Do you have a difficult Child

Out of the three boys I have, one is extremely difficult. He has recently been diagnosed with SPD, and we also suspect he has ADHD. This is what he does:

Talks loudly (On a higher decible than usual)
Cannot finish things
Sneaks food/drink
Lies, and hides things from me
Spits
Pees his pants
tantrums that include throwing himself into walls
Talking back...
Hes disorderly, messy and can sit in his own filth all day if I let him

etc

The list goes on.

I dont know WHAT to do. We have tried all forms of dicipline. I feel ALL I do is yell at him. Ive been using spanking lately since its the only thing he seems to dislike or respond to.

He starts OT soon, so Im hoping this helps.

Im at my wits end. Please, if you have a child like this, tell me what works for you. Im afraid I have no relationshio with him anymore as all I do is yell at him, and I know this isn't right, nor will it solve anything.

Please help. Thanks in advance.

 

I have no advice. Just :hug:

My 4yr old DD is my 'difficult' child. I honestly believe she has middle child syndrome. . because her behavior changed shortly after the twins were born. I didnt realize it right away, but now I dont know what to do. I mean, I know that spending one on one time with her will help some, but I have four children and work fulltime and the weekends are the only time when I can really set aside individual time for her (and the rest of them).

She is very loud, constantly tests the waters, repeatedly. None of the discipline tactics we have tried work. If I put her in timeout, she will play or move or turn around, anything to NOT really be in a timeout. I would have to stand over top of her the entire time she is sitting in time out and thats just not feasible. Ive tried sending her to her room, to sit on her bed, but that is upstairs and even if I check on her and she is in her bed, it doesnt seem to bother her. Im really at a loss as to what to do with her.Positive reinforcement works way better than negative consequences, but she rarely gives me an opportunity to praise her.
About two weeks ago she started acting up real bad at preschool.. playing with her food, not listening to the teachers, playing, and doing flips at nap time, taking her shoes off, etc. I asked the teachers to do a Wiggle Worm chart on her, and that has helped some for school. . but at home, I really need to take the time out to come up with a plan for her.

 

I think you need to get to the bottom of what exactly is happening to him so you can address it correctly. If there are chemical imbalances and/or physical issues that are causing him to act out/have issues then I don't believe punishment is the best route to take. If he can't control these things then that should probably be worked on first. I just try to put myself in their shoes and if I had definite reasons that were causing me to do things that are not correct I would be crushed to be disciplined/punished for something out of my control.

Now, I am not saying you should not discipline your children, not at all. I just think you need to get to the root cause then if it is literally just straight up misbehaving then absolutely a punishment is in order (trying very hard to not make this into a spanking thread but please note I am not sharing my beliefs on spanking just addressing it because it was in the OP) but if it is something he can't currently control at this time then I would work on that instead of focusing on things like spanking.

 

The twins are your oldest at 4? Not being any older than that, none of those things would freak me out. Also too young to diagnose ADHD as many of the symptoms are also age appropriate behavior in pre-school age children.

Our oldest was very strong-willed and what I would call difficult. J also is, but not quite to the same extent. Honestly? For us it wasn't the discipline used as much as the consistency. And consistency every single time, no matter how little. And no yelling. We took everything out of E's room (I mean literally everything but the mattress, pillow, and blanket. That way we could put him in his room, no yelling necessary, no need to watch over him (which is hugely frustrating for me). we actually had to buy a new door (cheapy) and cut it into a dutch door (only about 2/3 up) so that we could put a lock on it for the first few times. Especially with SPD, a blank, low-sensory room might help him to calm down.

I would also consciously try to make it a point to connect with him verbally at least 7-8 times every day in a way that is positive. Search out moments where you can have a quick chat or even just compliment him on something he's doing or tell him you love him.

Hang in there.

 

My three year old has become very disruptive since my twins were born. I think it is just pure jealousy and we have tried everything. I have found that putting him in his room(which only has a bed and dresser) with the door open and having him in a time out until the microwave timer goes off( I only put it on for 2-3 min because he can't wait much longer than that)also sometimes I tell him that myself or his brothers are in a time out and that is why he can't talk or play with us. I know this sounds kinda ridiculous but this way he doesn't think that he is in trouble and it gives him some time to calm down. Your situation is different and I think that once you see OT you will find some good solutions. If you think that he has some sensory issues I would suggest reading raising a sensory smart child. It gives some good info on sensory disorders that some people just right off as bad behaviour. Good luck