Do you feel like you spend more time supervising and "managing" them than actually playing with them

Do you feel like you spend more time supervising, problem-solving, mediating, and just generally managing your twins (and other kids, if you have them) than you spend actually playing with them? This has, by far, been one of my biggest adjustments going from a singleton first (who I spent hours with just sitting on the floor and playing with) to having twins (and 3 kids). I feel like I spend so much time just supervising - making sure everyone is content, playing nicely, not throwing, hitting, taking away toys, clean diapers, fed, held and cuddled when needed, etc. and when they are actually content and playing nicely, it feels like I can't even go sit down and play with them because then they start fighting over who is going to sit on my lap or they way they are playing suddenly changes and they aren't playing nicely any more, etc.

I really struggle with this and I'm sure a lot of it is because I think back about how much time I spent just playing with my oldest DS and then I feel guilty.

Does anyone else feel like this, too? Does it improve as they get older so that it is easier to sit down and play with all of them at the same time?

 

Hi Jori.
OMG, YES!!!!! And I "only" have the two.
It is SO draining and the feelings of guilt are A.L.W.A.Y.S there.
Does it get better? I hope so!
Will it get easier? It better!!
Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.
Hang in there.
Leslie

 

I only have the two and yes I feel that way. I feel like if I go in and play, then I am messing up their flow. They seem to play nicer together when I am not directly involved then when I join in. It becomes fights over Mommy, fights over toys and I feel like a referee most of the time.

For now, my policy is to keep an eye on them and wait for them to invite me to join in, most of the time that seems to go better...but I feel badly because I feel like we should play more together.

 

YES! Those rare times when I get to play one-on-one with my girls is so relaxed and fun. But most of the time I can't actually play because I'm referee-ing, mediating, problem-solving. DH doesn't understand why this stresses me out because "its not about you. why do you take it personally?!" but it does... I always feel like even when they are playing nicely (with or without me), the tone can change in an instant and its WWIII. But I digress..

Yes I feel like when I play with them my presence introduces one more thing for them to fight over. Meara is finally getting fed up with Ana talking over her, and it is worse when I'm around because they are talking to me not each other. Who will sit next to me, on me, who will talk first, who will direct the activity, why won't sister do what I want her to, etc etc. :wacko:

I hope it gets better, but I've also tried to make an effort to do one-on-one activities with them more. Even if that means I tell one of them to go play with something while I do a puzzle with the other, and then switch. That seems to help a little.

 

With 4, all boys, I'm mommy not playmate. That's the nice thing about it. They entertain each other. We also get to play games together and do some family things. We take time for just the twins or just the big boys. But they all love each other and it works. I think after 3 yrs old it tends to get easier with the fighting, until they are older then it rears it's ugly head again. LOL
I did get to spend more one on one time with Benjamin, my first, but he pretty quickly had David and a new playmate was born. I think that's the beauty of siblings.
I forsee the big boys helping me teach the twins to read and write soon also. They already love teaching them. I'll take all the help I can get. I try to focus on what they are gaining from having siblings. They may share my attention, but they often don't want it as much as their brother's attention.
Now DH may find it a little harder, just because his time is so short with the boys. And because they are all boys, of course they want Daddy's attention. He often gets down on the floor at night and they all dogpile him for about 1/2 hr. Tee Hee

 

Yes, I definitely feel the same way. It does get somewhat easier as they get older, although right now just the schedule of the older kids keeps me from spending as much quality time as I would like with L&L. But, the difference between them & when I only had one kid & could spend time playing is, they have each other. Built in playmates. And, in the end, I truly believe that the benefits of having siblings will far outweigh the fact that I couldn't spend quite as much time playing with them as I would have liked.

 

Just wanted to say I feel the same way...I only have the twins. One of them is already giving me that " I know Mom" teen voice(she is only 3.5) . Like she has heard it 100 times....my husband and I are trying to spend time with them individually as well to help with some of this. We split them up last weekend and it was really nice to at least get one on one time with them.

 

YES!!! You just summed up what I've been feeling for a while now! Esp. with potty training (which is taking months) I feel like I'm either in the potty/changing clothes, in the kitchen, hunting for whatever they want at the moment, breaking up fights, etc. They want me there (so nothing gets acccomplished), but get caught up in playing with each other and I'm the odd one out.

 

Most definitely! I feel like I am always facilitating peace and order - sometimes this is easier than others but rarely are they more than 5 minutes of playing with them before I have to referee.

It has become a bit easier (twins just turned 3 and big bro is 5.5) in that there are more games/activities they are all capable of doing. I love the very rare times I get 1:1 time when I can play, listen and let him/her have choices without having to negotiate with the siblings. Big bro does love to "teach" the little ones so that is great to watch.

I agree with PP though, it is more me feeling bad for what they are missing compared to the singleon than the kids feeling something is missing.

This motherhood gig is a tough one!!!

 

:good: This is exactly how I feel. I've really been trying to not let myself feel guilty about it lately because they seem to happy and healthy even if I'm not playing with them. :good: I do feel like a "manager" most of the time, but it's what works for us and I get alot done around the house. :lol: