Do you encourage competition between your twins?

I've been trying to resist the urge to say (for example), "Sarah, look how quickly Amy climbed into her carseat" or "Amy, can you go pick out your own socks like Sarah did?" I just don't feel it's healthy (though I can't quite explain why). I guess it has something to do with letting them be their own people, and wanting them to feel like my approval isn't conditional on one of them being better than the other at something.

But I've been tempted many times, because it might get them to do what I want them to do!

Am I just being uptight about this? Or, if I'm right to resist this, can someone explain why?

 

I've always felt the same way! I don't know if it would hurt them or not, but I've usually tried to resist "comparing" them to each other. Sometimes I catch myself saying something to one when the other does something good. Then I think about how I might feel if my mom compared me to my brother and I say something nice about the other twin. KWIM? They each have their own strengths and weakness just like anyone else, right?

I don't think you're being uptight. But then, maybe I'm wrong and we're both being uptight! LOL

 

I feel the same way...there's something that doesn't feel quite right about it, though I can't put my finger on it. That being said, I'll admit I've used this tactic. :blush: I figure I'll get what I can out of it while trying to stay on this side of ethical. If I fail, I'll offer to pay for the years of psychotherapy they'll need trying to live up to mynever-good-enough expectations. :blush:

I try to spin it positively and focus on what the "good" twin IS doing instead of focusing on what the "non-cooperative" twin ISN'T doing. I find most of the time I don't have to take it to the next level (Can you x ,y, z like your brother?) b/c they are so excited for the positive attention they do it on their own (when I'm lucky).

Does that make sense?

 

QUOTE(SweetpeaG @ Nov 26 2007, 10:06 PM) [snapback]510132[/snapback]
I try to spin it positively and focus on what the "good" twin IS doing instead of focusing on what the "non-cooperative" twin ISN'T doing. I find most of the time I don't have to take it to the next level (Can you x ,y, z like your brother?) b/c they are so excited for the positive attention they do it on their own (when I'm lucky).

Does that make sense?


Yes, that's something I think of doing after the fact! When I do think of it in time and it works... sometimes. LOL

 

YES! The other day I said to DH, "what in the heck do people do with one child when they are trying to get her to do something?" I am probably scarring them for life, but we do the "Ainsley, Bea is in her high chair! Don't you want to get in yours?" "Look Bea, Ainsley has her socks on!"

 

I think doing it like you are doing, doesn't hurt. It's more encouraging them. That's how I got Sarah to go on the potty! We make a big deal in my house when one of the kids accomplish something to set an example for the others especially with grades.

However the only time I think it would be unhealthy is when you compare bad stuff. For example, "Do you wanna be held back just like Sammi for getting bad grades!"

(on a side note, Sammi was never held back and she's an all A student...:lol

 

QUOTE(SweetpeaG @ Nov 27 2007, 12:06 AM) [snapback]510132[/snapback]
I feel the same way...there's something that doesn't feel quite right about it, though I can't put my finger on it. That being said, I'll admit I've used this tactic. :blush: I figure I'll get what I can out of it while trying to stay on this side of ethical. If I fail, I'll offer to pay for the years of psychotherapy they'll need trying to live up to mynever-good-enough expectations. :blush:

I try to spin it positively and focus on what the "good" twin IS doing instead of focusing on what the "non-cooperative" twin ISN'T doing. I find most of the time I don't have to take it to the next level (Can you x ,y, z like your brother?) b/c they are so excited for the positive attention they do it on their own (when I'm lucky).

Does that make sense?

You took the word right out of my mouth! This is what we do here too.

 

I try not to compare them and in some areas they are very different, but in others they are quite similar.
What I do do is make little things into a competition--Let's see who will be the first into their car seat! And they both rush to do it--I don't do it with things where I know one would excel, just little things they can each do equally well. In the morning I also join in the competitions--Who can get dressed the fastest? with me and the two of them all rushing to get dressed. If I leave them to do it without that element of competition, they would take 30 minutes to get dressed.

 

QUOTE(Meximeli @ Nov 27 2007, 10:43 AM) [snapback]510845[/snapback]
I try not to compare them and in some areas they are very different, but in others they are quite similar.
What I do do is make little things into a competition--Let's see who will be the first into their car seat! And they both rush to do it--I don't do it with things where I know one would excel, just little things they can each do equally well. In the morning I also join in the competitions--Who can get dressed the fastest? with me and the two of them all rushing to get dressed. If I leave them to do it without that element of competition, they would take 30 minutes to get dressed.


This is what we do as well. I would never purposely set-up competition for something I know one would totally excel at either.

 

I try very hard not to compare them, but it's just that "very hard". If I do any comparisons, I make a big effort to focus on the positive side of things also.

Crystal

 

I also do it for things like getting dressed, and as a motivator to get moving. Never with academics--mostly because Jon has been reading for 1.5 years, and Marcus is just starting, and Jon is also way ahead in math.

 

QUOTE(Meximeli @ Nov 27 2007, 06:43 PM) [snapback]510845[/snapback]
I don't do it with things where I know one would excel, just little things they can each do equally well.

This is a good point. Amy is ahead of Sarah in a lot of ways, but not enough that it makes a difference in things like climbing into the car seat.

I am probably erring too much on the side of no competition. Even things like "Who can get their shoes off faster?" I tend to shy away from. Maybe it's just that I'm so uncompetitive myself (I also hate being rushed or pressured), and I'm projecting. :blush: I just don't want them ever to feel like I'm disappointed in them because they didn't win whatever the competition was. But I would certainly like it if they stayed on-task a little more!

Of course, they do a fair amount of imitating each other without any encouragement from me.