Do you ever feel guilty?

Hi everyone. I am mom to 4-month old twin girls and I really struggle with feelings of guilt, that I can't hold them and give them the kind of attention they would get if they were a singleton. Does this happen to you? How do you deal with it? Thanks

 

I'll give you the perspective of a mom with four year old twins. You gave them each other. Not holding them as much as you'd hold a singleton when they are tiny is something they won't remember and won't be hurt by at all. they have the benefit of each other for the rest of their lives. My kids are best friends. I'm sure it was worth it to them to get held a little less often.

Don't make yourself feel bad about something out of your control.

 

Not really. But I had three before having twins. I decided early on that there were benefits they get from being twins and trade-offs. My 2nd and 3rd kids didn't get the same attention as my first, either. But they have built in friends and rarely get lonely. I figure it's all good.

 

Were you planning on having more than 1 originally? Anytime there is more than one attention is divided. But I agree with PPs, you gave them a sibling which is a life-long relationship.

 

I can relate to how you feel... I felt the same way when the babies were newborns, I don't recall feeling that way recently though so I guess the good news is that the feelings of guilt must go on it's own - I did cuddle them a lot together on my bed and often if one woke before the other, I would spend that little extra time with them then, actually I still do this. Now that that they are a lot more mobile, I can also spend some one on one time with them on the floor. Mine have only just started to play together a little, if I can even call it that, one of them really wants to play with the other and she's just not interested so there's quite a bit of toy snatching and hair pulling going on lol!

 

I often feels this way with my 4 month old twins. I feel like they are missing out on something. I love them more than anything and hope that they will feel bonded to me the way my first one did. It's been survival mode the first few months but now that we have a nice routine I am able to fit some one on one time with each of them. I sit in their room and read a book to them and rock them each day separately. I love when I cuddle with them like that and focus on just that baby even if I only get 5 minutes like that.

 

I feel this way all the time, with all three of my kids. I try to think of it this way: I am giving everyone what they NEED, for the most part, including making sure they each get some form of undivided attention for a few minutes every day. The rest is icing on the cake Also, babies don't need to be stimulated every second in order to be happy, so...

 

My Wife and I talk about the gilt... but I will say that our 11 month old boys get more love and attention than a lot of children. Do your best that's all anyone could ask for!

 

Oh sure - I definitely felt that way when my twins were little. I also felt robbed of the perfect birth experience and the perfect baby experience, and it felt like raising twins might be the end of the world. But then they started sleeping through the night and I realized that most of my angst was simply exhaustion. I got over the negative feelings and now I'm thrilled to have twins. My girls are best friends. They entertain each other, help each other, and just generally always have a partner in crime. The other day Piper remarked at how sad it must be to be a singleton because there would be no one to share a room with, trade clothes with, giggle with, and worst of all - she'd have to take a bath alone. Kind of silly... but when you look at it from their perspective, being a twin is fantastic, even if it does mean they all get a bit less time being held when they're four months old.

Hang in there. It does get better!