Do you ever just wanna..........

run out the door screaming..."I'm not doing this anymmore"? I swear I am losing my mind in this house.
Some background.........I'm almost 42 years old, these are my grandbabies, my youngest daughter had them at 17 and after 2 months decided she couldn't take it anymore and walked out, my husband was deployed at the time and came home a month later. I never wanted to raise more kids, I had all of mine young so I would still be young when they were grown, which they are all now. I had an exciting enjoyable life before this, I love being outside,working in the yard,being able to come and go as I please. My husband bought me my own motorcycle before he left so we could ride when he returned, I haven't been on it once this year. The only break I get is an hour and a half when I drive the special needs bus for the school, I had to cut my hours back on my job because of the boys. I just want my life back, I can't stand being in this house day in and day out, but I have no time for anything else, when they sleep I can sometimes get a shower, most days not cause there is so much more to do around here, I do everything in the house, cleaning,laundry,dishes,cooking. To top it all off, my oldest son and his wife had a baby right after the boys were born and I can't even be a grandma to her because I am so busy with these guys. I feel aweful for feeling this way, but I didn't ask for all this and I don't want to do it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love the boys to pieces, but dang, I'm going to go crazy trying to start all over again.
Just needed to vent some, since no one around here can seem to hear me anymore.
I do want to add, my husband helps as much as he can when he gets home, but he is active duty so has some long hours on most days.

 

I just wanted to give you a cyber hug. I know twins are really tough and there are times when I just want to throw my hands up and give up. Your situation is different. My 17 year old daughter is currently pregnant and my twins will be 1 on the 13th so I do understand what you are going through. I really hope that my DD sticks it out with her baby, because it is hard enough with my two. They still need me. As for you situation maybe you can see about childcare for a day or two during the week. That way you can get out and do some of the things you need to do. I work full time so my boys are in day care 3 days a week and 1 day my MIL watches them (don't know how long that will last since she is 74 and they are getting difficult to deal with) and I work from home 1 day a week (which is difficult too since I don't get very much done). But the days that they are in daycare are great. They go to a licensed home day care so they only have a handful of kids and the boys learn their social skills. Hang in there and hopefully things get better very soon for you. :youcandoit: :grouphug: :hug:

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I commend you for taking care of your grandbabies! I don't have any advice, but to agree to maybe try and get some help one or two days a week so that you have time for yourself. Hang in there - sometimes life deals us a hand that we don't like but realize it was a good one after the fact.

 

Oh my goodness, do I want to run out the door sometimes. You've already raised some children so you know it's not all sunshine and roses and sparkly ponies and rainbows. You know that it's good and bad sometimes at the same time. Is your daughter helping you at all, even monitarily?

I'm really sorry that you're in this situation.

 

I don't really have the option of daycare. I live in a super small town and the only licensed daycare is full with a waiting list. I've looked into a high schooler but haven't had any luck with that either.
My daughter doesn't help at all, she rarely even comes around, and the father and his family have done nothing since the boys were born, we do get $30.00 a week from the dad cause they take it out of his check, but that's it.

 

You're breaking my heart. I am so sad and hurt for you!

You mentioned a high school kid, is there a college or community college around? I wish you were local to me, I'd totally take them off your hands for a night or two. What cities are you close to? Maybe someone that is more local can help a bit too.

 

The closest college is Notre Dame and thats still almost an hour away from here. I checked sitter.com and found nothing in the area. Everyone that I know offered up their help after she left but now if I ask they are all too busy or something. I understand they have jobs and families but sheesh, I'm drowning here and no one wants to help out. The only help thats been offered is my neice, but she's not been around babies, let alone 2 at once, she doesn't drive and neither does her mom, so I would have to go 45 minutes one way to get her and take her back home again, just not much of an option for me.

 

Your frustration is completely understandable. You did what you "signed up for" a long time ago, and this should not rest on your shoulders.

I hate to say it, but your daughter is being very irresponsible about this. Can you just knock on her door and drop the boys off? I mean, after all they are her kids.

Well, I guess I have no real usable advice here, just wanted to give you a cyber hug, too.

 

Wish I could knock on her door, unfortunatly she is living in a tent with a convicted meth dealer. She has no intentions of being a mother to them, and there is no way she could handle them. We have talked to her till we are blue in the face and she will not come home or change her ways, and these boys didn't ask for a mother like that. She was not raised this way at all, we don't even drink...as I said, my husband is active duty military and high ranking so this is a big blow to us to have her behave this way.

 

I wish there was something I could do to help. I just feel so bad for the situation that you were thrown into. I agree with the previous poster; if I were nearby I would totally come and take the boys for a while. Hang in there.

 

I don't know if this is even possible, but could you talk to DSS about becoming official foster parents for the boys? At least that way you could get some financial support. It might be worth a call.

 

And that way they could be on your insurance too. I mean if you're going to do it, you might as well do it right.

I'm not going to say anything negative about your daughter's actions, I hope that she gets the help that *she* needs as much as you get some help that you need. Can you call your county's Department of Health and see if they have any recommendations?

 

cyberhugs! love the foster parent idea and you could also apply for voluntary services with your state's child & family services to get stuff like respite care. i know a lot of military wives are sahms so maybe some want to trade off care or babysit one day for some additional money.

 

Holy cr@p! I cannot even imagine how you are feeling. DH's Aunt and Uncle had a very similar situation with their daughter, but they only had one baby girl left on their doorstep to raise. Her mom was off somewhere in Gary doing drugs and is not a part of the family at all. His aunt told me last summer how hard it has been on her/them to have never had a chance to just be married without kids. They've been raising kids forever it seems (their granddaughter is now 13 years old). They did have family around them. I'm wondering where you are up there in northern Indiana. We have family in Bremen and Syracuse.

You said you tried sittercity.com but there is also one called care.com

There is a Mommies Network in your region. It is at http://www.michianamommies.com/ and it looks like it covers northern Indiana as well. On my regional forum there are all kinds of moms swapping childcare, in-home care available and/or nannies. You might also find this a resource to locate a parents morning out program. Have you checked with local churches to see if they have such a program? Down here they are all run out of churches and some of them are out in rural areas as well.

I don't know if this helps at all, but my heart really goes out to you. :hug:

 

I'm so sorry that things are so difficult. :hug: But I do want to commend you for what you are doing for those boys. You are giving them a stable, loving home and that is huge! :woman: I know it doesn't make things any easier, but I just wanted to say that I really admire what you are doing!

 

Oh, my...you are in such a difficult situation. I think all of your feelings are completely normal given the situation. Thank you for providing the love and care your grandsons so desperately need.

If you do a search for grandparents as parents, you can find resources.

http://www.grandfactsheets.org/state_fact_sheets.cfm

If you go to the bottom of this page and click on Indiana, there is a list of organizations in your state. One is located in South Bend (hopefully this info is still current). Their information states that children are often eligible for state and federal benefits even if their caregivers do not have legal
guardianship or custody. If you can get benefits established for them, maybe you can get some additional help for your situation. I hope so.

Hope this helps a little.

Take care, Beth (born and raised a Hoosier)

 

I'm so sorry for the frustration you are feeling. It is HARD doing this job!! :hug:

Could you contact a local church? I know some of our churches around here offer to help "mothers" (and I'm sure you too, since you are raising them!!) by coming over and helping during the day. That might take a bit of the burden off.

You are a wonderful person for caring for these boys. :hug:

 

I am so sorry this is so difficult for you. I just want to agree with everyone else that you should be proud of what you are doing. I have definitely had days that I wanted to throw my hands up, but I signed on for this.

I was thinking the same as some of the others..are there resources that these boys are entitled to considering the situation and that neither parent is providing for them financially. It really may give you a chance to find a way to get a break. I hope you figure something out! :grouphug:

 

I don't have too much to offer but a hug! If I were you I would consider picking up that niece. She should be out of school for the summer soon right? Just the drive out there could be enjoyable to get out of the house. Then to have an extra set of hands around would be a relief. I don't know about you but I have instant relief when I have someone else to help out which isn't often. She would learn how to take care of babies real quick. Then you both could go places and do things. Go to the mall, go swimming. Just do it a few times a week. Maybe she could stay over on a Friday or Sat night. Beggars can't be choosers. Take help where you can get it. My parents are both 74 and they come over twice a week for about 2.5 hours and in that little bit of time I can go grocery shopping by myself. Any doctors appointments that they make are Always on one of my days that they usually come to see me. Even though they are retired and can go any time during the week. <_< I'm just grateful they come at all!! Hugs and good luck!

 

Thanks for the info ladies. We do have them on our insurance, we took legal guardianship of them soon after she left, but as far as any other assistance, we can't get it, either we make too much money or we aren't old enough. A lot of the programs are geared towards seniors. I said something to my husband last night about looking into a daycare in the town he works, just a couple of days a week, he could take them in and pick them up for me, but he flipped his lid over that one, doesn't understand why we would need that when I am home. He really doesn't understand it, he has only cared for them alone 2 or 3 times and only for a couple of hours at a time. His idea of me getting a break is to take them for a walk around town. I'm just frustrated, burnt out and at my wits end over all this, afraid it's going to take a total melt down on my part before anyone around here really gets it. I appreciate all your help and advice though, you guys are great. I definatly have the utmost respect for all of you for doing this, it most definatly is a trying job.

 

:woah: Wow, I had no idea about your story. That is truly amazing. I am in awe of you and your husband. Way to step up to the plate. :grouphug:

 

Oh my goodness, I applaud you for taking those precious little babies in your care, you are amazing . I can only imagine how you must be feeling, I know myself, there are times i just want to run away too, twins are incredibly hard work, especially the first year.
I think you should really sit down with your DH and tell him exactly how you feel, sometimes, men just don't get it until they realise the seriousness of the situation. Is there any way you could contact the babies' other grandmother, maybe she would love to be involved and have them a day or two per week? And you mentitoned a high schooler, but could you perhaps get a nanny or even a live-in au-pair? I know a lot of people who hire au-pair, they are usually young foreign girls who take on these jobs, so they can master their english, their wages are usually much smaller than proper nannies as they live in your house. This could be an idea, I know if you just google it, you should be able to find a lot of agencies. And that way, you'll be able to be there but also leave when you need to. I really wish I was closer, I would help you in a heartbeat. I hope your daughter sorts herself out.
Sending you lots of hugs and thinking of you

 

Wow, I feel for you. I can't even imagine being in that situation. :youcandoit: :grouphug:

 

FWIW...it does get SOOOOO much easier. I know you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but it really does get easier down the road. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I totally want to to run away sometimes. :hugs: :hugs:

 

You poor thing!

It just goes to show that you are a good mother though, as part of being a good mother is being there to pick up the pieces when your kids make mistakes. Hopefully your daughter will come right in her own time and I'm sure you will all be glad that those boys were well looked after by members of their own family and not adopted out or worse, neglected while in their mothers care.

Hang in there, you are doing the right thing :hug:

And by the way, YES sometimes I also feel like walking out the door and not coming back, I even fantasise about doing it but I never would because I love my family and they need me just like your boys need you.