this site -- these posts remind me just how rare our situation is. He is amazingly helpful. When we are both around, he does 50% of everything -- baby tasks and home tasks. He wasn't 100% about the night stuff, but that was understandable because I was nursing so I needed to do most of it anyway, and he was working full time while I was home and able to nap with the babies (oh, and he can sleep through anything, apparently ;) ). Plus, whenever anyone tells us we are doing a great job with the kids, he points at me and says "SHE'S doing the great job" :wub:

    We had a worker at our house the other day who has 2 yo twins. DH was talking to him outside and then realized that both girls were fussing and came in to help. The worker said to me "Oh, you got a helpful husband. You would never put up with me. I have four kids and have never changed a diaper." (With great pride, even). I thought. Yep. You bet I'd never put up with you!
     
  24. Twinnylou

    Twinnylou Well-Known Member

    My DP hardly did anything in the first 9 months it was a NIGHTMARE! He also did the same as your DH telling everyone about lack of sleep and housework he had to do. He is a lot better now but even when you talk about the last year he has some strange idea that he did more than 5 night feeds and helped out more then he did. They always remember the things they did not the things they didnt do!! x
     
  25. Minette

    Minette Well-Known Member

    Gotta stick up for my DH here -- he's been great. I'm sort of "in charge" of the kids -- I keep track of what they eat, what they need to bring to daycare, who has a doctor's appointment, etc. So sometimes I do have to tell him what I need him to do. But he never, ever complains about doing his full share.

    When they were babies, there was no question that we would split the night feedings 50/50. We also trade off cooking & cleaning, and every night at bedtime we each take one baby and do everything from feeding to diapers to stories to toothbrushing. And on weekends, I take them out by myself on Saturday morning and he takes them on Sunday.

    My only complaint is that sometimes he truly does not hear them. He actually hears them almost as well as I do at night, but during the day -- if we're all sitting at the breakfast table, one of them can be going "More berries! More BERRIES!!!" and he just goes on reading the paper until I say "Did you hear what Sarah said?" Then he sort of jumps and listens to her. But he honestly just tunes it out if he's concentrating on something. That's more of a personality thing though (he does it to me too :rolleyes: ), not a fatherhood thing.
     
  26. witmuch

    witmuch Well-Known Member

    since our girls were born my husband has been getting up 30 minutes earlier to get our older daughter ready for day care. that is about all he does unless i ask him to get something or do something before he leaves. my husband too has slept all night every night except some weekends because i let him. if i wanted to be mean i would sleep in the spare room and let him do alone--hehe. but my husband complains too that he is taking care of us and helping with the girls but all he does is feed and work, feed and work, and if i am lucky every now and then a daiper change, usually the wet ones <_< . and he wonders why i am so tired every day and need to nap around 3pm.

    i just tell or yell at him, "I don't want to hear it! You get your full nights rest! So don't even complain about sleep! And before you call me lazy again you might want think about who is doing the laundry that you wear everyday, and who cleans the toilet without complaining after you pee on it and i don't even use that bathroom! And who makes dinner on the weekdays and has it ready for you before you get home, dinner of which you wait until before bedtime to eat because you want a buzz while you are working in the house or in the yard! Don't complain to me about nothing and try blaming me or calling me lazy! I work 24 hours a day! You don't!" :angry: After this he might help 2 times then it's back to the same thing 2 or 3 days later, while i am sleep deprived and hungry from not eating on my "babies are asleep" time because i am cleaning up the house.

    My hubby may wear the pants in our household, but i am the mommy. and as the saying goes, if mommy ain't happy then no one is happy!

    nice vent! i needed that too! lol
    Lots of love!
    Meshell
     
  27. SilvrHeart

    SilvrHeart Well-Known Member

    I can't say a bad word about DH. We split things 50/50 - but that's how we've handled everything in our relationship and I believe that is why it works. He feeds them, changes them, makes bottles . . . anything and everything that needs to be done. Anyway, I get up with the babies at 6a and have them til 8 -- the nanny gets to the house at 8 and I leave for work at 8:30 (DH leaves before 7). Then DH gets home at 5, when the nanny leaves, and has the babies by himself til 7 or so (and makes dinner and does whatever needs to be done around the house), when I get home. From 7-10pm, we share the babies and the chores. Then from 10p-2a (when I am a walking disaster), I get to sleep and DH does everything baby-related. From 2a-8a, it's back on me so DH can sleep and get to work early, but so long as the babies sleep a little in that time frame (which they do), then I'm fine - not great, but fine. On weekends, if there's something one of us really wants to do, then the other will watch the babies alone for a bit. Like this past weekend, I hosted a baby shower at a tea house and was running around all day taking care of that, so DH had the boys on his own from 10a-3p. He's great with them and i'm very lucky to have his help. No one person should have to do it all alone!
     
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