Do you often feel jealous?

My friends are starting to have kids and obviously they are singletons. I find myself being envious of the fact that they have just one baby and not dealing with how difficult it is to have multiples. Everytime I hear about someone pregnant or giving birth to a singleton I feel so jealous and sad. Don't get me wrong...I love my babies but it's just so freakin' hard! I also think this comes from the fact that I know these will be our last and I would never have the chance of experiencing the joys of breastfeeding, of one-on-one bonding and of just basically enjoying my baby without being too stressed.

Anyone else feel this way? If I have the chance to do it all over again, I would still have the same kids just one at a time, KWIM? Thanks for letting me vent.

 

Marie :hug99:
I had my singleton's first so I don't feel that way but I understand what you are saying. Having one at a time is very different in my opinion. When you have twins you do miss out on some things you get with a singleton.
On the other hand, you get some gret things with multiples that you don't get with singletons. Give and take. KWIM?
Hugs to you!

 

DH and I just had this conversation this weekend. We do feel like we missed something in a) just being pregnant once, b ) having two at a time and not just one, and c) feeling like we're "done" already. I totally agree that I wouldn't give back what we have for anything but I do sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have just one. At the same time, for us, God knew what He was doing because this may be the only time we do get pregnant (we had help for our two boys).

The thing is that the grass is always greener. We may not know how "hard" it is to raise one and then have a newborn at the same time as having a toddler. It's good to come here and vent and then let it go because that just won't be my life. I do still have guilt about the BFing thing though. Don't know why that one is so hard to release for me.

It does get easier but not "easy".

(((HUGS)))

Shannon

 

Honestly, I have the exact opposite reaction. I feel sorry for people who "only" have one baby because I think they are missing out! I think I was truly blessed to have two at once and I love everything about the twin experience. I do not feel like I missed out on anything... I actually think my friends with "just one" baby must be envying me!

 

HUGE HUGS! :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

I do feel the same way from time to time. The pg with my first son and first year of his life was incredible stressful for us (DH was job hunting, starting a new job, his mother and father died, probate, selling their house, etc, etc, etc...). So when we decided to TTC, I was SO EXCITED to have a "normal" experience, not one overshadowed by stress and drama. Well, Ben and Sarah had other plans for me...

They are definitely my last babies, so I do get envious sometimes of my friends TTC or being pg with singletons and their tiny baby bellies. Then I get HUGE smiles and giggles whenever I walk into a room and unexpected fish kisses from my peanuts and it all fades into the back of my mind...

So, again BIG hugs. I certainly know where you are coming from...

 

When my twins were little, yes I felt this way. I thought it was so unfair that I am completely exhausted caring for 2 babies alone all day and not feeling like I have time to enjoy them when a singleton mommy does. And if anyone ever said how hard their 1 baby was I got so angry!!!

Now that mine are older (17 months) I feel so blessed and lucky to have them. I feel people are missing out with just one baby and how boring it would be with just one. Half the fun now is watching them play hide and seek and just giggle so loud when they find each other...priceless. They are busy, and they are into everything, running around unable to catch them anymore, but I would change it for the world.

After the first year, it does get easier! My girls were horrible babies! Colicky and just overall very fussy babies. Now, they are wonderful. Everyone always said "wait till they start walking if you think this is hard, just wait" Nak! This is EASY compared to them being infants. I do get to enjoy them now and I am not completely exhausted from pulling an all niter (for weeks on end) either.

Try not to be jealous, it does get easier and you will get to enjoy them.....

 

I think you have every right to feel whatever you are feeling. It makes perfect sense to me that you feel envious of those with singletons. I ddn't know it but I did too.

A neighbor of mine has a singleton and everyting looks so easy. She also has a live-in , hands on MIL, 2 very helpful big daughters and a husband who is a neat freak and cleans everything inside and outside the house. Her DH also does all the food and baby needs shopping. They go out to dinner-just the 2 of them once a week and leave DD eith her mom for 5 hours every date night. Shheeeessshhhh, it looks like her grass in neon green!!! LOL....

Me, I am home alone with a hubby has his own business and works long hours. He leaves around 8:30 and return anywhere from 8: 20pm till 9:30pm. Sometimes I don't even change out of my PJs all day unless someone spits up on me ( which happens every day.)

I am glad you posted your thoughts and feel your "pain." It's really hard to take care of 2 little babies. I try to remember the ol' saying about counting your blessing but sometimes I just need to acknowldge that my life is hard!!! And I had no idea what it would really be like. Yes, of course I absolutel love my babies. That should go withiou saying, but sometoimes you feel like your not supposed to complain at all because you may appear to be an unloving mother......yaeh, yeah, yeah,!

I think this site is a good place to vent and get support..not just OH come on you should be happy not jealous. HTH

Hugs to you! And thanks for sharing. You are doing a good job!!!!

 

I totally understand. My kids are 9 months old and things are very exciting especially since they can interact and play with each other so I don't have to entertain them as much. But those first 6 months I was stuck at home while all my friends with singletons got to jump in the car and go shopping or have play dates and I couldn't handle trying to get everything loaded, them in the car and worried that they would cry (hated their carseats back then) just so I could get there and they would still cry. They were coliky, fussy babies. All I can say is that it is completely normal and at least you are honest about feeling this way. It does get easier. From them being 6 months to 9 months old now is so much of a change. Hang in there and we are here for you. l :hug99:

It makes it all worth it when they really start to smile & laugh & hug you!!

 

I am not jealous more as frustrated. I already had my singleton and so w/ the twins in some ways it is harder and easier. I get frustrated b/c sometimes I feel like I can't do all the things I want to do b/c it's harder to do them by myself w/ all 3. I know this will get easier when they get older, but right now some things won't. For example: My parents and sister live in CA, (my sister just had her 2nd baby, my Dad is turning 60 and they are surprising him by all meeting up in AZ, DH is starting a new job and can't take time off not to mention his many other commitments)and would love to have us come visit. In order to do this I would have to buy at least 3 tickets and most likely rent a car. If I only had 2 singletons I would probably be visiting them right now. I have tried to overcome things like going out to eat by myself and the kids, but even that scares me, I was petrified that DD#1 was going to tell me she had to go to the bathroom the whole time we were out, and how would I manage that w/ all 3? Also another reason for the flying problem. I know it CAN be done but I can't help thinking how much simpler life would be. I feel like DD#1 kind of gets the short end b/c I can't do as much w/ her since I have 2 instead of just one. Again, it will get both easier and harder when they get older.
My main focus has been how I CAN do something rather than why I can't but sometimes I just wish it wasn't like this.

Alyson

 

Oh god, yes. In fact I posted about it when my twins were little -- something about "singleton envy." I felt, and still do, that there is so much I missed out on because it was so much harder to have two tiny babies at the same time.

The good news is that when your friends are having their second, you will be way ahead of the game! IMO, having two toddlers is waaaaay easier than having a toddler and a newborn.

It also helped me to realize that even parents of singletons have things they regret. Maybe they had a c-section they didn't want. Maybe BF didn't go so well. Maybe their baby doesn't sleep. Not that I would wish bad things on other moms, but when you mostly see people out in public having fun, you may not be aware of the challenges they're facing.

I still feel a little jealous when I see a happy pregnant woman out shopping or something, or hear about someone bonding with their newborn. I'm sometimes even tempted to have another, just so I can have that experience. But I know that I still wouldn't be able to control it, and there's no guarantee that it would be that blissful. Besides, that's not a very good reason to have another child.

Hang in there -- it's very hard to see the benefits of having twins when they are tiny, but once they're old enough to interact with each other even a little, they will melt your heart. :hug99:

ETA: I'm also going to pass on the best piece of general advice I got from another mom of twins: "Don't take advice from anyone who doesn't have twins." Parents of singletons, bless their hearts, even when they're trying to be helpful and supportive, have no idea what your life is like. For instance, my dear SIL was visiting when my girls were about 8 weeks old and starting to be awake more. I said "But what am I supposed to DO with them when they're not sleeping?" She said, "When my daughter was that age, she just really liked me to carry her around the house and look at stuff." Now, you see the obvious problem -- if I'm carrying one baby around the house to look at stuff, what do I do with the OTHER baby? And who is making the bottles and cleaning up the spitup? So -- don't take advice from anyone who doesn't have twins.

 

You are not alone, I am right there with ya!

 

Completely normal, I think! I do have my moments...more so b/c I gave up on BFing at 3 months...really envious of those that BF their singletons for one year...I know people with 2 do it all the time but I guess I just didn't know how to be discreet and I was ready to get out and about! Anyways, 99% of the time, I am thrilled to have 2 but I have my twinges every now and again...everyone with twins tells me to get through the first year and it is MUCH easier! Hang in there!

 

I have been trying to reply to your post all afternoon but apparently everyone wants to be on a different schedule today !

I completely feel what you are saying. Our 2 mos. old DD and DS are our first. My little sister had a singleton a week before we had ours. I am extremely happy for her and love my babies to death; however, the first 6 weeks were h*** and I was so sick of hearing about all of her outings to the Country Club and out to dinner and to weddings with her little girl.
By all means we take our babies out places but, it never goes like her outings sound. I couldn't even dream of doing some of the things she was able to do...like take a nap when her one baby was napping or get something done around the house. My sister called to ask me what type of pj's I put my babies in to bed and I almost fell over -pj's, are you kidding me? They went to sleep in the same onesies they wore all day up until a week ago when we finally managed to develope a bedtime routine! I kept saying to my DH "imagine if we only had one" and he would say "stop right there, do not even think it". I think it is funny that I keep feeling like I have to add in this post the sentence...but I am sooo glad to have my Jack and Lily...because obviously I am and it is only completely natural to feel the way you described. I do not fault myself for feeling that way sometimes AT ALL. It is dang hard having two infants at the same time. Many of my friends are having their first baby right now and everytime they talk about how hard it is I cannot help but cringe. I know it probably is difficult but goodness, I am thinking of all the reasons one would be a breeze...the first being NOT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT THEM WAKING EACHOTHER UP!

Anyway, you get my drift and I totally get yours and love your honesty!

Have a great day!
Amy

 

I totally understand why you might feel that way -- and I'm sure it's completely normal.

Since I had a singleton first before these babies, I don't exactly feel envious -- because I did get the chance to get broken into parenthood slowly with just one baby, LOL. It was MUCH different than my experience this time around.

I think back and laugh, because I thought it was so hard then, but my DD arrived vaginally at 40 weeks, took to the breast right away, ate every 3 hours like clockwork, and slept through the night at 2 months. Every morning, we'd wake up slowly, and I'd nurse her and then spend an hour dressing her up in different outfits and taking pictures. We'd listen to lullaby CD's, take walks, go to the mall just for kicks, etc. And I definitely slept when she slept!

This time -- OY. It's no small matter, taking care of two infants at once! And my little guy has a feeding issue that's getting progressively worse, so I spend most of my waking hours trying to get food into him, while his poor sister gets ignored. I feel so sad that neither of them get the one-on-one attention that their big sister got....

Of course I wouldn't trade them for the world, but I hear ya -- one baby at a time is definitely worlds easier, so I can see feeling envious. But, from what I understand, the benefits of twins come when they're a little older!

Hugs to you. I think we all struggle at some level....

 

:hug99:

 

I deffinately get jealous and very frustrated of my friends who have singletons. I try to keep it in perspective and do recogonize that having kids, whether 1, 2 or 3 at a time, is hard no matter what. The frustrating part for me is when it comes to doing things with my friends who only have 1 baby. For example, going to the beach, going shopping at the supermarket, going to a place with kiddie rides, going to the zoo. These are things that I just can't handle doing by myself with the girls. I need another person (which is a luxury I don't have). Even going to a shopping center has become a thing I'd rather not do with the girls since they are now walking and don't want to be in the stroller for too long. I tried it a couple of weeks ago and of course, they went in 2 different directions on me and I said "That's it. I'm done." It is just so hard at this age to really enjoy doing things with other mommies other than a play date at my house or theirs.

I feel your pain.

 

QUOTE(angie7 @ Aug 6 2007, 01:51 PM) [snapback]359778[/snapback]
When my twins were little, yes I felt this way. I thought it was so unfair that I am completely exhausted caring for 2 babies alone all day and not feeling like I have time to enjoy them when a singleton mommy does. And if anyone ever said how hard their 1 baby was I got so angry!!!

Now that mine are older (17 months) I feel so blessed and lucky to have them. I feel people are missing out with just one baby and how boring it would be with just one. Half the fun now is watching them play hide and seek and just giggle so loud when they find each other...priceless. They are busy, and they are into everything, running around unable to catch them anymore, but I would change it for the world.

After the first year, it does get easier! My girls were horrible babies! Colicky and just overall very fussy babies. Now, they are wonderful. Everyone always said "wait till they start walking if you think this is hard, just wait" Nak! This is EASY compared to them being infants. I do get to enjoy them now and I am not completely exhausted from pulling an all niter (for weeks on end) either.

Try not to be jealous, it does get easier and you will get to enjoy them.....

Mine aren't even 8 months old yet and I already feel like this....Just today they were in their car seats playing peek-a-boo with each other and making each other SHRIEK with laughter....it was just the best....tearjerker moment, definetly.

I'm not sure if it's jealousy I feel about singleton moms. It's more that sometimes I feel bad for my girls that I don't get to dote on them like I would have been able to had it just been one at a time. But I try to take the moments when one is awake and the other is asleep to really kiss and cuddle the awake one.

The one time I really felt frustrated was when I wanted to join a Gymboree class and I asked the (teenage) girl who worked there if someone would be there to help me with the two of them and you would have thought I asked her if she would take care of my child for life! Twins are just not that rare anymore...ya'd think that a place as popular as that would catch up with the times! I'd told her I'd come back later....ummm...no.

Anyway, I totally understand how you feel. Everything from the pregnancy (whether trouble free or not) with 2 in there, to just finding a moment to yourself during the day is harder with twins. But sometimes, when I have one baby awake and one asleep and the awake one is playing all alone in her play area, I feel so bad for singleton babies. Must be kind of lonely. Oh, and how about all the attention they take away at the stores from singleton babies. All babies are adorable, but twins just make everyone turn their heads and go, "TWINS!"