does it really get easier after first year?

Hi there... I have a 3 yr old singleton and 9 mo old twins.. I find that since about 6 mos of age the twins are getting easier, however life is certainly not a walk in the park. I love my babies, but find myself dreaming about when the day when they become more independent. It's just so much work having three young children. Taking care of the twins is a lot, and I'm just feeling exhausted. I wondered when it became easier for people? I need to have hope that I will be able to relax again one day.... I think i'm getting burned out...

 

You will get a huge variety of answers to this question, just warning you!

Personally, I found that it did get a lot easier. However, I'm not a SAHM and I don't have any other children besides the twins. I just found that it got easier partly as they got more independent, but also as they got more responsive and interested in things. Having two babies was, for me, rather soul-sucking -- having two toddlers or even two older infants was a lot more rewarding.

We were lucky in that our twins went to bed at 6:30 or 7 and slept (mostly) all night starting at around 4 months. It was a huge improvement in my life to have a few hours to myself after they went to bed. But it took a few months after that for me to feel like things were under control enough that I could really relax.

 

I would say that it does get easier over time. Them STTN is a big deal and will help you a lot, if they haven't reached that milestone yet. Walking was not as bad as I feared. Potty training made it much easier (I mean, finishing potty training ).

I think everything I did to encourage independence paid off. We spent as little time as possible in the baby food stage, for instance. It's a great help if you can just line up little chunks of whatever you're eating for the babies.

My twins are my only children, so I can only imagine the extras that come with a 3 y/o. When he starts pre-school, you may feel like you're on vacation!

 

I think the challenges will keep changing. I followed a mom of twins into a school and she said that the age of her twins was the worst (a year ahead of mine - 3). It has gotten easier.

 

I think it gets different. It's not any less hard to parent older children but once you get a solid 8 hours of sleep at night and they can do simple things for themselves it seems a lot easier.

Hey, you need some mommy time all to yourself. Is there anyway you could arrange a babysitter and take a few hours for yourself? It sounds like you could really use it.

 

My twins are 3-1/2 and I'll be honest, I was NOT a big fan of the first year. For me, I really started enjoying motherhood after the first year, and it has only gotten better as time goes on.

Best,
Mia

 

Hmm, easier, nope. Different, yes. New challenges with more sleep under your belt is the way I'd put it. For me, I really started loving being a mom to my singleton when she turned 18 months. She was really talkative then. My 15 monthers are right now climbing, whining, fit-throwing babblers who seem to prefer the dog to me. I feel like it has gotten harder since they turned one (sorry- ardon: ) but everyone's kids are different.

 

I think it gets different. There are things that are easier and things that are harder.

 

I don't know about easier; however, I would say it got more fun right around the time they started to walk. Mine walked at 9.5 months and this is also when they started STTN. That being said, maybe it was the sleep that made it better. Anyway, I really do have soooo much fun these days and not much about the earlier months was that much fun. I also think it depends on the temperment of your babies. Both of mine were refluxy and did not sleep and were generally upset or screaming most of the time. Now that they are toddlers, my expectations are not soo high. To be honest, anything is better than the way mine were the first couple of months so this stage seems great.

I don't know if that made any sense but I am trying to find something they will eat for dinner as I type this and they are throwing their current dinner on the ground ! Anyway, this age really is fun and if it is possible you just sort of fall in love with them all over again every single second of the day -- okay, not every second, but you KWIM...

 

I agree. I loved the infant stage though. But I had no other children at the time either. 3 year olds are challenging, coupled with infant twins. Yikes!

My boys are 3.5, and they are a lot more independent yes, but, they are harder in other ways....now I am going through the twenty question stage as well as the mommy stage every 30 seconds. My patience level is at 0.

Yes its easier, and harder too.

 

Easier...yes anything is easier then the first 3 months when they were newborns! Now, I will say it is more challenging and they are getting into everything! At the end of everyday I am exhausted from saying no no no no no!!

 

oh god! It sounds like i'm going to be exhausted for the next few years! Thanks a lot for your feedback. I think i better run. One of my babies is chewing on wires!

 

You will get lots of different answers!! People always say it's not easier, it's different. Which is true, because you always have a NEW set of challenges to overcome.

but for me personally, life is so much more fun now and it seems like much less work then the first year!!

 

Typical answer - maybe not easier, but definitely different. Different is good though - even though there are new challenges, just the fact that they are different challenges was good for me. Just when I was about fed up with some particular issue, they would grow out of it and we'd move on to the next issue. Still an issue, but at least something different to think about!

For example, to get a break, you can no longer put them in a swing or bouncy or jumperoo - but they will actually play independently for awhile, or sit and watch a video. (And watching them play, or just run around, is far more fun than watching them in the swing.)

Eating becomes easier because you can just give them finger foods to eat themselves and actually get to eat something yourself too - but they'll throw at least some of it on the floor, so you have to deal with that instead.

Sleeping becomes easier at night as they sleep longer and longer not needing bottle/breast feedings - but daytime breaks becomes more challenging because they don't nap as much throughout the day.

It's a tradeoff - but overall I'm having so much more fun at this stage. Every time they master a new task (right now ours is keeping the food on those pesky slippery spoons) or say a new word, it just makes my day/week!

 

Personally for me I do find the second year easier because of logistics. Walking has helped a lot of challenges. They can walk from room to room with me and they can walk to the car when we go places. Also they have a more predictable schedule in terms of naps and bedtime so I can plan my days better.

I only have the girls though so I'm sure other mommas with older kids can weigh in with their opinions.

 

QUOTE(Minette @ Sep 11 2008, 01:19 PM) [snapback]975701[/snapback]
You will get a huge variety of answers to this question, just warning you!


I agree. I found the baby 4 months - 12months) stage a breeze.
I also found that once they could walk-in different directions- life became MUCH MUCH harder. My dd is fine and If I had 2 of her, life would still be a breeze but my ds............well, life is truly a nightmare with a rare sweet moment here and there and has been for the last 1.5 years.

Don't mean to scare you but you asked.

 

Hmmm ... For me I think the hardest time is right now. But then again, the early days were A LONG time ago ... so maybe it's just me remembering it being easier than it was. No, I take it back. The days of no sleep were the absolute worst. But once we were STTN at 4 months, I enjoyed it.

Right now, I have 2 kids that run in different directions, and generally do not understand the following phrases "No!", "Don't touch that!", "Don't hit your sister/brother!", "STOP!"

So that's tough. But again, there is a lot more fun now than when they were younger ... with all the interaction, them hugging and kissing each other (boy does that warm the heart!) and all the giggles and fun and just understand that they do.

So I think for me, it's different. But every child is different. These are my first ... so it's all I know.

 

For me, a huge relief came around 11-12 months. They're so much easier now, easier to put to sleep, play happily with each other for hours etc. So hang in there

 

Each year gets better.. not sure about easier. As I always complain about I have 3 year olds that still don't sleep at night, but seeing them going from crawling, to walking, to communicating is just amazing. I always think of this little old irish mom of twins my age who said.The first year WAS HORRIBLE! But EVERY other year after that it just got better and better. She said 'I'd think, this year is so fun, it couldn't possibly get better' then they year later I'd be walking them to the school bus thinking the same thing...

From my perspective it's always getting easier too, but I had PPD, and a really rough first 6 months. Even when they whine all day, I still how much better it was than last year..

 

For me, it has absolutely been easier than it was the first year! My girls had colic and screamed all the gosh darned time and took 6 20-minute naps a day until they were like 5 months old (all I did all day and night was nurse and try to get babies to sleep!) ... we whittled down to 2 naps a day by 10 months and things started to get easier. I'd say, when it got easier to put them to bed and when they started crawling and wearing themselves out more so they were napping better, things got easier for me. Mine STTN at 9 months old and still do so that is a plus. They still cry a good many nights when we put them down ... which stresses me out ... but it is way better than it was when it would take me 3 hours of rocking and re-rocking and all that before we finally decided to start letting them cry ...

Now the stressors are hitting each other/stealing toys, feeding challenges (they never want to eat, so they are WAY below the 5% on the GC, they recently self-weaned from nursing ... like would have screaming fits if I tried to latch them on, and they annoyingly toss all food and milk sippies to the floor ... I have a million little splatters of milk all over my walls and they won't come off!), TEETHING, fussing for no apparent reason (though that isn't anything new with my girls), separation anxiety, constantly re-directing, not wanting to be confined (FUSS in the car, in the stroller, in the shopping cart), I miss that they won't nurse anymore, they each want sit on me, climb on me, lay on me, have me hold them ... but they don't want the other to be held too ... hmmmm ...

So, there are challenges, but you have breaks (at this age anyway, when they are napping and when they go to bed) so it is a little easier b/c you get to stop and catch your breath ... mine didn't give me many breaks as infants b/c they were such horrid nappers!

It will get better and better (from what I have heard At first we were like ... OK, 3 months ... if we can make it to 3 months ... then we heard 9 months it will get easier ... and we were like ... OK, 9 months ... we gotta make it to 9 months ... then we heard a year ... and then a few days ago I heard when they are 2 ... so you never know ... and it probably really depends on the kids, too. How difficult their temperaments are! You ought to look into a Mother's Morning Out Program. Lots of churches have them ... my sister just put her 14 month old in one ... it is like 2 days a week 9:30-11:30 ... it gives you a break ... socializes the kids ... THAT would definately make the second year easier than the first!

 

It got significantly easier for me just after they turned 2. In fact, the first two years were waaaaaay harder for me than for my friends who only had one child. But after turning 2 years old, it was like the tide had completely turned! It got so much easier that I sometimes thought having twins was easier than having a singleton. One big reason was that they started to spend so much time playing with each other. My friends with only one child would complain about having to entertain their child all the time, but mine entertained each other so I could get things done around the house. I would imagine that this would happen even earlier for you since you have an older child who can play with your twins.

Another reason is that twins have to learn earlier than other kids how to share, how to take turns, how to wait because there is only one mommy and two babies who need attention. So they were pretty practiced in those concepts before the terrible twos hit them. Of course, they had their share of tantrums but it wasn't nearly as bad as their singleton friends who were learning those concepts for the first time during playdates.